Laying out by the pool, Jules was caught
wearing less than the rules said she aught
She was asked by the cop
why she'd cast off her top
Her reply? "it's s July and I'm hot"
A lesson learnt in ancient Rome:
Beware the sun with sea-salt foam
But learnt at Yale
With skin so pale
Don't leave your bikini at home!
Backyard Betrayal
Mr. and Mrs. McLude
Laid out each day in the nude
A drone hovered by
“I’m cold!” the man cried.
Embarrassed, his wife yelled, “How rude!”
Date: 02/01/2022
PS syllable count
Submitting to: “A New Bawdy or Humorous Limerick Poetry Contest”
Sponsor: Tania Kitchin
Sitting in my lawn chair tanning
On my little patch of asphalt,
Many things I see occurring
I normally just would not see.
Like spiders spinning dinner webs,
Butterfly on its way somewhere,
Loose leaves blowing around on lawns
And emmets running race car speeds.
I hear the rustle of tree leaves
In summer breezes in my trees,
The roar of municipal trucks
And heavy things get moved around.
Once in a while I’ll see a plane
High in my sky of blue up there,
Many people fling somewhere
And I will say a prayer for them.
Sitting in my lawn chair tanning,
Relaxing…I take it all in…
Deep in my dozy mind and fade
Into this summer afternoon.
W.C.Hull © 2020-I53-K53-21-L61-21
Did you know, toasters are tanning beds for bread
Keep coming up with these winners straight from my head
Was one of my best
Even amazed myself
Another is chocolate covered bacon, popularity not widespread
Sittin' in the sun, tanning my parts
Calm down girlies, viewing will soon start
Buck fifty an hour
Then need a shower
Free if I can join you and review your repetoire
Sittin' in the sun tanning my parts
Calm down girlies, viewing will soon start
Buck fifty an hour
Then need a shower
Free if I can join you and review your repetoire
Too tan Tess was what they called her
But not for the reason you think
But of a misplaced "two" decal
Stuck to her, after too much to drink
Her moniker came hard for her
With an untanned two on her head
She said, "Well, I'll just keep tanning,"
"Till it's gone, this two that I dread!"
She tanned more to cover it up
After each time, just on the brink
They all still call her too tan Tess
But now, for the reason you think!
Waiting for the tanning shop to open
has to be, oh has to be,
the worst thing?
Waiting for the tanning shop to open
has to be, oh has to be,
the worst thing?
Waiting in a line,
with the palest skin of skin,
has to be the very worst thing.
The coming out, though, the coming out,
with tannèd skin, with tannèd skin
is worth along my waiting hours.
1/22/2016
olive skin so soft and silky smooth
dark brown hair the color of poo
sat in the sun too long is what she do
and now shes bronzed and leathery too
her skin and hair turned to vermouth
aged and withered unwise to see
the color of bronze she turned indeed
now caramel swirled and autumned hair
she sat in the mirror and wondered and stared
how to turn back to the dove she once heired
the tanning bed is a wreckless thing
it wrecks and wrinkles the skin!
The Tanning Bed
By Elton Camp
Victoria wanted to get a healthy tan
So it was to the tanning bed she ran
It was there she learned of carcinoma
And all got worse, it was melanoma
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