Short Mutt Poems

they had killed my mutt
then made me keep my mouth shut
should see all the glut...

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The Easter Butt, the Easter Butt
Put Away Your Booze and Smut
Kiss your Spouse and Hug your Mutt
And Motorboat the Easter Butt....

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My patient is sure he’s a mutt
I tell him he isn’t a nut
He pants like a dog
And chews on a log
I wish he’d stop sniffing my butt...

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I once had a dog named Carter
Who was a hell of a farter
I stuck a plug up his butt
To stop the farting mutt
But Carter just pushed 'em out harder!...

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A mutt may show up with a rat
Do some terrible things to your hat
But he’s happy for sure
Just to roll in manure
And so grateful that he’s not a cat...

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If I were an Oscar Meyer donut
Living in a Pacific Island hut
I’d be sweet and sincere
And drink all your light beer
Scruffy beach bum sugar hair like a mutt....

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You're calling me a what?
Don't treat me like a mutt!

Don't let the horror begin 
But who worries about thoughts of sin?

Let them go bye
Away you will fly!...

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When she fell on the sidewalk
no one volunteered to raise her..
Just a friendly mutt,
 barked beside her for help...
Just an irrational animal,
it's so true...!...

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P’S AND Q’S

There once were some dogs in line
Waiting to go, all started to whine
But the mutt at the tree
Couldn’t hold back his pee
And the rest, they soon stopped trying
...

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My darling Bertha, all people agree
Is the ugliest= mutt they ever did see
She squeaks and she snorts
She has whiskers and warts
But she's the most charming of ladies to me

2/27/23...

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A lonesome young mutt in Kalamazoo
Was so downcast he kept out of view
Just a schnauzer pug-mix
Shunned by smug pure-bred chicks
He’s found true love with his dear cockapoo

1/15/22...

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Remember “Little Annie Orphan” way back when
Her faithful dog Sandy, who played the mandolin
Clever old mutt
Brains up his butt
A joy for all us kiddies from end to begin...

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At the canine yap concert, Three Dog Bite
There's not one dog port-o-potty in site
so long lines form at a tree
for each mutt and pedigree
It proved quite a long dis-concerting night...

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Before Duke shakes a leg, he sniffs around
Some doggies chase squirrels like Harry the hound
Sparky crying mutt
Says he’ll bust his gut
Begs for more pee-trees in the park playground
...

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The mutt 

Followed me home

Determined, unafraid

Wants to fit into our family

Loves us complete and immediately

Lives with us until his old age

Determined, unafraid

Kept forever

Our Dog...

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Joe found himself in a bit of a rut
     So, he bought himself the friendliest mutt
        Bow-wow, lick-lick, slurp-slurp
        Joe's space that mutt usurped
     Not room enough for them both in Joe's hut...

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when a perro 
meets a gato 
he just barks
and keeps 
barking

she simply 
turns around 
as if to say 
kiss my ass
doggie 

thoughts 
of doggie 
style
but 
i'm

not pure 
of breed
just a mutt 
that can't 
seem to 

shut up....

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Dear bag of nails
you are driving me crazy
once I thought you sweet
and fruity
now I deplore the way you snore
Love you dearest doggy
but you’re a real eyesore
woof me a kiss
while you piss
on the roses 
your big old mutt head
graining
from the flowerbed....

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Dear bag of nails
you are driving me crazy
once I thought you sweet
and fruity
now I deplore the way you snore
Love you dearest doggy
but you’re a real eyesore
woof me a kiss
while you piss
on the roses 
your big old mutt head
graining
from the flowerbed....

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I have a blue cattle cross kelpie
'A working dog' they say
But Jake doesn't work
He eats and sleeps
Then runs away.

Jake is mischievous 
and some people say
Jake is a dumb mutt
But from a proud dog-owners mouth
I wouldn't have any dog but...

My Dog Jake....

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Once my dog humped the rug (yes, a shag!)
A new species was born. I could gag!
It is half carpet but
It is one half a mutt.
Shaggy rug dog has tails that can wag!


Happy April Fools Day, Everyone!!!


April 1, 2016 For A New Species Poetry Contest of Anthony Slausen...

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My heritage is a mixture
Of backgrounds.  Let's start on 
My Dad's side of the family.

My Dad's mom is Irish and English.

My Dad's dad is Irish and German.

My Mom's mom is Scottish and Irish.

My Mom's dad is blood Hungarian.

So in other words,
I'm a mutt!  or as others say,
"Heinz 57!"...

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There was a cat from the city
who thought she was purrfectly pretty
But a dog  chased her down
Almost running her out of town
And that did upset Miss Kitty

You best be believin'
That Miss Kitty got even
 She rounded up a cat posse
And they  scratched up the doggie
Now the poor mutt is grievin'...

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Ancestry and Me

I am:
55% Western European
13% Jewish
20% Scotch-Irish
12% Scandinavian
So, my DNA tells me.

I’m a mutt, a combination, 
an aggregation, an agglomeration,
a conglomeration and what other word
you want to use.

But, you add this all up
and I am me....

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Morning sight
  
A man and his dog 
Are coming out of a house
The man has an umbrella
The dog is not happy.
It stops by the curb 
Empty its bowel, pee and
Sniff a tree.
The man, further down
The street calls his mutt
It ignores him 
Runs back to the house.
This is not the weather. 
For long walks....

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