Short In Stitches Poems

So long, Norm MacDonald
The best of weekend update staff
Thanks for keeping us in stitches
We'll remember you in laughs


Nov 3, 2022...

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my shoe shot into the air
like fireworks — polished black

my sailor-sock in shock
Japanese sailors in stitches

3/6/2020...

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Writing of limericks he sure has a knack
Since he is gone I'll pick up the slack
I need a big word
Something really absurd
To keep us in stitches until he is back...

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Good old John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt's
Profoundly bawdy hysterical wit --
  Leaves farmers in stitches
  'Most burst their britches --
Too bad for this site his jokes are unfit...

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comical movie
had me laughing in stitches 
crazy versus crazier

kookie zany men
driving across the country
short on common sense

a bag of money
returning to the owner
brings total chaos...

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Find Glitches In Stitches

In everyone and thing, we find glitches,
So God will gladly help us sew stitches,
And a dirty deal,
Does not appeal;
God likes keeping minds out of ditches.

Jim Horn...

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Blue haired jokester woman with a hey hey hey
Kept me in stitches and laugh lines most of the day
I loved everything about her; we called her May Kay.
When she wanted to leave, we begged her to stay!...

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An exceptional wit can sometimes be shocking
Affecting the proverbial Christmas stocking,
I cannot remember being left so in stitches
As an adult, I got a stocking full of switches. 

Written November 21, 2022...

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She was a jolly seamstress Miss Gritches

     Who was a whiz at patchin' men's britches

          And alterin' ladies skirts

                And sewin' buttons on shirts

                     'Twas said she kept her patrons in 'stitches'...

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If nothing's new under the Sun,
whence, pray tell, did this poem come?
My Ego itches, my side in stitches-
When Morning thoughts have their fun.

Bring the houris and tell them stories-
thine odalisques should fawn
O'er the glories of our quarries-
before the day has dawned....

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When laughter was heard in the hall,
The principle thought it was gall.
When down fell his britches,
The class burst in stitches.
The principle burst through the wall.


Refer to Twain's statement: The human race has but one really affective weapon, and that is laughter....

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Once there was a plumber named Cletus Leaks,

   Who when working 'neath sinks exposed his cheeks!

      While adjusting his britches,

         He left ladies in stitches,

            As they all giggled between furtive peeks!

Entry for Joseph May's "Limerick" Contest
(4 Jan 2019)...

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Giggle, chortle, chuckle, laugh,
Snicker and guffaw;
Titter, be in stitches, snort
As if you broke the law.

Cackle, beam and grin so wide
Your cheeks will start to hurt.
Set your face aglow like when
You eat the best dessert.

Keep the real world from your thoughts
And let your mind employ
Whatever tactics it may have
To conjure up some joy....

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Johnny Boffo was a comic's comic.
Johnny, JB to his friends,
had the late night crowd in stitches
with a variety of one-liners 
and amusing anecdotes.
After his last set he
left the Comedy Barn
and while crossing the street 
to his motel room
was struck and killed 
by a speeding cattle truck.

They say he died happy; 
but I kinda of doubt it....

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After a hard day 
a game-changing starts, 
igniting the night.

You are buried 
in stitches. The wounds 
are devoid of blood.

Will you split the- 
silence along the words ?
There was no awareness now.

A persona 
becomes a revolution. The streets 
are painted red.

The monument 
drifts. You wash the landscape 
with moonlight.


Satish Verma...

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I have a confession to make to all who know and care about me.
I find hate mail and such comments humorous to me.
So bring them all on in massive quantity.
I always end up laughing myself in stitches hysterically.
I guess I'm just prone to find humor with others stupidity.

Dedicated to all who send hate mail and comments to me.
I truly appreciate it most sincerely....

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Sleep , sleep
I would have you sleep
Like the faltered rose
Reflected in hour glass
The pouring sand
Keeping the time alive.

The wind you are
The face in the sea
A blossom in thorns
A perfume under trees.

Wake , wake
I would have you awake
In the arms of sun
Where you lean
Behind the clouds
To accumulate riches
Shimmering rooftops
Of the rain in stitches....

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Time has told me
the error I must find
Time has asked me to ask for no more

Where's the lightness I seek
A rose without a thorn
is no option
Things I could say
Time well tell you

To bear beside me
Even ways you need to laugh
leave me in  stitches

Time  has  told me
A random thought
for a troubled man
A distant ocean on a foreign shore
how they  came and go...

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Here comes the doctor with that knife,
Gonna cut me to save my life,
It looks like its my last chance,
Come on doc, lets do the dance.

Once it was all fame and riches,
Now I'm only rich in stitches,
Left the OR with a few less parts,
Today my healing starts.

It might be too early to tell,
But i think it went well,
For I opened my eyes and found,
I'm still above the ground....

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The water is now ice cold,
I can feel the bellowing in my britches,
Sky dark with stars bright,
Making a line across the galaxy in stitches

Eyes searching over yonder,
In the grass be the imp,
The trees have gone to sleep now,
The willow’s branches limp

The shallow moon has come out to play,
Bringing night to cover day,
And if my family could only see,
There is beauty outside of dreams...

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Broken dreams and shattered wishes,
Souls torn my hearts in stitches.
This girl was so suspicious,
So vile and oh so wicked,
Her words were sharp and vicious,
Like knife thrusts so malicious.
Looking for signs I’m superstitious,
And oblivious to the fictitious.
Green eyes are so lascivious, 
Deep stares cast spells like witches.
I absorb it I never dish it,
You’re gone, you left, we're finished....

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We have only a moment
till our present is past
for only in memory
can anything last

why we have photos
descriptive notes
recordings we make
thinking somehow the 
moments can be stored
to take

but minds fail
and technologies have
glitches
just pass a whisper around
then compare while laughing
in stitches

wondering if life
is the butt of some joke
in the end all moments
going up in smoke...

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Two bible-blabbering pastors
from two denominational sectors
ended up in stitches and plasters.

One man yelled: "Faith alone can save a man!"
The other screamed: "Only good deeds can!"

They swung bulky bibles, shouted curses,
bludgeoned and battered their righteous faces.

Oh, how they tried to kill each other,
for faith, for charity, but didn't bother
to heed the Lord's words: "Love one another."...

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Brother, too big for his britches,
Said he wasn’t scared of witches.
Ghosts and goblins brought no fear.
Even dared them to come near.

The morning after Halloween,
He was nowhere to be seen.
And Mama couldn’t find her broom
We looked for it in every room.

We searched all the roads and ditches.
We even looked in little niches.
I shouldn’t laugh ‘til I’m in stitches.
At brother carried off by witches....

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My brother, too big for his britches,
Said he wasn't scared of witches;
Of ghosts and goblins had no fear
And dared a demon to come near.

The morning after Halloween,
He was just nowhere to be seen.
We looked for him in woods and ditches,
In cubbyholes and hidden niches.

My mama couldn't find her broom.
We looked for it in every room.
I shouldn't laugh 'til I'm in stitches
At Brother carried off by witches....

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