Short Colonoscopy Poems

It’s time for my next colonoscopy
Oh, how I dread the cost to me.
Must I drink all that stuff?
Wouldn’t a pint be enough?
I fear my insides may be lost to me....

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If you can't afford a doctor, go to an airport.
You'll get a free x-ray and breast exam for sure,
and if you mention Al Qaeda nonchalantly,
you'll get yourself a free colonoscopy....

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It's time to
Test the new
The latest in
Technology

No more need
To drink over a
Gallon of foul
Liquid or any

Sorts of pills
To sort through
In fact it's 
Almost

Like a drive thru
Butt in your own
Home butt it's
A bit more

Complicated with
Software butt
What's worse
Is the hard

Drive...

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These are my people
they're not yours
or are they?

You don't want them to be
can see that
clearly...

So how come you come around?

How come your attraction is mixed with such
reticence?

Yeah, I get it that you never thought about it. And you
don't have to forever but here we are doing
this and I gotta feelin'

You wanna know what it means....

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Two doses of white Picolax
It’s liquid- unlike choc ex-lax
This drink is the pits
I’ve now got the squits
No wonder I cannot relax!

*I’ve never had Ex Lax and the Picolax was much more pleasant to drink than I had been lead to believe... got my colonoscopy tomorrow .. who knows if there will be a poop poem on that subject!

07/06/20...

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After 50 -  states a well known belief
Your colon can cause you some grief.
        To get it checked is the answer
        In case there’s a cancer
With a procedure which can give you relief.

A colonoscopy needs to be done
Granted it isn’t much fun
        You hope no polyps they find
        if they do -  hope they’re benign
If they are, then be happy - you’ve won....

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He's scheduled for a colonoscopy 
Commode will soon fill with allotropy
Only clear liquid diet
This soon will be a riot
Six wipes sent by a person who's loopy 

Inspired by contest...
Written: August 11, 2015

Allotropy..uh-lo-truh-pee...a property of certain elements existing in two or more
distinct forms..There will be many elements in the commode.....

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Only letters, numbers, 
dashes, commas, 
apostrophes 
and colons 
are allowed 
in the title. 

though this sentence
ends in a period
periods aren't
allowed at
all
period!!!

what's more bothersome
written in red as if from
the blood of my pen
Don't Use 
Special 
Characters

but
thinking
i always thought
that colons were special
i have one in my body
colonoscopy...

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The medic said put on these knickers
By golly they caused me loud snickers
Featuring a butt flap
They are truly mad cap
Not ‘cut out’ for tea at the Vicars!

Some people would term them ‘moon panties’
Their massive like those of my aunties
You may not want to spoon
When panties show a ‘moon’
These truly are not ladies scanties!

Inspired by my recent colonoscopy experience!

07/19/20...

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My scan was not “preventative;”
Instead it was “routine.”
Insurance will not pay it
If it’s somewhere in between.

But can someone please explain
How any X-ray, scan or test
Can be thought of as “routine?”
I think that this should be addressed.

Every dental check-up, mammogram
Or colonoscopy
Has a purpose – to prevent a problem
That might come to be.

So denying reimbursement
Seems a pure display of antics,
Swindling unsuspecting patients
By resorting to semantics....

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Colonoscopy


Colonoscopy,
strikes dread. It’s not too bad - when
Colon trouble free.

Jules Verne-like travel,
up your arse, spelunking through
strange, pink-ridged caverns.

Hunting for the snark,
or boojum, or polyp, who
feasts, darkly, in there.

Snipety-snap - jaws,
polyp-snatch; dragging from view,
miscreant tissue.

Pathology dock -
destined. Tried in the morning,
suspected malign.

Tried.. judged innocent.
Callooh! callay! It vanished
softly — my boojum....

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