Short Barney Poems

Fred Flintstone drove home
On two rocks and axel of bone
With Barney his friend
From the moose lodge they attend...

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Andy always knew that Barney was no Gumshoe

Contest: One-Liner Entertainment
Sponsor: Silent One
Date:12-18-18...

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Take a step back to a simpler place,
Where the world revolved at a slower pace.

Think about Andy, Opie, Barney and Aunt Bee,
Enjoying life in the small town of Mayberry....

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Children will change your life
They'll make you think twice where you put your knife
You'll be eating right
Losing sleep at night
And hoping you don't look like Barney Fife...

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Sheriff Andy’s had his share of strife
with his deputy dope, Barney Fife.
That first time that Barney
showed up full of blarney,
Andy ought to have run for his life!


Feb. 7, 2019...

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Barney was captured by some convicts one day
 and so he never thought he'd get away
 But dancing it proves
 And Barney's slick moves
 Helped Andy capture them without delay!

2-7-19...

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His mates made old Barney walk the plank
They had, for a long time, told him he stank
For bathe he would not
Or pee in the pot
But it was his feet that were just too rank


4/14/19...

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Barney the Deputy of Mayberry,
one bullet in pocket he did carry.
Before a crime wave could flood,
he would nip it in the bud.
To the law the Deputy was married.



2/2/19
...

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My pet is a pincher bug
Called earwig said cousin Doug
Takes little room, lies on my mug
I click photo, he looks quite smug
He can really dance and cut a rug
I love Barney Bee my pincher bug...

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My boyfriend Barney said, "Just two more beers
Then I promise that we'll be out of here."
   But when 'Barn' began to weave
   And as he started to heave
I reminded him, "You promised, my dear."...

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On St. Patrick's Day, old boozehound Barney
Howls grand Gaelic airs at a pub in Killarney
Place a strong stout at his paw
And he'll howl Erin go braugh!
Yes, County Kerry folk are given to blarney!

3/17/23...

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ive never met anyone in this life
as nervous as deputy barney fife
andy gave him a big gun
but a bullet only one
and will thelma ever become his wife

Limerick 4 Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Joseph may
2/13/19...

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Remember Barney the Snowman's dog?
He disappeared one day in the fog.
He was chasing a stick,
Not knowing it was a trick,
And got his head stuck in a log.



01/08/2017

For The Silly Christmas Cartoon contest....

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Barney backpack,
Cowboy Boots,
Little tow-head
boy. 

Tasseled  hat, 
Winners robe,
Fine young
man.


Issued backpack, 
Army boots,
Future straight 
ahead.

I'll be okay when
you leave, Then cry
when I can....

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Fred Flintstone
 In Bedrock he was known
 His cat would always put him out
 And for Wilma he would shout

 Barney Rubble
 Was always there on the double
 To get Fred out of a jam
 Then he would scram

 Example For my Contest
 8-28-2021...

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Barney Boy aka bull dog boss hog has confident attitude to spare
We see him flying around on his Harley doing things we don’t dare
He drives down the roads showing off his muscles and physique
The motorcycle groupies practically faint; he is that unique....

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Don Knotts played the role of Deputy Fife,

   Whose tomfoolery created much strife!

      He bungled all that he did!

         Sheriff Taylor blew his lid,

             Distressed by Barney's screw-ups that were rife!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved...

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There will always be another sequel
Remember the wheels, spoken by Ezekiel
Its spinning around in your head
Make peace and love instead
I am not talking about Barney and Fred
Nor am I talking about Wilma in bed
Um, speaking about that Yin and that Yang
You see it’s a spiritual thang...

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Barney was the Sheriff's right hand man
When danger beckoned, he took a brave stand --
   Barney's voice rose so high
   Bad guys reached for the sky --  
Giggles! ~ Barney always forgot the game plan



       February 04, 2019
 Entry in "Limerick 4" Poetry Contest
      Sponsor: Joseph May...

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CHIMERA OF GRANDEUR

Sheriff Barney had false swagger of air,
a braggart with chimera of grandeur,
skilled winner of women’s heart
couldn’t play well the lover’s part,
songs of romance fell flat on his tin ear.

February 12, 2019
Syllable count : 10/10/7/7/10...

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Out late tossin' the rag.
Turn down Barney Jenkins Road.
Big 'ol square white
house, freshly makeshift
sign in the lawn.
It reads:
SUNDAY SCHOOL 11AM
Ain't that beautiful?
Ain't that how the world
should turn?
Stick a sign on ya lawn
an' let the people come
right on in.
He's probably
a pedophile....

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Sheriff Andy Taylor
Was also the jailer
Fighting for the law
Never had to draw

Deputy Barney Fife
Giving crime strife
One bullet to load
Knew his penal code





Clerihew 2 Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Joseph May
September 29, 2021
The Andy Griffith Show

...

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Fear brings me near
To those things
You cannot explain.
Why need an 
explanation
anyway?
Explanations
only complicate.
Just give me some
dollar bills,
and I'll turn some
water into wine.
Not the same old
cheap thrills.
Such a shame,
you crossed the line.
So blind.
Riding the pine of life
like Barney Fife....

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Arney Barney
You're so smelly
Like rotten pork jelly

Your laugh reminds me
Of a nursery
Full of crying children

Your voice makes me queasy
And yet you are stately
Yet still, no one wants to date you

Like rotten pork jelly
Yum! says the alligator
Fresh meat for my belly


6/30/20
WRITTEN WORDS BY James Edward Lee Sr. 2020©...

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A randy surfer from Malibu Crest
Untied the bikini top off of Celest
You’re my Betty let’s hang loose 
As he tried for her caboose
She slapped his hand away from her breast

Aloha Barney and get off my turf
You’re a randy dude, who can’t even surf 
Rico won’t tell you again
I bet you’ve never hung ten 
She's not your Betty, uncool of you Murph...

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