It's harder at night
In the dark all alone
Just the hum of the ceiling fan
Where my thoughts start to roam
I worry about you
Where you are how you've been
Are you healthy and happy?
Or in pain again
Are you eating ok? Are you sleeping?
Are you warm in your bed?
These are the questions
That spin in my head.
I try to ignore them
So I stop losing sleep
Because I can't help you
That's your job to keep.
So I pray for the morning
To start a new day
For when I am busy
The thoughts go away
You're not on my mind
Out of my sight
Till my head hits the pillow
It's harder at night
Self-preservation laudable
What then about our soul
High time we ego disable
Bliss ensconced, feeling whole
Gods light within awaits
Feel innocence gyrate
What for then, do we wait
No hesitation
Self-preservation
04-September-2021
Quietus
Once a lover said to me “I’d like to pick your brain,”
“You’re a beauty darling, but I think you’re quite insane.”
I did not doubt a word he said so I opened up my mind
I think he got a little scared when he realized what he’d find.
Empty bourbon bottles, littered in my head
Crumpled up old snuff notes, wishing I was dead.
Then one of the voices that once belonged only to me
Snuck into his consciousness out of curiosity
It whispered scary sayings right into his ear
He clutched my hand tightly, said “Never leave me, dear.”
I looked into terrified eyes with sincere empathy
But felt nothing but relief that the terror had left me.
Before it could crawl back to me I shut my mind quickly,
I will be damned if I’m the one living life sickly.
Self preservation
I'll go on with my life
What you took from me
Just gave me insight.
I am stronger,smarter more confident too
What you took from me
Has made me brand new.
My eyes are open
My heart is safe
I am now in a whole new phase.
I choose to be happy
More cautious,it seems
I won't change me, to play anyones schemes.
I'll smile,live and love
No one will take that away
I'm the best of me
and I'll stay that way.
Self preservation, isn't easy
Thats true...
But in life,it's needed
What more can we do.
A lesson learned ,never to late in life
Live,love and be happy
It's a beautiful life.
The sun,the moon, the water that flows
The green grass and flowers,just watching them grow.
The snow in winter,cold air we breathe
Self preservation,is a beautiful thing.
What you took from me was more than a dream
It happpened in life
But was a goodthing.
I'm a survivor, you're in the past
Self preservation, has gotten me through...
So all I can say is "I Thank You".....
Sometimes you have to think first of yourself
Before you consider another.
This lesson is learned just by living your life
And not taught by school or your mother.
It’s natural to sacrifice comfort or time
To help out a friend who is needy;
But saying “I can’t” when you really cannot
Doesn’t mean that you’re selfish or greedy.
For instinct kicks in and it trumps even guilt,
So you do not need justification
To satisfy those who may challenge the choices
You’ve made for your self-preservation.
It’s hard to accept that you can’t always be
Quite as giving as your own perception.
If you’re lucky, those times won’t define who you are
And your friends will forgive the exception.
I’ve completed another day.
What’s the rush in throwing yourself
at another –
When the rooms are cold,
and the lovers are gone
Smiling is hardly representing sanity.
Your picture hanging is messed – see there –
My smiling represents thought
If this goes anywhere – we’ll be trapped
You make me comfortable in small ways –
getting me in
Fill me with your own words – I am made,
Born –
Recreated for a person, to be had in all ways.
What’s the rush at throwing yourself
at another –
They’ll leave anyway because they
recreated themselves –
Why leave someone so perfect? – You ask?!
Hated by their souls, they look into the mirror.
Create yourself – Don’t be created
I’ve completed another day.