Psychosis cuddles with the far-off.
And grumbles.
In my face they shrieked like slop.
And globs of truth.
I’m multiple.
Struggling in this desert.
And then “further” grows.
Crumpled like secret codes.
Psychosis made me walk 10 miles.
It was the nearest gas station.
I’m multiple.
And we grumbled.
Makes me far-off.
The only thing that’s constant.
Is not remembering last Wednesday.
How dashing.
Wake Me Softly
~~~~~~~~~~~
waking in a dream
again and again
discarding the shell of what was
for a figment of what is
distant vista eagerly awaited
the naked truth, dearly dreaded
show me not what is real
show me what could be
when you are a dreamer
you just never know
imaginary dreamscapes
fantastic lucidity of delusion
prestigious fortune of grit
when blood, sweat, and tears
and mere passion
not only fall short but
they will never be enough
blind faith in the gamble
my hand is strong
but one shy of flush
a bell pierced the haze
in my wake all that I see
is the awkward silence in between
a furrowed brow and dirty fingernails
the mind it boggles
that when the ground floor hits
I've fallen asleep
5 more minutes
then wake me softly
Psychotic Can Be
USE...FULL...!!!
If You Apply
Yourself, Puppy
Dog.
-Gray Squirrel
09-08-2025
When facts are misnomers
and life is just numbers
When the cards are stacked
and our conscience is hacked
When we elect kingpins
The house always wins
In the quiet, darkened corners of the mind/
Where shadows stretch and twist, emotions bind/
Lies a land where peace is hard to find/
Admist the chaos, stress leaves us blind/
Psychosis weaves it's tale of fear and doubt/
Illusions bloom, and reasons fade out/
The world distorts, perceptions fall askew/
A fragile grip on reality breaks through/
Voices whisper secrets in the night/
Haunting dreams take away the light/
Innocent thoughts become monstrous and cruel/
And reason slips away, like water from a pool/
Stress, restless, tightens it's fierce embrace/
Driving heart and mind to frantic pace/
Seizures strike, like lightning in the storm/
A body's plead for peace, a soul's reform/
The breath catches, gasping, panic fills the air/
The struggle, gasping, drowning in despair/
Yet heartbeat steady, blood pressure remains/
A mystery that defies the body's claim/
Admist the tumult, seek the gentle touch/
Of understanding hearts that offer much/
For in the sharing, healing can begin/
And in the darkness, light will surely win/
So to my doctor, these words now impart/
May empathy and care guide their way/
To help find solace, and brighter days/
But the tv is off.
But the window is closed.
But I’m alone.
A stranger’s voice,
But strangers don’t scare me.
I turn on the tv.
Just in case I die.
I like watching tv.
I could die any time.
Someone in that commercial could kill me.
I bet he wants to.
I change the channel.
Stranger, stranger, and stranger.
The light becomes stranger.
Not deadly.
Just churning and twisting.
A weird voice.
Waiting outside my door.
Like the pizza delivery person.
My door step, step, step.
Sometimes I’m dying.
He delivers the pizza to my door.
Sometimes I’m dying.
Other times, I’m hungry.
Never get the door.
Turn on the tv.
Let the lights be strange and sickly.
Turn the tv off.
Again and again.
Delusion must be a comforting thing;
To see the world just how you like.
To give you purpose every day
And let reality take a hike.
But don't be troubled
When I say that;
Delusion
Is just
fine
For the psychopaths and the egg shell brained, swimming in life's brine
I appear in the kitchen.
My mom is smiling.
How am I doing, -ing, -ing?
Ring, ringing, -ing.
My phone is crazy, so I drop it somewhere I’ll never find it.
Something is cooking.
Something, but not me.
I appear out of the kitchen.
I look into the kitchen as if it’s a painting,
-ing, -ing, thinking, -ing, -ing…
The cooking is crazy, and bubbling, and burning, so I run.
Cooking, -ing, -ing,
Ringing.
My mom asks how I’m do-ing,
Static-we’re breaking up.
Burning, I’m burning up!
The trance burns up.
I put out the flames.
So no dinner tonight.
The whole room tumbles.
Turning upside down.
So that I am on the ceiling.
And forced to analyze the space around me once again.
I blink again.
Then everything is right side up…
Then I blink again.
All the furniture is shifted just enough…
So I am confused in some indefinable way.
She walks in.
Which causes me to blink once more.
She asks if I’m ok.
It’s just the room spinning again.
It’s just that I’ve been in this empty room all day.
I can’t explain what’s wrong.
She tells me to get some sleep.
I am scared for the door to close behind her.
As if she is locking me in a cage.
Maybe if I can just close my eyes…
I can pretend I’m asleep until morning.
And hope the evil furniture will leave me alone.
Somethings in my life are to complex to give expression to
Somethings are too tense and tangled
I contemplate on reasons and questions, beliefs and griefs'
I keep them to my chest turning in my sleep
Like a trinket, lockets or Kolesnikov's
Cause at times they are too tender to surrender to time
And other times they haunt and encircle me like ghastly clay pigeons
I was told to die for what you love or love what you'd die for
Most times I'm engulfed in repressions in corners on cold floors
Relief feels like falling through air
I breakdown into tears
Like glass breaks into shards
Splintering my heart beyond repair
And I can't even speak when I need to
At times I displace me when I need you
Cause somethings I can't express or give expression to
Somethings I bottle in me to protect you
I like to pretend that I am extraordinary sometimes.
The voices don’t always agree.
But they promise to give me a million chances to become something amazing.
But people are trying to distract me with sleep.
And there is not enough time if I fall asleep!
People who care about me are threatening me with their concern.
They say they are concerned by my behavior.
Which means they are concerned by my motivation.
Which means they want to bury me so that they can steal the voices.
But their interference is only helping the prophecy.
Because prophecy is nothing without adversity.
So I thank the audience for their support!
Even if everyone is evil besides me.
All I do is be set in some form of pandemonium.
I'm sick of the same ripe, dull daily mind-numbing
How will I be urged if I lose my equilibrium?
Is life's symbiosis likely to be tedious scaling?
Everything appears to me to be rendered nugatory.
Similar to a grave where a covered body is decaying.
With a driven heart, I have for you high expectancy.
Since I induced the fantasies around your trembling.
What's extra, I hear you moaning in the wings, enunciation,
"I'm a long way from your stream; continue to scratch."
My heart is for the domain of passion, its constitution.
For what reason did you peruse it with a skewed outmarch.
Eros won't permit his sprouts to be stifled cautiously.
I opine he'll be revolted by your outrageous peculiarity.
Written: September 3rd 2021
Through sin will I encounter-
A scorching energy.
What I need is to stay awake.
So that my brain does not stop firing passion.
If I close my reddened eyes.
If I turn off my Demonic voice.
I will be taken in my sleep.
And sleep will I-
With happy flowering fields that do not inspire.
But dull me.
Only through action will come a release of sorts.
As I break through the calm.
As I abandon society once more.
Black like ink, slimy gooey terror
Marking trails across the floor.
A dash across the concrete leaving panic in your wake.
My minds like putty, adjusting to your story youve all but written into reality.
Pills slide down my throat
To force you away
But you come back
Everytime
With a feeling of vegence.
I cant help
But to submit to your presence
Cowering in the dimension you reside
My heart melts to the floor, scattered feelings in the shadows in the walls.
Uncertainty in my mind
Choking me silent
The child looks back
Then forward again
Into this deep black ooze
He has yet to sink
The mother squirms nervously
Fearing for her boy
Because he cannot yet
Learn from past mistakes
More gift than folly
To be weightless and free
Yet untarnished
By ruminating misery
The man he sits
In a corner, in a ball
He can never forgive
That which he has done
A shadow of himself
His Father he had became
Forever imprisoned,
Yet he has the key!
But he does not know it
In the silence he weeps
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