Persnickety pig, persnickety pig
Would you like to smoke a favorite cig?
Cancer chances are amazingly big
He is being tempted by his cousin Quig
How about alcohol? Please take a swig.
Come here, persnickety pig, don’t be a prig.
Person who added this was his cousin Zig
For this cousin PP did not give a fig.
Zig thought this was funny, he danced a jig
Loud snapping noises, he had stepped on a twig
Persnickety pig, persnickety pig
Where is your mud? I have a need to dig.
Categories:
prig, 2nd grade, 3rd grade,
Form: Monorhyme
Last night there was a star stumbling in the sky
Mumbling like an imbecile cuz it was high
Each disrespectful word
Was totally absurd
It makes me wonder... what is wrong with this guy?
He has no clue how to write poems that make sense
Guess I'll chalk it up to his mind being dense
He's a turkey and a pig
or better yet, a prig
For lacking the quality of effulgence
Categories:
prig, identity,
Form: Limerick
Ficus fracas
Benjamina
What a little prig!
Time to chop
you mallaprop;
Can’t produce a fig!
Righteous ficus
Carica
never be discountin’
Grabbed that little
benjie snot, and
drowned him
in the fountain.
----------
H/T to Gershon Wolf's Ficus Fracas
Categories:
prig, silly,
Form: Rhyme
I’m upset with smug Peter Pig
Who’d promised we could dance a jig
But spies my bent trotter
Gets nasty - the rotter
I call him an ignorant prig!
I’ve got a disability
But nothing will ever stop me
I’m a feisty young sow
So I'll never kowtow
Swing dancing makes me so happy
How quickly I'd learned how to dance -
Six lessons from my cousin Lance
When I dance Lindy Hop
I just don’t want to stop
My dancing may lead to romance
Young Percy took me by the hand
Well trotter; but you’ll understand
When we danced the pig jive
He made me feel alive
We’re dating now, life is just grand!
8,8,6,6,8 checked with how any syllables
Tall Tales 1 Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Jeff Kyser
03/13/22
Categories:
prig, animal, dance, fun, romance,
Form: Limerick
I had a rival whose name was 'Susie'
The streetwalker I'd nicknamed 'the floozie'
Through the night she would strut
Wiggling her pudgy butt
If only I'd been holding an Uzi!
One night Susie and I had quite a spat
She called me a brat. I chided, "You're fat!"
But when she pulled my hair
I felt my temper flare
Bellowed at her, "Susie, you're not all that!"'
She said I was such an annoying prig
I tore off her cheesy Barbie Doll wig
Her horse teeth were gnashing
as she lay there, thrashing
Squealing much louder than a suckling pig.
Told her I knew her buxom boobs were fake
She shrieked like a witch, burning at the stake
I turned to walk away
That's when I heard her say
"You'd better be afraid of me, Cupcake!"
I stopped and glared into her startled face
Susie cringed as I stepped into her space
I smiled with hands on hips
Laughed at her trembling lips
Then calmly whispered, "Name the time and place."
March 6, 2022
Tall Tales 1 Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Jeff Kyser
Categories:
prig, anger, silly,
Form: Limerick
There once was a prig in the mud.
His mouth full of dirt and no suds.
His serpentine tongue,
The poop that it flung -
No prince of the charm and no stud.
Fine dame was his choice for the hunt.
She rolled both her eyes - he’s too blunt.
The cock of his walk
and eyes that did gawk -
This ding-a-ling’s only a runt.
5/27/2019
Syllables 8/8/5/5/8
Categories:
prig, humor,
Form: Limerick
I'm hearing rumors that are easy to believe
but none of them give me reason to grieve
You've been telling people their poetry sucks
Words from your mouth flow in a fetid flux
What arrogance is revealed in your slander
You don't rile me enough to raise my dander
The absolute truth is that I just don't give a fig
Your remarks show you to be an arrogant prig
How dare you disparage so many other poets
People call you 'rude' in case you don't know it
I've laughed at your slurs and each bitter assault
If the truth hurts your feelings, it's all your fault
You've mocked and criticized lots of poetry
making you a monster with green-eyed jealousy
I've heard from many, and in their point of view
'they' say you're a nasty male version of a shrew
There's been quite an extensive survey taken
and the unanimous results should jolt and awaken
you to see that on you this request they bestow...
The message: "Open your big mouth and eat crow
Oh, but that is something you would never do
so there'll be no lamenting nor feelings of blue
No tears of sorrow on the smiing cheeks of many
of those you've insulted, and there's been plenty
Categories:
prig, dedication,
Form: Rhyme
Jobless Jack, a real jerk, dances a jig,
He juggles, smuggles jewels in backpacks,
jawbreakers, jump ropes, jelly rolls and crack.
~~Jig be up, Jack'll jiggle in the brig.~~
Junk jingles and jangles, squeals like a pig
jerked and jacked from joints on his pickup routes.
Amid crates of jackets, jeans, and jump suits,
Jobless Jack, a real jerk, dances a jig,
Jack jimmied the Jaguar trunk of some prig;
now Judge Judy’s searching Jack's jalopy.
“Jumping Jehoshaphat, what’s this jersey?"
~~Jig be up, Jack'll jiggle in the brig.~~
Jobless Jack, a real jerk, dances a jig,
her missing jersey was what the judge found.
~~Jig be up, Jack'll jiggle in the brig.~
written 1/31/2018
a villonet
Sponsor Constance La France
Contest Name ''J'' Contest, New or Old
Categories:
prig, 11th grade, drug, jobs,
Form: Alliteration
All aboard the conductor roared
Gripping the puce spruced rolling caboose
At starboard some people snored
While shaking loose foul gastric juice
But to port was a snort
From a piebald plump pig doing a jig
Only to thwart a one legged dwarf
From kissing a prig with a long twisty wig
In the middle was a fiddle
At the bar a guitar
And little by little
A freight car cigar
Was smoked by a Pope
Who drank sixty short whiskeys
And licked soap on a rope
Got tipsy and frisky
Swooned in the saloon
With a woozy auld floozy
Playing a tune to the moon
That was groovy and bluesy
Categories:
prig, humorous,
Form: Light Verse
So tell me pilgrim what you feel
Do you believe your end is real,
That on this plane your looming death
Is simple as a lapse of breath?
Perhaps Pascal might give you pause
If you see worth in earthly laws.
Consider how his logic flows
And then reflect on what man knows!
If God is real or God is not
Our logic cannot help a lot
But still a game is being played
And consequence can't be waylaid
You have to play, so play to win,
If God's not there, then where's the sin?
If God is real, ignore your pain,
For endless joy is yours to gain.
If God is joke and you are right
Enjoy earth's pleasures till your night,
If God is real and you are wrong
Regret might always be your song,
If God is dream and you are boss
A smaller gain is not real loss.
I do not know what choice you'll make,
But I am clear the path I'll take.
In bets with God don't be a prig,
Your happiness is His soul gig...
In all your life have you been kissed?
Consider what you might have missed!
Long Tooth
May 29, 2016
Categories:
prig, faith,
Form: Rhyme
There once was a bold prig named Wiener
who had an unsightly demeanor
he took pics of his crotch
after two shots of scotch
"Where's his wife? Well nobodies seen her."
Categories:
prig, funny,
Form: Limerick
three pensee
Break room
boss’s nephew -
You’re using my favorite mug.
I’m sorry, it wasn’t labeled.
(I lie, his cup, my eye.)
Garage
boss’s nephew -
Your car’s in my uncle’s spot.
How was I to know which was his?
(I cough, the prig, buzz off.)
Taken
I’ve just been had.
Boss’s nephew takes care of
my welcome to the factory.
(I smile! Just wait awhile.)
Categories:
prig, work,
Form: Verse
I always wondered when I was young why everything came in THREEs;
Is there anyone out there that knows, please lend me your expertise;
“Goldilocks and the THREE Bears“ or perhaps “The THREE Little Pigs”,
Does anyone yet know the cause, I don’t mean to be a Prig;
How about getting THREE wishes from Genie when the lamp is rubbed,
Or “The THREE Blind Mice“, And rub a dub dub, THREE men in the tub;
Or the “THREE Billy Goats Gruff“, And Cerberus the THREE Headed Dog,
Or “The THREE Musketeers” or “The THREE Amigos”, It puts my mind in a bog;
So many different stories that include the number THREE,
Is there anyone out there now that disagrees with me;
That wonderful magical number has infected every aspect of time,
Maybe the biggest reason is that THREE is so easy to rhyme!
Categories:
prig, confusion, funny
Form: Couplet