Perv Poems | Examples

When Sheep Play Poker

"A straight!  Two-three, five-six and eight,"
but Mildred bleated, "Ain't no straight;
you, Alice-ewe, are one dumb rump."
Bright chortles burbled round the stump
till Jingles raised, "Two straws of hay,"
too rich for Fay-Fay: "I can't play,
though, know that ram hauled in by truck?
I thought he gave me … lotsa luck!"
Suzette guffawed, "Not luck you meant."
"Perv, pigsty's where your mind has went!"
"Well, we all know why he's brung here …"
"Too bad it's only once a year." 
"Who poofed?" sneered Molly, "That's so crass!
Wow, someone dined on rancid grass …"
Embarrassed Mildred urged, "Just play,
let's brighten up this gloomy day."
Belle brooded, "Yeah, dawn brings the shears …"
"Well you look cute, nude tail to ears."
"And your sagged udder shows you're old!"
Tense silence fell--that barb was bold--
but Alice, heedless, claimed, "Two pair!"
which drew the wrath of Mildred's stare:
"Two fives, a two with ten on top?
You're one stupid mutton chop …"

Dove Love

When xerography yesterday's youthful gynecoiD
I'll wear my *multipurpose Mexican sunny sombrerO*
*Somehow, someway* I'll do suitable improV
And not be one who is cooperativE

*Sweet spirit super *(dove) fits my heart as a (glove) areaL
Spiritual enough not to speak (aloud)all that (proud) ballyhoO
Definitely earnestly forever guardsman against perV
Let my spirit forever be uncompromisablE

Written: September 28, 2022
Sponsor: Joseph May
Contest: The "A's" Have It

Nonsensical, I know.  LOL..I think I got all the requirements in there.  

I am speaking about what I would call gynecoid of generations of unborn babies.

Montgomery La Verve

Once lived a Montgomery La Verve
He met his end on a winding curve
He was driving too fast,
With his hand in his lap
The rumor was that he was a perv.

Written March 17, 2022
[His epitaph simply reads:
Montgomery La Verve (1950-1995)]

Behind Sunglasses

I was at a friend's pool after school.
She loaned me this impossibly tiny bathing suit
I looked at it skeptically but I didn’t ask whose it was.
It smelled faintly of chlorine.
we were supposed to be alone
her older brother came home 
his eyes settled on my skin
like a wash of immediate sunburn
It was awkward and thrilling to be watched
I pretended not to notice
behind my sunglasses
I ignored him 
My friend noticed. “Perv alert, let’s go in.” she said.
I didn’t want to go but I didn’t let it show.

Fred the Perv

A pervert hung silk stockings by the tree
With a note saying put a girl in for me
He rushed down Christmas morn
After watching some p.o.r.n.
And found both the silk stockings were empty.

He was cursing and so went back to bed
Spied a note from Santa Claus and it said
For the good girls and boys
I bring lots of nice toys
But nowt for you cos you're sick in the head.

He was angry and unable to sleep
Went out looking for gaps in drapes to peep
But as he got bolder
A cop grabbed his shoulder
And said "you're under arrest you sick creep"

The next day he went up before Judge Seers
As all the charges were read there were jeers
Told the pervert to his face
You're an absolute disgrace
So I'm sending you to jail for ten years.



Written 15th December 2021.

Rubber Duck - Bawdy

A duck got himself a young lady
They went to a cheap hotel
He booked a room - a little shady
Where he’d get to know her well

She was hot but on reflection
He thought that he should use protection
Rang room service, (that was drastic)
Ordered up a prophylactic 

A voice said we’re here to be serving
I’ll send a condom with Mervin
Shortly the door went rat-a-tat-tat
And Mervin was there with ‘Merve’ on his hat

Merve said your condom Sir, was it just one
I’ve brought you the ribbed type to add to your fun
I’ll just pop it onto your bill said Merve
The duck said Do you think I’m some kind of perv

Search Me Naked

I’m always poorly 
be dead before forty 
As the doctors surely 
diagnose before curing 

and that is hard work
as they forever search
me naked like a perv
as their fingers insert

in their protective overalls
they flip me once more 
still wearing bugger all 
they play with my balls 

touching me here
touching me there
touching my rear 
touching my pair 

at least the doctors a woman 
oh dear I'm wooden
drunk when it wouldn't
now when it shouldn't
 
then sounds from the woodwork
where old friends lurk
with their amazing nerve
I thought I was a jerk

and it's slowly dawning 
I might be no more 
for some quite daunting 
as they know for sure

a haunting's instore

Karma Serve What She Deserves Part 2

she's worried she'll never go back to work
and watches me like a perv
when the karma comes back she'll hurt
deliver what she deserves 

it eats away at her mind 
already derelict without worth
this thought not hard to find 
deadly restriction holding nerve 

he's got her whole world in his hands
information which he can give
soul crush and leave her damned 
a formation for her to live 

he told her he'd get her back one day
in ignorance she laughed away
to "destroy your life, it is my right"
those very words she did say

punishing me though I'd done no wrong
had it in for me from the start
you'll never recover I've waited long
it'll smash your world apart

Often Taught

We have often been taught.

That when you pass you go to your happy place. 
In heaven.

If this is true. 

have you ever thought what would that be.

I often don't.

I think my happy place is here on earth, 

If so have you ever thought of what it is for others.

Like a happy place for a perv. 
Is with variable kids 
Not that their life's were painful enough they have to spend eternity
with those who hurt them.

Now that's a place I wouldn't want to go, 

I would rather spend eternity in limbo.

Demon Dance

There once was an old man, a perv.
And wow! He had quite the nerve.
He pulled down his pants,
Said "Watch my demon dance."
He really threw me a curve.

School Head-Captain

Below are the majority views of students about to vote
for their next high school head-captain: 


Nelson:

He is tall and handsome,
plays for our basketball team,
knows the best bars in town,
hates maths, just like us.


Pitt:

He's shy,
hates proms and games,
he's a nerd,
he wears heavy glasses


Charlie:

He's a perv and a chain smoker,
heavy metal is his friend,
never talks much,
but rocks in raving!


Kelvin:

An "A" material, and spends more time
in the library than in bed.
He believes in extraterrestrials.
We think he should visit a shrink or something....


Hosea:

He's very smart and funny,
active in spoken word,
hates politicking,
certain for a scholarship,
very good with skateboards....

................................................................................

Hosea made the cut,
but forcefully. Majority
of students threatened 
that they would steal his
skateboards, if he didn't
stand for the coveted position
as the head-captain......

Behind the Fly

It always happens when you walk on by
but also when I catch your eye
that unmistakable feeling
of pressure behind my fly
I'm not a slob or even a perv
but you bending over really extends my nerve
It reminds me of your sexy shape
or the shutter I feel when I kiss your nape
which, of course, then stretches the coiled tape
you know I will forever be your guy
too many to mention the reasons why
of how you satisfy what's behind the fly

For the Love of Donald

There once was a president called Donald.
Who had more money than Ronald McDonald
An old perv with the lasses  
who hoodwinked the masses 
I cant believe america swallowed his waffle.




Inspired by the queen of the limericks Jan 
http://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/theres_an_old_fart_in_the_white_house_867717

Condemned But Not Condemned

A tiny bite puts heat to grow a fight
from head to toe, the body is low
all’s good and fine but seen in a bad sight
name gets fat by a bad pump like a dough
cut is the mind even in its might
hate, lies, cheat and a perv all in this row
his hand of sin puts any in a plight
he is, cos of no mum and dad and so?
eats the sour pill to be bad for fun
a once good soul will soon run and be gone
as once tidy eyes so holy now mourn
a big turn on this road will mend the breech
one step at a time, be as near the reach
come, be part of us, that is all we preach.

Blue Rainbow

In response to 'paint me a rainbow' by nicola byrne 

Golden eye and crescent nerve.
The rainbow hides, he doesn't like 
to be disturbed.
He's actually a bit perturbed.
The people gaping from behind
and every angle wide.
You have to pay for pictures blue
and colours frosted in the nude.
The rainbow waits in turn for you
to show him curves for him to perv.

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