oh! gentle breeze! flow past my fingers
to caress the meadow,
Wash my fair feet, silver stream
as you whisper to the pebbles,
watch my face as you float white clouds!
high up in the blue, blue sky,
smile at me, wave to me, spring flowers,
and not mock at my golden hair
under my straw hat!
I am nature, I am a beauty of creation too
and as much part of you!
love fills me with desire to bring forth to you,
my innermost longing- a child!
give me a caress, give me a kiss,
hug me with passion, anoint me
with your secret magic potions,
just make me a mother!
I am alone.
I am a motherless child!
REQUIEM FOR A MOTHERLESS CHILD
Hallelujah….. Hallelujah…..Hallelujah
Leaning on the somewhat-padded kneelers
is a family lined horizontal to the father.
This is as close as they’ve been to each
other since the last show was put on. The
first act is always the same. Smiling faces,
awkward embraces with peace be with you’s.
The daughter distracts herself by etching
“help,” on the pew. The wood’s softness
clumps underneath her fingernails.
Mother Mary calm our fears, have mercy.
Trying not to air her grief and weakness.
She breathes in dust and exhales demons.
Residual holy water pools with nervous
sweat. Lingering on mother’s tongue is
the taste of this morning’s threat.
Here I am lord. Is it I lord?
Smells of fresh cut grass circles through
the open stained glass windows. Relief
from the heat of catholic shame and 90°
weather. Cracks and creaks of wood and
aged bodies end the mass. Time to genuflect
rather than genuinely reflect on their
family’s hellish days. And all that’s left for
the little one to do, is listen to the final
hymn. Requiem for a motherless child.
I was buried in a tomb for unknown persons.
When I was alive I knew nothing of this life.
Now that I'm dead I seem to have acquired it all.
My heartless mother abandoned me, unwanted,
Left me on the cold stairs of the door of Poor Claire's.
The rain fell incessantly and I cried hungry.
It was a time when the pandemic COVID raged.
Sister Grace was immune and she heard my poor plight.
She carried me inside, took care of me, knowing
I would not survive the night. She prayed the last rites,
She baptised me, named me Ruth. By morn I was dead.
Someone found a white box and laid me inside it.
Wearing a face mask and gloves they drove me quickly
To a small cemetery. No one wanted me.
No records were kept, just known as “Ruth Unwanted”.
Then my spirit moved out of my body and I
Was lifted high, up above the wet cypress trees,
Above the clouds, above the sun, amongst the stars.
I heard angelic symphonies in a bright place.
I saw Him smiling with love, coming towards me.
No dirge was needed now. I knew I was wanted.
I wake in sweats
Drenched in the regrets
Of a desert womb
This empty tomb
Where lie the never born
Whom I may never mourn
Never mourn this constant lack
That has me forever in deepest black
Never sit and talk beside their graves
For I can never bury the bodiless babes
Never sit and silently pray
For what dies inside me every day.
© Barry Freeman – 1st May 2021
Motherless Child
In her breathless eyes of teary blue
I gently gasped in and out of view.
Born out of pain into an empty room,
torn in vain from a barren womb.
My infant heart had come to rest
upon the heaving of her breast.
No words needed, none were spoken,
in silent nurture bonds were broken.
A cold embrace on placid skin,
I felt her stillness deep within.
She could not comfort my listless limbs
but sighed instead as her lustre dimmed.
I was vulnerable in her grieving eyes,
as weakness strengthened her despise.
"I live, I love, I cry, I bleed!"
yet tainted by unhindered need.
Lifeless as a brief encounter,
as the realisation of life without her.
I grew up with the heart to endure
the inadequacy of being immature.
And every love I chanced upon
I compared to her, a love now gone.
I have become emotionally weak,
the bittersweet irony of the strength I seek.
Perhaps the wounds were in my mind,
defined by the scars that I hide behind.
Now isolation has taken its toll,
in my comfort zone out of control.
I'm running free, I'm running wild,
chasing love like a motherless child.
The depression is taking over my heart,
the pain breaking my soul down like crumbles of sand
how do I fight the pain of a motherless womb?
the joy of motherhood is slipping from my fingers,
so far that I can’t grab it
the pain is eating me
alive
I fake a smile
and I fake the joy
that people think they see
but inside I’m not the same fighting all of the pain.
people say your the cause
and you feel like your less than a woman,
a broken woman,
stuck in a never ending nightmare
trying to fight your way out
I’m drowning in the pain,
the pain of a motherless womb.
My mother believed kids should be seen and not heard
And that teens have no right to be sad
They contribute nothing, everything is done for them
What reason to be upset could they have?
She didn't seem to get that kids have feelings
And teenagers have more than most
It's no wonder I grew up emotion with no meaning
It's no wonder I grew up morose
Every day there was something else
Something that she would nit pick
Never could I do the right thing
I could never gain her acceptance
I was never pretty, smart or good enough
There was always someone better
And that is why I put her down
In the written form of a letter
"Dear Mother, you have never loved me
And I needed a mother's love
But it's too late now, don't even bother
You were no mother to speak of."
And with that I walked out of her life
With absolutely no regret
Now I am happier than I've ever been
But sadly motherless
Unlike mostly all of my poems, this is based on real life. 'Nuff said about that, the poem says all that needs to be said.
I had just gotten off of the rail car, and the train had departed the station.
I was about to leave when suddenly faint "meowing" had caught my attention.
I searched for the source's locality
and came upon a most unfortunate tragedy.
Laying smack in the middle of the train tracks
was the lifeless carcass of a dead cat
and hovering over it were two little kittens.
What other choice did I have but to rescue them?
They have been with me ever since and share my apartment,
and the both of them have brought into my life many moments of enjoyment.
Looking into your laughing eyes
I can't help but wonder...
Did you or did you not know
That the one you cling to is only
an aunt?
That your mother still young had
fallen aside?
That this world you jump in is
dying with vice?
I cry when I see you smile
For fear of the day your pigeons
die
The day these hawks feast in your
sky
The day a snake in no longer toy
The day a tree cuts down a tree.
Bask on my love
While it is still light
The vultures can head
For the butcher's house
Your home is among bright stars
above
Forever giving light to this vile
life of mine.
Life wasn't suppose to turn out this way
I still ask God why even up to this day
How could he allow this to be
The tears, the pain doesn't he see
Imagine you were my first funeral that i had to attend
How can one lose not only her mother but her very best friend
I am grateful for the time we had
But thinking of you still makes me sad
There are to many bumps along this road
sometimes i don't know how i can carry this load
Pray, Pray, Pray is what you would say
Ask God and he will help you find the way
So give me the strength O Lord to stay strong
Even when things are going wrong
As I sit at your grave making sure the flowers are in place
I ask God for one more time to see your beautiful face
Although I don't see you I feel you are near
Holding me tight taking away my fear
There are times in a girl's life that only her mother could relate
Not having you here during those moments are the times I hate
I miss your laugh and your smile
But I will always wonder why I am a motherless child
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