I’ve been waiting for the phone to ring
there are times when I’m unsure
anticipating what the mailman brings
sometimes I feel so insecure
but I’ve got better things to do
than looking forward to
memories I have yet to make
some day with someone new
are you my future are you my past
there are times when I have doubts
contemplating will tomorrow last
sometimes I feel left out
but I know better than to wish
for the loving that I miss
heaven I have yet to taste
some day in somebody’s kiss
so until the next time I feel the need to cry
I won’t go walking in the rain
no until the next time
I see your smiling eyes I won’t fall in love again
The mailman is certainly sketchy
way to tall and sort of gangly,
his arms are long and his skin is pale.
He arrives at 10:04 without fail,
never sooner; never later,
and my old dog never barks
like he does at the park,
be it leaf or be it squirrel,
be it a little girl that twirls,
or be it nothing there at all!
The Earth is flat
and landing on the moon was fake,
I simply don’t believe in that,
but I think the mailman is an alien.
I’m convinced his vehicle is a UFO
that transforms and flies at night,
or did I see that on a TV show
long ago when I was eight?
The doctor says to take my meds,
the aliens are in my head!
Sure Doc, because bees don’t sting,
and a hollow moon doesn’t ring.*
*On November 20, 1969, NASA deliberately crashed the Apollo 12 lunar module into the Moon, causing it to vibrate or "ring like a bell" for nearly an hour. This phenomenon sparked theories that the Moon is hollow (like a bell).
Based on Frosty The Snowman
Freddy the mailman is just out on parole
He did the crime and served his time
For all that mail he stole
Now Freddy is back as Christmas bells chime
Freddy the mailman is now a con man people say
He charms the ladies with words sweet as honey
Deceiving them in every way
Before he steals their money
But there must have been some buckshot in
The gun old Sally had
For when he tried to steal her loot
She blasted him, the cad
The whispers of The Mailman come staking you at night.
The whispers of The Mailman will steal from your delight.
The whispers of The Mailman will scare you half to death,
But read the letters of The Mailman? You'll hear your final breath.
We will share lunch with you the puppies offered, running in a bunch.
The mailman was offended. You dogs who chase me would eat my lunch?
What is it? Asked the skinniest mutt, she was more particular than others.
It is something on a plate! The boys yelled out, all together four brothers.
If I share my lunch, will you stop chasing me, please?
The mailman asked this with intent, that was ruined with a sneeze.
Sure! The pups said as he split his lunch and gave them half.
Food gone. Chase was on. Mailman’s wife rolled her eyes and laughed.
When the dog poses a great threat
The mailman got very upset
He starts to growl loud
His breathe was real foul
Suddenly, he becomes the new pet
He preached a pious excrement like any other politician.
Her smut seemed poetic until she took her knickers off.
Her light burned all night, but her heart was always dark.
His evil odiousness soon ran out of gas, but never his bowels.
Nothing is sacred if dog poop and daffodils are not.
There is more sexuality in one word than in ten brothels.
His reality was a bad dream and we all lived in his mind.
Seraphic activists will hunt you down with a righteous frown.
If you are a jerk
then the order of holy men, is your sacred calling.
Dorothea, put that sacrificial knife down!
I am always alone in a crowd, fortunately.
Beware the dog they said, I only brought the mail
(the iron mailbox stands inside a gate with locks)
Had to extend my arm to reach that wretched box
It was too far, the letter fell, an epic fail.
You say: just enter, wussie, grab that envelope?
Have you considered one huge dog to sit and wait
blood-hungry for that single moment at the gate?
My nerves just failed me this time, could no longer cope
Can't you imagine my distress when that black beast
Jumped out the open door (just see him leap at me)
Pity my scarred and bloodied face and hide your glee
I tripped and fell, oh wounded pride, my clothes all creased
You're mocking me! Stop laughing, wipe your tears away!
I think dog owners need to keep the beasts indoors
Or call them back by yelling: BELLO, STAY, with force!
For now I lick my wounds, give me my drink, I'll pay.
***
June 10, 2017
Copyright © Darren White
Went for a walk, couldn't find my way home
Finally walked into the wrong house as I roamed
Naked lady screamed
Threw a hand mixer machine
As I ducked, the mailman got bopped on the dome
i wrote
tons
of lines
about
you
about
us
dancing
shoes
swing
beer sign
post
it
pink
in
my
mind's eye
my
orthopedic
shoe
won't
let
me
climb
that
high
The Postman did deliver,
More than mail,
He delivered happiness,
And love, without fail,
I smile in racy, lacy thought,
Perhaps more,
Than I properly ought,
But what the hell,
They say,
You live but once
And, while I'm not sure
that's true,
This life I dedicate,
Just to you.
In my day, the mail carrier was called the Mailman.
However, I don't recall any women choosing the profession.
He came to our house twice a day.
Once in the morning,
And once in the afternoon.
Time went slower then
and he had time.
He could deliver the mail
and talk to us kids a while too.
Once when he came by
we were playing mumbly-peg.
He asked what we were doing
and we showed him.
He got out his own knife
Balanced it on his finger
and ka chunk, it stuck expertly the first time.
His blade stuck in the ground every time.
Mine came a little too close to my toes
but stuck. He complimented the risky landing
then folded up his knife and put it back
in the mail bag draped over his shoulder.
The leather, old and very worn
gave way on the edge where he reached in
for the letter that needed to be delivered next door.
Leaning into the weight of the bag,
he was on his way.
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