Long Yapper Poems

Housekeeping not a strong suit with the missus

(***warning ungapatchka language ahead***)
regarding following lines courtesy the missus,
who adventitiously, inadvertently, unknowingly
allowed, enabled and provided inspiration I
attest Frau Harris inspired me as she lies abed.

Flush with rage the...

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(***warning ungapatchka language ahead***)

Hence plead ding for 
Mary Poppins wannabe
with snap of her fingers 
can affect ship shape
tidiness, which task 
needed before May 2022 
when yearly inspection 
indeed takes place.

Flush with rage the spouse 
will...

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Housekeeping not a strong suit with the missus

(***warning ungapatchka language ahead***)
regarding following lines courtesy the missus,
who adventitiously, inadvertently, unknowingly
allowed, enabled and provided inspiration I
attest Frau Harris inspired me as she lies abed.

Flush with rage the...

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Waiter: With a smiling face, I came to her table and presented the menu.
                     ...

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Dinner for two, don’t mind if I do

I’d like you to bring me a dinner for two -
A serving for me and a serving for you.
I’ll order up something that we two can share.
Please bring...

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Did you even want to be found?
I took my shackles off and formed a search and rescue team 
But did you even want to be found?
You’ve been running all your life I think you’ve aced...

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(***warning ungapatchka language ahead***)

Flush with rage the spouse will become allied
if reference made how she buzzfeeds disorder
altercation especially likely if divorce blurted
making me wish to experience (immediately)
bartered bride, when mine pointed finger doth
nonverbally chide markedly...

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I'm near cuckoo
This Monday blue
A day not eas'ly recommended
for making sense
I'm way too tense
And hung-over to comprehend it
 
My mind's on the bend
my imaginary friends
are threatening to abandon en masse
I was perfectly sane
till they pissed...

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Okay! Okay, just gimme a minute, or maybe even two.
It's just like you to pull up a chair just so I can sit next to you.
But I know you well enough not to fuss about...

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Written for anybody who has had to listen to a Yipper Yapper:

Yippin’ and yappin’ all day long
Always right, while everybody else is wrong. 
 Thinking you know it all,  about everything there is, ...

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McMcBisky a gentleman terrier with exquisite tastes, too many to mention
Met up with Miss Dapper, a plain yapper at the American Terrier Convention.
Miss Dapper was instantly smitten with this refined and handsome lad.
She told everyone...

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He may seem small but soon you realize
That a beast within him does reside
Do not approach his space
Or he'll be yapping in your face

He likes to yap
        ...

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Good evening Miss Becca, I do declare
Would be an honour to pull up a chair
Can we start with beetle hairs on toasted nettle shoots
With your salad of rainchokes and fiddlehead roots

Oh my so delic-ibus ...

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I’d love nothing more than to sit with you
and share a meal split just for two. 
I’d order the rainchokes topped with loots
and dip them in your sharkflower shoots.

But sitting in this divine café 
is...

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Surrounded by talking morons
Incessant talkers
Who have nothing to say
Yet do nothing but speak
and speak and speak
and speak and speak and speak

I roll my eyes inside my head as they yap
Communing secretly with another silent one
Wondering...

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For months I've been away from the Soup
And I just learned about all the scoop
Contest on crap and farts
From smelly body parts
Toilet humor all 'bout making poop

Wife got mad when I forgot to flush
She yelled...

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