Long Schmuck Poems

Some people wind up with twisted knickers
When they get insulted by nitpickers
Words are sticks and stones
Causing moans and groans
When they hear heckling whispers and snickers

Women used to call knickers 'underpants'
They'd get them twisted with tauntings...

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4/8/24

Aww shucks
Still at the crux
In a state of flux
With reality still out of touch
I've been puzzled much
So I smoke a couple blunts
That's a double dutch
From dawn to dusk
I turned myself into a husk
Just so I...

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The garden so beautiful in itself,
Was surely one that never looked the worse.
Most beautiful in the world, 
But it held an evil curse.

The story was long ago,
Bewitched by all to tell.
But in a dark and...

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Aye aye, said the captain, who spoke to his mate,
The very same mate, who choked on his plate,
A young pirate laddie, with one common trait,
A rabid distaste for the food which he ate.

Oh how can...

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I sit here writing this message to you,
My dilemma is choosing that somebody who,
Will cause me to soar and fly ever higher,
But this selection process has caused me to mire,
I admit the candidates are of...

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I am a cat, at home I’m Ollie
But fellow cats know real name
“Intrepid Vic”, I dig that, golly
Grey tiger, finest at his game

I am the boss around here
Them humans lacking any wit
In house of mine...

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Nuttin boot mieskeit goyim...
lives among this nebbish atheist of Jewish ancestry

Tongue in cheek Yiddish
humor to playfully scold
often time sounds
like a compliment
yours truly, (a run
of the mill Shlimazel) behold

only knows a smidgen,
yet grew up within household
where...

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There are good days, bad days and sad days,
There are happy days, snappy days, crappy days
There are days so fickle it seems you clasp
the wisps of joy eluding your grasp
There are those days...

Some days come...

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After Analicica Sotelo’s Death Wish


Her swollen eyes speak a different version of ASL for those of us who understand it,

But not too many of us understand it because her composure is thicker 
than the makeup...

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More than a vacation, a vocation
In the field of tranquility you
Search the Caribbean blue
Sensation or mental refuge

White sandy beaches wet
Peaches in drinks collect
Making the experience perfectly
Sweet, worthy as a bodily

Treat. Club nights, escapes
In lantern light...

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Ron Dump says he’ll destroy North Korea
With finger poised, we have so much to fear
He’s a power mad glutton
With his hand on the button
Will the universe still exist next year?

BY JAN ALLISON


I just hope his...

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First the line/
Next the heavy sinker !
Dealing with Tony is like dealing with a real stinker !
It's so not what you know/
Rather it's in who you blow !

Out cooking the books for Tony/
He'll be the...

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I know my way around this town of debauchery.
The streets and the boardwalk all have familiarity.
After all, I have played many games of Monopoly.
The things I see everywhere are not a bit strange.
There are several...

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Across the cracked concrete slabs,
past a fallen dogwood
left lying like so much litter
at the red brick base of the court house;
the jurors strode.

Through the doors too heavy
for a mere woman to open unassisted
and their constant...

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My wife went shopping yesterday
Posted missing what do the police say
Her weight color and eyes
Please tell me he cries
I need to know for the missing's display

Hey dude can you help me a little more
I know...

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A 60 second embrace, held too long
A kiss on the forehead, felt so wrong
Add more bullets to my long list of regrets
You are one of a kind, I’ve thrown all my bets

Not too shabby for...

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Abruptly, a princess assailed my heart with love’s javelin
 I relinquish -  a willing slave, I come before you
 O Azrael, angel of death carrying a scythe 
 And carrying souls to the afterlife

...

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the times I've been here, words in hand
          mind-sculpting verse of phrases, grand
             ...

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They found an old friend of mine dead today,
    They said he just completely withered away.
He was said to have been a knight in shiny armor and rode a mighty steed,
 ...

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6/17/16


Typically either just
Or corrupt
The world in a state of flux

Don't be a punk
Or schmuck

Shouldn't strut
Like you are greater than King Tut


End the funk
Jump
Up 
And out the rut
Until there is no slump
 
Must
Trust
My gut

Many a times...

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IT’S WHAT IT IS …
If every day you sleep in church; you may not know God
You are not necessarily spiritual; but you are pious
If you’ve grade 99.9%, you’re not most educated; but you’ve first class
You...

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Industrial sadistic humour
Trailer treachery for sure,
Sure you can walk thru the trailer,
But who's gonna "test-drive" the tub?

Soon the papers are signed,
The money is paid,
You now own a bathtub,
That for an anorexic was made

Several scary showers...

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Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day.
At least that's what I hear.
Teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a rowboat
fishing and drinking beer! 

When advised to "fight fire with fire"
please...

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Warning, if you are under 60 you may not "get" some of these.

Mohammad Ali
taunting with poetry,
his opponents he'd zing
as he danced 'bout the ring.

Graham Kerr "The Galloping Gourmet"
oft with our minds he would play.
Why else...

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He cheated on you- what a surprise
You’re wife #5 in his pattern of lies
Did you think he’d be loyal ‘cause he gave you a ring?
Did you think he’d stop flirtin’ and start stayin’ in?
Did you...

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