Long Schmuck Poems

4/8/24

Aww shucks
Still at the crux
In a state of flux
With reality still out of touch
I've been puzzled much
So I smoke a couple blunts
That's a double dutch
From dawn to dusk
I turned myself into a husk
Just so I...

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The garden so beautiful in itself,
Was surely one that never looked the worse.
Most beautiful in the world, 
But it held an evil curse.

The story was long ago,
Bewitched by all to tell.
But in a dark and...

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I sit here writing this message to you,
My dilemma is choosing that somebody who,
Will cause me to soar and fly ever higher,
But this selection process has caused me to mire,
I admit the candidates are of...

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Nuttin boot mieskeit goyim...
lives among this nebbish atheist of Jewish ancestry

Tongue in cheek Yiddish
humor to playfully scold
often time sounds
like a compliment
yours truly, (a run
of the mill Shlimazel) behold

only knows a smidgen,
yet grew up within household
where...

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After Analicica Sotelo’s Death Wish


Her swollen eyes speak a different version of ASL for those of us who understand it,

But not too many of us understand it because her composure is thicker 
than the makeup...

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More than a vacation, a vocation
In the field of tranquility you
Search the Caribbean blue
Sensation or mental refuge

White sandy beaches wet
Peaches in drinks collect
Making the experience perfectly
Sweet, worthy as a bodily

Treat. Club nights, escapes
In lantern light...

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Ron Dump says he’ll destroy North Korea
With finger poised, we have so much to fear
He’s a power mad glutton
With his hand on the button
Will the universe still exist next year?

BY JAN ALLISON


I just hope his...

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First the line/
Next the heavy sinker !
Dealing with Tony is like dealing with a real stinker !
It's so not what you know/
Rather it's in who you blow !

Out cooking the books for Tony/
He'll be the...

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I know my way around this town of debauchery.
The streets and the boardwalk all have familiarity.
After all, I have played many games of Monopoly.
The things I see everywhere are not a bit strange.
There are several...

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Across the cracked concrete slabs,
past a fallen dogwood
left lying like so much litter
at the red brick base of the court house;
the jurors strode.

Through the doors too heavy
for a mere woman to open unassisted
and their constant...

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My wife went shopping yesterday
Posted missing what do the police say
Her weight color and eyes
Please tell me he cries
I need to know for the missing's display

Hey dude can you help me a little more
I know...

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A 60 second embrace, held too long
A kiss on the forehead, felt so wrong
Add more bullets to my long list of regrets
You are one of a kind, I’ve thrown all my bets

Not too shabby for...

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Abruptly, a princess assailed my heart with love’s javelin
 I relinquish -  a willing slave, I come before you
 O Azrael, angel of death carrying a scythe 
 And carrying souls to the afterlife

...

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the times I've been here, words in hand
          mind-sculpting verse of phrases, grand
             ...

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They found an old friend of mine dead today,
    They said he just completely withered away.
He was said to have been a knight in shiny armor and rode a mighty steed,
 ...

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6/17/16


Typically either just
Or corrupt
The world in a state of flux

Don't be a punk
Or schmuck

Shouldn't strut
Like you are greater than King Tut


End the funk
Jump
Up 
And out the rut
Until there is no slump
 
Must
Trust
My gut

Many a times...

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Warning, if you are under 60 you may not "get" some of these.

Mohammad Ali
taunting with poetry,
his opponents he'd zing
as he danced 'bout the ring.

Graham Kerr "The Galloping Gourmet"
oft with our minds he would play.
Why else...

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IT’S WHAT IT IS …
If every day you sleep in church; you may not know God
You are not necessarily spiritual; but you are pious
If you’ve grade 99.9%, you’re not most educated; but you’ve first class
You...

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Industrial sadistic humour
Trailer treachery for sure,
Sure you can walk thru the trailer,
But who's gonna "test-drive" the tub?

Soon the papers are signed,
The money is paid,
You now own a bathtub,
That for an anorexic was made

Several scary showers...

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Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day.
At least that's what I hear.
Teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a rowboat
fishing and drinking beer! 

When advised to "fight fire with fire"
please...

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He cheated on you- what a surprise
You’re wife #5 in his pattern of lies
Did you think he’d be loyal ‘cause he gave you a ring?
Did you think he’d stop flirtin’ and start stayin’ in?
Did you...

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Went to the well and the well was dry

So what shall I do, oh me, oh my

My mind's in a quandary, what shall I do

I fear I've run dry, I haven't a clue

Is there some...

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8/1/17

For such selfish gains
You may eternally burn in flames
Every single day, experiencing torment and pain
Bound with chains
And tattered clothing covered in bloodstains

Or you could freeze
Due to being unprepared and the temperature getting extreme
Followed by an...

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Too bad
So sad

Chick farm
Coon harm

Coon harm
Alarm

Piled thick
Plucked chick

Bat, Gat
Our cats

You know
Juno

Dog guard
In yard

All day
They stay

All night
Keep sight

Thief quick
Took chick

Come back
Attack

New plan
Big, grand

Plan smart
Buy parts

Sorghum
Stick some

From store
Got more

Take heart
Here’s parts

Neat trick
Build Chick

Tar Chick
Real sick!

Coon could
Stick good

Chick...

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My First Real Love


We were in college
partying hardy
the weekends of lore
fun, fun galore

there was always kegs of beer
and newfound deer
that loved to buck
any kind of schmuck

the music's great
head over heels fete
balloons fill the passage
of horses...

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