Long Merde Poems

The Spaniel

A Spaniel that uses its head 
Can tell when its owner’s unfed 
So instead of a duck
That is down on its luck 
Will deliver a pizza instead
 
The Afghan Hound

The Afghan’s a dog groomer’s...

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Unquotable quotes: Fat People – XXIX

(I know this piece sounds mean and cruel but as every single parent must have experienced, this is also the expression of utter exasperation, and perhaps there’s also the slightest...

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Translation of Eric Mottram’s 1922 Section 1 by T. Wignesan

for David Attoe

Notre devise pourrait être: ‘que nous nous ne soyons pas envoûtés’
Wittgenstein in Zettel

laissez pendre   la graisse   sans cou
où la tête...

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The Rottweiler

I wouldn’t provoke a Rottweiler
Not unless I were prepped like a miler
Seems a little inbreeding
Done without heeding
Has turned Benji into a Sieg Heiler

The Saint Bernard

Though not in his nature to beg
He would flip for...

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Once, a wise man, not enlightened and not an I-Don’t-Care-Man, came through the woods, thinking of the meaning of life. Suddenly, a Very-Scary-Black-Forest-Merde* appeared on the path.
- I'll eat you, wise man! – It said.
And...

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Now that I have gotten that over with,
Being straightforward as a piss-ant on fire,
Telling you it just is what it is,
That behind all the frizz,
Is a beardless fake whose heraldic bearings
Are the arms of a...

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IF ever I had a country : LII - LIII

" How can the life of such a man
Be in the palm of some fool's hand?
To see him obviously framed
Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed...

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      A mandate came out. Yes!
      NO MORE MUSIC FROM ANY SOURCE..
      (This would not surprise me, of course)

 ...

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ENTROZ....PITTA PAW DITTY DEW
DON'T SAY WHAT YOU GONNA DEW
BENT- SEE WHAT
YOU DON'T KNOW
SIFFA DIF AND BANG AND FOLLOW
GRIMMA WOMAN GRIND AND GIFT
ENGAGEMENT RINGS
AND THE CHOCOLATE SH$T.
GIFFA GAM GRIND DE FELLO
BREAKFAST THYME TREAT TOMORROW
 BESO HUI...

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or

The Living Death beneath Macbeth

"The top 1 percent of households globally own 43 percent of all personal 
  wealth, while the bottom 50 percent own only 1 percent."
      ...

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BBC News Alert


Somewhere in France
In the Countryside
A farmer has been arrested
For molesting an old cow
A drunken old hag was on all fours
Crawling around in his field
He, having had his wine and baguette
Thought he had forgotten...

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RECIPE: “Poulet Roti” French Style – Le Chant Royal (Instalment 3)

(Note: Rhyme scheme of “Le Chant Royal” where capital “E“stands for refrain, thus – Stanza: ababccddedE, Envoi: ddedE) 

STANZA  II

Cut the hot-water supply, make...

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December Paris  

Winter Paris pavement cafés vacant chairs and poor sparrows look for 
baguette crumbs. Artists had gone to their loft conversions, in bed with 
their models and plates of goose liver pate, waiting...

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Wandering down a country lane
Hearing singing on the breeze
But it seemed to be coming
From the region of my knees.
Scouse was sitting in a dyke 
Singing with heart  and soul
Waiting for the time when
His body...

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They sat home ordering luscious pizza.
Some just drank cold beer or snorted pot.
Nothing was “ really” going to happen!
As they rode unicorns, this lost, hapless lot.

Stoned efficaciously, by the likes of CNN.
America haters, all, each...

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He yelled he was hungry
As he crashed through the door
Stood there yelling and swaying
On the billet room floor
He demanded satisfaction
But as no one wanted to fight
He crashed back through the door
And out into the night

He’d...

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Fear Belongs in the Trash



I no longer drive, I may have an accident.
Nor do I walk, after all, I might fall down.
I am brainwashed to believe, only the garbage 
news falling out of my TV??
I...

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To be French means I’ll need to stop a few things, 
Whilst other small details I’ll seize.
I'll need to start smoking a lot, and
Start eating a whole lotta cheese.

But I wont wear berets with striped...

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