Long Lonelier Poems
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Yesterday, I thought I seen the back of your head,
I felt my mind shook as I started to dread,
That you were there,
But then I realized,
It wasn't you.
As I left the airport,
I got into a truck, that was just like yours,
Then all my emotional sores started hurting again.
And later on, after seeing,
That the friend I wanted to have all to myself in high school,
Already had someone to be best friends with,
I held back my tears,
And fear that maybe I'll never recover
From these emotional issues that seem to go on forever.
And I feel like I can't keep myself together...
Especially when I see two siblings who love one another,
Wishing my siblings were close to my age,
Then I wouldn't have ever felt like I was in a lonely cage,
Envying those who get to have a younger sibling jump into their arms,
Whenever I see them at school...
She always felt like a little sister for me,
I want to protect her,
But nowadays, I don't like the way she is some times,
And I feel confused, and lonelier when I see that she
Likes her other friends more than me.
Yet again, more envy,
And I feel guilty realizing it's wrong for me to be jealous
In friendship...
I'll make sure our friendship never ends,
But I know that my loneliness will never disappear,
And I will never be able to reappear,
In school with her again, it hurts,
Especially when I don't have someone to share the suffering
Of high school work and gym.
I still feel hurt and sad, everything in elementary,
That made me glad will be pushed away,
And I'll probably feel alone everyday...
Just like the old days, when I cried at night...
And my alarm clock was my nightlight...
Now I need Him, to keep me safe,
And be my light,
Because the hurt that I often feel
Is an inner fight for life!
I felt my life was standing still
No dreams for me to follow
Some nights there seemed to be no point
In waking up tomorrow
The road ahead grew lonelier
And longer everyday
With no one there to hold my hand
Or help to guide the way
But then the clouds began to fade
The sun came shining through
And then my life began again
The day that I found you
You took away the loneliness
And wiped away my tears
You gave me back my dignity
And cast aside my fears
You’re the light that pulled me from the dark
The hope I thought I’d lost
You’re the hand that held my broken heart
When life had taken its cost
And every road I walk from here
Is brighter now it’s true
Because the best thing life has given me
Is loving you"...
You gave the strength I needed
To stand up on my own
I knew with you beside me
I would never be alone
You always saw the best in me
Through all the good and bad
You’re always there to laugh with me
Or hold me when I’m sad
We’ve been through everything there is
Together we are strong
We’ve held each other up
Whenever anything went wrong
I can’t remember loneliness
Or what I used to do
I know I’ve learned what life’s about
Because of loving you
You never hide your love for me
Your feelings always show
Please hold me in your life forever
Never let me go
I prayed that I would find a love
That felt this strong and true
And somewhere up in Heaven
God was leading me to you
For you are my life's happiness
You’re everything to me
I couldn’t live without you now
You are my destiny
So never say goodbye to me
My heart will stay with you
Till the day I leave this world behind
I’ll only love you..
My joints have all but broken,
As I struggle to hold my delicate posture.
These old bones groan to the touch.
I can no longer support life,
Like I abundantly once could.
As time passes, I grow lonelier,
For no one pays me any attention anymore.
The once so frequent visits have ceased.
At times, I feel unwanted and unworthy,
In keeping a fire lit, if I were cast into the flames.
These hollow bones sometimes remember,
The days when I used to be strong.
I used to relive and be stuck on such memories,
But most of those memories have long faded away.
I spend most of my time in solitude,
Tossed into the corners of life.
My varnish has wrinkled,
Arthritis has totally taken over.
As I painfully splinter, understanding,
I am in the image of my carpenter.
And with faith...to one day meet again.
_______________________________________
For Matt Caliri's contest " Speak chair! Speak! "
For four cold and long months
I was lonelier than a lonely heart,
staring at the beautiful snowflakes...
and afraid to fall asleep, I dreamt in the dark:
reminiscing the intense heat of midnight!
Lonelier than a lonely heart:
shunning sleep, retracing lovely memories of old,
of forget-me-not on that scented path;
and those delicate daises thrown at her feet haven't faded,
but have kept my passion alive as any true lover would.
Once these hearts were close, no need to yearn
for each other...through each night our passion arose;
has anyone ever asked how long it did burn?
Sadly, loneliness revokes a nostalgic desire
to whisper passionate words that aren't there.
Lonelier than a lonelier heart:
it's the most awful feeling I can endure;
images of two lovers kissing into the shadows of night,
touching their warm bodies to feel pleasure...
oh, imaginary dream don't end until sunrays emerge!
Youth, having deserted them long ago,
They had little to look for in life
Than making the remaining days joyful
So the octogenarians- Tom and Sam
Together formed an intimate league
Every day, they would, without fail
Meet at the country park in the evenings
A ritual, they had religiously followed
And enjoyed more than anything else
There they would sit … chatting for hours
Sometimes feeding the pigeons that landed in flocks
Or watching the children’s mirthful play
Or feasting on the beauty of the setting sun
One day Tom didn’t show up as before
Sam conjectured, he was unwell
As days passed with no news of him
Sam felt anxious and lonelier than before
But having no means to contact him
And not knowing where he lived
He suppressed his commotion inside
As time moved on in its grinding wheel,
Sam slowly grew reconciled to the fact
That he had lost a bosom friend
Whom he would never again see
But one day as a bolt from the blue
Tom made his appearance at the park
So excited was Sam on seeing his friend
He asked what had happened to him
Tom replied calmly- “I had been in jail”
“Jail – What in the world for”??
Sam couldn’t hide his shock n’ wonder
“Well”- Tom asked “Don’t you remember
That cute little waitress at the coffee shop
Where sometimes together we would go”?
Rummaging his memory, Sam dug out her face.
“Once having grown a little amorous
I had flirted with her for a little while
But she filed a rape charge against me!
At eighty nine, I felt so proud
That when I got into the court
I pleaded guilty, and that damn judge
Gave me 30 days of imprisonment…. for…… PERJURY”!
The opposite of life
is death
The polar opposite of eternal health
is terminal disease,
with unease perhaps lying/truthing
in-between timelessness
and untimely demise
So too,
my opposite of steady compassion
may be your unsettling dispassion
Elation v deflation
of all these oppositional answers above
as clear
as unclear appositional questings
below.
What is my opposite of suicide?
Self promotion?
Ego inflation?
Having all my consuming needs
fully answered?
Or
maybe some uneasy questing
timeless mind
and spacious body
in-between healthy Now
And death-defying
death-denying
death-defining
death-despairing
death-despoiling
AnthroLove Here
Remains part of EarthLife There
whenever tomorrow comes
Now?
As Me curiously questioning
feels like our lonelier half
of We not yet
finally answering?
What could appositionally rebalance
death's final answering Earth-climate
and life's open questioning Anthro-culture?
What is the opposite of lively ruminations
and deadly ideations?
What lies contentious truths contenting,
In-between EarthBody's discommunication
desecrating death
and AnthroMind's sacred communion life?
She sat in the middle of a bunch of loudmouths
Drinking their various ales and wines,
They were dressed in some truly awful costumes
Most faces were made up, there were few masks
It was Halloween, a festive time, lots of horrible pick- up lines
Someone in the corner was laughing in a truly annoying way
She tried to engage a few of them, but they ignored her
They were all trying to look like they were having a terrific time.
Watching these strangers in a pub try to hook up and communicate,
Used to be entertaining for her, but for some reason,
tonight, she felt lonelier than she had ever felt
Maybe because it was another ill spent Halloween
Yesterday has slipped away
And only now I see
Just how sad the answers
To those questions asked can be
A hollow feeling in my heart
A pain inside so real
An empty space inside of me
That only you can fill
Even though you're gone from me
Still I’m holding on
To something that can never be
To something so far gone
I’m still holding on to you
Though you're so far away
In every dream and memory
Your love will always stay
Time may steal my tears
But my heart will still be true
Because my world forever changed
The day that I lost you
People say that I'll forget
That time will dry my tears
People say this pain inside
Will fade throughout the years
But everything we did together
Every word we shared
And every place we've been
Still feels like you are there
Apart from you and I
Nobody else could ever know
Or ever understand
The part of me that can't let go
If love could turn the hands of time
I'd run back to your arms
To one more laugh...one more goodbye
One moment safe from harm
But all I have are memories
That no one can undo
So, I'll carry you forever
In everything I do
You were my love, my heart, my soul
You gave my life to me
And now I feel so lonely
Saying 'I' instead of 'We
In a world of strangers
Here alone I stand
My promise of tomorrow
Gently slipped right through my hand
I close my eyes and feel you near
In dreams you're by my side
In every prayer I pray for you
In every tear I cry
Not only did I lose my love
I lost my best friend too
I lost my world, my heart, my soul
The day that I lost you
Although the road gets lonelier
And longer everyday
My memories of loving you
Will never fade away...
By Raina Hutchins
*Image of Eyeglasses & Book by Pixabay.
the armitage
a decent soul blest a grant of images, illustrates beginnings reflecting throughout, occasions from the first expended journey when the hourglass stretched... abandoned worn diaries fragmenting chapters riddled with episodes, loosely bordered in leather, amassing dust...twilight dreamingly drifts near midnight twinkling stars, drooping its points into dawn's golden sleigh and graces a constant star...alone neath natural light swapped for lonelier nocturnal light, and a smile on a face dons from smiles narrowly shared, yet gently eyes serve an absence, and untouched renewed breathes life,
a paired life courses
here and there prompts everywhere ~
on earth earning wings
2023 February 05
It Means A Lot To Me
~Regina McIntosh
*HMS.
It’s lonelier to grieve.
Because I knew you.
Because I loved you.
Because I still do.
And now I carry that love
Like a body that won’t stop breathing.
I cry for the life you didn’t live.
For the mornings you missed.
For the years I still imagine even though
I know better.
I cry because I saw you becoming
And then I saw you stop.
I drown in thought.
Not memory
That would mean you were here.
I drown in the future I built around you.
The one you never asked for
But I gave you anyway.
You were supposed to stay.
You were supposed to grow old.
I grieve the man you never got to be.
The one I still talk to in my head when I’m scared
Or tired
Or pretending I’m fine.
I grieve the version of me
Who would’ve loved you longer.
Who would’ve learned how to forgive you for leaving.
I hate the silence. It sounds like you.
I hate the quiet. It feels like you.
I hate the way I still wait for something
that isn’t coming.
You are gone.
But you are everywhere.
In the things I can’t say.
In the breath I hold.
In the way I keep living
Like it means something.
~~~