Long Hernia Poems
Long Hernia Poems. Below are the most popular long Hernia by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Hernia poems by poem length and keyword.
There's nothing funnier than a cross-eyed chicken
With legs the size of your arm
Kentucky Fried Chicken would sure love to know
The name of this progressive farm
Aside from the unnerving cross-eyed feature
The implications are immense
Imagine a leg on your plate so big
You wouldn't know where to commence
The cross-eyed feature might cause some concern
If the patrons viewed this poor old bird
Before it was rendered suitable for your gullet
It looked hilariously absurd
The cross eyes were caused by trying to eject
A super sized extra large egg
Probably gave the poor bird a hernia
Before passing it, for mercy it begged
Such is the way of us civilized humans
Thinking of our bellies all day
Paying no attention to these cross-eyed chickens
Trying not to end up on our plate
© Jack Ellison 2014
It's impossible to hum with your nose plugged
Don't try it you'll give yourself a hernia
About two hundred babies are born every minute
Guess there's not much doing in suburbia
Dust under your bed is your own dead skin
Unbelievable but that's what they say
There are more nerve cells in the human brain
Than there's stars in the Milky Way
The water you drink has already been drunk
By others, what a charming thought
Donkeys kill more people than plane crashes
That's not something I think of a lot
A million dollars in one hundred dollar bills
Weighs only about twenty-two pounds
A disposable diaper holds seven pounds of pee
That's too much information I've found
97% of money contains a trace of cocaine
Have you sniffed your dollar bills of late
The glue on Israeli stamps is certified kosher
This leaves me in an overwrought state
10 million bricks are in the Empire State Building
Masons surely had a heavy load
That's it for now but there'll be more to come
Keep an eye out for them down the road
© Jack Ellison 2013
Emerald Faerie Princess was eager to Find Lord Dragon Master
She had heard that he could fly her to England much faster
So many said he would be hiding in a farmer’s sweet pasture.
She used her magic wand, the super cosmic wish blaster.
The wish blaster instantly got her to a corn field that night.
But wise Lord Dragon Master was nowhere in sight.
Emerald Faerie Princess searched with all of her might.
A frog with a hernia gave her some new insight.
Lord Dragon Master has a toothache he has gone to get fixed.
She wondered if the frog’s information was a little bit mixed.
She knew that Lord Dragon Master had teeth that could chew cotton,
But she thought they were invincible so they never got rotten.
The frog hopped away after he had given his message of doom.
Right then Lord Dragon Master flew in with a witch on a broom.
I got your message yesterday and your invitation on Zoom,
He said to the faerie. So, you can ignore all the gloom.
He gave her a ride to England that very same night.
They adventured and partied and saw many a light.
She curtseyed to the queen, and she met an old knight.
And they learned that frogs often tell fibs with delight.
I once had corrective surgery, a hernia operation,
and was asked if I would authorize a scan of my palm,
so that in the event I showed up unconscious during an emergency,
they could access my medical records immediately.
It sounded like a good idea at the time to me,
so I signed a waiver stating that I agreed.
Big mistake on my part unfortunately,
because as a secondary precaution apparently,
in case my palm got mangled and was impossible to read,
I authorized an RFID chip to be implanted in me during surgery.
This was a deliberate act in the field of medicine.
It is getting more difficult to trust any one.
Remember this if you are ever in need of surgery.
Never sign any waiver without reading all that fine print completely,
or you will end up a tagged target, just like me.
It's impossible to hum with your nose blocked
Don't try it you'll give yourself a hernia
About two hundred babies are born every minute
Guess there's not much doing in suburbia
Dust under your bed is your own dead skin
Unbelievable but that's what they say
There are more nerve cells in the human brain
Than there's stars in the Milky Way
The water you drink has already been drunk
By others, what a charming thought
Donkeys kill more people than plane crashes
That's not something I think of a lot
A million dollars in one hundred dollar bills
Weighs only about twenty-two pounds
A disposable diaper holds seven pounds of pee
That's too much information I've found
97% of money contains a trace of cocaine
Have you sniffed your dollar bills of late
The glue on Israeli stamps is certified kosher
This leaves me in an overwrought state
10 million bricks are in the Empire State Building
Masons surely had a heavy load
That's it for now but there'll be more to follow
Keep an eye out for them down the road
Hot shot in my head writhing the guz let it swim in the round to twirl around the world charm junky paty you can see it Jennifer can't wait can you dusty cobwebs frothing mouth full of hit session doesn't matter really the body doesn't belong here anymore let it flow diagram illustrating the river Seine flowing through my belly dance of a serpent coiling around the intestinal tract cranial sacral therapy and rehabilitation services don't go. Trees change in the summer when I was thinking of a great gift for you my sweet love sucks the soul deadwood eats one up. Traipsing through your brain giving me a hernia and aneurysm. Bleed line the all-in-one communication. I lie down for the doctor tomorrow morning they are taking me to the down stairs department. I can't wait!
i booked this trip
just to see the look
on your face
it sounds cliché, but
your reactions are
priceless
when we get over that
bridge, i knew that i had
made the right choice
it is in the smile of your
voice
during this trip, you forget
that you are a first timer in
a last chance society
you have been working so
hard just to stay afloat for
so many years
despite the pain that your
stomach hernia causes you
at times....you keep it movin'
i felt you deserved to be rewarded
for that
sometimes in life what you do for others
is more satisfying than the simplest of self
satisfaction
i too discover that i have lots left to learn
through the way you carry yourself even in
this paradise
thank God for me not listening to the other
side of my reluctance....i would probably still
be leaving footprints in the collected powder
dust in the corner and feeling sorry for myself
going and being anywhere with you is like
upgrading the prosperity of my overall well-
being and wealth....
There's nothing funnier than cross-eyed chickens
With legs the size of your arm
Kentucky Fried Chicken would sure love to know
The name of this progressive farm
Aside from the unnerving cross-eyed feature
The implications are immense
Imagine a leg on your plate so big
You wouldn't know where to commence
The cross-eyed feature might cause some concern
If the patrons viewed this poor bird
Before it was rendered suitable for your gullet
It sure looked totally absurd
The cross eyes were caused by trying to eject
A super sized extra large egg
Probably gave the poor bird a hernia
Before passing for mercy it begged
Such is the way of us civilized humans
Always thinking of our bellies all day
Paying no attention to these cross-eyed chickens
Just trying not to end up on our plate
©Jack Ellison 2012
is it possible that i am doing this now
seems like just last lifetime i was eating cold french bread and just as cold lunch buckets in a parking lot
i think i still have the footprints on my chest that still feels cold to the touch
i remember my stomach expressing himself by saying an elongated 'OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH'
i thought about the copper
i thought about the other change
i thought about cookbooks and eating certain food a certain way to display my disbelief
now look at me....opening a suitcase
i am actually packing clothes in it
i am going to the car and putting said suitcase in the trunk of this here car
then i am going back inside....not to pack up my belongings....but to put another bag in the trunk
i am thinking about exits, snacks, coolers, and rest areas
once upon a time it was plasma, water, iron, and protein
i am another little person who has come a long way i guess
then again, little noah is healing from a hernia removal from his groin
hell, after his mother told about his ordeal, again i am humbled
i am moved to praise Him for myself and pray for little noah's full recovery
once again, my mind grows through another one of God's Left Field Lessons....
Here's some things that really irk me
They must irk some of you guys too
Loaded baskets in those Express Lanes
My face turns a scarlet hue
Imagine the gall of some irksome drivers
Doing fifty in a fifty mile zone
What is it with these bunch of yahoos?
Probably gabbing on their phones!
When you order a cup of hot java
At your favourite coffee shop
And it turns out to be luke warm at best
You wanna give the server a pop!
Another one of my little pet peeves
Pill bottles that are made seniors proof
You get a hernia trying to open these things
The inventor was on some kind of juice!
Playing along with the clues on Jeopardy
Interrupted by some breaking news
Unless the world is actually coming to an end
It can wait till the end of the clues!
Bugs me when some guy in a big fancy car
Takes up more than one parking space
These a-holes need to be straightened out
Love a word with them face to face!
Ahhh! It sure feel a whole lot better now
Once I got these things off my chest
Life is too short to let these things bug you
They're minor annoyances at best!
© Jack Ellison 2013