Long Emotional state Poems
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Adoptee Victim of the Holidays by Corey Quinn (Chaotic rhyme scheme to match my emotional state)
As I enter the home to over salted deviled eggs, loud dogs and poisonous side conversations,
the adoptive family quickly unleashes their shallow holiday greetings and stale smiles.
The black sheep of the family has entered the home with the people pleaser persona ready to please,
and the scoffing house owners covert resentment that you can see for miles.
I go straight to the TV gathering because sports takes precedent over discussing the oddities of the human soul.
Any emotional releasing of truth from an adoptee to a narcissistic narrative holder, to their image, may take a serious toll. Along with football being the shield to any true connection, the subject of jobs is always a safe bet.
Employment talk is a sanitary substitution to life's passions, the path to which an adoptee's heart is truly set.
I mention my joy of a piano gig to an adoptive sister's husband who quickly changes the subject.
God knows how many complaints they have shared about me as I stay in their minds, they're abundant.
It's an unspoken rule that I am not to share my success unless it is theirs that is confirmed to be greater.
Their ego is fragile, their understanding is short and their comfort mindsets are baselined at haters.
I pretend to be ok as I walk in circles, hitting the appetizers and surface level relations.
Only dreaming to myself of real connections and completely conscious of the apparent negative vibrations.
It's time to eat and I sit at their kid's table with another outcast who is an overt racist.
But not outcasted for his racism, it's his word against mine if I'd ever complain and their distaste for bigotry is forever in stasis.
It's time to go home and alone my depression hits, for I long for the compassion of another.
I long for a family that knows me well, my pains, my yearning to uncover.
I declare Thanksgiving is the last holiday with the adoptives, I refuse to bare them for Christmas.
The adoptee chat is my new family now, my allies, my companions, my witness.
So Dog Gone Tired Today...
May 20th, 2021
Like a fly without his/her buzz
even popping a guarana (caffeine) does
not shake the feeling
like brain covered with fuzz
no matter how hard I try eyelids claps
shut nor how many hours of sleep elapse
offers nary reprieve folds
welded tightly shut
feel like they weigh
much as a ton mud covered flaps,
thus thought to summon
meager energy reserves perhaps
generating poetic lines
interrupted by taking constant naps
but no matter eyelids
weigh heavy as a ton steel traps
narcolepsy not ruled out since
tired body struggles as if gasping for air,
yet such fatigued state uncommon for me,
though bothersome to grin and bear
this bout of sleepiness, where this
white knight chess sleeps
trouble free aye declare
quality deep rapid eye
movement marked noticed
since medication taken
to treat debilitating anxiety e'er
concomitant panic attacks, where psyche
got rent asunder send
ding this atheist to hell
episodes pained me
forked flaming tongues flare
ling, immobilizing, paralyzing
and stinging entire body,
hence methinks primary cerebral gear
and cog glommed
like a drain clogged with hair
nonetheless, no alarmist worry,
nor "worst case scenarios" betray
my ordinarily mellow emotional state,
thus any task I must delay
thoughts unstoppably captivated
by snoozing upon
a bed of freshly mown hay,
and then hours later
diminishing fatigue in catchy rye
ming verse aye re: lay
relishing being awake,
the mine true valued self I kin portray
best to surrender whereby
unfettered invisible manacle doth yoke
mine body electric unresponsive, yet woke
to myriad stuff dreams get made
ashen faced flesh impossible mission
to energize (think cattle prod) futile stoke,
thus methinks eternal sleep only option,
whereby yours truly only request do not provoke
nor poke
the bear, but only I make exception for
Little Red Riding Hood,
cuz she ranks as innocent young female folk.
Comrades,do you know the significance of number nine? It's a divine number says hindu mythology Lord Jesus Christ died on a cross in the evening. His death time is known as the ninth hour in bible
You wonder, there're nine angelic figures
These angels are extremely important in our life. There're nine planets in the solar system The ninth planet is unknown and mysterious
Precious gemstone are nine in number Hindu mythology says they exhibit healing powers There're nine useful grains grown in the world And they're improving immunity powers.
Do you know how many poisonous substance? Hindu mythology says that there are nine in number. Once there're nine musical instruments. Xylophone and saxophone has nine letters
There're nine emotional state of mind
Love, laughter, angry and sorrow are some of them. Hindus celebrate nine festivals in April. Held in honour of the divine feminine
The Japanese feel nine is an unlucky number. They believe that nine sounds similar to suffer. Anyhow, nine is a great magical number Represents the end of a cycle in the decimal system.
The greatest illusion in this life is innocence
it's something that gets worse over time
affecting the body's, eyes, ears, soul, and mind
making you so dumb, deaf and blind
denying the truth all the time
Believing in someone who pretends to be different and is the best
thinking like they're better than the rest
never being honest, always keeping secrets trying to be so sublime
Always lying, cheating, stealing and ready to kill
can't even tell what or who is real
living a life that's so surreal
never really knowing how to feel
like love, compassion or forgiveness
to them its nothing but business
even a person that looks and acts pure at heart
is really hiding their true intentions in the dark
holding back a sinister grin, trying to trick you and let them in
turning your mind so cold and thin
telling you things like they want to take care of your heart
just so they can tare it apart
praying on your emotional state
telling you it must be fate
only to be devoured by their words and choices you have made
making you deals and promises they'll never intend to keep
doing and plotting bad things and watching you while you sleep
turning your hopes and dreams into nightmares and messing with your mind
making you believe it was nothing more than a waste of time
letting you watch, as your whole world crashes and burns and your mind slowly begins to turn
until there is nothing left but the cold surrounding air of sweet merciful death
watching as you breathing your very last breath
as your lying in a state of decay, as your body rots and slowly begins to fade away
leaving you with nothing left to say or meaning or reason to stay
taken everything you hoped and loved and dreamed away in a flash,
as it sits in front of you like a pile of ash
still staring at you with their innocent, eyes
still filling your head full of false hope and lies
until the day you die.
I finally decided to pick up my pen again
I don’t know where to start or where to begin
So much has happen since the last time I wrote
I manage to hold on, I manage to cope
I began to look around at the situation at hand
Trying to figure it out, trying hard to understand
On one side of me there’s this pain
And the other side bears so much rain
It’s hard to look up when the tears consonantly fall
It’s hard to feel big when you feel so small
The more my pen wrote the way that I feel
It put life into reality and I knew it was real
I couldn't handle the emotional state my pen brought
I couldn't handle the truth that entered my thoughts
So I gave up on writing and threw my pen away
Not knowing that these thoughts
Would come to mind again one day
I find myself setting here holding this pen
Tightly but firmly with all my strength in my hand
While my thoughts run freely like grains of sand
Afraid to write not knowing what will come out
Afraid to believe and afraid to even doubt
I vowed never to use this pen; never not again
It brings out the worse that suddenly has no end
I have to face the facts that no one quite
Understands me the way that my pen does
It shows me love and all the hatred in this world
If I fail to use my pen I will overflow with thoughts
Hidden from the truth and somehow forever lost
When I picked up my pen I realize it doesn't judge
It doesn't feed on hatred and never grant less love
So here I am with my pen working hard again
Putting thoughts on paper that simply has no end
May be my thoughts can help someone else
Maybe I’ll find me deep within myself
I don’t know what all this pen will say
Neither what it will tell me to write down today
I am anxious and my patient is wearing thin
Because I realize that in my hand
Here lies my pen once again.
Form:
LIFE AND LOVE
What is life?
But a multitude of journeys
Exciting adventures with friends & lovers
Intense emotions, needs & wants
At times returned just as intensely
And sometimes unreachable
Blocks in the way
Of our own doing, states of confusion
An urgency, crying out, that connection
Holding on tight, not giving up
To let go or not, oh to let go or not?
The loss would be great
The understanding is deep
To disappear from my life
The devastation, nothing but memories?
Unable to function with day to day tasks!
The healing of souls cannot be replaced by others
That special bond will not be broken
By the ones who still care
Don’t shut me out, distance too great
We had beauty & joy & it was lost
Replaced by heartbreak
Believe in me as I believed in you
We can be on a path of discovery
Music & poetry, the creativity soars
The love of friendships welcoming
The affection & warmth comes from the heart
The door is open, will never be shut
Happiness is just out of reach
But there waiting, ready to grasp
The need to be nurchured
The need to be cared for
The need to be loved & held
The look, searching, is he still watching?
Want to see you & hold you
When songs bring back memories
Difficulty finding clarity
In such an emotional state
Strangers always out there
When our souls are lonely
Providing an ear & some comfort
After the disappointment
Sands of love are falling
All upon me now & forever
With a deep true love I will never forget
Time will pass but it will never fade
There will be a hole & a sadness
Much soul searching deep within
Love that lives forever in all of us
Love that will never fade no matter
What or who invades our hearts
Love everlasting to eternity
Love that’s alive & keeps us going
Love incredibly strong, love you always!
Case in point comprises emotional state of euphoria
would deafeningly, definitely, deliciously get
frenziedly expelled from stadium. Roe ting for
“our boys” packing every last seat in the bleachers
all manner of humankind would (during lulls)
Instagram, Kindle, Messenger, Outlook, Quicken,
Snapchat, Twitter. Santander, Verizon,Wells Fargo
might be sponsors for major competitive challenge.
Zero tolerance imposes winning at all costs versus
grievous miserable rapacious violent yawping
linkedin loss outcome of sporting events. Under
stand able home team owns an advantage (true
for rival players on their turf) predicated on avid
loyal fans boosting morale from family members,
friends, neighbors, et cetera. The ear splitting
roaring cheering hoopla emanating from spectators
(housed in relatively close proximity to handsomely
paid putting Pontius Pilate and bad ass Brutus brutes
rolled into one mean human fighting machine.
This previous comment meant as an honorable
kickstarter, hyperbolic endearment. My humblest apology
if said statement misinterpreted as a NON off fence sieve
strong moderate slight against any creed, race, religion,
et cetera. I merely sought an analogously effective
impact asper these hypothetical Popeye muscle
bulging arms length professional athletes plush residences
lodged in general metropolitan area to rubber baby
buggy bumper screaming banshee spectators. A
winning score affiliated with bruising, cutthroat,
dynamo...fierce-some giant, heaving, indomitably
jinxed, “killer” macho no nonsense, outlandish packed
quintessentially robust searing troopers translates
into utter screaming, quaking outrageous merciless
krazy individuals generating ecstatic cacophony
The Virus
An island called Tacloban
Is ravaged by Haiyan
This fateful day of November
The weather is not tender
Wind whispers destruction
Rain writes annihilation.
But that is not the good news!
Rather, it is the virus!
The altruism virus!
Everyone is infected!
Good vibes is injected!
This virus is contagious!
People are courageous!
To get out of their way
To help others be ok.
The symptoms of this virus are these:
Concern for others seize them
Restlessness is also shown
They go out and brave the harsh wind and rain
So they can bring to safety other men
Fatigue, headaches, muscle aches they feel soon after
But they do not mind and just dismiss it with laughter
Intense emotional state of joy they harbor
For they come to help their neighbor.
Facebook posting is an addiction
Not for “selfie-ing” satisfaction
But to urge people to help
And give information about relief
Self-emptying is their mantra
While folding clothes of various genres
To be delivered to relief centers
That soon will reach the shelters
All these happen when the virus is within.
Yes, the virus is one-of-a-kind!
It is not seasonal; it does not go with the wind
It is like a mining in the heart
Gripped with it increases care chart
We can even say this has become chronic
For until now people are altruistic.
Note: Haiyan caused immeasurable damage to Leyte & Samar islands in the Philippines last November 8, 2013. However, the world showed compassion for the victims in grand and little ways. In the islands, though they were victims themselves, lots of stories of generosity and altruism were told. The rest of the Filipino people were moved out of their comfort zones and did their part. Indeed, people are innately good!
11/16/14
Oh No Mister Bill! Not Another Car Repair!
Aside from vehicular insurance, you
must be aware another
reason car ownership
finds me being privy
to possessing Hyundai Sonata (2009)
title purposelessness too
raising a futile cry and hew
stems from accursedly unexpected
mechanical malfunctions due
to arise unpredictably,
thus before bidding thee adieu
lemme share another source,
plus absolute zero clue,
how I will pay for necessary part
(linkedin with brake system)
exacerbates psychological glue
mean us - as addressed
in previous poems
wretched formative years I drew
majority of existence, now
lemme enlighten how a new
whistling noise detected earlier
by this gentile (actually atheist) Jew
(December 26th, 2018),
yea me Match Chew
felt his heart sink,
and mine key intuition knew,
there goes social security
disability - yepper flew
right out the window
good as flushing down the loo,
cuz acute hearing discerned
an unfamiliar sound which drew
audiological attention particularly
to passenger rear wheel,
analogous to bleating ewe
where without wooly sheepish
doubt, I smelled burnt offerings and heard
distinct noise unfamiliar and new,
which automotive distress immediately
altered my epidermal hue
cuz checking account still in ICU
(prognosis grim) like an
overworked choo choo,
thus emotional state now going
haywire hullabaloo
finding writing rhyming
poem meagerly sue
tub bull and wishfully, pointlessly,
and dreamily cross fingers,
and toes to rue
min ate ting winning
powerball jackpot and moo
hoove varying into lap of living
socially within human zoo
instead of feeling boiled
for cannibal stew!
Goodbye. See I don't mean to cry. But I will miss you every time I look into your eyes. It's hard
to imagine that you won't be around. It's hard for me to imagine that I will have to hold up the fort
alone. Alone. That hurts the most. Not saying goodbye cause I admit it was time. We had a lot of
problems and we couldn't rewind. Not back to the way it use to feel. Back to when I wasn't afraid
that I was going to affect you. That pure sort of emotional state that happened between me and
you. I think the problem was that you had too much on your mind and when I got around you I
had too little. All I could think about was us and the moment, and all you could think about was
the future and how this was going to work. I wish we could have held on. I wish that the stress
didn't take over. I wish I could still touch you and hold you. It's the one thing I will reminisce on
constantly. Us. The way we were. Before all the drama came into play. Natural. Nothing forced. I
loved it that way. It was so honest and real. The way I felt about you and still do was never
tainted or never flawed. It was perfect. Now we had our arguments and disagreements but like
you said they were merely obstacles that we had to get over. You always knew just what to do
to make me smile. At least that hasn't change... I wish things could remain the same but they
can't. There's always tomorrow. So don't go getting too serious with another... and don't hurt
yourself so that I will forever have to mourn you. Be safe. Keep a little piece of your heart opened
for me. I will come back whenever you stop thinking and just start feeling again like the way we
were.