Time sits upon both of my shoulders with
white hands ticking promises right, opposite
red numerals counting down the left. Tock.
In this aging valley, this crevice dug by ambiguous stretches,
seconds trickle like months as years can flush like minutes.
An indecisive pendulum never makes a full rotation.
Alone,
In the dark of my room,
I’m overcome,
By the well of emotions,
Lying dormant in my chest.
Never ending,
Seemingly pointless,
They sleep restless,
Waiting for acknowledgement—
That I’ll never give.
Not knowing which emotions are volatile,
Makes me anxious.
For if I slip,
I might release those weapons,
Instead of my gifts,
Towards the crowds of kindness,
The waves of gratitude,
The sea of generosity—
I feel like a pebble of misfortune and cruelty.
Sent to ruin the balance,
My hands only cause pain,
My heart has everything to gain—
While they have everything to lose.
My walls stare back at me,
In the silence of my room,
As they judge my being,
And question my worth,
Deciding whether or not they’ll cave in—
Just to give me what I deserve.
Or,
What I would deserve,
If I was the pebble of misfortune,
In a sea of gratitude.
But my mind sways with the ocean currents,
Flipping through my plethora of personalities,
Judging whether or not,
I’m truly that bad—
Or just unsure,
Whilst I sit alone,
In the dark of my room—
I don’t think I’ll ever be sure.
torn between what's good and right
silence at times is quite unbearable
time's a bomb that's unpredictable
casting its fair share of earnest fright
i stumble in the night asking what is real
my heart's no help i don't know how i feel
"I want to be with you. It's as simple and as complicated as that" - Charles Bukowski
AP: Honorable Mention 2025
Just how much courage does it take?
To stick to the plan that I’d made
And why should I be afraid?
To live my own destined fate
When all I could do is hate
All the things that I have said
Can’t I just stay in the bed?
With no sorrows and no regret
But the image of it in my head
Keeps on replaying until the end
Contemplating contemplations, wondering if sunset is my shade
I once was quite indecisive
but now I am not so sure,
I’ve got to make my mind up
but it’s a downright chore!
So when two choices are offered
and I’ve got to choose some cake,
I’ll cut a slice off each of them
I can’t afford to make a mistake!
If I post this in Constance’s contest
it’s early days, it’s not a race,
but if I hesitate for a moment
I may be tardy and not get a place!
Perhaps I should pen another poem
but then again I’d have to choose,
If I were to chose the other one
she may not like it and I’d lose!
Once I was quite indecisive
but now I’m not very sure,
so I really must make a decision
but it’s turned into an arduous chore!
okay
i have this record player
a lovely lady as a friend
lots of ben and jerry's
and three boxes of 45s
okay
i have this spiral staircase
a lovely lady as a friend
lots of keebler cookies
and two boxes of 78s
okay
i have these blackout curtains
a lovely lady as a friend
a large buttercream cake freshly made
and 4 boxes of 33 1/3s
okay
i have the central air finally fixed
a lovely lady as a friend
some cool whip that was behind the blue bonnet
and a bag and a half of the remaining 8 tracks
all we need is the blender
the oreo cookies are in the pantry
her smile along with her laughter seals it all
the only sad part is that it is only tuesday
Demands come
Frequently to me;
Dead I’m not
But die suddenly!
It’s a life
On the mundane stage
For getting marry
Subsequently the roses
Dying in processions
Scary, hurry
Before the cawing of the crow
I heard the sound of falling tears
After the sun awakening
All demands become bared
In the sperm of time
Blood pressure pays silence,
Prayer of the third sky
Blind justice at a glance
© Mahtab Bangalee
August 02, 2021
Chattogram
The garden is on fire
The smoke arises
and the flames reach higher with rage
It's like Revelations is on a rampage.
Black or white
Those colors are no reason to fight
For there is a rainbow in harmony
But only black and white with awful matrimony.
Angry mobs and scared people
The rest prays for peace at their steeple
This is where no one takes up their cross
A Choice has been made by those who are pained of a loss
Justice has taken its toll
Right or wrong?
For humans build a wall of fear that is strong
Those humans also want the president to have another poll
They ignore he lives at hand
Recording the destruction and never taking a stand
We are all in our breaking hour
If we don’t fix what we’ve done, we will kill our beautiful flower
Yin and Yang
Is what kept us sane
But the balance is broken
And a war has begun but not spoken.
Indecisive Running Away Man I Am!
Always running away to and from
anything and everything
anyone and everyone in which I
indecisively not knowing what to do or even where ever to go in order
to find solace and acceptance by others and especially myself
adapting to but still struggling with having only solace in solitude for now
never actually solving my problems
instead keeping my mind occupied on other things
running away and restarting my life every two to three years is my only solution
in hopes of finding finding sustainability and balance in everything and especially myself
It's a vicious endless circular cycle
working a decent paying job
then getting fed up with it
quitting and running away again
my life has been and still is a never-ending running away from everything and anything
that I disagree with or get fed up with every since I joined and left the United States of America's Navy!
Restless and desolate
Her thoughts overwhelm her emotions
She can only feel aching in her chest.
Anxiety and fear take over
All the chaos swarming over her
Insecure of her own wants
She has a choice to make.
Left or right?
one is secure
The other more precarious
Contemplating
Silence overcomes her
Lacking all and any rationality
She shuts herself down
No serenity, no conclusion
She collapses into her reality
Closes her eyes
And cries.
Indecisive
I’ll get around to it
It will be done eventually
Soon it will happen
It is a mystery I want to solve
I promise I’m working on it
It needs to get done
I hope I can do it
It might take awhile
There are things that are distracting me
I might need some advice on this
This is an unavoidable situation
It requires a certain amount of focus
Tomorrow sounds good
I’ll keep it in mind
I’ll do it when I feel like it
I’m really good at making excuses
This needs a certain dedication
This is quite a task
It might be more than I can handle
I’m not sure if I can do this
Do I have what it takes?
I’m starting to doubt myself
The outcome is improbable
This is starting to stress me out
Should I make time for this?
How important is it?
Maybe I’m just the victim in all this
It could be somebody else’s problem
Let’s go with that and call it a day
The Indecisive State of My Life
Like the rainbows of the sky,
Like the new moon before each month of Phoebe,
My life switches, dusk to dawn, dawn to dusk
I’m confused.
What is next? What coming next?
What is preset for me?
Will you answer, oh dear Forgiver?
Would you please soothe my endeavor?
I’m bit tired,
Nothing of my life expired,
Still why do I feel like expiring soul?
Whenever there is a hope,
Few spaces to start or a little scope,
I feel like I’ve retired.
No one is touching my soul,
Nothing is happening at all
Cause I don’t dare to do.
I really need some pace,
For settling down in this place
I look for a friend but don’t know who.
I love the evening sky,
The scene when the birds fly to their nests,
I’m not so sure, where to go,
I wait to fly;
Just as the sun would lie
In the sea-bed after the tiring day.
Then only I’d feel
Why am I not standing on the hill?
Neither on my heel high,
Finally it pains,
My tender heart cries,
Who’s there to console my tries?
i look at you tonight
even after we fight
i cannot be mad at you
for my love for you is so true
i think i will get up and make you coffee
perhaps scoop up that ice cream you love with the toffee
maybe i will just steal me a 'forgive me' kiss
no matter if it is all hit or miss
i will be the silliest clown just to see you smile
it is what drew me to you all the while
you got me whipped and you know it's true
i am just another guy who oftentimes have not a clue
i laugh softly to myself because we have been through worse
you startle me back to reality as you laugh right with me and say 'i'm sorry' first
I tried to give love a chance
was dealt some cards
thought I'd play my hand
tried to give my love to you
hoping you wouldn't hurt me like everyone else do
I felt us getting close enjoying our time together
when we were apart I wondered did u love another
your ex love, u say u have no feelings for
this is what I start to believe more and more
These feelings were too deep I was getting lost
didn't wanna take a chance at love
didn't wanna pay the cost
yes I love you, more than you know
that deep pain I felt last nite
I gotta let go
I no we could've been good together, I will miss you
it's just the hurt and pain I dont wanna go thru
for you I fell so fast
thought I found "the one"
thought we were gonna last
could've been so fun
I wont be lied to, cheated on or abused
This is what I wont deal with I refuse
I may be difficult to deal with
May be hard to understand
I need a healer, a lover ,one that dont want another
one-woman-kind-a-man
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