It’s nice to know a handyman
To help when things go wrong,
Who fixes things around the house
And you don’t wait too long.
A pipe that drips, a door that sticks,
A light to be replaced
And any of a hundred other
Problems you have faced.
When someone with both time and tools
Can luckily be found,
Be grateful for his expertise
And hope he sticks around.
Categories:
handy, appreciation,
Form: Rhyme
I need a helping hand Sorry, Mr Turpin, you won't be suitable.
Categories:
handy, 10th grade,
Form: Monoku
There was a beautiful girl called Mandy
Barman Andy loved mixing her Shandy
He did strange cocktails
Topped with frothy ales
She blew off his foam, to sip the Brandy
A Funny Limerick - Make me Laugh Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Tania Kitchin
Howmanysyllables 10/10/5/5/10
11/06/22
Categories:
handy, allusion, drink, fun,
Form: Limerick
You have three hands; the third hand is the heart,
it squeezes and lets go, grabs and releases.
The heart that is a hand
pummels you from the inside when you fall in love,
it does not like to be ignored.
If you fall for another,
you had better let that hand in your heart
know that it’s the best of all hands
or it will forever let go and dump you.
Categories:
handy, poetry,
Form: Free verse
The Handy Work of God
David J Walker
I call them my flowers
as if
They were really mine
As if I really
Owned the earth
as if I could
Make the sun shine
as if could
call down the rain
as if I could refrain
the storms angry hailstones
As if
I were anything more
Than the gardener
Admiring the handy work
of God
Categories:
handy, god,
Form: Rhyme
Now, you see your mislaid candy,
Still your very property and handy.
So, don’t words with your sister bandy
Nor repeat that her hair is sandy:
You might be saying she was The Thief,
Recklessly priming her for noisy grief;
For that’s what ‘Sandy’ supplies in brief
Whilst no daughter thief is fathered by a chief …
And-Alas!-you let candy your mind swirl
Whereas neither gender nor age makes you a girl.
Categories:
handy, conflict, confusion, crush, food,
Form: Rhyme
Handy Andy, fine figured and dandy
Asked his mother for a piece of candy
She gave him some gum
But she came undone
When he chomped it like their milk cow Mandy
Categories:
handy, nursery rhyme,
Form: Rhyme
A man who isn't handy
is not necessarily a dandy
If in trying times he's there
What matter he can't fix a chair
Categories:
handy, care, men,
Form: Couplet
More break-up Senryus
to quickly, subtly cut that
relationship cord:
You’re a guy, I’m
a girl... it turns out we’re
just too different!
Look, It’s not you – it’s
me - turns out I don’t like
you much anymore.
Allegory time!
You're a turkey, ok? And
I'm going on a diet.
You smile at him,
and then say: "You've helped
realize I'm gay."
Categories:
handy, 11th grade, boyfriend, break
Form: Senryu
Andy's guided a train
Flown a small plane
Steered the wheel of a ship
Spurred a horse with a whip
Maneuvered a 64-foot truck
Kayaked in a typhoon
Won a motorcycle race
Landed perfectly on the moon
Then Andy went on a date
Pop, Pop -- two flat tires
Said, 'I'm not much with my hands'
Asked his date, 'Can you use these pliers?'
Categories:
handy, car, hero, humor,
Form: Light Verse
I suppose it wouldn't be that bad to star in a cheesy tv show if the show was about cheese.
Careful what you order in the Korean noodle shop. It might arrive with mayonnaise on top.
Why are there no great InCel stand-up comics? And people say feminists aren't funny.
Ever heard of "Story Mapping"? Apparently it's a cult thing. A box of air for which people pay money.
"Come meet Baby Kim!" said the invite. Brought little knitted slippers. Turned out it was a kimberly monitor lizard.
Maybe covid virus can be spread by our ears. Do not go out without earplugs! Also, do not drop your pants in public.
I thought I saw Johnny Depp downtown, wearing a girly hat. But it was Jennifer Tilly.
Categories:
handy, food, funny, humor, humorous,
Form: Epigram
Workman Abe always left his tools for you.
His hammer, his level, his wrench, his nails.
His electric drill, clamps, vice grips, screws too
Left them hither and yon, habit never fails.
From Timbuktu to Hackensack his stuff he lends.
Some called him up to give him back his stuff.
Unconcerned, he said that’s okay; keep them my friends.
Workman Abe simply did not care, his habits rough.
If he came back to do another job, of course he left his tools.
Knowing that you might call him back; worked well for renewals.
Categories:
handy, jobs,
Form: Rhyme
Rollo Rigby was a lover of candy
he kept a big supply ever handy.
But he became so obese
he waddled like geese.
He quit candy but is hooked on brandy
(making his life fine and dandy).
Categories:
handy, addiction, candy,
Form: Limerick
There was a craftsman named Handy
Who used to a craftsman dandy
everyday day he'd make
a craved wooden stakes
and boxes shaped like hearts to hold candies
7/11/19
Written words by James Edward Lee Sr. 2019©
Categories:
handy, analogy, caregiving, character, funny,
Form: Limerick
If your second name is file
don't call your son Peter
If horse whispers spoke louder
would the horses not be trained sooner
Save pounds in batteries by only
putting them in the clock when you want to know the time
Make a trip to the zoo more exciting
by dressing as a zookeeper
carrying a gun
and ask people if the have seen a lion
Categories:
handy, poetry,
Form: Free verse
Related Poems