Funny Grandfather Poems | Examples
These Funny Grandfather poems are examples of Grandfather poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Grandfather Funny poems written by international poets.
Onto every head
gooey bird poo sometimes drops
~ funnier on ‘Pops’
After we each consumed a weed lolly
My best bestie gave grandad some molly,
He threw her leg over
They rolled in the clover,
Now my auntie’s my bestie’s f*** folly.
Written May 19, 2023 for the "Funny, Bawdy or Humorous Limerick Poetry Contest"
My Granddad's Father Christmas
My granddad’s Father Christmas.
I’ve known since, as a waif,
I heard his Father Christmas voice
That deep and rumbling friendly noise.
It kept me warm and safe.
My granddad’s Father Christmas.
He’s big and soft and loving.
And when I’m sad – a bit upset
His silly jokes make me forget,
Then I’m afraid of nothing.
My granddad’s Father Christmas.
The beard gives it away.
It covers up his face by half
But cannot hide that booming laugh
That resonates all day.
My granddad’s Father Christmas.
When he comes round it’s funny.
His tricks and rhymes and gifts are magic
(Although his singing’s rather tragic)
He turns a dull day sunny.
My granddad’s Father Christmas.
Though what do people see?
An ageing man with bulging gut.
To you he’s nothing special but
He’s Santa Claus to me.
Hallie
??
you light up every room
If I’m down you lift all my gloom
Your beautiful little face
Would brighten up any place
That cheeky little grin
Your cute little chin
Your funny little ways
You never cease to amaze
I can’t wait for you to grow
But a part me of wants you to take it slow
I can’t wait to see
How you will be
Though I don’t see you every day
I want you listen to what I say
There’s a place in my heart that will never alter
There will always be room for you my beautiful granddaughter
Oh my Grandpa dear-he had just one big beer. He thought he could see, his eyes were fuzzy and not clear. So on the sofa he did lay, as he slept away the day.
Oh my Grandpa dear-snoring so loud, everyone thought you were sleeping on a cloud. You stopped your snoring as you rolled over and headed due south, A fly does not enter a closed mouth.
8/9/2019
I am not saying this just because
he is my grandson but
He is the most athletic person
in the family
and he is
four
I am not saying this just because
she is the smartest person in the
family, but she is the smartest
person in the world, she is my
granddaughter, and she is seven.
I am not saying this just because
she is my granddaughter but
her art work makes mine looks
cartoonish
and she is
fourteen
I am not saying this just because
I am a braggart, because I am
not, but my grandchildren are
so advanced in every area,
they should have their
own TV shows
I am not saying this just because
he is my grandson but he has
the sweetest heart we have
ever met, and he is
only twelve
I am not saying this at all
because there are way too many
grandmas and grandpas in this room
and who wants to get all this competition
started?
Conversation with my four-year-old grandson Max.
“I cannot throw the ball one more time, Max. I am old.”
He glares at me. “No, you’re not.”
“I am. I really am.”
I throw the ball ten more times.
“I mean it Max, I have to stop. I am tired. I have a cough.”
“No you don’t.”
“Yes, I really do.”
He comes closer and looks at me hard.
I try to cough, putting myself into an explosive coughing fit.
He gives a couple of fake coughs.
We stare at each other.
“I’ve had my cough for three whole weeks, “ I tell him.
“How long have you had your cough?”
Brown eyes look at me closely. “Sixty-eight weeks,” he says smoothly.
I keep throwing the ball.
I was the smile at the bottom of the ladder
once more . . . "now, grandpa, please come down"
I had received a phone call from a neighbor
saying "do you realize your grandpa is hanging
off your roof !
And yes indeed, he was (again)
see grandpa had been quite the handyman
once upon a time . . .
the ladder he had placed slipped and he was left
hanging and hanging
I was able to set it straight and smiling my best
encourage the old guy to come done
promising a nice cup of tea . . .
and a slice of grandma's just baked apple pie
that did it, "apple pie" he repeated
and he scrambled down just a bit fast for my liking
"slowly grandpa" . . .
And when he reached the bottom,
I was the smile at the foot of the ladder
that embraced him with love . . .
(thinking, we better lock up all the ladders!)
_____________________________
April 23, 2019
Poetry/Free Verse/"Grandpa Up The Ladder"
Copyright Protected, ID 19-1137-006-02
All Rights Reserved. Written under Pseudonym.
Written for the contest, The Smile At The Foot Of A Ladder
sponsor, Craig Cornish
Honorable Mention
My four-year-old grandson is all about singing
While he swings today
Singing funny songs at first, but now a serious one
About a grandma and how much he loves her
Making my head swell.
We have already played who is the best grandma in the world?
And I won.
And who is the best grandpa in the world
My very smug husband won that one.
He begins singing about his friend
Gramma Kinney, who used to go to preschool with him
And is now at his daycare center.
“Gramma Kinney?” I ask him
He stops singing. “Repeat this grandma. “Gram.”
“Gram”, I say.
“Mers,” he says, staring at my face, hoping I will be able to.
“Mers,” I say obediently.
“Kin” I love it that he thinks I am this bright.
“Kin,” I repeat.
“Knee,” he says, watching me like I am a two-year-old.
I dare not tell him I could go a bit faster.
“Knee,” I repeat.
“Now put it all together, “he says, waiting, sagely.
“Grammers Kinney?” I ask.
He nods. “Good grandma, good.”
I feel like he is getting me back for all those silly
Songs of appreciation when he finally went on the potty.
Grandpa said, "I bought a hearing aid of late"
"Though It was expensive, it really works great!"
His grandson said, "I see,"
"And what kind might it be?"
Grandpa then replied, "It's ten minutes till eight!"
The longer I'm in this old world
It seems the older that I get
I guess I knew that would happen
I just didn't think it would be yet
Wait a minute, I'm over weight?
I didn't think that would happen
I walk a block for my fast food
Maybe it was all the nappin
I have to stop and catch my breath
When I drag back that old trash can
What used to be just a speed bump
Is a mountain to this old man
Caught by surprise, it's quite a shock
When I lift my protective sheath
I guess I'll have to suck it up
Has anybody seen my teeth?
Strange things happened that last time my Grandpa drove to town
He scrapped a nine eleven and mowed a phone booth down
Folkies in the future will very likely sing
The man trashed a McDonald’s but spared a Burger King
It barely made the papers, just local news in some
Someone should have told them that there was worse to come
Spielberg’s gonna make a movie, if the rumour’s sound
Of the total devastation when Grandma drove to town
19 December 2018
For Succinct contest
Sponsor Michelle Faulkner
I lost the remote in the living room.
On Saturday.
My husband and I ran around looking and looking.
At first it was just the couch pillows, we were looking through.
An hour into it we had made what looks like a bon fire,
Tipping over couches, recliners, and such.
We broke a couple of tables.
Hey, wait, my husband reminded me.
Merlin was here today.
I called Merlin’s mommy, our daughter.
She said, "Oh, darn. We just found it. We thought it
was the one we lost a couple of weeks ago."
Merlin is our two year old grandson
Whom we apparently did not watch
As well as we should have the
5 hours he was here.
He is going to have to
Leave his hoodie and
His diapers at home.
Redeployed in an ugly skin
Pleated and spotted and grumpy within
What I call walking ,they call shuffling
I'm bending down to tie my shoe
While Im down here what else can I do?
When driving down my lip protrudes
Only for the dentist will I open mouth
Okay , Ill wave at you but I wont smile
The dog and the toilet are my only true friends
You get up to go and then you go again
Memories are yesterday
Forgetfulness is all over today
Ill tell you what it is
But forgot what I was going to say
Got to buy dogfood
Where are my glasses?
Who am I talking to?
They've all gone away
Grandma and Grandpa were swinging on the porch swing
Remembering some of the good old days and things
Grandma said, "Remember when our dates began"
"It was so sweet how you'd casually take my hand"
Grandpa smiled and said, "I remember it my dear"
Slipping his hand over hers both aged by the years
Feeling somewhat bolder, "Remember," she said,
"Pretending to whisper, you'd nibble my ear instead?"
He said,"I remember." then let go of her hand
When he headed to the door, she could not understand
"But why are you leaving now?", she asked him wide eyed
He said, "Sorry dear, but I left my teeth inside !"