You may say I'm a homely old geezer,
ready for the glue factory or freezer.
Yet, in truth, while I make passes, uncouth,
my hopes of finding the Fountain of Youth
up the odds I'm chancin', when I'm advancin'
on the delightful Scarlett Johansson.
How come all my good buddies
Look so much older than I?
Guess they didn't take care of themselves
That's surely the reason why
Look at me, I'm still dapper and fit
But my friends look frail and tired
Can't believe we went to school together
Seems life has put out their fire
Skin's all wrinkled, their hair is white
Their teeth are not all their own
Some even need the help of a cane
As they search for their way back home
Whoops! Just saw myself in a mirror
Is this somebody's idea of a joke
I'm so much younger than the image I see
That's surely some other bloke
Am I really one of those poor sad folks
With brand new hips and knees
Sure thought my friends were not aging well
Seems one of those old guys is me
A harmless old geezer who loves everybody
It's the creed I live by, the cream of the croppy
It's my lot in life
A secret device
Used since forever, I learned from my Poppy
a dead mouse daily
sly sneaky tom cat geezer
grooming for dinner
Deputy of Mayberry - Barney Fife
Lived a very hyper-kinetic life
I always thought...he was gay
But he just acted...that way
Then I found out, Thelma-Lou was his wife
He thought he was an expert with a gun
But in truth, he never shot anyone
He always trembled and shook
When he would shoot at a crook
But somehow, the old geezer...always won
Limerick 4 Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Joseph May
2-2-2019
Bully, the bull dog thought he was tough
He barked until his owner had enough
Bully went to the pound
A disgruntled old hound
He had a name change...now he's called "Scruff"
Blow Hard was a very ugly bullfrog
Sat in a pig sty on a rotten log
Boasted about his size
He was not very wise
Cuz the moron was eaten by a hog
There's an old geezer who has an ego
Told tales of his greatness for all to know
The haughty one cries
His tales were all lies
He's an old phony who has to eat crow
Bully, Blow Hard, and even that old Geezer dude
All three looked at life with eyes that were skewed
Moral of story...
There is no glory
In barking, boasting, or a haughty attitude
I’m just an old fart,
clinging to the winds of time ...
hanging on
Everyone who said
I was leaving away first
are dead and gone
I’m an old geezer,
stale air breather still hanging on ...
but it gets lonely being right,
especially at night
I’m the old curmudgeon they say,
whose creaking up the stairs of time
My words, others never no mind pay:
decrepancy they say oughta be a crime
Sonny boy, Suzzy girl —
I’m just an old geezer,
whose fighting everyday to hang on
I’m a reflection of what you will look like
when your mirror fades,
and wrinkled desires wane inside tired bones
One day I was flipping through the TV channels
When I happened
To chance upon
Oprah
Who was interviewing this suspicious-looking fellow,
Who turned out to be some kind of “new-age” guru,
So I stopped
And I watched
As this guy rambled on.
And he had a book out (of course), which would sell by the millions
Now that Oprah had smiled on him.
Well, after a bit I started to move on to some more intellectual stuff
But I stopped,
Because Oprah asked this guy this question:
“What happens when we die?”
She asked,
As if she actually thought that he knew!
Well, I picked my jaw up off the floor while this guy spouted some nonsense,
Which I didn’t hear over the shouting in my head of the things that I wanted
to scream at Oprah,
Which was, to wit:
WHAT ARE YOU ASKING HIM FOR?!?!! HE DOESN’T KNOW!!!!
HE HASN’T DIED AND COME BACK!!!! NOBODY KNOWS!!!!
But I didn’t since, you know, she was on TV and wouldn’t have heard me.
Last month I caught a man when he tried to steal my freezer.
I was shocked because he's eighty-seven, he's an old geezer.
When I caught him, he made a gesture with his finger that was inappropriate.
Old man or not, that made me mad and I was going to kick his wrinkled butt.
I was about to give that old man a smack.
He fell to the floor and faked a heart attack.
I had the old man arrested after I called the Police.
Now people think that I attacked the old geezer and they're calling me a beast.
My friends on Facebook were leaving nasty comments so I had them blocked.
This will not happen again, from now on I'm going to keep my doors locked.
(This is a fictional poem.)
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