When I think of you, I think of you as my color yellow.
Bright, beautiful, happy and drawing in like the sun. Your energy is captivating. Your love is warm and full, giving me a hug so tight and embracing not letting go.
I don’t want to let go and at times I seek shade.
The color of you will eventually fade but your light shines bright within my chest as it beats.
You are my living testimony of my favorite color. My favorite heat wave from the chemistry of our love on this earth exists.
Hydrogen and oxygen will never die down our fire. You are my sun, the light that I desire.
Open your eyes
Take a breath
Get out of bed
Get yourself dressed
Go to school
Talk to friends
Ignore the nagging feeling
Practice sports
Eat food
Don’t throw it up
Choke it down
Talk to friends
3rd period never ends
Think about life
Stop thinking about life
Walk to class
Study and stress
Volunteer
Extra work
Don’t fall behind
Honor grad
Grab your throat
Take a breath
Eat your lunch
Don’t throw it up
Talk to friends
Stress fever
Push it down
You don’t feel it
AP classes more and more
Don’t cry tears galore
Mama’s class
Sleep through it
You can speak
Swallow the glass
Loud noise
Small band
Your times in high demand
Get ready
Sports once more
Fail again
Again
Again
Go home
Eat food
Don’t let yourself puke
Do homework
Study more
Clean up
Do your chores
Take your pill
Toss and turn
Wake up
Open your eyes
My lungs slowly collapsing
My heart shutting down
my brain stopping
In the chaos
I only see her
It was always her
There is a leak I can’t seem to fix,
I called the technician,
but nobody came.
Feelings I’ve kept hidden for years
are pouring out,
bursting with intensity,
destroying the dam
I’ve spent a lifetime building.
My thoughts spiralling
in an endless vortex of misery
I cannot contain.
My heart weakened by sorrow,
burning with desire.
To speak my truth
is a battle between soul and ego,
my pride restricting my tongue,
sealing my lips in willed silence.
A veiled heart cannot be harmed,
vulnerable or exposed.
Yet this feeling of torture persists,
My truth seeping out slowly—
all in vain.
You’ve left me to waste away,
drowning in this puddle
of my own making.
Am i not worth recovery?
Wont you pull me out
and save me from myself?
Was our love not sweet enough?
Was my touch not warm enough?
Who do I have to be,
to be worthy
of the dream you sold me?
thought we wanted big but seen it better...
a beautiful picture painted by the prince of weather dropping fear the day I drop a
tear is often hated more and more by the ones who say its forced
you a fake thought, dropping emotion the cost of lotion gripping ends of pistols better where it left was in the door
You Follow me home because I’m scared of strangers
I know what’s looming behind me
I know you carry a knife in your pocket
But it’s ok
only mysteries scare me
You Drown me in a bath
Than lay me out in the sun to dry
In the drip dried summer that sank
Like a glass ball in a jar of molasses
You Swim in a sea of my blood
Cause It’s the same as loving me
Don’t think
Just take it
I wade by the shore
and don’t go where I can’t touch
You knock my heart on granite
Its an egg you will to crack
The sky turned dark
The poet built a fire
& warmed his hands
Worms crawled thru
His skin& angels
Cried & moments
Slipped pass like
Lavendar melting
The Santa Fe Chief
& coyote serenaded
The wanderer
Remembering
Your hot breath
Cascading like
Moonlight on
His back
Men are like "asians" (-ation) not the ones from the far east, but the ones who fall weak.
The ones who seek validation through manipulation for their gratification somehow thinking they should get a congratulation for their uncertain manifestation.
The ones who play games like life is a play station, but fail to realize they create their own demise of this devastation.
Yet they colonize a civilization of hallucination for women to fall victim for their celebration.
Living in their own world of separation instead of integration as if we don't need one another for concentration.
Sad world we live in with these men.
Now don't get me wrong, not showing discrimination, women too can also be "asians" (-ation).
But this ain't about us, right now I'm on the men "asians" (-ation) with no hesitation.
We all should do some reevaluation in order to get some elevation, but before we do that, we have to come to realization not to bring aggravation to our generation.
could have said no, should have said no, but i was 7, and 8, and 9. i feel guilt for something i had no control of, i was only 7, and 8, and 9. i had 3 years to say something yet i didn’t. i wish i did. i fear intimacy, i fear touch, i fear her. could have said no, should have said no, i wish i said no. but i was 7, and 8, and 9 only a child who was embarrassed they let this happen to them. i am now 16, realizing it was not and never was my fault.
The shark covers my anger and tells me to think about this idea;
“Please, take me somewhere and stay with me”
I look into its bright yet dull eyes and they ask us to play.
“Do you believe in rainy days?”
I think I finally saw it.
Their poison fin.
The boat was big,there were others like me getting returned to the water.
As they took my “poison”, I realized.
I didn’t want to drown.
Oh, please don’t make me drown.
I’m sorry.
The constant current is too much.
I can’t move but I can’t keep still.
I saw the way out.
Sapphire water turned to rubies as everything I’ve learned about surviving dissolved from me.
Were they also sinking? Were they alive?
I didn’t know. I didn’t care to know.
The floor was soft and the light dimmed from my vision.
I couldn’t breathe.
All thoughts seemed to escape me as the Ruby Sapphires spilled ever darker.
The waves crashed silently as I gave into the darkness.
I felt the waves on my face as I opened my eyes once again.
I was with the others.
Der Hai.
It is early one morning,
and you are making love to me.
Sunshine is streaming through the curtains
and I am disinterested in your ministrations.
I wonder
if we could ever be soft people.
Lazily enjoying the sunshine,
stretched out on our picnic blanket.
There is a plate of sandwiches between us,
half of them have been eaten.
We are comfortably full,
and you don’t take it the wrong way.
There is a pitcher of sweet tea,
you tell me you found it tangled up
in the roots of your family tree.
You lean in to kiss me,
and it is gentle
and you don’t use your tongue.
You feel like August, you know.
One glorious ending to a beautiful summer.
But the summer was hot and humid
I was nothing if not miserable,
but I’ll always miss the summer we spent together,
sunburnt to hell
with your hand upon my throat.
You are mad at me,
I cannot perform in the way you wish,
you cry and blame yourself
It’s because you are not pretty enough,
Not feminine enough.
you say this is important
the ultimate way to express our love
I close my eyes
and dare to wonder
When did love become so violent?
red hot background
black white flinging
dancers cha-cha-chá
***
2/7/2020
Ekphrasis tribute to Jackson Pollock’s “Free Form” in the triadic line form
February 7, 2020
REFLECTiONS an ekphrasis triadic line
Brian Strand, sponsor
October 24, 2020
EoW (7) Art
Brian Strand, sponsor
I was waiting for someone
Anyone really
To save me
Save me from what I didn’t know
But monsters lurked in the dark
Waiting for me to crumble
And when I did
They ate me whole
But in the reflection of my blood
I saw a face
My own
And at that moment I realized
I was my own savior
All along
All I had to do
Was turn the light on
Freedom from death
bounds freedom to fully live,
As freedom from thin-skin body competitions
reconnects freedom to deep mind cooperate,
As freedom from Win-Lose YangGame Strategy
opens ecosystemic freedom to optimally double-YinWin-Win
EcoLogistics,
born-again regeneration,
Beloved Climax Dreams incarnating
freestyle swimming flight
from dawn through night
greets eternal dawn's adventure
blinding bright
ecstatic spiral light,
within...
without...
reiterate-within/out
mind/body just right
recentering delight.
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