To all the Misters
Who thought me a sister
Who found me a bore
In which to abhor.
Who tolerated me in "loving" pursuit of something "else"
Than "love 'til death do us part" as chimes
The whimsical of chapel wedding bells:
I do apologize for having stayed so long
I wish you well, though I dismissed you "gone"
Please do know...from the depth of my soul
I wouldn't have stayed so very long
But, if I did over-welcome my stay., I'll just have you know
I only did embedding the simple thought deep in my soul
That YOU were suitable for me to build MY dream,
Fulfill my goals and visions - yet unforeseen
First thing's first: A "safe" haven is what you miss
All for YOUR exchange altar-trade - a dollar for a kiss....
In the depth of my soul,
Lies nothingness next to my existence.
In a box lacking pure experience
Only one question is anchored in me,
“Is it mine purely, or just a monograph?”
A question with confusing philosophy.
Behind this social “instrument”,
Lies a resistant mind
Full of dreams and visions,
Not expressed due to fixed missions.
I say experience lies in uncertainty,
But told to trust the tangible
The “truth”punished for if questioned.
Truthfully, another question haunts me,
“Do I surrender, or do i explore the mystery?”
Demons
Deep in the forrest of the depth of my soul
lived an insecure wretch down deep in his hole.
He was not long ago forsaken to rot,
secluded and shamed for the hell he hath wrought.
The soul can not soar without faith in the sky.
It hides in the darkness ashamed but to try.
Violently thrashing this life and that past,
ever uncertain, indecisive, outcast.
Internal strife of his own psyche's make,
In cold damp dark left to shiver and shake.
A stranger to self, another man's role,pathetic disguise from self despised soul.
This wretched recluse, self-exiled underground,
must meet his demise before hope can be found
Mindful but stubborn embracing the pain,
a delicate task this breaking of chains
Many facades each a further misfit,
hiding his truth down his insecure pit.
Razed and disected, his weakness confessed
Little repose to a man self obsessed
Desperately clawing from damnable depths.
Dragging his psyche up arduous steps.
Battered and bruised and humbly unaware
How bright his light shines, from depths whence he cares.
Tristesse
The hotel room in St. Asaph (Wales) was damp
and smelt of spent body passion, I didn’t have a coin
for the gas metre; in the decomposing bed, a woman
Snored, and from the depth of my soul
the beginning of an anguished scream.
The morning was ashen as my face, and fine drizzle fell.
The hotel bar was closed, and I walked with aching bones
for miles while the heavens descended.
Apocalypse Now!
No such luck, when the clouds parted, the hills
where green with grazing sheep is.
Dear God, where were you yesterday when I married
A scullery maid, have you no mercy?
Tristesse
The hotel room in St. Asaph (Wales) was damp
and smelt of spent body passion, I didn’t have a coin
for the gas metre; in the decomposing bed, a woman
Snored, and from the depth of my soul
the beginning of an anguished scream.
The morning was ashen as my face, and fine drizzle fell.
The hotel bar was closed, and I walked with aching bones
for miles while the heavens descended.
Apocalypse Now!
No such luck, when the clouds parted, the hills
where green with grazing sheep is.
Dear God, where were you yesterday when I married
A scullery maid, have you no mercy?
A feeling so demure
Withdraws from the core of my
Apex
To the depth of my soul it goes
A fountain of fresh violets at it's purest blue
As a trail
Unknown I label
Yet in it's purity
I reminisce.
A mountain tarn,
a deep-water eye,
high and blackly gleaming.
A scramble down slippery scree
to look within,
then a tingling apprehension
of being too close
to an unbalanced footing,
one that is a lip between
tilting ground
and an entrance to nowhere.
I can't say what I expect to see,
not the bottom of a mountain,
a dazzling sky-window,
or the depth of my soul perhaps.
What I see there,
quickly buries a teetering image
into a fear-fall.
Grains of time,
tumble rootless into my mind,
imbedding themselves
in each drop of sweat.
Dizzily I grapple back up,
the whiskers of my beard
stretching toward a pebble
that was not yet tumbling
into a directionless creation,
or a momentary extinction.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Note:
A 'Tarn' is a mere (lake), atop a high mountain. It seemingly has no inlet or outlet. "Sree' is an unstable shale that tends to slip under foot.
Chivalry isn't dead
I saw it in bunch of roses
And unrequited lover's smile
I saw it in couple's hug and kisses
I just feel it, taste it, sweeten by time.
Love is the most addictive drug
Its effect touches the depth of my soul
Limitless flow of radiating energy into my cornea
Its power send a lover to paradise
Transport you in the future time machine.
There's special joy in receiving flowers
To special someone you dearly love
Small things of gesture send a big impact
An amazing sight to see to any age in love
Very gentleman to see a rose given to your love.
Never again will you be capable of ordinary human feeling. Everything will be dead inside you. Never again will you be capable of love, or friendship, or joy of living, or laughter, or curiosity, or courage, or integrity. You will be hollow. We shall squeeze you empty, and then we shall fill you with ourselves.
~1984 by George Orwell, published June 8, 1949
Who is that standing under the mountaintop;
could it be the shadow of The Old Poet,
and is it speaking The Poet's verses nonstop
in voices young and old as if Thou Knowest
the depth of my soul and the words it would drop
into the valley of voracious locust;
the poems devoured by its mindless minions,
spewed like poison in their vast pavilion?
Older I get the more love I possess
Busting down the walls of my heart
Invading the very depth of my soul
Can't survive when we two are apart
Special affair, hasn't happened before
In the history of this passionate man
Without a doubt the first time for me
A deviation in my life's master plan
Certainly wish the same for all
There's no greater feeling I've known
Always wake up with a great big smile
Coz all of my troubles have flown
Wish everybody could feel this joy
These feelings I've not felt before
Hard to survive each time we're apart
My faith in true love you've restored
The older I get, the more love I need
This strong craving never subsides
It's all that we humans live and die for
The passion that true love provides
Close up in the depth of my soul, I wonder why,
Loneliness grips me, leaving me to cry,
Partners came and partners went,
Leaving me in an empty nest, feeling spent.
Loneliness suffocates, a heavy weight,
Leaving me longing for a soul mate,
Microscope on this lingering pain, there lies a cure,
A path to healing, to love, and to endure,
Close up on pain, embrace solitude, a chance to grow,
Discover yourself, let your inner light show,
Microscope on solace in passions and dreams,
Build a life that’s vibrant, bursting at the seams.
Close up on challenges, a mountain to climb,
Microscope on resilience, enduring through time.
Examine the tears, each one a pearl,
Close up on strength, in the face of the whirl.
The older I get, the more love I possess
Busting down the walls of my heart
Invading the very depth of my soul
Can't survive when we two are apart
Special affair, hasn't happened
In the history of this passionate man
Without a doubt the first time for me
A deviation in my life's master plan
Certainly wish the same for you all
There's no greater feeling I've known
Always wake up with a great big smile
Coz all of my troubles have flown
Wish everybody could feel this joy
These feelings I've not felt before
Hard to survive each time we're apart
My faith in true love you've restored
The older I get, the more love I need
This strong craving never subsides
It's all that we humans live and die for
The passion that true love provides
Come to the mountains my lady fair,
Take my hand and I will show you what awaits you there.
Come take my hand follow me,
And be amazed at the wonders I have for you to see.
Look into my eyes and into the depth of my soul,
It is there that you will know and behold the love I have for you alone.
Come back to the mountains my lady where you belong,
Come back to the one who has loved you for so long.
This is the only thing I ask of thee,
Come to the mountains and to me.
I was walking a lonely road,
When lo and behold, I met myself!
Startled me to the depth of my soul,
Surely, it must have been someone else.
Feeling indignant and distraught,
Life seemed to be in much disarray,
Visibly not living as I ought,
Wishing this anguish would go away.
Bone weary of aimless walking,
A tough struggle was many years old,
Tired of outcomes from idle talking,
Needed help for a pathetic soul.
Much despised what I was seeing,
Sought to hide away and just ignore,
Was alarmed at how I was feeling,
Without a doubt, I was at death’s door.
Where could I go, where should I go,
Seeking deliverance from my woes,
God’s grace and love conquered all my foes,
Brought healing to both body and soul.
It's a diamond of time when I am with her.
The feeling of completeness fills my soul
like a cup filled with elixir of life to the brim,
as I try to prevent every drop from overflowing.
My eyes stare at her like a priceless masterpiece,
as my brain paints her image in the canvass of my mind,
while the beating of my heart arrests time
and declines the passing of the moments.
The shimmering and glittering,
like successive sunsets without end,
remind me that hope never dies,
it only refreshes as time passes by.
Her shining eyes, looking at me,
trying to stare at the depth of my soul
pacifies all my troubles,
as I spend every moment admiring her beauty.
The touch of here hand is like a kiss of bliss
that tames the flare of my anarchy,
like scented potion that heals the scars of my soul,
as it brings my body to rapture.
Her kiss is like the fountain of youth
that makes my heart young forever,
as it rejuvenates every cell in my body
and animates every fiber of my soul.
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