Best Workout Poems
I used to like barbells, enjoyed pumping iron,
my Nautilus* gym was one happy environ.
Those posters of 6-packs and marbled biceps
inspired me to start counting carbs, pounds, and reps.
My trainer would coax, "hold as long as you can!"
Doing deadlifts I felt like a WAS a dead man
The kettlebell, medicine ball - hated those,
since dropping 'em both on my poor little toes.
My dad-bod and willpower soon parted ways,
after only 1 set, I was shell-shocked for days
My back hurt, my knees ached, I'd injured my hips,
after grimacing nonstop, I'd sprained both my lips.
Oy! The sharp pain that shoots
through my quads, delts and glutes...
Now my game plan is shifting
no more power lifting.
To planks, it's "no thanks",
I'm expunging all lunging.
I feel stabs in my abs,
there's a hex on my pecs
and my lats shriek like bats.
When I tweak my oblique
I am sore to the core...
and I want it no more.
The rowing machine is no longer my scene
I loathe those squats lots and I hate crunches bunches.
Do sit-ups or push-ups? Do jump-ups or chin-ups?
I'm more inclined now to do lots of "I-give-ups".
My doc tried convincing me I'd be less tired?
I'm questioning how that poor man's brain is wired!
I felt half exhausted just WATCHING staff clean
the ellipticals, treadmills, and stair-climb machine.
Then... I found when I stood on the locker room scale
That my plan to lose weight was a sad epic fail!
I'm done! I have finished my very last burpee -
I just want a hot dog and super-size Slurpee.
What happened to wanting to feel fit and well?
When it came to workouts, I was just a dumbbell.
I've resolved now to walk more, or swim a few laps
maybe jog, ride my bike, play some tennis, take naps.
That's right, getting plenty of rest seems so plain,
it appears the most challenging muscle to train ...
is the brain.
* Nautilus is a brand of gym equipment
written 2 Oct 2022
Start by warming up daily
with hands lifted in praise.
Running and jumping in
place as the spirit moves.
Drop and give God sixty
Sixty minutes in prayer that is!
This work out is especially good
for the heart as it will strengthen
and bring about eternal life.
Endurance training begins with walking
the straight and narrow.
Mountain climbing after a long walk
in the valley is also highly recommended.
Begin a weight training program by carrying
his cross and increase to carrying burdens for others!
Such training is excellent for preparing for the final
foot race to Glory!
Results will be felt and seen immediately if
soreness or pain are experienced apply a generous
amount of the Balm of Gilead.
Remember to rest often by leaning on Jesus,and
cool off with showers of blessings.
Before beginning an exercise program always
consult with the Great Physician.
Flippers up
Flippers down
Wave those flippers
All around
Swish your tail
From side to side
Create a wake
A water slide
Take a plunge
Dive down deep
Your body propelled
As up you leap
Hey, Sea Lion
Clap your hands
When you perform
You grandstand*
*To grandstand means to 'ham it up'
I was on a machine
Working out – burning steam
As the “Calories Burnt” numbers grows
When this pretty young thing
Turns around – my eyes sting
As her nipples in tight t-shirt shows
Well, I drift off sometime
Lost in space – lost in mind
When this pretty young lady walks past
Then she stops and she said
Take a picture instead
Cause staring at them just won’t last
I snap out of my stare
And say “who – what – why – where”
She says “take your eyes off my breast”
Then I say “can’t you see
They are pointing at me
As even you can attest”
“I assure you I can’t
Control my nipple’s slant”
And I said “the same with my eyes”
Then she said “look away”
And what could I say
“wear t-shirts with much thicker plys”
Then I starred with a grin
From her breasts to her chin
And I knew we were destined for more
She quickly agreed
Then when we did the deed
I awoke with a start from a snore
I got up – changed my pants
To the gym – hoped to glance
The woman I saw in my dreams
This time I’ll relax
Take my eyes off her rack
And at least get her name by all means
Mdailey 6/13/11
Inspired by Joe Flach’s poem “the Workout”
Panting and puffing I’m feeling the burn
Even though I’ve done only a minute
This machine is the work of the devil I’m sure
Oh god, I think I might vomit
I’m treading the mill to try and get fit
But I think this thing’s going to kill me
My bosom is heaving I’m sweating like mad
All this jiggling…. I now need a wee…
Increasing the incline and upping the speed
My little legs pumping like crazy
I feel the weight lifting I’m floating on air
Oohhh… every thing’s going quite hazy
Finally, slowly, it grinds to a halt
I’ve done TEN WHOLE MINUTES … can’t talk
Although I’m all wobbly I’m feeling quite chuffed
Maybe one day I’ll jog, not just walk
Young and beautiful
Secretive desires
With headphones plugged in
Exercise and look good
Big t**s and
bounce butt
Muscles and sixpack
Active in social media
Instagram, blogs,
youtube and spotify
The new lifestyle
Hormonal changes
A romantic relationship
- the intense emotions
Love how the music feels
like a new beginning,
every sunrise
~
~ Love Songs
22/10/2019
Sun :) - A-L Andresen :)
Copyright © All Rights Reserved
Experts recommend warming up before exercising to adequately prepare the body and get the most benefit from the workout
I know this for a fact as I do about seven to ten minutes stretching before
After my daily morning exercises
The same applies to our participation in Mass. When our hearts and minds are properly prepared
Our experience is richer
Try these ideas to have a great Eucharistic workout
Prepare for exertion
We come to Mass not as spectators but as participants
Prepare to join with other members of the Body of (Father) Christ in Prayer
Worship
Thanksgiving
Communion
Stretch out
Is something holding you back from giving your whole love Attention to Eternal God
If you are carrying worry
Anger
Resentment
Guilt
Spend a few moments letting it go
Start slowly
Arrive early to review the readings
Ask what Eternal God is trying to tell you
Personally
In the words of Scripture
Get into the Zone
Something amazing happens every moment during the Mass
Don’t miss a single one
Think about what you are saying as you recite the prayers
Enthusiastically speak the responses
Sing with your whole heart
Allow yourself to be awed by receiving the Body and Blood of Father Christ in the Eucharist
Cool down
After the celebrant leaves the Church
Spend a few moments figuring out what Eternal God wants
you to do for the next week
As a result of what you just heard and said
when i got home from school
my mother was watching
oprah again
with a shopping bag
of ice on her knee
when i asked her
what happened
she said
“i dont want to talk about it”
and later i found out
she was working out
to a tae bo dvd
when her knee
popped out of her socket
and nobody was home
and she doesnt drive
and she had no friends
so she had to pop it
back into her socket
herself and she said
it was the worst day
of her life
I was working out on the elliptical machine in the gym, feeling good and watching
the "Calories Burnt" number climb higher and higher.
Then, I noticed a rather shapely and attractive woman step off of the machine two
rows in front of me. As she turns and faces me, I cannot help but notice that the
nipples on her rather large breasts are erect and pressing against her sweat
soaked, tight t-shirt.
When working out, and at other times as well, I suppose, I sometimes drift off and
just stare into space not really cognizant of what I am looking at while lost in
thought.
I must have been doing this as this young woman started walking towards me on
her way to the drinking fountain.
She stops abruptly in front of me and says, rather curtly, "Why don't you take a
picture?"
Snapping out of my temporary coma, I respond, "I'm sorry - what?"
"You seem to be staring at my breasts," she rudely insinuates.
Now, at times like this, in a confrontational moment, I like to try to immediately get
on the attack and, sometimes, in my panic to do so, I can say the stupidest things.
In this case, I come back with, "Are your nipples pointing at me!?"
"What!?"
"Your nipples. They seem to be pointing at me!"
"I assure you, I cannot control what my nipples do."
"And I," I smugly reply, "Cannot control what my eyes do."
"You could look away," she challenges.
"And you could wear a thicker sports bra or sweatshirt", I respond.
At this she just glares at me with hate in her eyes and steam emitting from her ears.
I stare back with my smug grin, alternating my look between her eyes and her
breast.
So, of course, you know, we made wild passionate love in the equipment room at
the back of the gym.
And, just before we climaxed in a frenzied, naked and sweaty embrace, ...
... I woke up from my nap on the couch.
This is when I got up, changed into my sweatpants and went to the gym for a
workout.
Summer’s over so here we go again,
from treadmill to the stationary bike,
no exercised since who knows when,
hard to get started but has to be right.
A few stretches to get the kinks out,
to the treadmill increasing the pace,
body hurting wanting to cry or shout,
you rather be sleeping in satin and lace.
Sweat perfusing while lifting weights,
barbell goes down easy but up so hard,
getting back in shape before it’s too late,
yet wishing all exercise would be barred.
Huff and puff sucking to get some air,
reluctantly moving to the stationary bike,
out of shape tight those clothes you wear,
least on bike you get to sit which you like.
Now the rowing machine to make you lean,
performing sit ups and arm curls one by one,
what your doing to your body is ever so mean
finally you give a sigh of relief, for your done.
I'm just going to have some fun and talk my nonsense
Get offended if you want because everyone takes everything out of Context
You don't want to battle me in a lyrical contest
I rhyme better and I've got great style
If I'd have wrote for him, Papa Doc would have won the last battle in 8 mile
I stay to myself because most people show fake smiles
They'll stab you as soon as your back is turned
Whatever you're going through, I have the words
Write to the best of your ability and I'll match the verse
I write so much, I injured my pen and my pad is hurt
I have to give it the kiss of life and bring it back
We make love daily, but we started out with no strings attached
Knowing when to stop writing, is the only thing I lack
But putting my emotions on paper, I'm the king of that
Some people had to stay in my past so I burned the bridge
Survived my suicide attempts, so I can tell everyone else to find an alternative
Listen to these words because the pain isn't permanent
Good times will come again and that's affirmative
Battled depression for 10 years, even Floyd Mayweather couldn't out fight me
50 poems a day, so you won't out write me
When it comes to poems I slaughter them
I torture pens
Make them bleed on pads
I was just having fun with this and I was in need of that
Some will say I shouldn't have wrote this verse down
But I was just having a lyrical workout
As you walk in the door. You throw your coat on a chair.
I tell you darling it dosent go there.
You move it to the bed .As you turn around .
I run my fingers through Your long sweet blonde hair
You smile and pull me closer your body has a delicious odour
Now I have a stirring inside me an ardor.
You unbutton my shirt your hands small and warm.
I kiss your soft neck and feel the pounding of your blood
As it courses through my lips. Tickling your vein with my tongue.
Tasting the salty perspiration as you lean closer in.
You run your hands round to my back.
I let your hair fall in my face. Both of our hearts are upping the pace
You gently slowly pull my shirt of my body. As it falls to the floor.
I kick close the door. Nothing to interrupt our hobby.
I pull up your t-shirt. And a huge smile is on your face.
Yes our love is going to hurt. But it will be full of grace.
Now naked we stand and just hug each other.
Theres no need to rush. We are proper true lovers.
Lots of kissing lots of hugging and total respect.
This time will be special as they always are.
Just you an I together forever we never expect
Anything but the best in this our workout spar.
Giggling and laughing as young lovers are.
I stare where he once stood
Shocked he is here no more
I wait to see him at the door
But hope has done no good
Where is the love he once swore was mine
This day each year he'd hold me through the eve
Thoughts of when we wed shared as we dine
Where's the man who once said he would not leave
Now with just the dim lit moon as friend
I sit and wait for him to turn the bend
To keep sane my loss of love I must pen
And pray we'll meet when I reach my end
the muscles in your forehead
control your eyebrows
and your outlook
so just know to look beyond your brow
if you know how !
Winged Workout Haiku
Come and kiss me, the
butterflies in my stomach
need some exercise