Best Warty Poems
Blackie mounts my broomstick every Halloween
With her silky coat and eyes of emerald green
We’re silhouetted in the moonbeam's gleam
Kitty meows so loudly if ever we are seen
Children point at us and let out a scream
Look at that black cat and the warty old witch
Blackie’s hackles rise, her meow rises in pitch -
I wish my black kitty had got a volume switch
We rise then fall as my broomstick gets a glitch
Suddenly we're both propelled into a watery ditch
Poor kitty's fur’s wet, bracken covers her left eye
We clamber from the water, and I let out a sigh
She meows like a banshee, I know the reason why...
as she's lost our big container of sweet pumpkin pie -
It’s her Halloween treat; I can’t bear hearing her cry!
Her meowing gets so loud soon it reaches a decibel
So I get out my wonky wand and repeat a magic spell
My broom flies out the ditch, the pumpkin pie as well
We both climb onto the broom and fly off to a motel -
I’m glad we got the pie back, or she'd make my life hell!
Halloween Meow Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Chantelle Anne Cooke
AWARDED POEM OF THE DAY 24TH OCTOBER 2020
10/23/20
“Who am I,” asked the Bunyip. “What am I doing here?”
“Please tell me,” begged the Bunyip,” for my purpose isn’t clear.”
“No answer!” came the stern reply; “You’ll get no help from me!”
Poor Bunyip, he began to cry, “Doesn’t anyone know me?”
And thus he went a-wandering, searching far and wide
For someone who could put an end to his longing, deep inside.
One day, he found a piece of glass, discarded by a lake.
He gazed into its surface … OH! That was his big mistake!
For in that glass, he met Himself … the image struck him dumb;
No-one could love that ugly mug! (Except perhaps his Mum …)
So, overcome by black despair, the poor old Bunyip sobbed.
The tears poured down his warty cheeks, and ran into his gob.
He cried all night, and then all day, and then all night again.
The rain it poured, the wind it howled as if to voice his pain …
Then suddenly emerged a shape, out of the Primal Soup,
Round and warty … big and black … The Bunyip was cock-a-hoop!
“Who am I?” asked the creature,
(In strangely girlish voice.)
The Bunyip’s pulse began to race …
His lumpy heart rejoiced …
“What am I?” begged the creature.
“Oh! I WISH that I could see!”
“You’re a Bunyip!” cried the Bunyip,
“And you look, … well,
“Just like ME!”
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
A bunyip, as our Aussie members will know, is a mythical creature - or is it?
They are said to inhabit small ponds, and are lovable - but not handsome ...
Theme for collaboration suggested by Tim Smith
Two enormous old toads crossed the road
On Tom’s back lounged Thomasina toad
Both are ugly and warty
Thomasina’s so naughty
As her bowels on his back she’d download
06-16-17
WRITTEN BY JAN ALLISON
When Thomasina toad dumped on old Tom
He thought her poop explosion was a bomb
He hopped in the air
gave her a mean stare
shouting, "I'm not taking you home to Mom!"
WRITTEN BY LIN LANE
Ribbit rubbit robbit 'n ro
this crazy toad has got to go
She's turning quite mean -
Fifty shades of green
No time to chat but still does crow
WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH
"Why don't we do it in the road?"
Said Thomas, the old horny toad
Thomasina hissed,
"Get a load of this!"
and a "blessing" on him bestowed
WRITTEN BY LIM'RIK FLATS
Thomasina was on a road trip
Her taxi was Tom's back she'd grip
But she strained as she held
And her bottom expelled
So she said "I've just left you a tip"
WRITTEN BY RAY GRIDLEY
Tom and Thomasina were the perfect pair
They were ancient toads without a care
He had a huge wart
She gives a mean fart
Anyone in her vicinity better beware!
WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y
Now Tom was an over achiever
He wanted the lady, not leave her
He sprayed his back with Scotch-Guard
and rubbed down with lots of lard
the dumper was now the receiver
WRITTEN BY DALE GREGORY COZART
Tom gave Thomasina the boot
Got sick from the smell of her poot
told her to get lost
right after he tossed
She gave him the one finger salute
WRITTEN BY DANIEL TURNER
Thomas and Thomasina loved to hear
the waterboatmen rubbing their gear
Thomas tried and started to croak
causing Thomasina to choke
you two will never get it right I fear
WRITTEN BY SEREN ROBERTS
When T'sina hopped on for a ride
Old Thomas reminded his bride,
"Though you're my sweet dish,
on the road we'll get squished",
"Just do it!" was her terse reply.
WRITTEN BY CRAIG CORNISH
Thomasina and Tom a heavy load
Lingered a little too long on the road
He could have kissed her all night
shocked at the oncoming lights
Croak and ribbit was heard; two flattened toads
WRITTEN BY EVE ROPER
PLEASE SOUP MAIL ME ANY SUBMISSIONS FOR THE COLLABORATION
06-16-17
Trouble, trouble stirs the wind
ghastly ghosts rise and ascend
warty toads croak
vile spells are spoke
witches’ covens evil intend
Burbling, gurgling cauldron hot
with purple vein, red blood clot
virgins hopeful eyes
fear and dread belies
throw them in and stir the pot
Screeching, screaming banshee songs
garish ghouls with pointy prongs
mulish mummies
reeking rummies
to evil spirits the night belongs
Trembling, tremoring witches fear
townsfolk are coming too near
sticks and stones
fire bemoans
the end becoming too clear
Freaking, shrieking their cry drums
slicing the air with its thrums
unwilling to face
they cut to the chase
quickly flee to save their bums
I researched the earth's endangered species list and this is what I found.
There's everything on the list from A to Z - rare species just abound!
I'll highlight some of the more interesting varieties just to name a few,
That creep and crawl amongst us in this world-wide conglomerate zoo!
There's the Red-bellied Grackle, Pig Footed Bandicoot and Aquatic Rat;
Paraguana Mustached Bat, Zanzibar Guitarfish and the Andrean Cat!
A rare Whiskered Flower Pecker, Canarian Shrew and Amaragosa Vole,
A Peruvian Climbing Mouse, African Wild Ass and an Arend's Golden Mole!
Also listed were the Aruba Island Rattlesnake and the Okinawa Rail,
The Western Wattled Cuckoo Shrike and the Rolling Pebblesnail.
Something called the Philippine Warty Pig and the African Wild Dog,
And a Red-collared Mountain Babbler plus a Tanzanian Screeching Frog!
I also found a Banded Wobblegong and a reptile called a Bailey's Snake,
A Cameroon Clawless Otter and something called a Band-bellied Crake!
How about the Concave-eared Oderous Frog or an Eastern Bristlebird,
The Charming Thicket Rat, Common Yobby or a rare Dahl's Jird!
Some folks may find some redeeming value having these critters in our midst,
And I suppose to a certain degree we must learn with them to coexist.
But more importantly, if humankind can't learn in peace on earth to dwell,
We *****sapiens could end up on the endangered species list as well!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(© All Rights Reserved)
Placed No. 7 on Amy Green's "Ode To The Endangered" Contest - June 2010
Happy Halloween everyone
??"Trick or Treat"??
Zombie pirates,
Ghoulish ghouls,
Slimy monsters,
Oozing drool.
Floating ghosts,
Warty witches,
Frankenstein,
Covered in stitches.
Bandaged mummies,
Dracula's bride,
Hairy werewolves,
Slicing your insides.
Possessed dolls,
Ugly scarecrows,
Thirsty vampires,
Slurping up blood flow.
Red devils,
Scary clowns,
Possessed princesses,
Terrorising the town.
The grim reaper,
Evil cats,
Scary Mary,
Oh I, Love all that.
Tonight's the night,
For "Trick or Treat",
Kids of all ages,
Eating too many sweets.
A long, long time ago, three children met
this old, gentle lady in an ancient farm,
bidding them to enter her large kitchen
with a sweet flavor of gingerbread and ale...
Beside her , a huge, dark rabbit jeered
as the children merrily romped along.
From where she stood, the lady began
looking like a dingy hag with a pointed jaw,
and warty despicable face. Oh, no! She was
the village hag crackling with delight as her
quaked hands pulled and dragged the kids
in a rush … “ Come along, Kent, Iris, Lynn”,
whisking the youngsters toward a boiled pot.
Suddenly, at the height of terror, one jolting
kick burst the door open. A large giant
of a man howled.” Now, listen, I am
the rabbit under a spell that quickly seized
a magic potion from the crone’s hidden kiln.”
With a blow, he crushed the evil witch
then gathered the kids in his arms.
Under the red of moonlight, three children
and a lumberman hummed their way
out of the woods… victorious finally free!
.....................
3/8/2017
Eve Roper’s Fairy Tale For Children Contest
Bin' snifflin' 'nent th' hour o' 12
'pon high deck by me scurvy self
me soulless hearties, dogs o' scum
on lower decks a-flappin' gums
Me keg be dry; I've downed me grog
me head's a-swirl wit' nowt but fog
me ticker's tight; I'm sans me glow
tho' stoked up fer me tit-eyed beau
Th' horizon's bleak; me warty toad
whose slimy self on me has growed
wit' bladed quill scribed clerihew
'n gabbered' wit' a tongue askew
Be cursed, yer nit off bearded buns
o' rottin' dead whale steeped in sun
this 'ere pirate yer beseech
creep whence yer hail, yer vermin leech
NOTE: ALL 'MISTAKES' ARE DELIBERATELY PLACED TO ACCOMMODATE PIRATE SPEAK.
For Nathan's contest. I found myself "at sea" when jilted, hence I opted for pirate lingo.
I WANNA KNOW 2
Is a yo-yo still a treasure without a string?
Would you still love Shenia Twain if she couldn't sing?
Would a wasp be courageous if someone buried his sting?
Is a bathtub comfortable when it hasn't a ring?
If Halloween subtracted it's ghosts and goblins
And burned the masks of gloom and doom
And banished black cats and bats
And warty witches on flying brooms
Would you still go trick or treating door to door to fill your sack?
Would you return home to change your costume and then go back?
You're mean! But I'll keep your secret because that's allowed on Halloween.
What if wrong traded places with right?
Would Walt Disney be sad if someone kidnapped Snow White?
What if parents lost their all uptight?
Would you help them look or read a book?
How exciting is bacon without it's sizzle?
How desired is the soda pop without the fizzle?
How rich is the soil without plenty of drizzle?
And how sad the Railroad workers without Roy Thorsen and his whistle.
How confusing the alphabet without C and D
How soon man would perish if water ceased to be
How useless the forest if stripped of every tree
And how boring Hockey without Wayne Gretsky......
Last year we went shopping on Halloween
To find a new car for my lovely queen
Sadly when we arrived onto the lot
A ghastly salesman appeared on the spot
He thrust his hand in too close to my face
I shouted out, “Run before he gives chase.”
In the showroom we felt safe and secure
Until I was grabbed by the manager
Her face was pale and her eyes were all red
My wife thought she was of the walking dead
Her nails dug in my skin with a chilling grip
Yet, as she mumbled we gave her the slip
We ran over to a nice shiny car
But were waylaid by a man with a scar
He groaned and gave us a sales zombie stare
So I quickly uttered the good Lord’s Prayer
I pushed my wife in the car; then it locked
Plus I read the window and got sticker shock
I banged on the glass, “Hey honey let me in.
There are more salesmen approaching the din.”
She was helpless in there without a key
I had to act fast; it was up to me.
I yelled, “We’ll take it,” to one of the curs
Then was hauled in to the loan officer
They wrenched every fact from my weary life
I had to placate to rescue my wife
I then heard a hushed scream out on the floor
They must have gotten to her through the door
I signed the papers, though at a high price
Then dashed between two guys as cold as ice.
I shoved salesmen aside and joined my hon
But slammed the door on a big warty thumb
The sales zombie shrieked and quickly pursued
Though with his hand wedged, he was tough to elude
We then sent that sales zombie right on his a$$
Just before our car smashed through the plate glass
When my wife asked how much was on the loan
I went into shock and drove lifelessly home.
For Halloween Poem contest David Fisher on 10/30
Three witches once lived on top of a hill,
Which was close to a river and next to a mill,
Each one of them were all different in height,
Not to mention their faces which might give you a fright.
Squiggle was huge, Wriggle was small and Piggle was somewhere in the middle,
They all had crooked noses which were long and gross - warty,
And with hairs on their chins they looked way over forty,
One day they were bored, bored as can be,
Just sitting on top of a sycamore tree,
Then out of the blue Piggle suggested,
“Let’s throw a huge party,” she requested.
“Oh yes,” her two sisters did replied,
Then all of them went down a slide,
They wrote invitations and sent them far and wide,
Until their wands ran out and dried,
On the day of the party all three were excited
They couldn’t keep still for they were delighted.
Squiggle decorated, Wriggle danced and Piggle baked and cooked,
All was done until at last they heard their friends come,
“They are here, they are here!” all three cried and went and looked,
A convoy of witches all different in sizes and some were banging on drums
They danced and played games and ate through the night,
Till the morning sun rose high in the sky,
The three witches were sad to see their friends take flight,
“Don’t worry,” they shouted “We’ll be back again soon.” as they all waved a cheery goodbye.
There were once three witches who lived on hill,
Which was close to a river and next to a mill
Prologue
Abandoned and in disrepair the mansion
Is dark now; a story behind every stanchion.
An unwitting monument to a way of life,
Since foreclosed through bloody civil strife.
Antebellum
The hush of summer evenings cued the trilling
(Fiddled on hind legs accompanied by warty pouches)
Chorus; pierced only by the discordant creaking
Of unseen stairs rising to the house slave's quarters
Portending the disquiet of antebellum martyrs.
Wittiness trees attest in angles and chains
To the master's grid and shade the lanes
For the surrey whose wheels rutted the gateway
(Become artifacts) en route to soirées of gaiety.
The prairie land, violated by steel and condescension
To the roots of its towering grasses and purple gentian,
Forced to nourish seeds of an alien flora for hempen
Riches, patiently awaits its day of redemption.
Bricks of fertile earth fired over an Osage hearth,
By chattel hands, in mortise and tenons, gave birth
To a mansion at the prelude of a moral sea-change
That would divide the nation and break its chains.
Current Era
Their lives deprived of enslaved labor, the once-lived
Voices ebbed a little as each generation removed.
Shrouded in leaves of time they are a mute bequeath
Indelibly recorded upon the stories that lie beneath.
Dreamer boy speak for them now. Sing for bluestem that switched
Against the sky nourishing the thundering herds that provisioned
Native tribes. Rage for those hobbled to sow but never to reap,
Weep for a Nation gone mad and seeds planted too deep.
Reflections after touring an abandoned antebellum mansion.
Copyright Paul M Thomson September 2011.
Though I'm ugly and I'm old,
And I'm fat and I'm bald,
And I'm grey and I'm cold;
I've still a story to be told …
I've never been a handsome prince
As far as I can tell;
Unless I lost my memory
During a witch’s evil spell!
I started my spawned life in a pond,
In that valley, there beyond,
I haven't always been a 'toad-in-the-hole',
I was once, a cute tadpole,
Hmmmn … those were the days.
I'm a source of fear for superstitious folk
The hapless butt of many a joke,
I'm not endearing, or the least bit cute,
With all the charm of a hob-nail-boot.
I’m not a worshiper of the sun,
My warty skin preferring it dank,
So I make my home in a shaded hole,
In a man-made stone hedge, or a bank.
You might think that I'm between
A rock and a hard place,
That I've got my back to the wall,
But it's me that's never worked,
Paid tax or had a mortgage,
And never had to go to school!
The witches swoop around all night,
Giving everyone below a fright
Upon their broomsticks in full flight
Underneath the pale moonlight.
They cast their spells and laugh with glee,
As in sheer terror, people flee
But 'Zap!' are turned to warty frogs,
Or beetles, bats, or yappy dogs.
The green-skinned hags in pointy hats
Then gorge themselves on baby rats
And dance around the graveyard grounds,
Their wickedness just knows no bounds.
And all the while the moon looks down
And can’t conceal its troubled frown,
As the evil ladies of the night
Cavort and scream with great delight.
So lock your doors and stay inside,
Climb in the cupboards, try to hide.
Don’t make a sound, quiet as a mouse,
For now they’re coming to your house!
Crazy Daze
I woke up this morning and put my socks on my face
I put my pants on my elbow, hey what other place?
My bagels, I gave to the cat with jelly on,
The cat food was tasty, when I sat down to some.
I needed a pee so I went to the road,
Unfortunately there, I peed on a toad.
The toad was disgusted and warty all over,
He hopped into the road and was squashed by a Rover.
I was fully relieved and need to go the shops,
I couldn’t find my keys they were thrown out with the slops.
I waved down a car and held him to ransom with a banana
I told him don’t worry “I’m not gonna harm ya”
Some lovely men in white coats so white they are gleaming
The cars with pretty lights and sirens are screaming.
They say they want to take me for a nice rest
“I just don’t have time” I said “stop being a pest.”
They wrapped me in this lovely white warm jacket
It has straps and belts and looks as if it cost a packet.
The room they have rented is all soft, quiet and warm
They have left me here now saying I can do no more harm.