Best Umm Poems
"Love Me Or Hate Me" ~ Says the Limerick
I am only five lines written for fun
Mocking someone with foolish words of pun
Love 'em or hate 'em
You praise or condemn
A poetry form some call "hit and run"
Some think of me as inconsequential
To the haughty I am nonessential
It's a thought I refute
And would gladly dispute
Cuz nothing I say is confidential
I read Jan's limericks about Tess Tickle
But did you know Tess spent her last nickle
Buying new underwear
Cause she hadn't a spare
She kept leaking in some sort of trickle
Tess had a good friend with the name of Neve
Cheated by keeping aces up her sleeve
She thought she was smart
Until she got caught
That taught her it doesn't pay to decieve
And then there was the one they called Maisy
Made faces that caused her to look crazy
One day her eye got stuck
And she looked like a duck
So now everyone calls her Miss Daisy
There once was a gal whose name was Mary
Wore wings pretending she was a fairy
Then I swear on my word
She flapped 'em like a bird
And started singing like a canary
Heard them tell about a gal named Sally
Made money hanging out in the alley
But then she got greedy
With those who were seedy
It was curtains in her grand finale
I used to know a chesty lass named Pam
She had to tote them around in a pram
Then had an operation
A booby castration
I heard she now goes by the name of 'Sam'
Did you hear about the one called Yvette
She can't remember and started to fret
It made me want to cry
I can't figure out why
Umm.. umm.. I'm too old and tend to forget
She said..
I'm gonna kiss you in slow motion
Maybe take a ride upon your ocean
I'd like to pull you gently into me
The way salt dances in the sea
I'm gonna tease you with my hair
Let you touch me here and there
Teach me things that I don't know
Like rhymed beats, in and out flow
Let your tidal waves rush over me
Your hurricane, umm.. feel and see
This fierce love, my favorite song
Lets sail these waters all night long
Your fingertips gliding over my skin
Makes me want to crash on you again
She said..
Let your tidal waves rush over me
Your hurricane, umm.. feel and see
This fierce love, my favorite song
Lets sail these waters all night long
Let your tidal waves rush over me
Your hurricane, umm.. feel and see
This fierce love, my favorite song
Lets sail these waters all night long
She said..
She said!
~Lyric Man
Note: You guys know I'm just a PG kinda guy, but these are things.. She said!
(This muse had outside inspiration).
Nurse: Briefly describe your pain
Me: Ouch
Nurse: On a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate your pain?
Me: I dunno...where's your scale?
Nurse: No, no sir, on a scale...
Me: Okay!...180 butt-naked
Nurse: When was the last time you had a physical exam?
Me: Well, me and this lady went out the other night...
Nurse: We'll need a stool sample
Me: YOUR stool or my stool? I'll need a saw...
Nurse: We'll need to do some lab work
Me: I understand, it's hard to keep good help isn't it?
Nurse: Do you have a history of suicide?
Me: Umm...
Nurse: Are you having trouble urinating?
Me: Just a sec...nope, no problem here
Nurse: Sh-t!
Me: Just a sec...nope, no problem here
Nurse: Son of a...How many fingers am I holding up??
Me: Aha!...One in the middle and four bent ones, right?
Nurse: I swear to G... Sign this freekin' admittance form!
Me: Uh uh!...I deny the whole thing...
Nurse: (Sigh) Are you allergic to anything?
Me: Hospitals...
~Summer~
(Dorian 42)
Summer is fun, seasons hot
Umm, temperature just soar!
Moving 'round, is kind of hard
Makes one tired and rains some more
End of summer brings next fall
Rays from sun most folks adore.
Dorian Petersen Potter
aka ladydp2000
copyright@2015
August.28.2016
~Author's Notes:
"Dorian 42" is a poetry style created by Patricia Ann Farnsworth-Simpson,
to honor poetess Dorian Petersen Potter, aka ladydp2000.
It is an acrostic style of poem done with a 6 letter word to create 6 lines x 7 syllables thus
42 in all.The 2nd 4th and 6th lines must rhyme.As many verses as you wish with a 6 letter word.
PoetrySoup …
I Was Heartily Welcomed… As I Sat At Your Table
By: Carol, Sara, Carolyn, Dane Anne, Moses, and Abel
Tim, Leon, John, Michael, Jim and Yoni
Deborah, Krista, Adeleke and Charlie
… James, The (Two) Ruben(s) and (The Quik-Composer) Raul
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Are the Cucumber-Contest and Radish Requests
And I Can’t Forgo the Tongue-in-Cheek Puns…
Your Laughter is Passed Around, like Hot-Buttered Buns !
… Poets … Are Proverbial Peas In The Pod
The Harvesters of Herbs-Heard, in The Garden of God
so... Salt and Pepper to Your Superb Style
Did You Say Cheese, Please ?... ( Full Mouth Smile !)
There’s Hot Chicken Broth, When You Are Cold
Everybody Knows… Its Good For The Soul
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God Bless You......
MoonBee
Yes, spring has sprung and the bat phone is ringing.
Dragon is at it again! He grabbed his cape! No kidding!
Wouldn’t you know! Here we go, with his eyes to the sky.
Look out bad guys! He’s soaring up in the air, so say bye-bye.
In this case there was a fire, some place, Dragon was needed NOW!
A little girl lost in a fire so hot, and no one can find her, somehow!
So Dragon came in, flew right in, but she wasn’t anywhere on top.
The basement next, there she sat balled up, real close, & so scared.
She was protecting her kittens and a momma cat! And she was in tears!
Dragon to the rescue! He saved all the little ones, huddled in great fear.
He pushed them outside through the basement window, isn’t he a dear?
Tho he naturally, wouldn’t fit through that window, that was so near!
He climbed slowly up the steps, where the house was totally engulfed.
But, never fear, he’s a Dragon, my dear, flames simply don’t bother him.
He got to the back door, as a volunteer fireman, totally hosed him down.
Literally, ALL the way down, to the basement again! HEY! Silly Clown!
The fireman, the Sheriff of Crazyland, was trying to hold the hose, tight!
Out of control, he blew Dragon, back down in the hole! Until, the others…
Could grab it away! The Sheriff of Crazyland, still wanting to be helpful…
He took the little girl and cats to her Mom! So HE was called the hero!
He got a photo taken, for a newspaper spread, as Yep! Here we go again!
By the time Dragon got out, few were about, as the fear had gone away.
And Dragon’s chance to be a hero, well that too, had flown far, that day.
Now, WE ALL KNOW, the great thing he, absolutely, himself, had done.
Later, he’d leave the mascot title behind, to become a Full Fledge Fireman.
But he wouldn’t be there to receive it, until later that next day, you see…
For now, he’s too busy, chasing the Sheriff of CrazyLand, all over the place.
And guess what! He made the front page under the Hero Sheriff, that said…
“That Crazy Dragon! Guess What? He’s at It AGAIN… Chasing the Hero!”
But Don’t Worry, I made him a New Cape! And I called the newspapermen.
So he got a correction, on what happened, along with news of his promotion!
Next day, Umm, on the very LAST page. Oh, Well! Sigh! Can’t win them all.
But you and I… We will always know… The End
Scene 3 - Easy Rest Adult Care Fascillity - Harry's Room
"Do you know this Young man; Harry?" Yes his name is Kenny. "Where did you meet him?" We went to School Together. "What was the name of the School?" It was umm, I don't recall. " You see Mr. Potter he can't place Faces to his past. He may recognize your face but does not know Why or where. Let's go down to the office now, You can sign the intake papers. "NO no! Chef who won the World Series in 2004??" " World Series that's Baseball right, I should know this, was it the Yankees or the Cardinals??" Mr. Potter you told me yourself ; if he doesn't remember the 2004 World Series then he should be committed" " Chef please Think: surely You haven't forgotten "Ma Rock, Barbara Jean, Liz, or YOUR LIFE, Your Existence, Your FOREVER, Your Wife LENORE"
______________________________________________________________________
Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock Time stands still for no one, but memories of Time, are never buried
______________________________________________________________________
"Ma Rock, finally a Mother that LOVED Me. Barbara Jean Gorelick, the Woman that Holds my Heart, the POETESS that healed my Broken Heart, Liz, my best student in 12 + years
of teaching, She died in a car accident 2 months before Graduation. LENORE my Most Only beLOVEd, soon we shall join as ONE with our GOD. Dr. Mendelsohnn I'm going Home Where I can be With All I LOVE"
"Well Captain how we working this one."" umm; so Billy is this your first Winter Rescue?"
"Yep" "All right you're with me" "I thought I was going to be with Tom" " Hey kid your
better off with Harry. Rick and I have been partners many times before." " Ok guys keep
your spikes on until we hit the top of the avalanch floe. that's a good 5 or 600 feet down
Stay away from uprooted trees, it takes less than 5 pounds to send the whole tree down the mountain, possibly causing the floe to become the base.Rick, Tom there's a goat trail 60 meters to the west follow that and we will meet at Nesting Rocks. Every 2 minutes flick your Amber lamp 3 times each in our direction. Keep your radios on but I'll be the only one talking; unless YOU find a Save. Flash us in 5 minutes when your in position" "See You at the snowline boss."" Harry. Why do they call you captain and boss
"Senority, I been on the Squad for 18 years. Let me know if you get any numbness in or
tingling feelings in your hands,arms,or legs." What about my ears?" In a couple of hours
your ears will be burning, which is good, they'll help keep your face warm." How, Why?"
"I don't know, I didn't event ears, I just know that they do. There's the signal, Let's get started. Be sure to tug the tether with each movement you make. I signaled them in two minutes I want you to signal them in amber." " Why amber?" Yellow light can be seen farther away than white light."
To be cont.
As she entered the room I heard hip hop
Her walk a beat like a drummer was nonstop
Her style was full of metaphors
Staring so hard my eyes got sore
Her face was blessed with two deep dimples
Oh how my life just became so easy and simple
That pretty smile
Her sweet scent and fashionable style
Those soft rose petal shape lips
The contour of her hips
Those shapely thighs
I'm lost in those bedroom eyes
The groans, the cries.
The moans, the sighs.
A hot burning desire
That is hotter than fire
So intense
To soon for flesh
Before you undress.
Umm is this a test.
Almost time for sex.....
What pushes your buttons
For lust are you a glutton?
I love her when she’s coy
Like Anita you bring me joy...
Look at me, look how things have changed
Don’t know how life got so rearranged
Didn't see it coming, took a while to see
(chorus)
Know it was hard, times were tough
We had it all and thought it was enough
Our love ran so deep
It took a while, for us to see
We were drifting apart trying to be free..
And it took a while to see
Took a while to find that peace we searched for
But what we made we both adore
Think we can agree, it’s as it should be
(chorus)
Know it was hard, times were tough
We had it all and thought it was enough
Our love ran so deep
It took a while, for us to see
We were drifting apart trying to be free..
And it took a while to see
I know this life’s what it’s supposed to be
It’s sometimes not easy to see
The way to be free
(chorus)
Know it was hard, times were tough
We had it all and thought it was enough
Our love ran so deep
It took a while, for us to see
We were drifting apart trying to be free..
And it took a while to see
Oh, it took a while to see
Umm..
God asked Noah to construct an ark
He provided him a detailed instruction
God gave him a head start, prior to construction
It would have three decks, a door and a window as its bench mark
Then Noah And Sons Ark Company (NASAC) began its task
The ark had no rudder, so the folks laughed at Noah and his boat
It needed no rudder to steer it, it only needed to float
“Umm, God do you think we can fix a rudder on this ark?” Noah ask
“Noah my son, this is where most folks missed my boat
To need a rudder means you know how to arrive at your destination
My son I will steer you to safety, I am your salvation
I’ll finance the project; here you are with the bank note”
So NASAC constructed the ark out of their comfort zone
But how did Noah get all the animals on board?
God supernaturally directed the animals like a horde
About 80,000 animals went in, each identical sexes like a clone
It was full with thousands of animals with a smell of a zoo
Most of the animals who took a nap during the weary ride were bored
The King Lion, the Eagle and the Elephants were the Executive board
The young pigeons in the ark often “coo”
But was old Noah sure it would rain? Was it a mystery?
Did he project the atmospheric weather forecast?
Noah was indeed a wise man, he began to broadcast
No one heeded and the flood did come; it was the worst disaster in history
How many would buy a Jaguar without a steering wheel?
Are you so wise fixing your own rudder?
To steer around the mountain you encounter?
Rest in Him, for He predestinated you for the good pleasure of His will
By faith Noah, being divinely warned of God of things not seen as yet, moved with godly fear, prepared an ark to the saving of his household, by which he condemned the world and became a heir of the righteousness which comes by faith. Heb 11:7
You think you're Godzilla
but you're just a Gorilla,
that's what happens when you've got gonorrhea,
my skin colours vanilla
my skills are killa and real
you're run of the mill, a fail
can't you tell you didn't do well,
that Kartel manure smell
of Kountry music don't sell,
a wannabe that wants to be on X Factor
in a field riding a wrecked tractor,
tracks that no mind will capture,
you're no rapper, a can't act actor and no rhyme writer
with poor rhyming from your core
the fact is you naturally bore,
getting done by amateurs
that means s**t for sure and below my stature,
take a step back and see the big picture,
there's no record label coming for your signature,
you should turn around and head for the door
and not turn this battle rap into a war,
snore, pass out snore music,
20 years and there's still no use for it,
your rhymes are insignificant
your average skill's no different
stop thinking you're magnificent
and realise you're just a hunt.
Yet you think you're good,
umm missing a nail or screw
let's face facts your music is poo,
can you not make a beat with flow?
Your music makes me sit in a seat depressed and low
through ignorance your skill's seen no grow,
so excuse my rant but your music is pants,
professional status, you've got no clucking chance.
You're so unlikely to upstage my quickly written
lickety split thermonuclear lit quick wit
with whatever you pick
to pull out your bag of tricks
because I'll make it unstick
quicker than thumbs can click through your music,
making videos in which you go on the phone,
cliche prone, stereotype replica
look at ya forever inferior,
making out you've golden interior,
but Postman Pat out delivers letters
and is better with more under the hat
you've empty space where your brain sat,
writing rubbish, getting fat,
one year in I'm getting published
you skank like a grandad with one wish
you long to be served a contract,
take note of the situation
you've been rhyming for a generation,
and you'll never be a sensation,
just a symbol of humiliation,
........ cus Rosko thinks he's the dogs bollocks,
while the rest of us just think he's bollocks.
That's all bossco, that's all I have to country cartel you.
Over and out, they call me Sue.
Today’s Good Deed
In your open hand
I placed a red rose petal upon it
You looked up at me in puzzlement
Curiosity won over fear
I replied “ the rose petal fell from the sky”
As I tried to capture and hold, it fluttered to your hand
I am sorry, was not I… simply the wind
You smiled retrieving your hand back to the pen
umm, ummm , excuse me miss
Sorry to disturb encore
You looked up, maybe even wishing me gone
I looked down, how does one fix that frown?
These by the way are for you, please, absorb the fragrance
Twelve lovely red roses
Oh but now your face is the absolute same color
Your frown is a smile
Alas beauty has fallen onto beauty
The mist of yesterdays tear, evaporates
but but but stranger man, why me?
The rose petal was a sign for us both you see
You so wished to know there is kindness in this world
I so wished to make anyone at all smile, even but for a moment
So you see, we both have achieved a goal today
I bid you good day, wishing thee well with flowery bouquet
Off I went, across the street, lurking in the shadows
Following close behind, almost empty street
Behind, a wire quickly wrapped around the neck
I slit the throat, blood spurting to the skies
Shock and wonder, why why why?
Death though came fast, I walked away
The roses made her smile only for a moment
Ah but her stalkers death by my hands.............
Shall wipe the sadness and frown
Her fears you see, I just drowned
In blood
My heart said reach out to someone
It said don't just try but do
Said there’s a great need
I could see its truth too
I listened and searched deep
Searched deep down inside
I can see the need
All around it surrounds
Runs through me
Maybe others can be found
They will see the need
It’ll make a difference you will see
A first step let’s agree
Know it’s easier just to live
Let’s start just you and me
We’ll get much more than we give
It’s a different kind of love
But it’s nice to take a lead
I can see the need
All around it surrounds
Runs through me
Maybe others can be found
They will see the need
It’ll make a difference you will see
Help someone smile each day
Will feel like it’s worth it to stay
Be part of a new way
Yeah..
Umm, I can see the need
All around it surrounds
Runs through me
Maybe others can be found
They will see the need
Umm…
Cause I can see the need
All around it surrounds
Runs through me
Maybe others can be found
They will see the need
It’ll make a difference you will see
A difference you will see
Stretching out my arms and legs in the comforts of a bed
Just enjoying the softness and smell of soft clean sheets
Smiling with those slumbering thoughts as I fade to sleep
Dreaming of other worlds, other people, and many places
I have gone to wonderful places with no nightmares tonight
Awake wondering where did all these dreams come from
Looking at the bedroom ceiling where our clock projects time
It’s truly hard to believe that I have only slept a few hours
How can they be, those dreams continued on for many days
Looking around the room I ask myself, ok, why am I awake
I listen to all the sounds of the night, umm, there are none
I leave the comforts of a warm bed and fresh clean sheets
Moving from our bedroom so my sweetheart can sleep
I decided to open our laptop and check out Poetry Soup
Many poets have left their thoughts during my slumber
Reading words from those Poetry Soup Poets
Unread poems are read first
Leaving a few comments
Sleeping…
…
…
Edward J. Ebbs - October 24, 2015