Best Scooper Poems
A collaboration by Tania Kitchin, Lin Lane, Jan Allison and me that was inspired by Charles Messina's recent POTD.
It's a pooper scooper; that's what we need
But I doubt they will willingly concede
It'll take jury and judge
for those who refuse to budge
No matter how many of us agreed.
Cara never wrote an honest line
Her poems just stink, they're not sublime
They all just reek like poo
Should be flushed down the loo
Needs to stop stealing poems online
Ken was so ill, thought he had a bad flu
And freaked out when he saw his poo was blue
He went to have some tests,
Praying his bowels rest
Told he ate too many berries, who knew
Poor Tania's cat pooped on the floor
Then wiped it's butt on the loo door
It's too late in the night
To see this poopy sight
Cat faeces in house folk abhor!
She lets her dog out for a pee
When under a bush she can see
A skunk ready to spray
She gets her dog away
Phew! no skunk spray on poor Ziggy.
I suggest the site be fumigated
For some who need to read it translated...
"People who post their poop
Don't belong in our group"
Hope this current trend becomes abated.
In the past folks wrote their own poetry
On display for the whole wide world to see
But many are quite sly
Use robots and AI
It's cheating and reeks of dishonesty.
Written on 4th September 2026
I was out walking my dragon, when I came across a Dogasaurus Rex.
It really wasn’t so bad until; they got into a real life-pissing contest.
My dragons’ roar was way less than his, and spitting fire, he couldn’t do.
So they squared off, eyes aglow, and yep, a true pissing contest did ensue.
Now, that was really icky, and flooded my neighbors whole lawn, ewww.
Well, it smelled awfully bad, but when they got going, what was I to do.
And a pooper-scooper does not work here, so I had to wait till both were thru.
If there wasn’t enough testosterone, now my neighbors’ was added, to the brew.
A mean old codger lived right there, and now, even he, was royally pissed.
Watering the lawn wouldn’t send it away; it would spread it more, amiss.
I ran to get my neighbor witch, who was laughing her head off, yes, indeed.
I’d need her help to save the yard, and with the old codger, to finally succeed.
The old codger amazed, started adding, held in, bubbling laughter, to the brew.
Seems he’s a lonely old man, with not enough fun added in his life, it’s true.
He tapped his foot, as his dogasaurus Rex did more, what was I to do, in truth?
I became worried, it would be the death of him, if he didn’t laugh out loud, forsooth.
I ask the dragon, to burn the yard, to save us all, but he just snickered more, thereon.
How, you ask, was I to extradite myself? I went home to put a fire retardant suit, on.
Coming back I kicked, the dragon in his butt, for always being so crazily, put upon.
That quickly brought his fire on me, as I took it into the middle of the yucky lawn.
With the taunting done, the icky stuff gone, the witch put the grass back, with great skill.
Then, the dragon started laughing, his butt off, while thinking I’d owe the witch’s bill.
Hah! He was incredulous, as I said; he’d do the witch’s bidding, till it was fulfilled.
Then, the silly dragon, down right cried, as I told him, the walkies, would now be nil!
But, Grandpa Troll intervened, with us both in timeout, again, facing across the lake.
And, the old codger, spent the rest of his life happy, entertaining the town, with our fate.
From then on, the dragon and dogasauraus, were seen everywhere, as great playmates.
And me, I always carry an umbrella, so Dragon can never rain on my parade…
For only a few summer months out of the year,
I can always find a pretty girl working here.
She is the type of gal most guys see in a dream.
I see her every summer day scooping ice cream.
Sundaes, cones, sodas, there is nothing she can’t serve.
I want to speak to her, but I can’t get the nerve.
Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, or peach,
many other flavors are within her reach.
A sundae or cone she can serve me any day.
If I could get her attention, is there a way?
I always look forward to the summer season.
Susie at the ice cream parlor is the reason.
A Jewfish known as Goliath Grouper,
At eight hundred pounds, mouth like a scooper!
Quest of the Atlantic,
Their mouth is gigantic!
A Goliath fillet, tastes quite super!
By reason of inquisitive nature,
The cause of them being a fair wager,
Of fisherman’s spear,
They have not a fear.
Of ocean fish they are one of major!
Young may be prodigious hermaphrodites,
Gender goes either way if-you-buy-it.
On list, endangered species,
Will be shame if it ceases!
The Goliath Grouper, one nature’s sight!
For and in Honor of Carolyn Devonshire
And Contest: Attack
There was a man named Hickenlooper.
Who invented a dog poop scooper.
Something went awry
Flinging contents into the sky
And stinking the town into a stupor.
Pet Port A Potty
I took a walk in the city today
to try to pass the time away.
Saw lots of people walking too
stepped right in a pile of doggy doo.
I thought for a moment just what could be done
to clean up the streets of doggie dung.
Maybe I'll invent something really super
even finer than a pooper scooper.
A port a potty for our four legged friends
on every street corner where every road bends.
Then I'll become famous for this awesome invention
at the monthly town meetings my name will be mentioned.
They'll throw a big party and dance in the streets
because never again will there be poop on our feet!
Written by Kathy J Parenteau
Circle Time
we got a puppy – “super dooper”
now the puppy’s a – “super pooper”
he circles thricely
squats so nicely
I’m a “super dooper pooper scooper”
John G. Lawless
12/4/2016
A town in Spain had had enough
With dog poop in the parks.
The owners would be punished
For their pets who left their marks.
So volunteers with eagle eyes
Approached offending walkers,
Without revealing that they worked
As pooper-scooper stalkers.
With friendly chitchat they found out
The puppy’s name and breed;
To ascertain addresses,
Those were all the facts they’d need.
Then when the master walked away,
That poop was scooped and boxed
And mailed right to the owner,
Who was soon to be outfoxed.
The parcels, labeled “lost and found”
Bore an official seal.
Recipients had no idea
Just what they would reveal.
I wish I could have seen the look
On every owner’s face
When he or she discovered
Such a pedigreed disgrace.
So hats off to the Spanish
As these lowlifes they pursue,
Giving every city sullier
A gift of doggie doo!
I love dogs,don't get me wrong.
It's really not their doing.
Their human parents are to blame
for places they are pooing!
It's bad enough they let them go
right smack into my yard.
But then they will not clean it up
and I step in it hard!
This is laziness on their part
or maybe they just don't care.
At any rate it makes me mad
that they're not being fair.
I shift my feet around and still
I scrape it off my shoes.
Or else it squishes between my toes
and this is awful news!
So people if you have a pooch
please take along a scooper.
For if you know your pup at all
you'll know he's a big pooper!
for contest"What Annoys You"
Frank I hope I made you laugh!!
Pooper Scooper
Scooper Pooper
I like to watch my cat
tip its hat
in its tea.
but only for me
thats why you'll see me
Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high.
Thats why you wont find us
with a stigh
in our eye.
No it's not a lie
from this mouth.
Yea, thats what I'm talking about!
Dont sit there and pout.
You little nerd.
Go take a turd
In the cow herd
in the field.
Just keeping it real!
Dont catch a feel
in my dress.
Lets play some chess
like a geek
in a creek.
You little freak!
Go play a game.
Just do it for shame.
Not in my name!
You Liar!
Use a mushroom fryer
on a garage band flier
when you put it in a dryer
on low.
You really blow!
Do it on show.
I'll pay a dollar!!!
And I'll put it in the collar
of your G-string.
Aint a thing
But a chicken wing!
Go get some booty
From a frooty
tooty
cooty
Yuck Boys!
Biotch! buy your own toys
at the special shop
where you always drop
like a blow pop
on the floor.
Dont knock on the door
just ask for more
when you dance dance!
We're falling apart to halftime!
Dance Dance!
Underneath the cork tree
where we took a pee
for a two dollar fee
when we shown our butts.
Or how about when we scratched our nuts.
Your Nucking Futs!
By: Miranda and Trista
I mowed my lawn in my red Jimmy Choos
Now there’s dog poop on my new shoes
My lazy neighbor's got an untrained pup
It poops on MY lawn - they don’t clean it up!
The lawn’s dotted with piles of dog muck
I’m gobsmacked in fact I’m dumbstruck
So I’ve ordered them a pooper scooper
I hope they’ll use it on their pesky pooper
Fiction poem - but dog mess is a pet hate of mine!
Dumbstruck Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Charles Messina
08/14/21
People walking dogs
Should always carry a scooper
Dog doo is stinky
SERGEANT COOPER AND OFFICER HOUND
Cooper was a trooper
Who was a Sergeant?
He had a dog that ate all his donuts
While on the beat, those busy streets
Officer Hound, (the dog)
Left his poop on the ground
Alas! Poor Sergeant Cooper
Had to use a new pooper-scooper
9/18/18
Written by James Edward Lee Sr. ©2018
A supercilious Souper
Claims to be our Pooper Scooper
But his reviews
Do not amuse
He's become a Souper Blooper
super
duper
pooper
scooper