Best Red Neck Poems
Susie Lee done fell in love.
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy 'bout it all,
She told her pappy so.
Pappy told her, Susie Gal,
You'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon yore ma don't know,
But Joe is yore half brother.
So Susie put aside her Joe,
And planned to marry Will,
But after telling Pappy this,
He said, Thar's trouble still.
You can't marry Will my gal,
And please don't tell yore mother,
But Will and Joe and several mo,
I know is yore half brothers.
But Mama knew and said My Child,
Just do what makes ye happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe,
Ye ain't no kin to Pappy.
Author Unknown
(Jes like Pappy)
(Kinda brings a tear to yer eye, don't it)
For those concerned of my muse
My red neck proverbs, please don’t refuse,
If those considered to be, of lesser degree,
Could gain confidence in themselves, to see,
Refusing to be put down by some carnal mind,
Thank you! My love in my heart is fine,
Rather! It’s the mind that’s out of line,
For all of life will be set straight,
Before entry into the gate,
Given time, by the settling of the mind,
Although we may think we know,
Given to the mind so,
In our life, if there’s strife,
Will certainly show,
Proof there is in the pudding,
Being a gooden,
If mind wooden, blow so, and show,
Strife, in life so,
If a little toad frog had wings,
Wooden be given to his many flings,
Bumping little buttocks along on the ground,
Butt twood,- be heaven bound!!
Selah!
9-9-09 johnmosesfreeman@yahoo.com
Ever once in a while, I write a poem that I feel like, is good enought
to dedicate to someone."Carolyn Devonshire" this your lucky or sad
day, depending upon your own opinion of the poem dedicated!
Your dedication in your comments on poems in Poetry Soup, mine
included, are certainly a source of inspiration to me, as I am sure others.
God Bless you, Sincerely, John Moses Freeman
My name is Charlie Munford
I am all Redneck, not a nerd
I have the gas sucking truck, big bald muddin' tires
I needed some money, so I sat my truck on fire
If you come over empty handed, no beer or snacks
Prepare for an old fashioned butt whippin' or you better make some tracks
Poor mannered guests make me mean
I am a legend in the Redneck community, they call me Niller Bean
I sleep among the empty beer cans and potato chip bags
I fall asleep staring at my Rebel flag
When I go grocery shopping, it is scratch and dent all the way
The discount food game I know how to play
I grab a bag of Fritos and crush them, then use a black marker and write crushed
on the outside
Every week I take the grocery store on my discount ride
I do these tactics where I can't be seen
I sign my credit card receipt as Niller Bean
People call me crazy, I am just misunderstood
If you get to know me, you will see, my intentions are good
Now I am Jammin' to some Patsy Cline
Women call me a pig, I prefer the term swine
‘Twas close to the day when Buba Claus,
His red nose and Bowie knife shining,
Would be off to fill the manly's hearths,
With bacon for their frying.
The ground was bare of snow or ice,
The sky was clear of reindeer.
But Buba Claus was loading his sleigh,
Real high, with good stout Yule beer?
Buba Claus was out in force,
His NRA cronies in tow,
To fill naughty radicals stockings,
With tiny bits of coal.
Cigars dangled from their lips,
A spittoon he placed by their feet,
And, before the sleigh rose off the ground;
They tossed in another side of beef.
Each carnivore, they laughingly swore;
Would have their fill this year,
And Bambi blanched as He flew by,
While Teddy Bears ran in fear!
Over New Canaan His courses flew,
Past the homes of vegetarians;
And down their chimneys they did toss;
The views of Libertarians!
And when the last haunch was placed,
Upon the spits of the mighty,
His spat his cud of gnarly gum,
Into the spittoon real tidy!
Then he flew off with a Ho, Ho, Ho,
And, not the ones for plowing
Cause Buba Claus had his own ideas
Of all Santa's sissy endowings!
I’m all jacked up on the bottle
And I’m wacked out of my mind
She left me for that mail man
Brown suit done crossed the line
That package she was waiting on
Had two legs and a smile
I’m bout to make a delivery
And I’m delivering red neck style
Ill hunt him with my old coon-dog
Expose with my spot light
Take another shot of whisky
I got a dog in this fight
When you’re messin with my women
You’ve got a country problem my man
I’ve got a first class package
Red neck delivery man
That old coon-dog is bayed up
It about midnight
I slam it in to 4 wheel
His butt is puckered up real tight
Like a tick on a coon dog
Digging in real deep
I don’t need no tracking system
Just my red neck philosophy
So when you hear those glass packs coming
You better scurry up that tree
You can bet your ass I’m coming
You bout to get a piece of me
Cause I’m coming with my coon-dog
Bringing my spot light
I’ll take another shot of whisky
I got a dog in this fight
When you’re messin with my women
You’ve got a country problem my man
I’ve got a first class package
Red neck delivery man
Watch out boy - here I come –
Red neck delivery man
'Twas close to the day when Buba Claus,
His red nose and Bowie knife shining,
Would be off to fill the manly's hearths,
With bacon for their frying.
The ground was bare of snow or ice,
The sky was clear of reindeer.
But Buba Claus was loading his sleigh,
Real high, with good stout Yule beer?
Buba Claus was out in force,
His NRA cronies in tow,
To fill naughty radicals stockings,
With tiny bits of coal.
Cigars dangled from their lips,
A spittoon he placed by their feet,
And, before the sleigh rose off the ground;
They tossed in another side of beef.
Each carnivore, they laughingly swore;
Would have their fill this year,
And Bambi blanched as He flew by,
While Teddy Bears ran in fear!
Over New Canaan His courses flew,
Past the homes of vegetarians;
And down their chimneys they did toss;
The views of Libertarians! (gasp)
And when the last haunch was placed,
Upon the spits of the mighty,
His spat his cud of gnarly gum,
Into the spittoon real tidy!
Then he flew off with a Ho, Ho, Ho,
And, not the ones for plowing (wink)
Cause Buba Claus had his own ideas
Of all Santa's sissy endowings!
A man walks by in a gray polyester suit
He tells another man to call him Juice
The other man in bright orange hunter's clothes, he looks bold and brash
He tells Juice to call him Cold Hard Cash
They sit at the bus bench to discuss a new business they want to start
It all begins tomorrow around the corner at the local trailer park
Cold Hard Cash tells Juice, this is my last 500 bucks, but what the heck
It all started when the Master Pimp met with the Ultimate Red Neck
Cold Hard Cash tells Juice, follow me, I will give you the grand tour
Starting at my trailer on lot number four
As they enter Cold Hard Cash's place, it smells like rotting potatoes
Juice enters and slips on some cherry tomatoes
Cold Hard Cash says here and hands Juice a plate of sauerkraut and dogs
He tells Juice, if you stick around for supper, I will roast us some frogs
Juice asks Cold Hard Cash, after we eat, can I be given the golden key to the
park
Cold Hard Cash, says let's go next door we will begin at Judy Starks
Juice goes with Cold Hard Cash to interview their first employee in their line of
money makers
After the interview, Judy says yes, Juice comments, she's a real shaker
At the next interview, the girl shows them why her picture used to be on Breck
This all transpired when the Pimp Master hooked up with the Ultimate Red Neck
Juice says we need one more so we can rotate them around the clock
We will put them to work outside the laundry mat and liquor store, which are on
the same block
Cold Hard Cash asks what if one calls in sick
Juice answers in a business voice, then one of the others will pull a double shift
Juice points and asks what about this place
Cold Hard Cash says you don't want to see her face to face
Cold Hard Cash says she's the one they used to design Shrek
Good luck with your business, Master Pimp and the Ultimate Red Neck
I’m planning to run my Ford into the ground
And there I’ll be buried in it safe and sound
Slowly the bed will rust off the frame
And in that hole, we will remain
Buried in an F150
Will not only be quite nifty
I’ll need no wooden basket
In my broke-down Ford casket!