Best Randy Poems
`Twas Christmas Eve and in the air a chill
Rudolph had to stand down cos he felt ill
Santa started to panic
So he sent for a medic
Who in error gave Rudolph a blue pill.
He soon perked up and was raring to go
Santa was pleased and shouted ho ho ho
But then a surprise
Between the stags thighs
Rudolphs man thing was beginning to grow.
Surprised Santa just looked on in dismay
As Rudolph managed to break from the sleigh
A deer park he went
Picked up some doe's scent
And with every doe had his wicked way.
Written 7th December 2020.
Christmas Limerick Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Alexis Y.
There was an old codger named Randy
Who rolled on the beach and got sandy.
T'was there he did sleep,
And ne'er did he weep,
So sure that his life was just dandy.
Along came a lady named Sandy
Who wanted so much to help Randy
To soften his heart,
She played a big part,
And stopped him from drinking his brandy.
Then Randy got quickly awake,
So stunned when he saw his mistake.
He thought no one cared
Because no one dared
To love him for his own name's sake.
He quickly got up from his stupor
And started to be a good trooper.
He went to help others
Who didn’t have mothers,
and now his life's work is just super.
Revised:
January 8, 2016
He was a snappy dresser and knew he was a prize.
So handsome and so suave was he and oh those twinkling eyes.
Girls followed him where're he went for friends he wasn't lacking,
And he knew how to get his way, for him life was relaxing.
Others stepped and fetched for him and he had no misgivings.
This was the way that things should be, the world owed him a living.
Late in Fall she came to town, quiet and mysterious.
No one knew from whence she came, she seemed polite but serious.
She was smooth and polished with a kind and gentle air.
Dignified and charming, most people found her fair.
Some said her eyes were warm and brown, some said no they're blue.
Others said they didn't know and curiosity grew.
Randy set his cap for her, in no time she'd be his.
Like all the others she would fall, he was sure of this.
He courted and he flattered her using all his charm.
He smiled and strutted for the crowd with her upon his arm.
Like all the others she believed she'd found her one true love.
Until he cast her heart aside like some old shoe or glove.
She was a lady tried and true, dignified, with class.
She'd not react unseemingly, she was a proper lass.
She asked him to come over, she would return his ring.
He smiled and he accepted thinking one last fling.
No one ever saw him or heard from him again,
And the lady moved away and then the tales began.
Never break a lady's heart and leave her all forlorn.
For Hell hath no fury, like a woman scorned.
\
Glenn Turner and Randall "Randy" Thompson were the best police officer and volunteer firefighter in all of Cobb County, Georgia, until March 1995 (WWF Monday Night Raw and WWF Wrestle-Mania XI) and January 2001 (Raw Is War, WWF SmackDown!, and the WWF Royal Rumble) when their lives were taken away from their loving families by Julia Lynn Womack: aka the "Black Poisoning Widow." It seems that it was these two guys in uniform who married the same woman, especially when she was after their money, totaling hundreds and thousands of dollars, even in life insurance. Glenn and Randy have been killed by a deadly liquid by the form of Etheline Glycol rich antifreeze; Lynn Turner used it to spike that of lime-flavored gelatin (green Jell-O), sweet iced tea, and chicken noodle soup. Now, how cold-blooded was that? But to be honest, Maurice G. Turner and Randy Thompson, God rest their souls, really never should've met this gold digging assassin named Julia Lynn Womack (who's now dead) to begin with. Their families, their colleagues, and the citizens of Cobb County, Georgia, they still don't understand why the lives of these two men have to end in a tragic manner. They've got a bunch of whole lives ahead of them. But now that Lynn Turner, who killed both her police officer husband and her firefighter boyfriend, is dead, she can't hurt anyone else ever again. Randall and Glenn are no longer with their friends and families (including their moms), but their spirits will live on forever and they'll see their loved ones in heaven one day. And as for Julia Lynn Womack-Turner, she got what was coming to her and may she burn in the giant pit of inferno for all eternity.
There once was a pris'ner named Randy
who lived up to his name real Dandy.
The women he knew
could never be true
for they'd rather have candy than Randy.
For Deborah Guzzi's Limerick contest
Randy the ring-tailed raccoon
Had a very funny smell
And if you ever smelled him
You would run away pell-mell.
All of the other raccoons
Held their noses, called him names.
They were not nice to Randy,
Played him for the fool in games.
Then one frosty Christmas Eve
Santa said to him
"Randy with your smell so rank
You would stop an armored tank."
He pitied poor old Randy.
"You must have a bath tonight,
Then all the lady raccoons
Will not run away in fright."
Randy the ring-tailed raccoon
Now smells so extremely nice
All of his brother raccoons
Want to borrow his "Old Spice".
(to the tune of Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer.)won first place
Randy sings to me sweetly, so neatly the rhymes of my time.
I was engaged on his stage in his muse, I use my own rhyme.
I'm inspired, never tired of listening, glistening in a fun sunny day.
Hay on a pile makes me smile for a while. My style is mine alone.
I have time to reflect, oh heck - Jeckel and Hyde, hide the stone.
Hide a bone, buried deep in my soul - not cold, but warm as sun.
Fun is at my house, no mouse anymore at my door. Stores are
For shoes, beats the blues; and pants, plants and so much more.
Two dollar bill in my book, look - see me baby, then grown. Sown
More seeds to feed. I read, cook, sew. So I'm a busy bee. Buzz!
Fuzzy bears, angel too, big ones, small ones, tall too, butterflies
And nets. I Love you and Mom and Dad bears. Have Mom and child.
It's mild out today, open door - no more rain until another day.
Say it all - let it all out. Shout from a mountain top. Stop to pray.
Rainbows red, yellow, violet and more. Rain, rain, please come
To pray with me. I'll see you in all your wonders and wander this
Land, so grand it is. Tis of thee, oh Lord; my one and only safety
Net, I bet on it all. Small and large, I'm in charge. So charge away!
Say a prayer, win! Twins are born. No scorn. Just love from above.
There once was a poet named Randy
Who was known for being eye candy
A fisherman by trait
With words as his bait
Smoothe talking was his modus operandi
There was a young fellow named Randy,
Whom girls thought a little too handy.
They all ran away
On Valentine’s Day,
Although they accepted his candy.
Poor Randy was very down hearted.
His candy and he were soon parted.
Not one little kiss
From any sweet miss
Though economy he restarted.
For Francine's Valentine Limerick contest 4th place
Yesterday I had a beer
In a place that was near
Soft light and music filled
The sight of you left me thrilled
Your name I did not know
But oh I loved your body so
Thick but lean, muscled and tanned
What a fine specimen of a man
I sat and sipped and watched all night
At lips that promised sheer delight
Of arms that could capture me
Unbridled passion now set free
Your eyes blue grey with such depth
Languid lust that silently crept
Arousal concealed under shadow of lash
Upon Love's shore I yearned to crash
Someone said your name aloud
I heard it float through the crowd
Andrew they said your name to be
Randy Andy I hoped to me
Randy Andy with hair so fair
Magnetism that caused all to stare
A body made for hands to explore
Leaving me yearning and needing more
I decided to try and attract you
So up beside you to give you a view
For such was the ache inside off me
Begging loudly for you to set it free
You turned your head and found my eyes
As if you suddenly heard my cries
Reaching out you touched my hand
Lust's fire burned and did so expand
I was so focused on your sexy lips
As you gently moved your fingertips
Lost I was in your touch
I wanted you so very much
So imagine my shock when you spoke
In that high pitched little girl croak
I shook my head, I didn't believe
Your voice did so absolutely deceive
My beautiful sexy dream of a man
Had a voice as scratchy as a old tin can
Lust took off and went straight to bed
Reality quickly raced through my head
If that wasn't bad enough you see
Your breath stunk and your IQ was three
Within a minute I knew you were a Neanderthal
Clearly visible even through all the alcohol
It shook me from my dreamy reverie
What had I been thinking anyway
To fall for someone from afar
Is like wishing on a blessed star
For wishes rarely turn out to be
What you thought you wanted to see
So now I know the right thing to do
Look past the looks to the inside and true
Ah Randy Andy I thought you were the one
In you I saw the rising sun
But once it shone, I found the glare
Way to harsh to sit and stare
So now my search begins anew
To find love within my view
But I will always look deeper within
For someone to spend my years in sin
Still walking in dreamland at this very late stage
My heads in the clouds, but I'm on to the last page
It ain't over yet
Still randy by heck
Before I run amok better lock me in a cage
© Jack Ellison 2015
Limerick: Once a randy Rajah from Ratnapoor
Once a randy Rajah from Ratnapoor
Stole into his harem to take a tour
Eunuchs were most occupied
With Ranis left untied
So he cut their heads off to seal the door.
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2013
Watch out for a girl named Andie.
She goes around stealing candy.
And worse, she will try
to steal a girl’s guy,
for Andie also is randy.
She’s sure an insatiable chick.
Though lollipops she loves to lick,
she has also been caught
getting heavy and hot
with every Tom, Harry, and Dick.
Randy Reindeer appeared on the scene
of a contest for St. Nick to glean
reindeer facts - like whose nose
with the most brightness glows.
Randy’s huge nose shone both red and green!
Rudolph’s rival is who St. Nick chose.
Randy Reindeer now steals all the shows.
It was from surgery
that he quite cleverly
got a battery stuck up his nose.
For the the 'Christmas Limerick Poetry Contest' Poetry Contest
of Alexis Y
There once was
A man
named Randy
Night after night
I gave him candy.......
I fell for his
republican
demeanour
It actually made me
Keener
I loved his buttoned
Up shirts
and this is what
drove me
to flirt....
His trifling stare
All his grey hair
Added even more
flare
I begged him to love
me
I begged him
to hug
me....
To which he grinned
and said much
To my chagrin
I need no wife
I have a life!