Best Poo Poems
I'm Witchy Poo from Dunedoo,
I'm a flaming outback witch,
You won't see me rounding cattle up
Or digging in a ditch.
I like to cast spells,
Just like those city witches do,
I've cast so many spells outback,
Successful ones too.
Did you know that emus
Always used to fly,
That is until that nasty bird,
Well....dropped one in my eye.
So I cast a spell
So he could only move along the ground,
No more zooming through the sky for him,
He's terra firma bound.
And as for those walking kangaroos,
Too many gathered near my shack,
So I cast a spell of hiccups,
Just to get them back.
But my most successful spell of all,
And there certainly is no doubt,
Was when I took the rain away
And created all this drought.
There's only one more thing to tell you,
And that's how I got my name,
The locals gave it to me,
Just after the emu took its aim.
authors note: Dundedoo is a real country town some 400 km north west of Sydney{ NSW Australia} in the outback
Throned green eyed rat in
golden trap of cheesy poo
he rules like a king
I have the outhouse in view
I had grandma’s squirrel stew
Dessert was a tart
I will not dare fart
I will sit in my own pew
*in honor of Jan's Birthday tomorrow*
I feed the seagulls in the morning sitting on a bench
When my sister looked at me and said in quite content
Miriam don’t feed those seagulls there’ll poo on your head
I ignored her and instead….
They pooed on her head
She wasn’t amused at all
She didn’t even snarl
Now every time we see her we say in good tent
Have you been pooed upon lately
Not even on your head
I have to admit I’ve got a confession
About my unhealthy obsession
Other kids love pop stars with all their heart
For me it’s the Bristol Stool chart
There’s seven different types of poo
With pictures that give me a clue
to how long the poo’s been in my bowel
Poos that’s both fresh and some that’s foul
Each morning once I get out of bed
For breakfast I’ll have brown bread
The chart is a handy tool
To identify your type of stool
Now I’ve decided to tell
You about the different poos that smell
Cos it’s clear that the Bristol stool chart
Can also indicate your type of fart
Type 1 is as hard as a nut
And stays longest in the gut
Type 2 is a sausagy lump
That’s hard to squeeze out your rump
Then there’s types 3 and type 4
These are the poos I adore
These are the poos I prefer to make
A cracked sausage or smooth like a snake
Types 5 and 6 are easier to pass
Blobby or fluffy ones from your ass
Type 7 is the worst of all
It gushes like a waterfall
So now you’ve got all the scoop
On all the different types of poop
I love identifying my poo and type of fart
The Bristol Stool chart fills my heart
Here’s a fact SOME dog owners have missed -
The dog poo fairy DOESN’T exist
So get out your scoop
And clear up that poop
Or you’ll get a big slap on the wrist!
Inspired by a large poster I saw on a van
07~16~15
Monkey see....monkey do...
Monkey took a poo poo...
Monkey pooed on my arm..
on my shirt...icky warm...
Monkey poo rings my alarm!
Monkey monkey...look at you!
Get this off...it's from your wah-zoo!!
Eep! eep! eep! said the monkey!
Then he squeezed his nose...
'cause it smelled funky!
As you see we have no Febreze
Butt cover your smell if you please
Just spritz three or four times
Then release by design
and the next person won't say "Jeeze!"
Return of the Kung Poo Masters
Spring came around the bend
As YES, Dragon is at it again
My roses have compost more regular than rain
As, Dragon goes at it, claiming its Zen
Yep, He’s dumping his loads as I try to stop him in vain
So the Kung POO Masters I did call
This time it was not one, but all
I declared who ever can bend
Dragon’s poos and great winds
Will be crowned the greatest Kung Poo Master of all
One of these was found tied with his robes in a tree
Another under a great pile of Dragon’s debris
But this ain’t the end
For a mysterious friend
Used Dragons curiosity to bend him… to his knee.
Each day the Kung Poo Master refused to come back
Or to reveal himself… as he was hidden… all in black
If Dragon didn’t comply to his potty time rules
Such a clever rule, for he wasn’t a fool
As Dragon finally complied
Then he stubbornly refused, until next year, to unveil
That didn’t last long, as Dragon blew a fiery gale
But The Kung Poo Master wasn’t hurt
For he had on a fire proof shirt
For he was the Sheriff of Crazyland, goes my tale
He won the crown and our respect all around
Now he comes each morn to wake Dragon with loud sounds
Dragon always jumps up and a chase unfolds
And if he dumps a load, its littering he’s told
Now my roses are flourishing in abound.
Now when he’s good… Dragon is given a treat
And the Sheriff gets breakfast here all very neat
Then they’re off to the park to meet Dragons destiny.
For Dragon has become the new Sheriff’s Deputy!
Finally… our… peace …is… complete
Never stand behind a hippo!
Never stand behind a hippo!
Never stand behind a hippo!
Projectile diarrhea!
i'm up a creek
i have a paddle
but no canoe
Something smells in here,
John forgot to flush again,
I think I'll move out!
I don’t know much about cat poo
Except they are not good to chew
Don’t eat a bite
You might excite
The dog who would enjoy a few
Russell Sivey
Why do pigeon always poo
On the car you’ve polished new
Why do they wait ‘til you’ve gone indoors
Before they mess up all your floors
Maybe it’s a good thing it’s just pigeon poo
A seagull has too much to do
That’s after they’ve taken the stand
To snatch your food from out your hand
When outdoors you must wear a cap
Birds don’t care where they crap
Sorry my juvenile effort
Completed 16 May 2017
There was a baby, brand new,
But the father was scared of his poo,
So the father departed,
The mother then started
To clean up the brown baby goo!