Best Off With His Head Poems
Two Nuns travel through Europe by car
Guided by the heavens North Star
Transylvania they reach
Hymn singing they preach
Not realizing they have come so far
At a busy junction they now stop
The red light is about to colour swap
Then out of the night
A most scaring sight
Onto their bonnet Dracula did drop
Sister Francine to Sister Helen said
On with the wipers, off with his head
Darn, that never worked
On this darkly toothed berk
He's hanging on, foot down, of they sped
What shall I do, Sister Francine says
Sister Helen shouts, window wiper spray
At the Vatican I filled
It's heavenly chilled
This time he's sure to go away
The Holy Water now having been yield
Has the demons fate now been sealed
To rid of this dross
Please show him your cross
Get the **** off the windshield!
~*~ This piece has been turned into a Limerick from a joke doing the rounds ~*~
Morning At Work
Impaired by his tremors
And a troublesome cough,
He turned fur into felt
Before cooling things off.
He drooled once or twice
And grew cold in his bones,
But he shaped all the felt
Into all of the cones.
Noon
His 'venomous vipers'
Grew restless again
And woke as the toxins
Played games with his brain.
He began to see strange things
And quickly grew scared
When the writing desk swooped
Like a ravenous bird.
Aware that his dark mind
Was now playing tricks,
He quit work forever
At ten shillings past six.
Night
He sat in The Tabard
Where he found time to think.
His skin had turned orange
As he drowned in his drink.
He recalled the sad day
His wife took off her ring
And with her cards on the table
Left to marry a king.
He pined for his daughter
And the party he'd planned
But she followed her mother
To that far-away land.
Later That Night
While carrying a tea tray
Upstairs to his bed
He tripped over his hat
He'd shook off with his head.
He finally came to
Around six the next night
But from that moment on
All his world was not right.
A.W. Nutter
“Off with his head!”
“Off with his head!”
What sin did I commit
To become your obsession
You forced me to submit
To your physical violations
A frightened little child
Bowing to his master
As the soul is defiled
The crowd grows louder
“Off with his head!”
“Off with his head!”
Pain, I learned to embrace
The torture haunts my dreams
Is this why I fell from grace
Depriving you of my screams
You lay me gently on my back
Viewing the guillotines blade
Blood sprays as it severs my neck
My vision lingering before it fades
Fully awake gasping for air
Emotions overtaken with dread
Believing it was another nightmare
Hearing the whispers beside my bed
“Off with his head!”
“Off with his head!”
Morning In The Hair Salon
She would chat and then nod as she washed
And laugh as she dried and then curled
But behind all the smiles that were wide, fixed and false
She felt challenged and alone in the world.
She felt angry and always so tired
With debts adding up to her worry
She would rather stay home and dream every day
Than be out every hour earning money.
Noon
She looked at herself in the mirror
And then sighed at the things she had seen:
Her life going backwards from where she once was
When her path was marked out to be queen.
She reflected back onto her childhood
And the reasons for her mistrust of men
The real world took over when she opened her eyes
She was young and so different back then.
She was tempted to run from her rehab.
To a place that could let her forget
And hide down a hole where the 'Drink Me' was free
But she stood firm and wasn't there yet.
She felt trapped in her work ever after
And wanted to leave and explore
But each time she tried, she failed and then found
She was back in the salon once more.
Night In The Tabard Inn
She helped out in The Tabard each evening
To avoid all the beatings at home.
She would laugh and play chess with the customers there
But despite this felt very alone.
She returned to her home just past midnight
A place that she hated and feared
Her husband was up and waiting for her
With eyes that stared back and looked weird.
She said nothing on entering the hallway
Then said she was going to bed.
He breathed a big sigh and then he spoke out
And these are his words that he said:
- I went to The Tabard this evening
To swap drink for the Watchmaker's gold.
I wanted to make you a ring for our love
Now I'm back and I'm wet and I'm cold.
Later That Night At Home
She ignored her fifth husband's advances
And reached for some whisky instead
Then with scissors in hand came a voice from her heart
It was his turn to hear "Off with his head!"
The hounds hungered but the queen wanted to bed
So she told the kind “the dogs need be fed!”
Rather than attending to this business
The king was caught with a mistress!
So the queen yelled “OFF WITH HIS HEAD!”
The jester soon entered (who had witnessed the smooches)
and said "such strange hairy lady! How she shuffles and scooches!
If I were to critique
with that grotesque physique
The king must have mistook her for one of the pooches!”
insipired by Alice In Wonderland
Tell me how did I get myself stuck in this dream
A dream I dream every night it seems
And every night is as strange as before.
Have I possibly gone mad?
This must be a dream
It is impossible for animals to talk
For cats to smile
And mice to walk.
I must have gone bonkers!
Oh dear, this is so confusing
Oh how could this be?
Everything is after me
Everyone is chasing me
Oh but wait this is all just a dream.
Everyone here is has simply gone daffy!
Oh look who’s this
This place of wonder has a queen
Oh dear, oh my
She is very mean
She’s feared rather than loved
Face burning blood red
As she’s screaming
“Off with his head”.
Now she is most defiantly mad.
Oh no, not good
The queen is after me
But why
Why now could this be
What did I do
What can I do
To stop her from beheading me?
Oh yes that’s it
I’ll twist the tables ‘round
And now
There’s no place for her to run
Oh it seems I have won
Her time as queen is done
Even her own army is gone.
But oh, I can’t
Not even this life I can end
But alone the rest of her life shell spend
Banished without a friend.
That would drive any person mad.
I have learned through this peculiar journey
To believe the impossible
Open up your mind
Open your heart as well
And soon you’ll find
Animals talking
Roses painted red
Careful now
Try not to loose your head
So dream your dreams
Wish upon a star
I may be mad as a hatter
But hey
The best people are.
4/30/17
Underneath what they consider lunar
Don't care if your name is super
So much for your future
And all of the rumors
There is nowhere you can go to outmaneuver
When I turn into Krueger
Take you out before the sound of the rooster
Whether or not on the computer
Or a scooter
Oh well that just makes one fewer
I don't care if you can't appreciate my humor
I come from the sewer
Not much of a snoozer
But a heavy duty boozer
Warning
Night and morning
The rage accumulating and forming
Before, during and after storming
In and out of areas with bugs that continue swarming
Feeling like Rick and not so much Morty
The temperature below, above or at the forties
In and out of different territories
Near and far from quarries
Coming in like Vorhees
It doesn't matter if you heard all the stories
Because nothing can prepare you for me
Considering that we all fall in different categories
And carry our own inventories
Mine can make it gory
Yours are empty normally
For you it just may end up horribly
Drawn out or ending shortly
I don't care about the glory
Or so called purgatory
A simple and friendly reminder
Don't have on your blinders
Think wiser
At elevations lower and higher
On foot or tires
Looking like Myers
In and out of areas devastated by fires
Above and below telephone wires
With a pair of pliers
Ready to eliminate any liars
Leaving behind no traces or fibers
Tried to go after me, but instead
He was caught, and pissed the bed
As it was off with his head
When I was Pinhead
Could be worse or better
More or lesser
Something that would do you some good to remember
Before I lose control of my temper
And become Lecter
Against whomever
Thinks their clever
Whenever
During any weather
The surrounding suddenly became redder
Not concerned about opinions
A one man army on a mission
They wanted to give me a million
Endless medical prescriptions
And to persuade me with religion
But I wouldn't give in or listen
Because I am a villain
By: Dalton Ogletree
The Preying Praying Mantis
She folds her limbs and waits
quietly.
He comes near, she waits
silently.
They do the dance,
Then comes her chance.
And snap!
Off with his head
quickly!
You have an Alice band, keeps your hair in place,
Dum and Dee said you're so modern, have an interface,
long time since Terry"s tea party, we were timeless,
the Mad Hatter said: 'Poof!' Couldn't care less.
The Doormouse nudged himself awake, for Godssake.
'Can't you let me sleep, I'll decide when I wake,'
The Queen had decided on independence for Barcelona,
'Can not be, ' they wailed, "Shut up, ' she said, 'You're another bloody moaner.'
The tortoise taught us how to make love, mimicked
the Queen, clapped his hands and said: 'Off with his head,'
Tarts were ready but black as the ace of spades,
brought uncerrmoniously by a train of waiting maids.
The King chastised everyone including the seven of clubs,
decided the whole lot were boring, went on a tour of Wonderland pubs.
Footnote: The Queen admonished the knave
and said: 'You"re not alright Jack.'
I slip your lies into my skin,
beauty plastic and skin deep
watched by those eyes again
tonight there will be no sleep.
And there's frost on the window,
too cold to remember if I feel
white to blue falling so low
what's it mean to be real?
There is more to this than breathing
or at least so we believe,
until hearts ripped open bleeding
show us how well you can deceive.
A murderer of this queen of hearts
still she doesn’t shout, "Off with his head!"
Murder was your greatest of arts
perfected as you watched as she bled.
So, I slip your lies into my skin
let them cut these veins who weep,
for the plastic flesh of a mannequin
whose beauty was only skin deep.
An IOU or
Changing of the Guard
For things to be swell, does your head have to swell?
And always have to be bright to ring the bell
When you do it a special to buy will appear
After a person has made it perfectly clear.
It takes two fingers in one hand to form a "V"
Which of course you know stands for Victory
And long ago a situation kept on demanding
We ended up having a Normandy landing.
No matter how things are or may be hard
They still have a changing of the guard;
If in America up many things want to spruce
Wait until a program will economically induce.
Each country has their own characteristic
But the one which makes me become ballistic
Was a case by Scott which many at time dreaded
Why now do people have to be beheaded?
"Off with his head," it once was often said
Now look at where this comment has led
A bunch of sorry, lame losers literally to do;
I personally myself recommend an "IOU."
James Thomas Horn
Retired Veteran
I really hate Pop stars
They are like incest siblings from mars
Sleeping around with everyone
Shaving their heads for fun
If your lucky they'll expose a teet
And expose pantiless pic's on a tweet
Watch out and be careful of the whimsey
For they all are procreated by Disney
Next thing ya know
They are marshmellow treats in your cereal bowl
Beware of the antique dolls
For endorsement deals will lead them to your mall
Who should stop this travesty in our homes?
It sure as hell ain't gonna be the man who changed his name 1000 times from combs
Where is this midget known as Justin Bieber?
Off with his head with a meat cleaver!
I could gone on with the pop culture life that is a bore
But what's that you say?.... it's time for Jersey Shore!
I hate to be so hypocritical and lame
But anything a hit on MTV, so them we can't blame
King Henry VIII ‘s daughter, Bloody Mary
This evil queen’s mission, England’s Protestants to bury
Never at night did she wake
After a day yelling, “Burn him at the stake!”
* I wanted to use "off with his head" but could find no historical evidence she ever used this phrase. Only in Alice in Wonderland!
It’s okay to be nervous
But there’s no need to fight
When colors flow inside of shapes
You have taken flight
Directions will be pointed
But you’re flying much too high
Caterpillars may inhale smoke
But eat plants to Butterfly
Put that in your pocket
It’s still too soon to see
Calm child, your only worry now
Is how to Drink More Tea
It is the glue that binds us all
Like a Milky Way of toads
Not all venoms taste so sweet
Not all Big Bangs explode
For this place holds a balance
Despite its ever scattering mess
The brightest stars super nova
Within their ego deaths
The implosion of undertow left
Is so dense that it is black
Inside of it light cannot escape
And that’s your beacon back
Now we’ve reached a point
And would you look at that
You’re looking more and more like me
And I a Cheshire Cat
You’re getting so much bigger
And the hang of this place
You’ve eaten the right mushroom pieces
And now you want to race
But before you venture off
And go be on your own
I must forewarn not all that live here
Want this fabric sewn
See while this place’s purpose
Remains to figure out one’s toll
There exist a house of cards
That aims to take control
And if they knew the things I’ve told you
Already I’d be dead
I can still hear the shriek of her voice
Screaming “Off with his head!”
They torture us inside the courtyard
For being who we are
For contemplating philosophy
And expanding minds too far
They’ve found a way to take our treats
And replace them with their tarts
They are boy and girl, but not like us...
The king and queen of hearts
The famous duo and powerful friends
Only want control
You’ll find them at the very bottom
Where demons infect your soul
See, the tarts they manufacture
Once you try you cannot stop
White coated hares recommend them
While their masters sit on top
Once you’ve tasted just a few
For an even smaller amount of time
You can no longer live without them
No matter how many times you try
And once you’re on their hooks
They take away your life
Drug to the courtyard to be judged
More pain, agony, and strife
But it’s at this point you should realize
Before you hear her shout
That I warned you of all this
And have told you the way out
Just reach deep in your pocket
If the situation becomes grotesque
And if you figure it out you’ll know
Why a raven is like a writing desk
(any resemblance to the following and
living persons iz purely coincidental)
Family, friends, and
strangers didst weep
when my brutally
murdered gagged and
bound distended corpse
put to eternal sleep
unbeknownst to homicide deep
pill lore hubble
killer, said murderer,
would sow what he did reap
on the deadly war holy jeep
purrs, cow path
this angry ghost
effortlessly held scented rag
to choke, a keep
sake squeezing out breath
from my corporeal flesh
with maggots didst creep
still adrip when bled,
to death, now enshrouded
in black hoodie,
and scythe leant lee
cackled with grateful dread
enroute to pay the
killer man moments ago
took hoof on
horse back fled
in hot pursuit destination,
albeit unknown,
yet aye twill find
trumpeting psychopath,
and quickly dismember
off with his head,
thus equipped with
keen bloodhound find
ding needle in hay
stack instinctive second nature
vengeance casually,
I hapt lee ghoul
lucky did allay
fresh trail scented out lay
boring haphazard way
word ness after gray
beard i.e. yours
truly he did slay
no matter wiseacre, may
be goot headstart, said jay
bird haint gonna
be twittering furlong,
cuz tell trail (and tail) flay
ming signs, he didst betray
noon the wiser hoo ray
bethought to brush
meticulously (cover) tracks
over most likely today
will merely (and merrily delay)
this phantom of neigh (nee)
and dearth all giving away
hideout, now tis
my turn, I didst inveigh
asper his final "say"
perhaps with ghost to
(gusto) hollering as no weigh
to hex press me excitement
thrusting sword
into his heart yay!