Best Numbing Poems
Mutual numbing
Ice cold tears that no one hears
I can't keep strumming
Feeling numb these days
Or am i so blind
Trying to read between hollow lines
Feeling not myself anymore
My mind tells my body its not so fine
Wish i could just dispel these emotions
Remove them and become just a shell
Maybe then il feel like im not in hell
Feeling rejected and neglected
But its probably myselfs fault
For not checking
Sadness rains and with it tears fall
I feel no one really cares at all
Everyone just wants to drink in Valhalla's **** hall
Norse mythology is just another story of Satan
Trying to glorify his fall
And who am i?
I feel like no one at all
Its so confusing
When everything is riddled with images on a glass wall
Sometimes i just dont care, this feeling
is growing more raw
Saying everything i feel until nothing is left to yield
Until one day i feel ive become real
A fade i feel like i am
Ever transparent and still
This heart I have...
I wish i could kill
Because there is so much it does feel
In this weird ass existence im in
Someone end my pain
And make me a deal
One that lets me either feel
Or not to feel
Just wish my pain wasnt a wound thats scared across
My abandoned and broken heart from an age when I was as short as i was
When i do kneel
Freedom flew in like a whistle blower
I saw freedom in numbers by the score
I am vigilant twenty four seven
Forgive as much as you're forgiven
Good stewards don't play the numbers game
Time paused and watched me play and lost again
I saw numbers everywhere I looked
Everything electronics had me hooked
I saw numbers high and low as I drove
Aged winnings had me paying for a stove
I fell and climbed high from the number's game
The devil's trick is to drive us insane
Numbers dared to scream from soft silent clouds
One day my prayer was heard. Problem was solved.
*
We went swimming in our clothes.
Took off only our socks
And jumped into the deep end.
Yesterday, I laughted so hard
I started sobbing.
Do you know how frustrating it is
To bury yourself in a blanket,
Nearly choke yourself on the fabric,
And still be unable to stop laughing?
Irma doesn't make me angry anymore,
Not really,
But thinking about that weekend
Still gives me that icky,
Trapped-panicked-angry-depressed feeling.
I want to go back to the square.
Explore Underground Books,
Get a cannoli and pick and leaf off a tree.
I still have the leaf from the first time.
Slang still confuses the hell out of me.
Your slang especially.
There are 103 days
Until my first semester of college begins
And I'm no less scare of where that leaves us
Than I was a year ago.
The only person who understands all of this
Is the only one who needed to hear it.
I gave my all to thee
then fell to my knees
feeling robbed.
I was given Risperdal
that released me of rage
against my foolish ways
floating on cloud nine
that held my self-centered ways at bay.
I had to have thee
loving little old me
as if tulips held the power and smell of love.
I was not alone; and
clamored to your kindness
yes, the number of times you arrived
dressing me anew
driving me to banquets
my heart was in it for all the wrong reasons:
the loss of my eldest brother
the loss of my eldest sister
the shedding of addiction skin.
I gave my all to thee, and
I feared you left me dangling.
I threw lemon merengue pie in your face, and
learned a lot about love, and spiritual maturity.
It's true you drove from New York to big sky country
seeing for yourself I was fully wedded.
*
The numbing effect ..
Effects in every way..
At sunrise...
Until sunset..
It is loyal ..
It is dependable
It is reliable..
It is resilient
As it is persistent..
It almost has a mind of it's own..
It is quite an entity in itself..
It had entered into me..
An uninvited guest it was..
Numbness was over the moon..
Extremely elated..
With taking charge of my life..
Prevented me from life...
An exceptional life..
Which was once the outcome..
Experiences..
Challenges..
Simple daily grinds
Routines..
Spontaneity
A foundation..
Of exquisiteness
Life as we know it..
Love and fear..
All duelities that exist
As such..
On the whole..
Crumbled
To the ground..
Destroyed..
Was once enormously tall..
Towering so high
The Pyramids of Giza
Standing it's ground..
Pain..
Sadness..
A tragic past..
Allowed and embraced..
Welcomed with..
Open arms ..
Numbness..
The numbing effect..
Had flourished..
It had taken over my entire being..
Allowing numbness to live out it's life..
Through me
Inside me..
All senses are doormat...
Sleeping comfortably numb inside me
Life..
Not..
Duelities
Not..
Therefore no experience..
attained..
No love and fear residing inside me..
A frozen state of mind
Feelings and emotions gone away..
Blank state it is..
Empty and hollow..
For solidity had vanished..
The numbing effect had won..
Altough I can unpeel..
The layers of the onion..
One layer at a time..
Gradual and subtle..
Followed by determination..
The uninvited guest of numbness..
An entity in itself..
May ..
One day..
Detach itself
from myself..
Release freedom
Directly to myself..
As a burden is lifted..
With all of my being..
With every breath I take..
I breathe clearly and effortlessly..
The breath of life remains inside of me..
Now I shall take a deep strong breath..
The breath of life I am..
Survival..
A life of substance..
I shall create..
From this day forward..
The numbing effect had already planned it's great escape..
Farewell as it stands..
There's never a dull moment in yesterday's shadow when the memory shines brighter than the light in your eyes, lives longer than I imagined our relationship would, & fights ten times harder to survive when every fiber in my feeling wants it gone, because your gone. So why does it stay. Why do I dream of you in situations that are impossible given our circumstances. Why can i feel your presence with my back turned to you. Why do the hairs on the back of my neck stand up whenever you enter a room. But my heart beats still. Numbness is the worst form of pain. I lied, numbing is the worst form of pain. When something happens to you & you have prepared yourself for the pain to come, you talked yourself through the situation because you knew it was coming, you wait for your heart to stop drop & roll as if it was on fire even though it feels ice cold-but it doesn't. It beats on in an unchanging rhythm, that you can't feel unless you make yourself aware of it. The moment passes & life moves on. You feel nothing. But your mind still races, your thoughts double & then triple making up for the loss of excitement in your heart. Your facial expression is nonchalant. Your body doesn't quiver & neither does your voice when you speak. The first time that happens, that hurts. It's an unfelt hurt only spoken but the realness of that pain is undeniable you feel this ache in your mind. In your thoughts, but you're fine. And when you're lying in bed at 1 am thinking about how awful your current life is & why the one person you're on love with doesn't love you back & crying because all of the great perhaps' in the world remain unanswered, & you're thinking about how great it will be when you don't feel this way anymore, you never imagined that you'd miss the pain. No one ever says "yeah this hurts now but im glad it does because one day I'll miss the pain." No one says that, but it happens. You miss the pain. Because the one thing no one ever tells you about heartache, is that the nothing is the worst part.
Had I delved deep into The Word
I would have heard,
It wasn't from beyond the cloud
My first winnings were as large as the devil's lure
I wrote the slips; swiped my Visa sure as true grit
Now I know for sure, God was not in it.
I've been playing numbers that
Played against the enemy that was me
Winnings coming out of no where held me in suspense
I was washed in sea of nonsense.
Then came the blues
It knocked me to my knees
It drenched me to tears
It caused my heart to fear, until
I felt the power and warmth of answered prayers.
Now, I am free!
I feel it in my being
I feel it in my bones and marrow
I feel it inside sinews of my soul,
Yes, I am free!!
My riches flowed from beyond the clouds
When I was a child, my grandmother fed us from her winnings
My winnings surpassed the look of blank slips, because
I am free as a bird facing new victory
Free, free, free!
*
And I sit there and it hurts.
I cry and mourn for what I've lost.
Sitting in the bath tub at night
I feel lost and the hot
Scolding water no longer bothers me
Though it has left burns and
Scars upon my skin which lie
So deep that the truth be held
Within them; Scars that you'll
Never know or even care to see!
My little runaway,
Your never going to understand.
You've taken away from me
The only thing I had left...
ME.
Sad husband just buried wife.
Clad in funeral glad rags;
Seeks refuge in libations.
Taxi called to bar
Date written: 09/25/2021
The green walls
Dulled with age.
Food, paint, and dirt
Completely ingrained
It’s been so long.
These rooms and the hall
Why go upstairs?
I’ve seen it all.
Go out the front door.
The air fresh and clean
Nothing here though
Is a sight unseen.
2 decades of this
20 years passed
A wall-less prison
The worst kind of trapped
Impossible wishes
What to do? Where to go?
I’m less likely to leave
Than a river without flow.
And with that I sit.
On this grassy knoll.
Subjecting myself
To 20 more still.
7/25/2020
Smoking toking you must be joking
it's a bust I just don't need an altered sense
of time and space or on choking
a mind-numbing feeling of euphoria
as I am happy as a clam
(thank you ma'am)
for as you two while under the influence
of lethargy-inducing external stimuli
proceeded in search of smokeable weed
a.k.a., a whole lot of pot
a joint venture indeed
the words I heard by you bemoaned
when about to go driving were
'No left turn unstoned!'