Best Nonsensical Poems
Exceptionally average
on every known scale
My life story’s such
a nonsensical tale
Striving for apathy
with passionate zeal
all of my flaws
I boldly conceal
I loudly proclaim
my feelings to none
and when there is trouble
bravely I run
No coward am I
unless there’s a need
and quickly I set forth
to slowly proceed
My virtues are many
just see how they rhyme
I’ll get to my bad points
at some other time
Not easily frightened
when already scared
And I shall go on
as if anyone cared
With scissors in hand
I cut my own lawn
I worked through the night
and straight up to Dawn
But Dawn couldn’t stand it
and packed all her things
and unicycled down
the road to Palm Springs
There’s just one more item
I almost forgot
that’s very important
until it is not
I hereby declare
before I should die
that my favorite cake
is blueberry pie
© Mike Wise
1/8/19
Wrong is right and right is wrong.
Long is short and short is long.
Black is white and white is black.
Toilet paper we may lack.
All is zero. Zero’s all.
There’s no writing on the wall.
Down is up and up is down.
The scientist is now a clown.
Toes need hands and hands need feet.
Siberia does not need heat.
Cold is hot and hot is cold.
The old are young; the young are old.
Kitties bark and dogs meow.
There is no need of money now.
In shadows, shine. In sunlight, lurk.
He who works hard is a jerk.
Harsh noises blind, and snow storms burn.
No child is left behind. All learn!
Illogic see and reason lose.
Never have to pay your dues!
Dead’s alive; alive is dead.
To sleep well, do not go to bed!
Straight is crooked; Crooked’s straight.
Does heaven even have a gate?
Hell is heaven; heaven’s hell.
All humanity is well.
Light is dark and dark is light.
Peaceful earthlings like to fight.
The rich are poor; the poor have riches.
Politics leave us in stiches.
Night is day and day is night.
Right is wrong and wrong is right.
Sept. 11, 2021
For the Nonsense Rhyme Poetry Contest of charles messina
Now for 'A BRIAN STRAND 1093' Poetry Contest
Football, volleyball, baseball, softball,
Racquetball, handball, basketball, hardball. . . .
There're lots of sports in the world you play with a ball,
And you can't play any of them if you're an oddball.
If you want to be good at any such sport,
You've certainly got to give it your all.
No such sport is as easy as playing with a snowball.
Choose one of those sports and pay all your attention to it.
If you don't devote your energy to it,
You'll surely fall into a downfall.
Before your practice, you shouldn't take a highball
Or any other kind of alcohol.
If you do, you may get into a pitfall.
During a game, there're numerous dangers to forestall.
If you don't take enough care, you may rush into a sidewall.
Or you may even get your head crushed against a stonewall.
Be on guard not to catch cold during a snowfall.
If you make any such blunder, you'll end up being a goofball.
After your practice, take a good rest, which is a real cure-all.
Whenever you feel dry in your nose, use a spray of aerosol.
If your girlfriend is with you, ask her to put on a camisole.
If she's a beautiful girl from Nepal,
Have her use a brilliant orange parasol,
Whose design reminds you of a refreshing waterfall.
If you feel uncomfortable kissing her,
Try some toothpaste with xylitol,
Perhaps with a little bit of menthol.
That may remind you of your ex-lover
Who spoke beautiful Provençal.
When you think you've eaten too much,
Start watching your level of cholesterol.
If you don't, you may be no better than a neanderthal.
If you do, your life will get back to a pastorale.
Well, I think that by now I've told you all.
(June 28, 2015)
We hate one another.
We can't get together.
We know it's better to be friends,
But we just don't even bother.
Our turmoil is so intense.
It's at the end of our tether.
All the King's Horses
And all the King's Men
Couldn't get us together.
Oh, no, it's over. Why bother?
When poet Tennyson was very young,
He was a handsome tiny son,
Who loved playing tennis under the sun.
When in his teens,
Tennyson excelled at his studies
So much so that he won the admiration of
Adorable girls who numbered ten.
As an adult Tennyson the tiny son went on a journey
To a faraway city called Newcastle upon Tyne.
There he came across a man who covered himself with tin.
Tennyson decided to call him "Tin Man."
Tin Man and Tennyson became good friends
So close together at all times.
Then one day they met someone so pretty and tiny
Who looked and behaved exactly like Tinker Bell.
Tinker Bell, Tinker Bell, tinkle all the way,
Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-donkey open sleigh!
"What a delightful, perfectly beautiful day we have today!"
Said Tinker Bell.
Oops! I don't think she could talk.
Who, then, made that statement, I wonder?
I wonder, I wonder, Alice in Wonderland.
Humpty Dumpty all the way,
Smiling nastily like that cat
Whose mouth was floating in the air,
Devoid of the rest of her body.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Alice together again.
And she one day decided to climb that tree,
Which grew so tall as to reach the sky,
Out of those beans that that old, ugly woman
Had given her the previous day
In exchange for the cake Alice had given her.
So Alice climbed and climbed and
At last she landed on the nearest cloud.
There she saw a great mansion
Surrounded by vines.
She lost no time in stealing in through the huge iron door.
There she found this goose of gold
And Alice was tempted to steal it
And bring it back home.
And so she went down back home
With that goose of gold
And lived happily ever after.
Candy~peppermint taste good~pleasureful treat
Red and white exist together resplendent
Whimsical luscious
First attempt at
Sapphic Stanza
A Nonsensical Scribble
Vivid colours,
straining, yearning,
closeted between hues,
weaving tapestries,
flowing through shades,
dissolving my swirling blues.
Rainbows merge,
singing plaintive dirges,
etched on dusty rough sleeves
urgent scribbles,
humming notes of woe,
hurriedly embossed on fallen leaves.
Melodies quicken,
words entombed in mouths,
fading, trapped in emerald green,
seizing dreamscapes,
blurring glimpses of truth,
slipping between visions unseen.
My heartbeat gallops,
committing ink to paper,
donning a smile blatantly comical,
I catch myself napping,
stirred by a nagging realisation,
the scribbles, much like the scribbler,
seem to be, quite humourlessly nonsensical.
Look up into the Milky Way
Streaming down the sky to the bay
Connected by sea to Skara Brae.
Do those ruins contain some clay?
On that faraway land, are there any dogs stray?
If I go there, will a beautiful girl be coming,
Serving me coffee with a splendid tray
On a sunny, refreshing day?
Will the girl be pretty enough to give me an impression
That strikes me as if with a fresh water spray?
Then, will I be filled with such deep emotion
That makes me shout, "Yay"?
Will I be stunned, having nothing to say?
Or will I start dancing as in ballet?
Some say that black is white
Others say that sadness is delight
Some say that right is wrong
Others say that short is long
I need a nonsensical antidote
Where is the first aid kit?
Some say that light is heavy
Others say that huge is tiny
Some say that evil is good
Others say that soft is hard
I need a nonsensical antidote
Where is the first aid kit?
Some say that hatred is love
Others say that dead is alive
Some say that dreams are real
Others say that weird is cool
I need a nonsensical antidote
Where is the first aid kit?
Some say that deep is shallow
Others say that light is shadow
I am now standing in a meadow
Good-bye everyone till tomorrow
Mint, peppermint, Cool Mint, badminton. . . .
But that's not what I meant.
You still don't know what I meant?
Then I'll give you a hint.
There's a famous guy named Clint.
Yes, his family name is Eastwood.
As an actor, he's sharp as a flint.
He always wears a shirt with a nice tint.
He hates to drive a car with a dint.
He once wrote a book that never got out of print.
He once daydreamed of being a quint.
He's diligent, he always works without a stint.
"Go ahead, make my day!"
says he, with his eyes shining with a glint.
So tidy is he, well-dressed is he,
without a single loose piece of lint.
Never did he do that, no he didn't.
So said he, with his trademark squint.
But he's not learned enough to be able to read a Septuagint.
Once he broke his leg, and they had to put it into a splint.
Miserably one bright sunny morning
I was happy to see rain was pouring
That day I went to a zoo in the sky
Saw elephants fly, and hyenas cry.
Zebras looked awesome, red, amber and green
That was their stripes, the best I’ve ever seen
The monkeys thrilled, swinging from star to star
And all met up in the Milky Way bar.
Yummy milkshakes in outer space
With flavours to suit every taste
Chocolate’s the best, flown from Mars
Hand delivered by shooting stars.
* * *
One night out snowballing with my pal Josh
‘Twas hot in the sun so went for a jog
Our horses started to gallop, pace slow
High speed of a snail, yet fierce was the throw.
We ended up flat on our backs face down
Standing tall and proud lay down on the ground
We ran all the way home, lame from the fall
Parents went frantic, impressed by it all.
9th September 2021
Nonsense Rhyme Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Charles Messina
Twas twiglo, and the snellish whidgers did sprowl and danzal in the warsh; all wafflie were the paridgers, and the gromb purtles sharsh. Prudalertating titillations the Gibbercrocky, my suthion The maws that nonce the tentlers that bonce Prudalertating titillations the Ardard bird, shewthion Foulishly speaking folklers such jocularonce He took his schwervo quill in hand: Eoness chrono the foemaxisis whom he sought so he rested by the editorial tree and stood awhile in fool killer thought and as in barblish thought still standing The Gibbercrocky, eyeing fierily came fiendishly through the critique trees and verbaled as is it came neigherly No, you! No, you! through and through The verbal blade went snacking-snickering! He left it dead, and with its head He went galloping and attacking. Thou -The has slain this son of mine! Holding in my arms, the shining boy What a fabulous day! Hoorah! Hooray! Cheering and snorting in his joy. Twas twiglo, and the snellish whidgers did sprowl and danzal in the warsh ; all wafflie were the paridgers, and the gromb purtles sharsh.
When I ate the orange
On the plate did arrange
This was one more challenge
He grabbed a slice, I cringe
At his rudeness, though derange
Somehow I will avenge
Oh! But I can change
I'll just ride the range
Eating my orange
On the very fringe
Dennis sinned
My gym
Did I? I did.
Do geese see God?
God saw I was dog
Don't nod don’t nod
Ah, Satan sees Natasha
Art, name no tub time. Emit but one mantra.
Rats live on no evil star
Too bad I hid a boot
Madam, in Eden I'm Adam
Oozy rat in a sanitary zoo
Satan, oscillate my metallic sonatas!
No, it never propagates if I set a gap or prevention
Anne, I vote more cars race Rome to Vienna
Are we not drawn onward to new era?
“Prove he doesn’t exist”
is the cry of the theist.
Not my dilemma.