Best Mart Poems
Labubu grins, a curious work of art,
Kasing Lung’s dream, brought forth from the heart.
Pop Mart displays, collecting carts start,
Lisa’s embrace gives trends a new chart.
People of faith, consider your part,
Not every craze should capture your heart.
Fame’s shining lure can pull us apart,
Discernment and wisdom must always take part.
Enjoy what is lovely, but don’t let it chart
A course that could lead your soul to depart.
The world may entice with treasures and art,
But truth and love must anchor your heart.
Let light be your guide, not just what is smart,
For faith is the truest and timeless art.
I was at the local Wal-mart
Where someone sneezed, along with a fart.
At first I was stunned.
Then, I started to run,
and stumbled over my cart.
I knew the germs were in the air,
and that I was getting my fair share.
So, I accepted my fate,
to sit grimly and wait,
armed with chicken soup and a prayer.
What I hate Most About Wal-Mart
By Elton Camp
Wal-Mart has a severely limited selection
Its cleanliness doesn’t meet my expectation
The shopping carts are almost always unclean
If you shop there, you will know what I mean
Its restroom are filthy a big part of the time
And the pharmacy hours are nearly a crime
The garden shop plants tend to be all dried out
Auto repair doesn’t know what tires are about
The stock of ordinary items is very often depleted
And they don’t carry many things that are needed
But what I so detest because there is simply no excuse
With many employees, only two checkouts are in use
What You Get Free From Wal-Mart
By Elton Camp
Once you had to pay to see the freak show
Now enjoy it free when to Wal-Mart you go
The fat lady is longer found only at a fair
Go to Wal-Mart and she will be there
Likewise for the Wild Man from Borneo
At Wal-Mart he is anytime that you go
To the cooch show you once paid admission
In Wal-Mart, the sluts are on free exhibition
Many customers will range from X to PG
Shop at Wal-Mart and see it all for free
Altiloquent in behavior
Quick to carom
Unabashedly pawky
A labyrinthine of misadventure
Like living in Greenland
Hardly felt warmth
Got the oil-
Wanted nothing more
Silenced your weapon
Named it trust
In the end
Just shot yourself
Like Halloween everyday
Since the mask came on
A new disguise
Darker and darker you stay
Years ago I wrote a jingle for a real store.
They didn't know I did, but I did.
The soda pop shop
The soda pop shop
Be sure to stop
In the soda pop shop
If it ain't pop
We ain't got it
Jeff Mart!
In the month of July during whirlpool
A Legacy was born to challenge a fool
Who in sphere of market did money drool.
As all feast and dance and sing in yule
Many people like Vipul, Maulik and Sanket rule
Over minds of customers who remain very cool
In our D-Mart which served as a perfect tool,
Come and join the ever-widening D-Mart Whirlpool.
All - cashier, attendants, owners, sweepers - pull
Praise, sympathy, good words and have globule.
There are many wicked, old, shrewd ghoul
Who conspire against you O! D-Mart, My soul!
ACs, clean floor, smiling faces and nature cool ;
Bhaiya, didi, managers, workers, watchmen Spool
Are the real source of income than other tool,
Come and join the ever-widening D-Mart whirlpool.
Future is bright of D-Mart with such module,
It also includes good products, service Gruel.
No judge can verdict anything like rice overrule
Or China food item never finds in its pool;
Clean and healthy food items, fine variety gul
And great discount on many items that ridicule
Those who conspire despise it for its fame and tool,
Come and join the ever-winding D-Mart whirlpool.
Road Rage At Wal-Mart
By Elton Camp
It was a task Meg did hate
A shopping cart to separate
After many jerks to pull one apart
Annoyed, shopping she did start
Moving up the produce aisle
Meg had to face her first trial
A cart she couldn’t get around
Angrily at its user she did frown
Picking her beans one-by-one
Was the woman’s idea of fun
Bread aisle was the next delay
Please excuse me, she did say
The customer did only glare
To let her pass she didn’t care
At the eggs, she had to delay
Another cart was in the way
Express Check the sign read
A full cart pushed ahead
Angrily, Meg began to curse
Hit the customer with her purse
Working for Snarl-Mart
By Elton Camp
Snarl-Mart’s lots to blame, I suppose
When some local stores had to close
The places run by Mom and Pop,
Slow sales just made them stop
Snarl-Mart can sell at prices retail
For less than they pay wholesale
Its great power to negotiate cost
To the smaller merchant is lost
“Just put us to the test
Our prices always best
Cost will you amaze
Sell for Less, Always.”
By such competition giving,
Many have lost their living.
Employees others had to fire
Snarl-Mart might deign to hire
Will perhaps give out another job
To replace the one they did rob
You have naught good to say
About their measly rate of pay
Little chance to have career
Most are part-time, we fear
Benefits along with your pay?
Hah, we say, just what are they?
With its great power to hire,
It can just as quickly fire.
If “associates” treated unfair
Not a union is there to care.
Will find to organize isn’t wise
A location that does, quickly dies
"We won’t be put through
Union telling us what to do"
To keep our prices so low
Worker raises have to go
If you don’t like our pay
Can replace you in a day
Not even a tiny bit do we care
Stupid smock to make you wear
“Can I serve you?” on the back
In case a customer want to yack
Better not be talking to your friend
If we learn you do, your job will end
Management has no tolerance at all
On the clock, for a personal phone call
Work while you are on the clock
Or know that pay we will dock
A second longer on your break
Will be a very serious mistake
No certain big box chain does this address
Many workers find themselves in this mess
Until the American economy turns around
Snarl-Marts will be your stomping ground
It is where you shop
everything is up for grabs
time everlasting
low prices are the key there
Sam knew what we all wanted
Shopping at Wal-Mart
By Elton Camp
Worse economic woes could be in store
So I watch what I spend as never before
And that is now the principal reason why
That our Wal-Mart is where I usually buy
At that place, I find very little I can praise,
Except that it’s true, “Low Prices Always”
And I can even understand the reasons why
Their own store brands they urge me to buy
But if saving money wasn’t any object at all
At a much nicer store I would prefer to call
One that would help me get out to my car
And closer parking so I don’t walk so far
At an establishment where the clerk tries
To help me find what’s in my own size
Where checkout lines don’t reach the wall
And my money is taken without any stall
Where the employees don’t give a blank stare
And about giving good service, show they care
A place where they carry the quality brands
Rather than having mainly the unknown cans
And in a building where I don’t walk a mile
From the entrance to the milk and bread aisle
To a pharmacy where they don’t close for lunch
So they can eat together—the whole bunch
To a business that doesn’t look for a cheater
With a person in the guise of a store greeter
One that beggars at the entrance won’t allow
Who try to milk me like I am some cash cow
As soon as I approach the door, they begin
And when I am trying to leave, do it again
“Please give to the cause near to my heart.
So that doing our new project we can start.”
If I could afford extra money to give away
It sure wouldn’t be costs like that I’d defray
As I drive out of the enormous parking lot
I wish I could afford a better shopping spot
A man went in Wal-mart and committed suicide.
The poor people who saw this must be traumatized.
Suicide is wrong but it's even worse to do it in a public place.
He probably did it because he had problems that he couldn't face.
I wish that man hadn't committed suicide.
He wanted a lot of people to watch as he died.
The reason why that man shot himself is unknown.
But those people wouldn't be traumatized if he had done it when he was alone.
(This is a true story that happened in Morristown, Tennessee.)
The large
man underdressed for November
booms at the uniformed
kneeling guy who pushes
chocolate bars on the shelf.
The lady glides, slimly with
forward pressed jaw and
questions in her eyes. I
rush down the aisle,
by the anti-organized children
and duty-bound citizens with
wealth converted into protein,
and worried-looking men.
An array of
cloth color contains bodies.
No music
only machines confidently
stating their instructions.
1. As you search the aisles at Walmart for something to say to your boyfriend’s mother?
a. You look for kind words in the book section
b. You search through the sheets and comforters
c. You listen to the other customer’s conversations
d. You pray that she isn’t listening closely to your wisdoms
2. When there is a sale at Walmart, you –
a. Grab your car keys
b. Put your favorite music on
c. Head for the clearance aisle
d. Read all the directions on the sale items
3. After buying something that doesn’t fit, you –
a. Take it back and search the racks for the right size in that color
b. Decide to toss it to the back of the closet until you loose weight
c. Head for the diet pills
d. Make up rhymes in your head about fat girls
4. During the Christmas season, you shop at Walmart –
a. Everyday
b. After payday
c. Only when they advertise their special sales
d. After Christmas
5. If you know someone who works at Walmart, do they say –
a. Don’t shop there – ever
b. Shop there when the sales are on
c. Shop their every chance you get
d. List what aisles the sales are on this week
6. On holidays, like Valentine’s Day, do you buy cards that reveal –
a. Your kindness and love
b. Your funny bone
c. Your dark side
d. Your bath time
7. After shopping at Walmart, what do you do?
a. Drink coffee
b. Dress warmly
c. Take a cruise
d. Light up the candles
8. If you had one J word for Wally World, what would it be?
a. Joy
b. Joke
c. Justice
d. Jury
Only at Wal-Mart
By Elton Camp
Where you must park a mile away
Beggars are at the doors every day
Vacant shelves all over the store
How can shoppers ask for more
Items out of stock for weeks
A bathroom that, of urine reeks
The brands you want not on display
They force “Great Value” their way
The rollbacks, goodness sakes alive
Was nineteen dollars, now $20.95
Longer to check out than to shop
Long lines make you want to drop
We now shop there less and less
Higher prices not so bad, I guess
Publix and Kroger get our dough
More and more it is becoming so