Best Mart Poems

I was at the local Wal-mart

Where someone sneezed, along with a fart.

At first I was stunned.

Then, I started to run,

and stumbled over my cart.


I knew the germs were in the air,

and that I was getting my fair share.

So, I accepted my fate,

to sit grimly and...

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Why I Hate Shopping at Snarl-Mart 
  
By Elton Camp

The parking lot’s hard to bear
For it must be a mile square

Any spot close to the door,
No parking there anymore.

Dozens of them are labeled
“For use only by the disabled.”

Enough for every wheelchair
Within a hundred miles...

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What I hate Most About Wal-Mart

By Elton Camp

Wal-Mart has a severely limited selection
Its cleanliness doesn’t meet my expectation

The shopping carts are almost always unclean
If you shop there, you will know what I mean

Its restroom are filthy a big part of the time
And the pharmacy hours...

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What You Get Free From Wal-Mart

By Elton Camp

Once you had to pay to see the freak show
Now enjoy it free when to Wal-Mart you go

The fat lady is longer found only at a fair
Go to Wal-Mart and she will be there

Likewise for the Wild Man...

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Years ago I wrote a jingle for a real store.
They didn't know I did, but I did.




The soda pop shop
The soda pop shop
Be sure to stop
In the soda pop shop
If it ain't pop
We ain't got it
Jeff Mart!...

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Altiloquent in behavior
Quick to carom
Unabashedly pawky
A labyrinthine of misadventure

Like living in Greenland
Hardly felt warmth
Got the oil-
Wanted nothing more

Silenced your weapon
Named it trust
In the end
Just shot yourself

Like Halloween everyday
Since the mask came on
A new disguise
Darker and darker you stay...

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Road Rage At Wal-Mart

By Elton Camp

It was a task Meg did hate
A shopping cart to separate

After many jerks to pull one apart
Annoyed, shopping she did start

Moving up the produce aisle
Meg had to face her first trial

A cart she couldn’t get around
Angrily at its user she...

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Working for Snarl-Mart

By Elton Camp

Snarl-Mart’s lots to blame, I suppose
When some local stores had to close
The places run by Mom and Pop,
Slow sales just made them stop

Snarl-Mart can sell at prices retail
For less than they pay wholesale
Its great power to negotiate cost
To the smaller merchant...

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In the month of July during whirlpool
A Legacy was born to challenge a fool 
Who in sphere of market did money drool. 
As all feast and dance and sing in yule
Many people like Vipul, Maulik and Sanket rule 
Over minds of customers who remain very...

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Shopping at Wal-Mart

By Elton Camp

Worse economic woes could be in store
So I watch what I spend as never before
And that is now the principal reason why
That our Wal-Mart is where I usually buy

At that place, I find very little I can praise,
Except that it’s true,...

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The large
man underdressed for November
booms at the uniformed
kneeling guy who pushes
chocolate bars on the shelf.
The lady glides, slimly with
forward pressed jaw and
questions in her eyes. I
rush down the aisle,
by the anti-organized children
and duty-bound citizens with
wealth converted into protein,
and worried-looking men.
An array of
cloth color contains bodies.
No...

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It is where you shop

everything is up for grabs

time everlasting

low prices are the key there

Sam knew what we all wanted...

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A man went in Wal-mart and committed suicide.
The poor people who saw this must be traumatized.
Suicide is wrong but it's even worse to do it in a public place.
He probably did it because he had problems that he couldn't face.

I wish that man hadn't committed...

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Only at Wal-Mart

By Elton Camp

Where you must park a mile away
Beggars are at the doors every day

Vacant shelves all over the store
How can shoppers ask for more

Items out of stock for weeks
A bathroom that, of urine reeks

The brands you want not on display
They force “Great...

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Labubu grins, a curious work of art,  
Kasing Lung’s dream, brought forth from the heart.  
Pop Mart displays, collecting carts start,  
Lisa’s embrace gives trends a new chart.

People of faith, consider your part,
Not every craze should capture your heart.
Fame’s shining lure can...

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