Best Legalese Poems
All around, smoke ribboned from ashtrays
and mushroomed on the stained ceiling.
There, in the corner, F. Lee Bailey glared,
like a father watching his ill behaved children,
but, as children do, they ignored him.
Irving Kanarek leaned on the far end of the bar.
He was equally ignored,
as barristers sought their pecking order
in a gaggle of egos.
Over the bar a sign hung, "The Bench",
where ironically, the bartender, in jest,
would be asked to "judge" the winner of some petty spat.
Conversation was tediously interrupted as night progressed,
"Objection your honor,l he's badgering the witness"!
"Objection sustained" would ring out from behind the bar,
but amidst all the pseudo legalese, a pall hung ~
draping down the walls like smoke.
They must laugh for sanity but
the killer set free, who would kill again
became the dragon in the room
that would follow them home...
Note: F. Lee Bailey defended the Boston Strangler. OJ Simpson and others
and Irving Kanarek defended Charles Manson
Layli Long Soldier speaks ...
Legalese: with lots of "Whereas"
Her Lakota people make other news in praying -
She really believes in prayer as resistance
Yes, "Indians" are so very different
But I have not read, ever, they fought over sacred cities
Or went to war over a sacred mountain, or river, or fish ...
Their Great Father gave them that unity, not political
Poetess Long Soldier discovered a 2009 US Apology
Hidden quietly in a Defense Appropriations Bill
"Leave the plant to stay alive," but take leaves
Of the Red Willow: a living-giving-Resource God
Like water; Long Soldier talks much of her one child
A daughter. Legalized sorrow under President Obama
Whose Healthcare Bill medicates and sustains those who hate him
For being a successful black man, who took the presidency from
Some outstanding human called a Caucasian Male, by election
When real history tells us, Obama defeated a woman candidate
Hilary Clinton, by the same game we celebrate in others
This Obama hid the apology to Native Americans
Her own dad did write Layli an apology; an absentee father
But she knew how healing begins with heart-istic apology
We have learned to be legal experts in social relations:
Even when teachers work with kids, or at university
But all of us love taking advantage of those we can subdue -
In America many assume the worst of someone with an accent:
Potential child abuser, rapist, thief, male chauvinist
And of course for the male: potential terrorist
After all, Why apologize for defending "my" land, country home?
Layli Long Soldier's people did not judge "White strangers"
Lakota means "Friend," but we would never guess that
Whereas in the past, "Savage" and "*****" were our descriptors
Anyway in 2010, this apology America gave Native Americans
Became an Act (Look it up!). Or was it an "act" before 2010?
(c) Anil Deo, still believes in Shalom, for SHALOM is more than mere "peace"
Lawyers supply inept legalese.
One while defending my Pekinese,
went into a stupor,
made one fatal blooper.
Stripped in front of the judge ridding fleas.
© Aug 23 2010 For Carolyn’s “Lawyer” contest
I, henceforth, known as the respirer, do
solemnly swear hereafter, to take you in,
in sufficient quantities to ensure
continuation of the flesh's animation.
I additionally, do accede my heretofore,
essential need of your estimable service,
and express my desire to continue our
mutually beneficial, ok, parasitic, relationship
Being, as you are, substantive to well-being,
I wish to publicly, and, without reservation,
acknowledge, my sincere admiration for your
valuable and well known qualities
By any and all conveyances available to stated
respirer, procurement of your services is
to be distributed to every cell of said being
equitably and on an as needed basis until
such time as service is no longer necessitated
I, the aforementioned respirer, do in earnest,
testify to my intent and necessity for
a continual contractual relationship, with you
In short, you breathe life into mine
© Goode Guy 2013-04-26
Physicians
magicians
who work wonders with a pill.
They diagnose,
prescribe the dose,
and then you get the bill.
Attorneys
journey
to the law books for a clue.
to file a brief
or sue for grief,
but it's legalese to you.
Mechanics
don't panic
when the car chugs in the bay.
They take their time
to wipe the grime.
" It won't be done today."
Rules and regulations bring economic strangulation
Policies and procedures serve the whims of weak leaders
Statutes and ordinances pave the road to subordinance
Hypotheses and theories render creativity weary
Laws and by-laws stick fast in your craw
Custom and tradition tie the hands of ambition
Axioms and corollaries, originality bury
Torts and contracts recall long-dead artifacts
Plea bargaining, eminent domain, the statute of limitations
Reek of appeasement and Machiavellian machination
Give me a world without all the perverse legalese
A world of brave men, who dare do as they please
There once was a clumsy attorney
Who wanted to go on a journey
But lacking some grace
He fell on his face
And soon was stretched out on a gurney.
He’d wanted to taste the exotic
But work made his life so chaotic
That the thrills he did seek
Like conversing in Greek
Were replaced by an antibiotic.
When he healed he went back by degrees
For he missed his gargantuan fees
But the lesson he learned
Was when trips are concerned
He should stay home and speak legalese!
The wish of growing boy it seems
Can never come true fast enough,
But then it does and yet somehow
You find yourself still wondering,
Amazed to find you hold the wheel.
But thoughts are gone you lack right stuff,
Past tense real fear of failure now,
You wake to truth that slumbering
Achieved as much as devil’s deal
Man’s best laid plans just tie with dreams.
No need to set your soul aflame,
Nor yet embellish what is true.
The gifts of those who still aspire
Are same as those who've found their peace.
Confused by how events conspired
To lay the future’s claim on you?
One gift divorced: from your attire,
Fair testimony’s legalese,
Or accolades by poem inspired...
Your manhood simply speaks its name!
Brian Johnston
July 31, 2015
Andrew was a wealthy lawyer's son
Began each day with his morning runs
Circumstantial evidence
Disguised as benevolence
Etches daily naughty legal puns
AP: 3rd place 2025, 3rd place 2022
Submitted on January 9, 2019 for contest LIMERICK II sponsored by JOSEPH MAY - RANKED 4TH
The Court Historians'
official dictums
of special reports
and minor fiction from
deep in the archives
where they've been
resting with other lies
besides these, and other
generally accepted deeds
have just been released
for "people consumption" now
that the donkies have been appeased
and truth into lie
and lie into truth
have rendered history
spin-city legalese.
We all willingly give them the power
every time we turn-on our TVs
and absorb all their well-scripted comments
entertained by disguised legalese
Then we buy and we use all their products
fill their coffers with money and gold
every year they repeat with new upgrades
an increase in each new item sold
All the drilling and fracking continues
and we all fill our cars with the fuel
as the poisonous fumes cause the cancers
which make death most especially cruel
We, the People, have all of the power
we can take it all back if we choose
and if ever we should come together
there is no fight we ever would lose
Can ‘Religious’ folk claim a connection with God
who refuse to condemn the cops’ stopping of those
(who refuse to obey), who retreat from police
at a walk (not a run), and get shot in the back
for this act of defiance? Is probity here!
Should the ‘keepers of peace’ war with ‘national soul?’
Does a cop (like our President claims that he can),
have the right to kill simply at will (no restraint)
and not ever be punished as if he were God?
Must a ‘Christian’ waste prayer on an ego like this,
might a soul be endangered that prays for its death
(how we pray that’s not so)! Lord, please say if it’s so!
Though I’d not wish life’s end for ‘Conservative’ friends
or the pack rats who lead the whole world to despair.
Let me follow ‘MY conscience’ and vote to repair
all the damage ‘Cons’ do toward nefarious ends
(in their claim they own rights in God’s will they pursue)
though at best they more prove they’re the heirs of Macbeth!
Are the humble, more moral, more ‘Christian,’ who kiss
just the hem of Christ’s robe? To kiss Trump’s ass seems odd
though appearance is gold to the masses; it ain’t!
Can a life that’s ‘worth living’ be ‘life with no plan’
but to squirrel away nuts? Is ‘sharing’ a toll
or a pleasure the faithful indulge in that’s near
to perfection? Concern for one’s brother proves ‘lack
of self-love’ or a love that’s more amped, legalese
viewed as damned, and simplicity praised! But who knows
with Christ’s death if God’s Grace is the plan? Who wants rod?
Long Tooth
August 29th in 2020
A yellow notice on the gate with bold letterhead states
Noxious Weed Commission and then, in smaller red print, declares:
Demand Notice to Remove Thistle.
This notice is a sudden smack behind the noggin.
Bringing attention to a purple, spiky blossom
on top of an orb wound tightly around a ball of seeds,
swaying in the breeze and heeding this question:
What did you do?
To make the County use its bureaucratic might
and declare thistle plants a blight, a public nuisance
worthy of persecution. And any resistance will cause
an appearance before a judge who'll levy
fines and imprisonment.
What did you do?
Shock begins to wane and reason filters into the brain;
this thistle, that goats devour like its a treat,
it explodes into a cotton suite that birds
use to build a soft nest and squirrels
a cozy den for all their kin.
Is this order just about the plants by the gate,
or does it include plants used by bees,
or the plants that help pollinate veggies?
Or the pretty blue thistle splashing color
in an otherwise rather dull foliage -
do those count too?
The notice drifts off into the finer print of legalese
using words like must, subject to, and other decrees
and then it ends with this call to arms - Declare War On Thistle!
But whose side am I on? And, when I am in jail,
will I get my thistle tea?
I'm sick of mean minded people
who prey on the weak and the old.
Who use every rip-off trick in the book
trying to turn crap into gold.
They target the vulnerable in society,
with their scams, cons and sharp practice.
With promises of riches or something for nothing
with underhand 'legal' tactics.
Along with the 'friendly' loan companies,
who charge usurers interest rates.
They're the dregs of the Earth, of questionable birth,
and I doubt if they have any mates.
Why do we have to put up with them?
Hiding behind legalese.
They're morally bankrupt,
leech like, corrupt,
and degrade humankind with their sleaze.
OLD AND NEW 2 : BOARDROOM
Jackal preyed on dimpled dolls
smiling gold on slender wrist
nosing down a slippery path
scowling schoolboy promoted
beyond his mediocre castle
Mammals sat on polished teak
coiffed moustaches, tonged peaks
feeding unclipped grapevines
old words and wounds
eating raisin muffins
Falcon scribbled notes
watching eyes serving
newly ordained masters
legalese from a previous
age flowed from fine shifting
fingers in a cage
Overgrown thyroid sat there
his infantry lost in teeming
townships blaring transistors
interrogators of another time
peeped at a polished tiger-eye
on his seat
Minds like noisy tools
drilled atomic holes in
the boardroom table
beaded headdresses falling
from fat oozing french seams
They will learn Christmas carols
in mint retirement homes
when the table losses its legs
©GhairoDanielsPoetry1997