Best Grossed Poems
Inside my nose lies my kind of treasure
Each dig brings no gold, but a lot of pleasure
Most times it's the right nostril that's clogged
With the left side, when I blow out, I can whistle for the dog
My girl and I used to be very close
Until she caught me picking my nose with a pair of her panty hose
When I pull out chunks of green and a lot of slime
I feel like I committed the perfect crime
Everyone is cautious with the ice, I grab it with my bare hands
They all gag, not one of them undersatnds
It's compulsion, something I have to do
So don't get grossed out when I do it in front of you
There are time at home that I use a vaccuum cleaner hose
No matter where I am, private or public I still pick my nose
On Thursday, we are having a pot luck
I shall fry my own chicken, a family recipe I call Southern Cluck
I feel so priveledged, one bag of ice saved just for me
I am astounded, at the pot luck, no one tries my family recipe
I am a very sanitary person with a very noticeable habit
Maybe next time I will bring marinated Rabbit
I just wanna know why you find what I do so gross
I can mix a drink for you while you explain and all the while be picking my nose
Either way you look at it, of my nose, I am still in charge
I wonder often if someone has fingers that are too large
For them I feel bad they can't clear their airway
I clear it probably six or seven times a day
If I can't flick it, I wipe it on my clothes
Watch for sharp, dry objects left behind,this is one of the hazards when you pick your nose
This is dedicated to all of you nose pickers out there
Men will sometimes pull out nostril hairs
Women normally pull clean
Unless your name is Butchy McQueen
It is stuffed so you blow and blow
A finger irrigation can bring it under control
Don't dig so hard that you cause a nose bleed
No matter how often you harvest the field, the nose plants new seeds
I myself, never use self control
Even at lunch, when everyone is featstin' I still pick my nose
Categories:
grossed, family, family, time,
Form:
ABC
I once sat myself...on the toilet
"Twas relieved" but something had spoiled it
I was grossed-out...with fear
When a hair hung...from there
Yuk! Wonder what it was...that I bit
Limerick Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Janice Canerdy
5-1-2020
Categories:
grossed, humor,
Form:
Limerick
Once upon a time
In a vast kingdom of Modern land
Oddly not in a far far a way suburban
Was there a pretty girl
Prettier than the Venus, some claimed
Softer than petals of rose, maids alleged
She was skinny, not eating much
Her maintenance fee were low you might have thought
Her skin softened by Elizabeth Arden moisturizing cream
Her lips were pumped with filling injections so sleek
Red and juicy, arranged to be kissed
By the charming prince’s scruffy skin
Her eyes were bright with different shades of green
Evidently with the help of her favorite optometrist
Botox was her real friend next to her phone
To hide the frown lines even on her jawbones
Her dad had a heart stroke and sadly he died
They say natural cause, I’d say coming upon bills of cosmetic route
Stepmother being mean and nasty as narrators always would define
Didn’t pay for this nonsense no more, how unpleasant of her soul
Snow White of course slammed the door and left all behind
To seven guys for funding, as one she knew could never oblige
Dwarfs dug out diamonds day and night all the time
Their axes broke, their body became excessively sore
Grumpy was forced to take some anger management class
Sleepy went on anxiety pills so he could have a nap
Happy was no longer jolly, struggled with sever depression
Bashful forgot to be shy burst out at the end of the day
“We don’t want you here, please go back to where you descended to us!
Not even our diamonds can suffice this crazy course.”
evicted Snow white got a job at McDonald’s
Was grateful for every penny she gradually grossed
Real life is not about looks or pricy fashion
What dwells inside us has a greater passion
Nobody is expecting us to look like some cover girl image
God is smiling at our curves and flaws, take courage
You are beautiful just the way you naturally are
Won’t you love my big nose and squared jaws?
Feb 3, 2016
"I wrote this for the Once Upon a Time" contest but realized later that Snow White wasn't included in the theme... So here I am.. (With minor amnesia, I guess). Hope that you will like it :)
Categories:
grossed, fantasy,
Form:
Free verse
Nothing in my life has ever been anything like this.
When I started my company it was nothing but bliss.
I invented a company called “The Edit Centre”
Back in ’86, I was quite the inventor.
The business model was to transfer movie film and edit videos
So family memories would last forever, don’t you know.
From the day business opened we on a roll
People came from far and wide, it soothed my soul.
From $30,000 we grossed the very first year,
To 60 then 90, I had no fear.
I bought $1000’s and $1000’s of video toys,
The public loved it, so they could enjoy.
The growth in the business lasted about 13 years.
We peaked at $427,000.00, I still had no fear.
Slowly but slowly, things began to erode.
I knew not what the future would bode.
So I did what many major companies have done
I fired employees, sent them on the run.
I ended up doing more of the work on my own
And in 2006 I made more money than I’d ever known.
My accountant was pleased, said I finally learned how to make money.
Even though I was grossing far less, I was making a tonny.
The bank told me my house had great value, have this wad of cash.
So I began to remodel, was having a blast.
So I borrowed a quarter million to fix up the place
Created a palace, the times seemed to be great.
I was paying $3000.00 a month on the equity line.
Felt what I was doing was not out of line.
Then came 2007, well before the economy collapsed.
Sales dropped $75,000, what kind of relapse?
What was I doing that was so wrong?
I began living in a world I didn’t belong.
Technology was beginning to alter my life.
The market I owned was cut like a knife.
Fewer and fewer needed the services I provided.
Since 2008, I’ve been highly misguided.
But I was stubborn, said this couldn’t continue.
Took all of my savings to save the only thing I knew.
Owned a beautiful building on a main thoroughfare.
Spent every dime to save it, I didn’t care.
But business continued to get worse and worse
I vowed to survive, could I be cursed?
I remodeled the building and opened an art gallery
Thinking with no inventory costs, I might make a salary.
Of course my gallery couldn’t have been more mistimed.
Who in 2009 had the reason to spend another dime.
The upside was that the building had a facelift.
And I was able to sell it, that was a gift.
Categories:
grossed, on work and working,
Form:
Rhyme
Jabba the Hutt has a spur up his butt
that makes him as mean as a wasp
If you stop for a look, at that glutton of glop,
his looks will not help him a lot!
His rotten demeaner, gave Vadar the radar,
to hide out in deep outer-space
Hutt's face and his figure could fracture a mirror
...and the glass of a whole universe!
There are millions of creatures, with much better features,
that Jabba can never embrace!
Jabba is gruesome, a big gooey nuisance!
He looks like a big wad of gum!
He grossed out Chewbacca.......
who likes his tobacco,.....(this may be a slip of a tongue)....,
But... a wad of his chew, missed the spittoon,
and hit Jabba, in his hut, with a zoom !
To view this unsightly, gruesome character:
_https://www.google.com/search?q=Jabba+the+Hutt&rls=com.microsoft:en-US:IE-Address&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=sU4dUpjQG4HViwK1kYCoDQ&ved=0CEAQsAQ&biw=1920&bih=897
_____________________________________________
For P.D.'s Star Wars Contest:
By Carrie Richards 8/27/13
Star Wars Rules !
Categories:
grossed, character, funny, universe,
Form:
Free verse
Potential I Presume More Limericks
Big and tremendous come to mind.
Tremendous, stupendous, upend us.
Gargantuan, passion, trashing.
Immensive, aggressive, sensitive.
Ultimate Utmost, out grossed, horrible host.
Pittance, sentence, repentance.
In effect essential, provocative, potential, quite intentional.
Necessity, complexity, anxiety.
Court Municipal, Peter Principle, always apprehensible.
Concerting, blurting, hurting.
Infinitesimal, decimal, inexcusable.
Horribly huge, difficult deluge, shady subterfuge.
Passion, mansion, ration.
Explanation, creation, prevarication.
Expedient, concillient, what he meant
Congenial, menial, essential.
Validate, marinate, create. (For you cooks out there.)
Ballad, salad, valid.
Repudiated, humiliated, regimented.
Surgical, liturgical, hysterical, historical.
Urgence of resurgence of common sense.
To endure, become obscure for sure.
As of late would be great if they negotiate.
Kept at bay until miles away so Standish did say.
Had to humiliate to rehabilitate then consummate.
Were reassured could have occurred if enough endured.
My patience was tried then cried and cried after he had lied and lied so Bonny could be bona fide.
What part of the ocean had Bonnie been laid over at anyway? It must have been some perfect excuse
to go on a cruise and of course if you snooze will definitely loose.
Love could have occurred after I was assured no more lying will be endured.
If totally transparent, it could be inherent was apparent both were probably a potential parent.
What to we did allude, the became unglued in the middle of a family feud.
Embarrassed we became when he was up to his old game of seeking more fortune and fame.
Guess who and am sure you knew when bailed out the whole crew.
Patiently particular, was a homicide which was vehicular deduced by a diverticular.
Beside the sea with idea would wrestle should nestle under a trestle out of rain to wait for next vessel.
On Trump it finally dawned, if he would wave his magical want another witch would respond.
Instead of Grinch he would be the Witch Who Stole Christmas among other things.
Jim Horn
Categories:
grossed, allegory, analogy,
Form:
Limerick
Grossed in her worry sorry situation.
Not letting her man worry.
She heard life is a dance.
She dance her life out.
Easy worry, she gets worried.
She danced as fast as she can.
To live the rest to live.
When she danced, the world stood still.
The world saw a restless dancer.
The world saw a woman who never gives up.
The ‘dancermenia’, the dance maestro.
She danced and danced and danced.
The Dancing Girl,
dancing with shields of hope.
Dancing to win the crowd.
She danced to kill her worry.
She danced her sorrows out.
She danced her worries out.
She got her freedom in dance.
She got her wisdom while dancing.
She danced in her happiness.
She danced in her joy.
She danced in her blessing.
And got all she desires.
Categories:
grossed, adventure, art, social, dance,
Form:
Free verse
Part 2
He ambles over and asks if he could share a table with her,
Scantily dressed in a low cut cheap floral dress revealing gun pouches,
Smiling with a *** hanging from the side of her face bought with vouches,
Visibly drunk, she says sure, with her top dentures shaking loose,
Now skunk drunk and keen, she is the best in the pub to choose,
They start gossiping about the glorious dive of a hole,
While a skank grinds up and down on the dance pole,
Wearing a mini skirt shorter than a curtain fringe,
They both start giggling at pending customers as they binge,
His lady friend reveals being newly divorced and a bit lost,
Ditto he says but he comes there to laugh at someone else’s cost,
A bit hungry now he orders the special of the day,
From an old dusty ad he can see, he might as well stay,
Sick of picking out peanuts out of a bowl/ash tray on the counter tray,
With the meal he orders a canter of the cheapest best wine,
Definitely not the best place to bring a lady to dine,
Sharing a few finger stained glasses and the basket of whatever,
He awakes the next morning not in his bed and with a hangover,
Lying on his left arm was this woman he drank beautiful, for sure,
Grossed out he thinks of chewing off his arm to not make her stir,
He somehow escaped and rushed home for a shower and a scrub,
Cut a long story short, he has given up thinking, drinking in this pub.
The end
Categories:
grossed, funny, humor, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
The last minute wonder.
The nick of time saviour.
At Hells door I lay.
A willing candidate for destruction.
For I had exhausted my wealth on the acquisition of wild pleasures.
There His grace found me.
Those amazing hands that dragged me back to life.
That love that fed me with the living waters.
That Jesus that transformed me into a living stone.
That Jesus that made me a holy nation.
The God of the last minute.
In total disarray, my life was.
At its lowest ebb, my joy was.
At its dying breath, my faith was.
At a crumbling state, my security was
With a firm padlock, my doors of favour was shut.
I encountered many tragedies,
Tried many remedies.
Ran from pillar to post.
Huge debts, my purse grossed.
To the world, I became a ghost
At the nick of time.
God's favour came.
His blessings rained.
A new song, He put in my mouth.
Olorun Sergio Ramos.
The God of the last minute changed my story.
#Bashorun
Categories:
grossed, break up, christian, future,
Form:
Dramatic Verse
On Halloween, Bro, dumb as post,
Said he’s not scared of any ghost,
Nor any witch upon a broom.
He dared one to come in his room.
I feared he’d rue his foolish boast.
I told him if those hags were grossed,
They’d likely turn him into toast.
He laughed at the predicted doom.
On Halloween.
And though I tried my uppermost,
He scoffed and said I’d over dosed
On silly tales of doom and gloom.
.Just then they came in with a zoom.
We’ve searched for him from coast to coast.
On Halloween.
By: Joyce Johnson
9/17/2012
For The Ultimate Halloween Contest
Categories:
grossed, brother, fear, halloween,
Form:
Rondeau
8/29/21
If I knew
Why did I do
What I knew
I shouldn't do
There's been a lot of damage taken
The devil continually advocated
I've successfully acclimated
It's gone beyond being infatuated
I've been addlepated
Taking medicine that is encapsulated
Off the THC and liquor I'm activated
Really animated
Until I overdo it and am incapacitated
Deep down feeling aggravated
And agitated
Because for too long, I've been captivated
It all needs to be recalculated
In order to be calibrated
In life losing interest or fascinated
Stories holding truth or being fabricated
It was accurate or poorly translated
At odds or for a better cause they amalgamated
It grossed them out or they salivated
Meanwhile limbs being saved or getting amputated
The terrain bone dry or still saturated
The winner lived another day, the loser got decapitated
The target got taken out or was not assassinated
Areas spotless or thoroughly contaminated
Buildings that are pristine and others dilapidated
The droplets of water remained or evaporated
All this focus on who is and isn't vaccinated
It's spot on or exaggerated
What's been done was not right
Occurring outside of work or at the job site
R.I.P. to another lost life
Too many people think they're godlike
Obsessed with the spotlight
When they're soft and sweet like a Klondike
At times had to use the fog lights
No fun experiencing a vicious dog bite
Always getting plastered
Is as useful as a fat turd
You've got it all twisted and backwards
What's the password?
You're really getting on my last nerve
Time I Knock you into Saturn
None of it really matters
Going on with changes in the pattern
Born a bastard
Skills that have yet to be mastered
Categories:
grossed, dark, deep, life, poetry,
Form:
Rhyme
I was 16 when I had my first kiss
It was not anything special
or what I had imagined
When he put his tongue in my mouth
it kinda grossed me out
I even yelled and chewed him out because
I had always thought my first kiss
would be better than this
Categories:
grossed, life,
Form:
Free verse
Tom’s the longest-serving member,
Of the British para-rowing squad,
Because whilst at a party, thunder,
He fell, slipped with all his quad.
He played rugby for Warwick Uni,
Because he lived for, loved sport,
But Coventry’s hospital said he,
Was paralysed, their true report.
As part of his long rehabilitation,
He took up rowing which he raved,
And so grossed the competition,
In Beijing 2008 which he engraved.
He went from the 2007 Worlds -
The World Rowing Championships,
Where he won gold, short words,
To opportune a gold in 2008 hips.
In 2009, Portugal at the WRC’s,
He took another gold medal fair,
And again in 2010 he won the seas,
And yet again in 2011, he did heir.
So in 2014 at the World Champs,
He won a silver in Amsterdam,
And in 2015 in France with amps,
He took another silver gram.
Tom was born 24th May in 1984,
As an eighties discotheque child;
He lives in Caversham, his door,
Into the world of contests dialled.
Categories:
grossed, sports, strength, water,
Form:
Quatrain
Demand Satisfaction
For a reaction,
To every distraction;
Want satisfaction.
Watching cannot stand,
Trump taking confusing stand
At any stand in land.
Is an irony
About Trump astronomy;
Lost in open space.
None ever compares
With Trump's great foreign affairs;
All of us it scares.
(And no one dares.)
So where would we be
With no one to make fun of
On Saturday Night Live.
Again and again,
Trump will get under our skin,
When his is so thin.
Simultaneous,
Famous and Trump is a fraud, (At same time.)
Had been told by God.
Trump wants to usurp
Authority and then burp
While being a twerp.
What bothers me most
Is out us all Trump has grossed
Also brag and boast.
Highly offended;
Trump wanted laws amended
Or else suspended.
We had been disturbed;
Bad behavior Trump never curbed;
Swayed and swerved.
Like cow was content;
Some said Trump was impotent;
He had wife's consent.
What we did intend
Straight to hell Trump we should send
No one would this offend.
Las time we did look,
Politicians all are crooks;
At them should throw book.
My poems might as well be
Together so you can see,
They were all from me.
James Thesarious Hilarious Horn
Vibrant Retired Veteran and Poet
.
Categories:
grossed, humorous,
Form:
Haiku
When I look at you
I see so many things that remind me
of the memories that we've shared
When we would go to the Ogden river
just to take a walk
When I would call you at 3 in the morning
just to talk
When I would write you a note
just to say Hi
When smiling was my way
of saying goodbye
When we walked to the river with my dog
and I told you not to splash
but you did anyway
When we walked through the Great Salt Lake
and I was so grossed out
When we watched the Peta video
and I was crying
You were there and kept me smiling
On New Year's eve
When we walked 12th street
we walked so much that we couldn't feel our feet
When we watched movies all night
Then the next day we went to Wal Mart
and Brandon took that hat
I hope that we can grow old together
so we can say "Do you remember...?"
Jade.
You're my best friend
Thats all I can say.
I love you more and more each day.
Categories:
grossed, adventure, dedication, friendship, happiness,
Form: