Best Gert Poems
Did you ever have the feeling there's a man in your can?
Or a ball down the hall with an eye to spy?
Sometimes I'm sure I have ants on a tour of my house without cure.
And sometimes I know there's a pup in my cup, yelling "Hey, what's up!"
And that white ram in the door jam well, he's on the lam.
That's the kind of paranoia I live with each day.
I admit I'm delusional in a big way!
Some visitors are quite friendly like the girl with a curl under my bed with Earle.
But Bower in the shower, well he sings for hours!
And the lady named Sadie why she is quite shady!
I like Randy. He always has candy.
But the man looking at me in the TV, him I wish I couldn't see.
All the brunettes in the cabinets, they love to dance about.
But that meanie named Bellini, him I could do without!
The cat in my hat I don't like at all.
And I get quite nervous when Saul runs down the hall.
The bears on the stairs taunt me without a sound.
And so do the others who like to hang around.
Like Bert, and Mert, and Kurt, and Gert who live inside my shirt.
I don't care if you don't believe it, find me my straitjacket. I'll never leave it!
*Based on the book, There's a Wocket in My Pocket
for Dr. Seuss Theme and Form contest (Joann Grisetti)
Seventh Place
(I'm really sorry if I left your name off, but I tried to do
all the premium members I could imagine plus the
non-premiums with whom I regularly communicate.
If you are not here, I'm just not seeing you around!)
Adeleke and Amy, Andrew, Audrey, Barbara, Brian, Carol, Caroline, Carolyn,
Carrie,
Caryl, Catie, Cecil, Celene, Charles, Connie, Constance, Chris, Dane Ann,
Daniel, Danielle, Daver, David, Deb, Diamond, Doris, Dr. Ram, Highlander,
Elaine, Emily, Faleshia, Farah, Francine, Frank, Gareth, Gerard, Gert, Grace, Joyce,
H.G. Iolanda, Irma, James, Janette, Jared, Jerri, Jessica, Jimmy, Joe, John, john, Joseph,
Karen, Karla, Katherine, Kimberly, Kristen, Larry, Laura, Linda, Lynette, Mac, Margaret,
Marie, Matthew, Max, Michael, Mitch, Moonbee, Nathan, Nick, Nikko, Paula,
P.D., Phyllis, Ralph, Raul, Ravindra, Rhoda, Robb, Robert, Rueben, Samir, Sara
Sean, Sheol, Sharon, Stephanie, Tavarus, Tim, Tirzah, Travis, Virginia, and Wilma
are poets looking great
forward and
- backward -
and forward
great looking poets are
Wilma and Virginia, Travis, Tirzah, Tim, Tavarus, Stephanie, Sharon, Sheol, Sean,
Sara, Samir, Rueben, Robert, Robb, Rhoda, Ravindra, Raul, Ralph, Phyllis, P.D,
Paula, Nikko, Nick, Nathan, Moonbee, Mitch, Michael, Max, Matthew, Marie,
Margaret, Mac, Llynette, Linda, Laura, larry, Kristen, Kimberly, Katherine, Karla, Karen,
Joseph, john, John, Joe, Jimmy, Jessica, Jerri, Jared, Janette, James, Irma, Iolanda, H.G,
Joyce, Grace, Gert, Gerard, Gareth, Frank, Francine, Farah, Faleshia, Emily, Elaine,
Highlander, Dr. Ram, Doris, Diamond, Deb, David, Daver, Danielle, Daniel,
Dane Ann, Chris, Constance, Connie, Charles, Celene, Cecil, Catie, Caryl,
Carrie, Carolyn, Caroline, Carol, Brian, Barbara, Audrey, Andrew, Amy and
Adeleke
For The Palindrome Contest: Sponsored by Jared Pickett
*Paghuli ng Bulalakaw*
Minsan ako'y nakahuli ng isang bulalakaw,
at sa aking mga kamay inilagay
Ako'y lubhang napaso, nasaktan ng lubusan
kaya't aking itong pinakawalan...
Isang gabi, natanaw ko ang isang tala
na nagliyab sa himpapawirin
Akin lamang tinignan, at aking pinagmithian
Wari ko'y ngayon, tama ang aking ginawa.
July 23, 2010
*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* *
*
*Catching Falling Stars*
Once I caught a falling star
and cupped it in my hand...
It burned me so, it hurt me so
that I just had to let it go
Then one night, I saw a star
that blazed across the sky...
I looked at it, just wished upon it
and I knew that this time, I did right.
May 28, 2002
***********
Oddly enough I haven't really written any poems in
my native tongue, tsk tsk shame on me!!
(I've only written only ONE, wow)
& it's taking me forever to translate it to English
so, I decided to go about it the other way around
and translate an old poem of mine instead, & here
it is! My Filipino translation though is sort of rusty when
it comes to the flow of the poem (but hmm I guess
only those who know how to speak Tagalog would see that ^_~)
it's fun though so I just might try to write more translations!
Gert sure makes this look sooo easy!! ;)
I
If one evangelizes for God, caution
Must never be thrown to the wind
In (mission) field, social science education
As anthropology says, learn, be kind:
Slow to judge, eager to understand
Many spirits roam each people & land
II
I helped a grandmother escape a lover
Long dead, but haunted her home, bed,
Every lover she had, from age 40, widowed
That young, robbed of any joy, but Jesus
How does one from America fight dead
And jealous but dead lovers, causing chaos?
But on one's knees: Jesus, thy Holy Spirit
Will boot out every foul spirit
Hanging on to this lady, even to her church:
In South Africa. 'traditional healers' (Iniquity)
And a Constitution permits sangoma witchdoctors -
Fought on my knees, I begged Trinity for favor
For safety, and power in prayer, the Blood
Of Jesus, pleaded, as in Egypt pre- Exodus
Gave Mrs. Gert the freedom she'd long lost
Yet having to leave that church where she and
Gerald had worshipped - he, merely, secondhand
So my friend said his sister was saying her vows
In a low key church ceremony three weeks from now
No parties, no showers, no flowers, no muss
But I thought to myself she deserved a small fuss!
So I planned a surprise that would redden her face
A Bachelorette Party so hot and debase
She would never forget for the rest of her days
That wee bit of naughty before strict married ways.
I invited her over to casually dine
And not knowing her friends, I invited all mine.
I decorated the place with men's private parts
And hired a stripper from "Bachelor of Darts."
She arrived right on time, a quarter past seven
And I found my friend's sis was a slice out of heaven
And that description is not the slightest bit shabby
As his "sister" was a nun from the neighborhood abbey!
I welcomed her whilst I was gesturing frantically
For my friends to hide all that would shame me gigantically
And to their credit they did, even cancelled the stripper
And we dined and chatted til I was feeling quite chipper
We finished the meal, and I went to the loo
When suddenly a scream went up from my crew
I ran to see sister slumped, white as a ghost
And a room full of people hysterical almost
There in front of the nun sat the special dessert
I had ordered before meeting the sweet Sister Gert
It was fully erect, took a long time to make
And for the first time I found myself regretting cake!!!
8/7/2016
For contest "Regretting Cake"
Finalized 8/14/2016
Now for "Take the Dagger from my heart, Please"
Written by Jack Horne and Gert Knop
Love’s soft petals fall
Leaving bare thorny branches
Heady perfume gone
But with care and attention
From one rose grows a bouquet
Zarte Liebesblüten fallen
Nur nackte dornige
Zweige bleiben Kein berauschender
Duft mehr Doch mit Pflege und Liebe
Wird aus einer Rose ein Bouquet
Pétalos de amor caen
Dejando lampiñas ramas espinosas
No más embriaga perfume
Pero con cuidado y atención
Crece de una rosa un ramillete
Love a blooming rose
Always flowering in us
And nourished by faith
A never ending story
A safe heaven for our soul
Liebe eine blühende Rose
Sie blüht immer in uns
Genährt durch Vertrauen
Eine unendliche Geschichte
Zuflucht für unsere Seele
El amor es una rosa
Floreciendo en nosotros
Alimentados por la confianza
Una historia sin fin
Refugio de nuestra alma
Jose, Harvey, Irma, Gert,
Cat. Five puts us on alert.
Howsoever they are named,
Mother's fury can't be tamed.
Churning, roiling, liquid wall,
looming four-plus metres tall.
Floods of biblical expanse,
survival just happenstance.
Wind whipped into lethal squall,
hammers those trapped in its thrall.
Sturdy palm trees battered flat,
Man and beast lost habitat.
Follow devastation's trail,
turmoil on a global scale.
Home and business torn apart,
plucking at strings of the heart.
Lacking basic requisites,
in amongst the detritus.
Mourning all that has been lost,
how begin to count the cost?
Thank the selfless volunteers,
who assist their stalwart peers.
Former tropic paradise,
scene of noble sacrifice.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
11 September 2017
My thoughts and best wishes go out to all those affected by the catastrophic weather in the Caribbean and the United States.
For the "Hurricanes" contest, sponsored by Julie Rodeheaver.
(5th Place)
MY MATE BERT
I have a very special mate
A flea whose name is Bert.
He lives upon my old dog's ear,
With his dear wife named Gert.
My Bert is such an athlete too,
He loves to somersault.
Does singles, doubles, sometimes threes,
I've never seen him fault.
'Till yesterday, while showing off,
He sprung into the air.
And jumped too high and landed in
Young Bobby Millers hair.
I searched and searched to find my mate,
Then found him on Bob's shirt.;
But when I took a second look,
It wasn't my mate Bert.
~ Grandma Gertie Keeps Her Word ~
Grandma Gertie would always keep her word
'Twas a sign of a righteous soul, she'd heard --
Tasty turkey she'd promised
Did her best to be honest --
Oven went out ~ She flipped Grandpa the bird
~ The Right Stuff-ing ~
'The stuffing's got to be from the right stuff'
Said Gertie, then she walked off in a huff
The kids made it all wrong
Way too spicy, too strong
So they smoked it ~ giving Gert the first puff
We are trying to one up each other as usual – another story teller and I.
Our stories are getting wilder, less plausible, and we are laughing.
Suddenly I remember my pal Gertrude’s story.
I am pretty sure it was a lie, but it made a terrific story.
Gert was married to a man who was a rounder.
He started going out on Saturday nights, all slicked up and handsome.
He did not take her.
Refused actually.
About six months later her friends said he was getting married.
They had been invited to his wedding – next Saturday.
On Saturday he dressed especially nice with a boutonniere.
Gert said “You look good enough to get married.”
She said he did not even blink.
He did get married to the other woman, illegally.
I have no idea if the other woman knew he was already married or not.
Let’s see you top this story, I thought
There was silence.
Then we both burst out laughing.
What can lies create, conceal, remake
That truth doesn't sanctify as pure snowflake
What could mouthed trust in Providence provide
That pride now, once desperate youth, would hide?
We ten stood behind Marvel, holding on to each other.
Not sure what was going to happen. Afraid of the wrath of our brother.
She is the oldest girl in the family, and our cousin to boot.
She likes to smoke a cigar, play with guns, and yell things like “shoot!”
The rest of us sisters and cousins wanted to back her play.
We knew what she had been scheming and planning today.
I am going to wear pants to the family reunion, she said.
Oh no Marvel! Some of us yelled. You might end up dead!
We have to support her, cousin Lou insisted, and in a big way.
We discussed wearing pants – all of us, on this fateful day.
But most of us were fearful of the wrath of God and so….
We held on to Marvel, as she strutted about with her inner glow.
Marvel is the bravest of the brave, we all thought, giggling.
Some of were avoiding eye contact as the rest were sniggling.
Why don’t you all come out in pants? Uncle Jake gave a yell.
Because then, said Grandma Gert “They would all go to hell.”
While Gertrude Recovers
By Elton Camp
Gertrude had been in the hospital a week
To her husband the doctor sternly did speak
“It’s essential you wife not get out of bed,
So be certain that she doesn’t,” the doc said
George assured him that he would comply
That proper care he would be sure to supply
As soon as it was time a meal to prepare
He pushed Gert on her bed right in there
“Is this close enough to reach the stove okay?”
To his dear wife, lying on her bed, he did say
My heart is beating, and God sees this ;
In my mind, there's no one to share my heart with;
God sees this; he looks up; huh, we both know;
That we're not alone. He's my groom; I am his bride ;
He has never left my side;
Do I hurt, though? I may say ;
That I am not alone, yet I am alone;
This today ;
And I firmly believe this;
Loneliness ;
I feel it's a physical hurt ;
My mental gert;
God can do all things spiritually and physically
I have to trust and believe;
There's a physical love out there for me;
5/29/22
Written words by James Edward Lee Sr. 2022
Forget everything you have heard about stereotyping the pigs.
I met some the other day, who were cleaner than my cousin Jigs.
They vacuumed and dusted the barnyard until it was clean enough to eat.
Then they cleaned out the barn, until it was ridiculously spotlessly neat.
Forget about mud, someone said when they met these pigs.
They are now doing some weird dance, wearing clean glitzy wigs.
Their hooves do not have mud, not even a tiny bit of dirt.
Do not stereotype these pigs, said my amazed cousin Gert.