Best Fenn Poems

If pigs could fly it wouldn’t be good
You’d have to go out with a brolly
Wear Wellington boots and waterproof suits
Life wouldn’t be happy or jolly

There’d be danger around every corner
You’d think in your car you’d be safe
But unless you’re under some cover
Either you or your...

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I never saw it coming 
It just crept up unawares
Probably this morning
Whilst I was still upstairs
I thought I caught a glimpse 
As I had my tea and toast
For just a fleeting moment
Like a phantom or a ghost
It was later that it hit me
And the feeling...

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SPIRITS OF THE PARROTS

Two parrots, one red, one blue,
share one large, rotund zoo cage,
just the two of them.
There are plenty of perches,
yet they sit on the same one,
close together,
looking over a feast 
of fruit and seeds to share.
They make no noise,
as if in silent prayer
before...

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Remote controls are funny things
Then, maybe it’s just me
I wave it around for hours 
But, still can’t get channel three
It will always find the menu
For the treble and the bass
If remote controls were human
I would slap them in the face

Remote controls are not my thing
Perhaps...

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If I could have a word with God
I’d tell him I’m not pleased
Throughout the years he’s toyed with me
He tempted and he teased
He’d lead me up that primrose path
Then  with my goal in sight
Spins me round a dozen times 
And turn out every light
Seems...

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Over in the corner 
By the photo of the Queen
Lives a great enormous spider
Trying hard, not to be seen
He is very very hairy
And he’s very very fat
And the last time that I saw him
I could swear he wore a hat

Now he’s lived behind the picture
For...

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There are Fairies at the bottom of my garden
And they visit every evening, for a dance
They are lovely to behold and very welcome
I just wish they didn’t trample on my plants

Their favourite dance appears to be the Salsa
They do it with such style and aplomb
Much...

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I’ve got a great invention
I use it all the time
It does the things that I should do
It always works just fine

It cleans my room it tidies up
And puts my stuff away
Does chores I don’t have time to do
So I can go and play

I never have...

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The weeds that grow upon the lawn
Continue growing when they’re shorn
Though treated with a herbicide
It’s no surprise that none have died
The chemicals that you apply
Should make them shrivel up and die
But only seem to feed and nourish
Makes them grow and makes them flourish
Don’t sit there...

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The sock monster climbs up the waste pipe
And into your washing machine
He’ll hide up in a corner
To ensure he can’t be seen.
Then when you put you clothes in
And you’ve set the washers clock
He’ll dive into your washing
And select a single sock.
This special prize, he’ll carry...

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You gots to wear your  ‘elmet
It’s a rule what can’t be broke
Suspose you ‘as a haccident
That wouldn’t be a joke
If sumfin’ comes a crashing 
And it ‘its you on yer ‘ead
It could knock yer bloody brains out
Then you could wake up dead
.
Yer boots now...

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IV
Matriculation

Back to home, Patrick did go,
	For in his heart he knew
		It was time to study with the church,
	That this he had to do.
			He told his parents when he got home
				That he must go to France
					And with great strength, he again departed,
				Tears filling this last glance.

Patrick...

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If your bottom should start feeling ill at ease
And then blesses everybody with a sneeze;
Good people please take heart, 
it was just a little fart
Which will soon be disappearing on the breeze

©  John W Fenn  10-01-2009...

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Never let an elephant in your house
Get a rabbit or a lemur or a mouse
If you’re going to buy a pet
And you haven’t got one yet
Never, let an elephant in your house

Never let an Elephant in your lounge
He will beg and he will pester, he...

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I’m learning how to fly 
My Mummy says I’ll be outstanding
She say’s I need to do a little
Practice on my landing
She said to stay low level
And to use my common sense
So I’m practising by jumping 
With umbrellas, off the fence

© John W Fenn  11-11-2009...

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