Best Dude Poems
There once was a fellow from Bude
Who loved to play golf in the nude,
Someone quipped "that thing,
Has a hell of swing,
He sure is one well equipped dude."
Entry for
Make Me Laugh Limerick Contest Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Tania Kitchin.
29/8/2019
Are you in the mood
for a poem about food
Something marinated, dude
or grilled, barbequed
Tangentially:
Have you ever viewed
a painting in the nude
Meaning (if you're shrewd)
that you are no prude...
And would you ever collude
or possibly intrude --
wade into a family feud
a cesspool of moral turpitude
Back-on-Track:
Is your gastromo-palate imbued
with delights that include
a smorgasboard of seafood
dainty caviar, finger-lickin'-good
Not advertising that flippant flick. I just want to know
where my blooming flivver is. It ruffles my feathers no
end to find out, when exiting the embassy,
that my buggy's whereabouts are a mystery.
I must meet Sherry 'cause her right toe
wants a sweet kiss. Did the camel tow
my car? That blasted mammal! Sherry's dear
foot can't wait! Please do not tell me the deer
took my buggy! That son of a Witch
would fine
me with a very pricey mulct which
isn't fine!
Not another loathsome tax
to put up with! Oh no, Lord, please!
I beg thou hearken to my pleas!
Now, let's come down to tin tacks.
I need my bloody car! A choice bass
cooked by Sherry awaits me. The crass
specimen who's got my car is so base,
and I'm so cross! The camel has a bass
voice that creeps me out! I do not want to
deal with him. I cannot even stomach two
secs the sight of the deer. He's ugly too.
II.
On returning to his flat, mad as a goat,
Ivo found on the door, the following note:
Dear Ivo,
I hereby inform you that your awfully and
illegally parked streetcar has been impounded.
Come pick it up at the City Hall and
bring cash with you for there's a fine. 8 hundred
clams.
Much love,
The Crane from Ukraine.
Blimey! That heartless crane! I won't give her a buck!
Now I know the ruffians weren't the camel and the buck.
Well, let's be fair, it wouldn't be cricket to pass the buck.
I didn't park properly. It's my fault. That's it. I will not buck
at the fine.
III.
I got my car back for free. How? l told the crane;
"I'm in a hurry to meet Sherry who needs me to canoodle
her feet. I'll have tonight for dinner a bass fish with noodles."
"If a foot massage like the ones I used to get in Ukraine.
you give me, I will be happy to call off the mulct." said she.
I pleased her feet very much. She loved it. Then we got some tea.
IV.
I'm on my way home to eat some bass,
with my beloved and awesome lass.
It's so nice to be able to dine
without having paid that gruesome fine.
My belly aint nearly full
Cause what I got I spend on this
I **** my brains all day
I find peace
If you want my peace
She arrived from the big city
wearing a red ten-gallon hat,
and a denim stone-washed outfit
which topped off her shiny new
cowboy boots that were designed
by Tucson Sue.
This dude ranch cowgirl had a secret,
she never rode a horse in her life,
she knew it was time to learn the ropes,
all her life she lived in the city,
the closest she got to a horse was on T.V.,
it was a shame and a pity.
Early next morning she arose,
washed her face, brushed her teeth
and combed her curly hair,
carefully placing her tall hat on her head,
she sauntered into the dining hall.
looked around and decided to sit next to Fred.
He was a cowpoke who roamed from town to town,
grabbing jobs wherever he could working with horses,
the young lady and Fred made small talk,
she confessed she never rode a horse before,
and didn't know the front end from the rear,
he knew she was a city slicker and had to learn more.
Fred took a liking to her right away,
he told her that he had a perfect horse for her,
her name was Ginger, a stawberry roan,
the only problem was that she had a three-legged gait,
would she mind learning on Ginger for her first time,
she noticed that the cowpoke was handsome was this fate?
She told him that her name was Cindy Lee,
he liked the sound of her name and thought she was pretty,
off on the trail they rode together,
Ginger with her uneven trot headed straight into a tree branch,
Knocking off the young lady from her saddle,
She tumbled and fell and wished she was back at the ranch.
Cindy Lee and Fred fell in love while she was on vacation,
he taught her to ride and learn about horses,
she was determined to hang on and not let go,
Ginger was replaced by a quarter horse who knew leg commands,
a palomino with lots of pride who on occasion would throw its rider
against a fence and snort without demands.
Fred and Cindy Lee decided to get hitched,
a September wedding was planned with everyone invited,
all the dude ranch staff and the entire small town,
both rode their horses on their wedding day very much in love,
she wore an old-fashioned lace dress with her boots,
off they rode into the sunset together peaceful as a dove.
I love the lake
and I love the sky,
I engage in simulation of swimming through the shy,
I enrage my eye's with wisdom and fire,
I encase the revealer
because it's everywhere all the time,
I jack out my figure with a hand of time-
sleeping soundly 'till morning
and drinking the wine...
Poetry ain't words dribbled out on the fly,
It's execution, prostitution of the me who am I.
lettin loose my mongoose of thought provoking, while others be chokin,
gettin all Seuss you just some cat in a hat,
Philosophies of Socrates rap your brain around dat,
Don't let dem big words confuse you, this all precludes you, from being 100, thats where you blundered.
word :)
Madam…
“Welcome”, She said
Who’s the ‘dude’
In your head
My hands shook
Her alter shined
Did she just
Oh yes she did!
She just looked
and read my mind
My hands shook
At a gust of wind
“don’t sweat the vase”
She smiled then…
Madam…
“Where have you been?”
The Doctor…
“Said you were Strange”
About.Time…
“You’re hear a.gain”
The Tomb
was mistaken when…
I saw you once
in a shop before
New to Orleans
”...in the corridor…”
You were tHere.
I and I knew
but not until now
I saw your date
with a twisted brow
and I saw the tomb
that said you’d come.
Rats in your ear dear?
Far star comes near
“pon takes queen”
and we’re hear.
;)~
wHeres the flow?
wolf in a girls bow
flew in the mind
of a wind who knew
”... you left me out…”
“you only think so”
Happy SoulsIshstar….
i and ihear
Q and U dear ;)
Broad Horizons
Ms. Deborah Guzzi
http://www.poetrysoup.com/poetry_contests/Default.aspx
There was a small boy learning to play the keyboard across the street from where I used to live and he always played the theme to the movie Titanic...I think it was the only song he knew..one day I yelled across the street and asked him his name and told him I enjoyed his serenade, he answered back...I'm just the piano dude.....so this is for him
The piano dude plays his melody
Sending Titanic's theme across the wind
Notes rising, flying far from the sea
As if a message to us all to send
Listen from here far below
This place where beauty should never go
Unsinkable ship or so they said
Yet here am I all but dead
Hear me as I send my song
Close your eyes and dream along
Listen and always remember well
The perfect ship, that pride befell
©Donna Jones
Dude, guess what?
Yesterday, I got to go through my dad’s dealership
and pick out a sweet ride for my 16th birthday!
It’s a convertible, dude
It’s a hot rod, dude
It’s red, dude
It’s a hot, hot rod
And it’s got chrome-covered wheels!
Wait until the guys get a load of this!
Dude, this weekend, wanna go get drunk?
Ah! Dude! I totally saw my wellness teacher
at the Rush yesterday! She was
benching more than half the football team!
I could totally take her though!
I’m not going to let a woman tell me what to do!
Dude, I better retake the ACT this Saturday
I totally need a 16 to play on the football team
at Northwestern Kentucky State Community College!
Remind me not to drink too much after the game!
And we’re totally gonna smoke Blount County! Huh! Huh! Huh!
Dude, this guy totally looked at me funny
in the bathroom between classes! Man, we gave him the
hugest swirly! You shoulda been there!
Dude, I got practice after school today
but afterwards, you wanna go roll that ***** in Bio class?
Whaddya say?
Don't slide your arm around my shoulder
unless you want yours to be dislocated
Don't try to tell me I'm beautiful
trust me it's overstated and overrated
Don't ask me if you can get me a shot
I'll probably give you some lip
not the kind your thinking though
more like replying with will you make it hollow tip?
Don't try to tell me you'll take me
to places I've never been
Like where an abandon warehouse
covered in plastic is that what you intend?
Trust me it's for your own good so just stay on over there
cuz i don't always play well with others
and i never said the game was fair
a million others just like you sweet talking all the time
the same words to all the girls dumb enough to fall behind
Now this is nothing personal your not the first to try
I'm sorry it has to be this way but your just another guy
There once was a dude named Dudley
By all accounts he was quite ugly
As hard as he tried
He put makeup on his eyes
He still wasn't sweet and sure wasn't cuddly
© Jack Ellison 2015
Though I'm in a funk, no need help to get out
To once more wake up and dance and shout
Just like the old days
Big smiles on display
I'm the same jovial dude, of this there's no doubt
A cool dude in Delaware's thicket.
Wrote wonderful poems then said, "Stick it!"
"I'll write them my way!"
So what can we say?
You're TOPS!! I tag you Jared Pickett!!!!
Limerick crochet: Once a dangling Dude got himself tattooed
Once a dangling Dude got himself tattooed
All over to make himself look pretty good
Only piece tattoo free
Was the retracting pPp:
So he installed stainless steel under hood.
He met a woman with scarce a stain
On her svelte body smooth as satin
So they locked jaws and torso:
Steel piece severed in grotto
Surgeons found tattooed insides: shark’s teeth and fin !
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2013