Best Dern Poems

Why is sweetness a target for the buggiest frights?
Sweets do attract the sweet but
honey can come with a sting.
You see, the dern ants are in...

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Come Dance


"Come dance with me", she said and smiled
And he fell off his chair.
He blushed and rose and all the while
He couldn't help but stare.

Prettiest...

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Although there be some debatin’
‘Bout if ol’ cowboys wear socks—
I can tell you fer a dern fact,
That true cowboys don’t wear Crocs.

They just don’t fit...

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Ben raised up a dern disappointment, Daddy, well, he wanted a boy.
Wasn’t nothing under the bleeding red sun Ma could do but keep on a...

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Mary, Mary

Mary, Mary, where yall be
Behind the shed I see
Sitting on a bucket
Two shakes and blow
Snakes eyes rolls

Mary, Mary, where yall  be
Gosh darn, dang...

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This redneck is fixin' to go dancin'
You reckon we get gussied up and go?
I'll be a high flutin' and a prancin'
Is the honky-tonk puttin' on...

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I think that I shall never see
A cowboy that eats toe-foo—
Sech a dern thang jest could not be
In this ol’ bunkhouse crew!

Real men eats beef...

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T hey’d aughta not called nookie
H eaven’s blessed cookie...
E ither burd or bee, cause neither's a lookie! 

B urds well der feathered, not like me?
I...

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He's the last of the suburban cowboys
At the end of the cul-de-sac.
Oh, he may still have that Western Channel
To bring his memories right back--
But those...

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Now, ol’ Twister Tom he was quite a cowboy find—
A real rock hard cowpoke, though the question begged—
Some say that he was a legend in...

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When strollin' by the ol' saloon,
on chairs they kept outside,
I spied a dried up, lonsome sort
folks walked by, but eyed.

He had a faithful doggie
with head...

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Not all them ol’ time cowpokes
Wore them tight blue jeans, of course—
Most wore hot ol’ striped dress pants
Of thick cotton that was coarse.

It was Levi...

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I’m just a used-to-be cowboy
With one boot in the ol’ cow pie—
I used to be quite the young gent;
Now I just wait around to die.

Oh,...

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It seems the Old West and America
Are two of the many things we must save—
All these changes are coming much too fast—
Big John Wayne must...

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There’s a long tradition of cowboys and their pals,
Watchin’ buckin’ broncos settin’ on wood corrals.
It’s something they enjoys and sure ‘nuff don’t avoids—
But, dern that...

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