Best Deary Poems
She fell from the top of the Christmas tree
Bumped her head and said ‘oh deary me’
With pine needles sticking in various places
The Christmas tree fairy pulled funny faces
Jan Allison
5th December 2014
Not for Contest
Abominable holiday season greeting to the have-nots me and you
Bombshell tabloid sleigh bells got those ear holes ringing
Cut the tax gift wrap ribbon, only good cheers for the wealthy few
Ducky Little Donald beaky wacky-quacky curse caroling
Ebony epithets, Latino canina lobs, Palestinian and Muslim sobs
Freeze the Access Holly Would frame, hear the locker room talk
Get smart, dummies ... Populist Idol adored by Wall Street snobs
Hate not the playa, love the con: Eraserheads don’t need no chalk
Incense of Uranium burning, napalm is pissy incendiary to touch
Jingling cash registers be jiggling twin money-makers below and above
Kiss the ring of the Don, you poor stiffs ... just don’t ask for much
Let not the blue chips, white gems and red jewels make you a begging fool
Make the payments on time, or he break your legs with loan sharky love
No Festivus is complete without the test of strength Labor Party feats
O, deary me, Hercules Putin is cancelling from the main event
Proof is compromising truth, we don’t eat no tainted Trump red meat
Questionable straight partners sexually, fake news getting bent
Risque business dealings, tiptoe thru the financial tulip inquiries
Stake your illegit claim, skim a little off the top ... fattening grifter butt
Take a little less scrutiny, a lot more thievery ... no legal worries
Ultimate year end declaration: Shed that slothful image of a Jabba Hutt
Vacant morality, rampant gluttony ... gotta do what the lust belly says
Wiggle weight-loss room is minimal, doing the right thing is optional
*** expose, another failed marriage on the way ... oh, happy dog days
Young bacon tenders is ripe for old Porky Pig, innocence is so sellable
Zinc adulating is the best White holiday blues lip service Rudy brown-nosers do
When the young start calling you "deary"
You know that things are going south
And ask if you want the senior discount
All with that smarmy smirk of the mouth
Shopping becomes a sad affair at best
Cute clothes don't fit a drooping frame
Your wardrobe consists of cover-ups
And the bulges showing really are a shame.
The memory goes, I cant find my keys
Did I take my pills or feed the darn cat?
I'm supposed to buy eggs or was it cheese
Doesn't matter, I'm just a crazy old bat
Getting old is not "golden years" as they say
It's more about hanging on as best you can
And trying to find some small joy in each day
But now really, who thought up this ridiculous plan....
I Don't Want to Live This Life
(Change of pace equals review of book
long out of circulation,
but eyes experience immediate hook
so perhaps...take a look
and best locate a cozy nook).
Authored by Debbie
Spungen early 1980's,
yours truly doth recommend
perhaps Facebook
message I will send
whose person I would
be eager to befriend
cuz, title of poem by me,
and book written, sans arduous
motherhood to contend
by above (now octogenarian) gal,
a pitched battle blend
of brute confessional honesty,
and maternal love,
yet heaven forfend,
such sacrifice after gleaning
(of... course add in mix amidst end
of post World War II establishment,
viz hippie revolution number 9)
now only praise, aye absolutely commend
dubble "NOT FAKE" grueling
tale of emotional survival
during anti war
counter cultural trend
insert flaps did bend
immediate curiosity as
spurious hours to expend
choice of reading material,
thus found this bookworm
trying to comprehend
analogous taming wild animal
hence, engrossed many hours on end
today sunday February 17th, 2019
since birth Nancy Spungen the
firstborn and utter archfiend,
whose decade long trajectory,
yet to complete reading
harrowing story til the bloody end,
where near total
mortal kombat doth descend
how young mom stayed sane
one can only applaud and defend,
the monster birthed
from doting parents,
as both key figures
appeared to extend
more patience than Job,
mebbe wounds will never mend
unfortunate unbearable task
since day one did portend
a downward spiral, each day and night
for twenty orbits of Earth round sun
surviving family members
punishing trial may forever
garner kudos to legend
deary selflessness still
cost steep psychological stipend.
The Debate
as i sit upon my porch
the red orange sun dying like a torch
the strangest conversation i overheard
a spider and a mantis speaking words
says spider to mantis
“how do you sit about all day,
without a place to stay?
is that really how you prey?”
says mantis to spider
“why do you hang about that way,
just to be busy all day?
is that really how you play?”
arachnid responds
“i am resourceful i'll use any corner for my lair,
when it’s complete i hide and wait there.
infinity in my web i balance
i feel it vibrate and then i pounce!
Miss Mantis your life is dull and dreary,
you need a web like me my deary!”
cousin of the roach replies
“i am patient and intuitively calm,
i sit like a leaf without a qualm,
i meditate about the simplest things,
then i strike with sharpened springs!
Miss Spider you're the boring one,
i travel with the wind just for fun!”
the mantis sitting the spider doing
the spider spinning the mantis knowing
winds of eternity flow and ebb
the mantis praying in the spider's web
Goodness gracious me,
How can it be,
The ant leader
Posted that by decree,
I was a traitor,
And he
Would pass punishment
I could foresee
What was in store
Had to sit and steady my
Nerves with beer shandy.
It was a very hot day,
Thirty-eight degrees centigrade,
We were not by the sea,
But it was easy you see,
To keep cool
By the pool
Sitting on a high stool
With a beer shandy
In my hand,
Listening to the hotel’s
Resident band!
My phone rang,
It was my friend from Greece,
She was sending me a
Winter jacket made
Out of sheep fleece,
Oh don’t tease
Me please.
We talked for just
Under an hour
Said goodbye,
Went back to my beer shandy,
Life was just dandy.
But oh deary me the ants
Wanted to avenge
And take revenge
On me, as I picked up my
Glass of beer shandy,
Something seemed odd
I took a gulp from my glass,
And involuntarily forced
To expel the contents
From my mouth,
Hundreds of ants were floating
Dying, peeing, spitting
It was most distressing,
In my drink, I felt faint,
But practiced restraint,
Didn’t want the ants to
Know that I was dizzy
Even my hair was standing
On end and became frizzy
These industrious ants
Had set a trap
Determined to get back
At me for telling humans
About their plot to rule
Planet Earth, their leader Raoul
At the ready, creeping
And crawling
And nipping
Away at my flesh.
Doom spray I screamed
Please spray them all
Let them all die and fall,
I had to tell of their plan,
The world had to be prepared,
And their secret shared,
They began scurrying
And fleeing
From the spray, but muttering
Their real revenge was close,
They would be huge, and chew
Us up and spit us out, use
Us for fertilizing their gardens
And as for me,
I would be spat out constantly
And would regenerate daily,
So I was doomed,
They promised to keep
A wary eye on me,
Oh well perhaps I could emigrate
But they had this in mind,
Devious little monsters,
They would then immigrate
And join with other ants
From around the globe.
I would never be
Off the hook
For them I was a real
Baddie, a criminal, traitor
And crook,
Determined to expose
Theirs superpowers
To this planet,
And perhaps many others.
He rolls like baby
Playing hearts like he's ready
To lose his deary
Your bro not that boy
Played my heart like it's a toy
You're pain, he's a joy
My brother-in-law
If no heart wants you, then how?
Grow up will you now!
Prima Minardi (05/19/2011)
For '***IN-LAWS***' contest
By Dr. Ram Mehta
Can you speak the language of love my love am lost
Am all empty inside without you my heart is lost
Remember the day you saw me and I Saw you
Our lives now like a pair of shoes am left you are right always
Lets take walks then and smile for miles
Inside our heart two in one lets not make a crack
Never should we hurt never should we spite
Everyone alone in the world but with you I never walk alone
Today I am missing you my love
Someday hope you will wipe my tears along with my doubt
Understand my fears forget am a man and a sinner
Master forgiveness the art of loving is a science
Annoy me sometimes just to tell how much I care its fine
Hundreds wish to be U and I yet nobody wants the rest of the vowels
Maybe you are doubting,maybe you are hurting
Kiss me by the lips let me taste your pain
Am all yours trust me you are the one I was made for
Must we be apart even when we are together?
Obviously not but the seconds without you to me are forever
Remember I do even if you don’t, understand why
I am yours and you are mine beware of thieves we shouldn’t lose each other
Irene my deary love
Remember the good times when bad is all you see
Envy the dead for they don’t feel jealousy though its necessary
Never give up on me always smile when you remember me love
Enjoy the dance even when we miss some steps
**** please note British spelling of ageing used ****
If the truth is told I’m getting old -
Of that there’s no denying
Grey hairs appear upon my head
I dye them, I’m not lying
My memory is not what it once was
I keep forgetting what I have said
I keep forgetting what I have said
Got wrinkles and lines around my mouth
My boobies sadly they have gone south
Thankfully all my teeth are still my own,
A denture smile has not yet grown
I’m lucky I’m slim and don’t have to watch my weight
Got my pile of vitamin pills they dominate my plate
I wear glasses for my eyesight, they help me to see
Alas, when I can’t find them I say oh deary me
BUT they’re perched on my head – oh pity me
My memory is not what it once was
I keep forgetting what I have said
I keep forgetting what I have said
Still it’s not yet time for the scrap heap for me
Now I simply curl up, pen a poem and drink a cup of tea
A tongue in cheek write - or is it …
17th August 2015
Frog Adventures - journey always continues - A Collaboration
The Frog lands on earth smiling
Nothing has changed In mirror reflections
Bearing gifts from his mission on Mars
He met the cow who jumping over the moon
On the milky way he lay back rocking thoughts
Upon the moons' smile on a beautiful memory
Laughing having fun In warm joy
When lightning struck
Striking a beautiful tune sings out
Watching the dish elope with the spoon
Crying It looks like the cat Is playing the fiddle
Sadly tugging heart strings the temperature drops
Every which way swaying lost
One craft on this ocean a ghost ship
Into a shadow horizon
I sail to you In light of the moon
Are you sure? That Is not quite the story of the Frog that seamen tell. He lost all his gifts when he fell Into the sea. This Is the way seamen tell It.
Captain Jamie Lee Is at the wheel the ghost ship was the Dramallach Raven
A fine upstanding bunch of pirate lads not one of them was a craven
Now out of the corner of his eye Jamie Lee did spy
Something strange and he almost gave a startled cry
A Frog fell Into the sea small and green
Frog overboard He did lustily cry his eyes sharp and keen
The mate threw over the line and then to crews surprise
A little green frog holding a brollie stood before their eyes
This little Frog lifted up and placed on the poop deck
A poor little fellow he was and he looked quite a wreck
It was then Mr. Frog noticed Jamie Lee was a ghost
And he turned white and lean Instead of being green
As he sat shaking looking up at his host
"Now Mr. Frog what will I do with you oh deary me
Bash you on the head then off with your legs and have you for my tea"
Don't panic, didn't happen, just a bit of ghostly pirate humour there. There were no Frogs harmed In the making of this poem. Now, where was I? oh yes.......
"Now Mr. Frog what will I do with you oh deary me
I think we'll take you back to Ireland across the briny sea"
A Collaboration by Liam Mcdaid & Michael Clarke.
There was a young man from Nantucket
who git his stuck in a bucket.
When he couldn't get free
he said oh deary me
I wonder how I can ow unstuck it.
Well some they say though straight or gay
Get fun from innuendo
While others wait ‘til dark
To get their kicks outside your window
Some do the deed without a sound
Some labour in the dark
While others roars would wake the dead
Some sing out like a lark
Variety’s the spice of life
And while there’s a great selection
We’ve all been screwed from time to time
At every new election
There’s watersports and bondage
There’s even golden showers
Beware though not to mix the two
Or you’ll stay wrapped up for hours
Some wear a mask with eye-holes
Or some dangerous protrusion
Some sport a tail or riding crop
While lost in their delusion
Some women favour veggies
To chippies sparks or plumbers
They relish every celery stick
Or juicy green cucumbers
There’s tales that tell of fishermen
Quite partial to a skate
Though fond of fish I always was
I prefer mine on a plate
Some wrap up like an onion
For fear their skin is showing
While some rush in all fingers and thumbs
With boobs and buttocks glowing
There are those without a conscience
Who swear they’re not the owner
Oh deary me it had to be
Someone elses *****
Though some would up and go all night
Some finish in a minute
While others just the thought alone
Would push them past their limit
While girls dress up as men
And Lads like Cinderella
It takes a little work sometime
To tell female from fella
Uniforms are common place
Considered rather arty
A sturdy pair of coppers cuffs
Are the rave at swingers parties
There’s beads and balls and bangles
They may become a habit
And a whirling whirring weapon
They call the Rampant Rabbit
When picking out a present
For your partners Xmas box
Have Duracell a plenty
In her little Xmas socks
So while sex it has its ups and downs
Even Daniel would agree
It’s a sure fire cure for unwanted frowns
And it beats a cup of Tea
rod and berry
how very cherry
roper rode in
a hi.drogen mary
chariot races…
characters of
an ancient face
play for a ball
in a boysen space
senses men…
a seamans Ace
plays for the sake
of a peaceful place
Sirens ring…
and the x.men favor
a flavored x.gene.
”...hip Rogue…”
is a merry machine
pro.on the deary
of an airy unseen
wind for the sail
in a mind called we.
“soak.ey…
I am okay…”
the Corals learning…
Class 5.v2
”...what is she?...”
A class five mut Sir
A classy nut, what?
Not a nut Sir a mut
She’s a dog?
She’s a musing
none the less
Not a dog Sir!
A mut! Class 5
Pet her then?
you say she’s
got a classy set?
She might bust a nut
if she thought you said that…
”...come on then, tell me!...”
She’s an ant too
Class V of 3
Are you sure
She’s a she?
Heard it
first hand Sir…
Class V Lass ey?
I say…
Acts the brat
What’s her name?
Form:
Green Eyed Monster - A Love Story
So, I headed home to me flat from a hard day’s night
Working in the coal mines for a quid or two
“Just outside Londondary”, me says, when some busy body inquires
I goes right home to find me bed
Right quick and fast since I’m exhausted
I finds me ugly gal Sal with some guy there
Doing some unkind deeds upon me pillow
That I can’t rightly explain right here and now
Being a gentlemanly kinda fellow that I am and seeing red
I says to Sal, “Watcha doing deary?!” “What’s that in me bed?”
She says, “Nuffin love.” “I just finished the wash and found this bloke in here
And I’m all flustered, and as surprised as you.”
As a rule me complexion is as white as these sheets once were
I becomes hysterical, flushed and weird and fumbles for me gun
“Where’s me bullets deary!” I query of the misses.
But she’s as quiet as a mouse.
Now I’m in a frenzy and frothing at the mouth
“Don’t let me get me belt out or a knife!” I yells out to the wife
“Let’s keep it nice and easy!”
I finds the bullets, fills the chambers, shoots in their direction
I missed them both
But halted the copulation or repopulation
Which ever comes first
Created on 11/25/14 for “The Green Eyed Monster” – Poetry Contest
I'm going through the motions whilst surfing in the sea
Now I’ve contracted typhoid, oh deary deary me!
Raw sewage pumped into the sea really is outrageous
Typhoid is a horrid disease and sadly it's contagious
02~07~17