Best Daft Poems

You look stupid in videos on phones at the start,
you don't look like "Badmans" calling women a tart,
when I see those skits I think what a retard,
and don't you know we all skip over that part.

I don't rap with accents like tings and blud innit,
recycling...

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On my walk I chanced to see

An elephant with a bumble bee.

It was such a peculiar pairing,

And they had ice cream, which they were sharing.

The elephant was holding the ice cream cone

For the bee was on his mobile phone,

I thought wow, this is really *****...

I...

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Dear Lordy, what have you done
this loony spouse given me…
he rants and TV- clicks all night
much like a  freakish banshee!

Obsessed with horror movies
remote  control is life's drug:
This model needs rebooting,
It's time for urgent de-bug.



11/11/2017
Written for Kevin Shaw's Surreal and Daft...

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Louise started walking through the hugh corn maze
the high hedges and turns the usual craze
occasionally she'd run into a dead end
but soon her labyrinth walk would be on the mend,

She felt like a detective looking for some clues
to help her get through and not be...

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I sat under an oak tree in fall

I must have fell asleep I recall

I awoke on a boat

with a frog in my throat

an elephant making a trunk call.


20/10/2017
Contest surreal and daft
Sponsored by Kevin Shaw....

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A butterfly, one summer day
 Spoke to me as he fluttered my way
 He asked me where the flowers were
 And told me which he did prefer

 I pointed where the Zinnias grew
 He thanked me, and off he flew!
 As I continued on my...

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THE YOLK'S ON ME

It was bath time for my twins, I played a little joke
and filled their bathtub with purple dinosaur yolk.
The bathtub discoloured, the yolk was scummy
but in the purple gloop I found a missing dummy

Into the tub I placed my little daughter
she shivered,...

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"HOW TIME WAS BORN"


         After the snow but before the flowers, 
there were days without minutes or hours-
              Clocks were invalid and watches dead,...

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No lady is cheap and dude's are not fools, the lady you've been chasing for over 12 months was in bed with a guy just three days after they met.

The lady you had in your bed in less than a week, is being chased by...

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I have a dog called Minton whose feeling rather ill,
I took him to the vets today to settle up his bill;
Last night, when in the garden, he ate two shuttlecocks
Bad Minton....

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Me and my friend Spider
went out for a spin in a glider.
We stopped off for crisps and cider,
then off to the shops
where I bought him some tops
and four pairs of shoes for a fiver...

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My son gave me a great grow-box

to plant some veggies, watch them grow.

Tomatoes chosen 'cause they're red;
 
they grew quite fast...but then...oh no!


Their vines at once became alive;

and reached around to wrap my hips.

Got kisses planted on both cheeks

from succulent tomato lips!


November 10, 2017

Contest: Surreal...

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While walking in  the market  one day
I started talking to a friend we had lots to say
Unmindful of whatever came before  me
Kept walking somewhat straight  with glee

Suddenly  my  forehead banged into a pillar
My hard lense fell off and the...

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Happy Chappie had a lightbulb brain wave
Thinking his idea some time he would save
Usually when he went out and about
He forgot his way back without any doubt
Thought if I butter well my outdoor shoe
I'm sure to retrace as good as new
Unexpectantly he had a good...

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With their Tools, equipment, workwear at the ready
Hoping that this job, a first in a while goes steady

The weather has been assessed
And now we are waiting to be blessed

As the shift was about start
And the war paint applied like new age fork art

The crew started...

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