Best Cucumber Poems
Are cucumbers cool
As a general rule?
How fresh is a daisy?
Are loons always crazy?
How snug is a bug
When he’s not in a rug?
How gentle are lambs
If not happy as clams?
How clever’s a fox
That’s as dumb as an ox?
How fit is a fiddle
Not clean as a whistle?
Are doornails most dead,
Or are dodos instead?
Is it drier than toast
To say “deaf as a post”?
Such puzzles befuddle and much mystify
Till suddenly you see they’re as easy as pie!
a cucumber plant
loves his master's young daughter
tendrils shiver thrilled
CUCUMBER PHILOSOPHY
Don’t smile, frown or in any way express emotion
Just gotta lie here and keep straight, green, stiff and shiny
Soldier cucumber on parade, dressed left with all my buddies
On display, under inspection
Civilians admire - some even touch.
Pretty women hold us up for their girlfriends
And make smutty jokes and comparisons about men
Or they squeeze us, pretending to think cucumber thoughts.
We stay at attention, reliably enduring surrogacy.
Wimpy men pick us up carelessly and toss us
Into the shopping trolley with their asparagus and dill
Children grab us for use as swords or clubs in their games
Then we get bruised and end up in the reject pile out in the trash
No way for a soldier to go
Good cucumbers die young
Our ideal end is like the samurai with a sharp blade
In a swift cut across the middle
Feel nothing, know nothing
And then be of service in a salad.
I don’t know but I’ve been told . . . . . . .
No cucumber wants to end up just old
CUCUMBER PARADISE
Never for preserved peach or tomato - only for cucumber:
Always steaming lots of big jars and sterilizing lids,
Ukrainian Inna lived for the pleasure of the shiny green rosids,
And dreamed of them whether awake or at slumber
There was no real cuc harvest, except in her mind, yes.
She lived in the big city like a single cucumber in a barn,
Needing something significant in her life: living should not be in vain.
She sensed when it was cuc harvest-time even in the city cuc-less.
From farming village, family tradition, for work she was a stickler,
But finished all jobs fast, allowed nothing to encumber
Her jarred supply of cucs, even in a winter devoid of ‘cumber.
Her mum and grandma had been devout picklers.
In her farmer’s mind an earthy animal instinct,
Like birds smelling the breeze from the south
And flocking, even in their cages. Or drooling at the mouth
Like doctored cats, howling in March for theoretical fulfillment.
See them, amass them, pickle them without number
Stick to something you’re used to: if you see it, pickle it.
Give to friends, neighbours, but no real demand for it: can’t quit.
Medical definition: Atavism, terminal, cucumber.
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Note
Charming true story about a young girl, Inna,who worked with my wife years ago. Inna's main pastime for relaxation in the huge city of St. Petersburg was pickling cucumbers, which brought back her happy family memories of the farm in Ukraine years before.
The merciless sun
The cucumber leaves all scorched
Still you need the torch
_________________________________
April 16, 2016
SHE THOUGHT BETTER THAN TOSS THEM OUT
THEY WERE PRIZED FOR THERE PERFECT SIZE
SHE JUST DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
SHE HAD SO MANY FROM THE FIRST PICKING
ONLY IF SHE HAD MADE BETTER PLANS
ONLY IF SHE HAD THOUGHT IT THROUGH
THEN SUDDENLY SHE SAID " I KNOW WHAT TO DO"
I'LL INVITE ALL OF THE CUCUMBER LOVERS
OVER TO RELISH IN MY FABULOUS IDEA
I HAD BEEN SO TIRED OF SALADING
THAN I CAME UP WITH THIS CONCEPT
THE PEOPLE FAR AND NEAR SHALL LOVE ME
AND ALL WHO LOVE ME SHALL DRINK MY CUCUMBERS
SHE ROUNDED UP EVERYTHING SHE NEEDED
THE CUCUMBERS, THE GRAPES, THE APPLES
THE MINT, THE STRAWBERRIES,AND 5 CUPS OF LEMON JUICE
THIS SHALL BE AN
EXOTIC BLEND TO MAKE ALL THOSE
WHO SEEM PUZZLED LOVE MY
CUCUMBER
SHE HAD 100 CUCUMBERS: SHE SAVED ONE FOR HER
REASONS, BUT THESE 99 SHALL DELIGHT THE WORLD
OF CUCUMBER LOVERS, THEY SHALL FIND MY JUICES
DELICIOUS AND SATISFYING
SHE JUICED ALL THE FRUITS AND VEGETABLE
AND THEN SHE ADDED HER SPECIAL INGREDIENT GIN
SHE MADE TWO FIFTHS THE SECRET OF HER
DELIGHTFUL JUICE
THIS GIN AND ICE SHALL MAKE THESE CUCUMBER LOVERS LOVE ME AND
MY DELICIOUS JUICE.
WHEN THE PEOPLE CAME TO HER HOME TO TASTE HER CONCOCTION, THEY WERE PUZZLED
WHO WANTS TO DRINK CUCUMBERS THEY SAID.
SHE SAT THEM DOWN AND SERVED SALMAN BEEF AND PORK
WITH THESE DISHES, THE CUCUMBER WOULD
SHINE LIKE THE STAR SHE MADE IT INTO BEING.
THEY SIPPED, AND SIPPED UNTIL ONE GENTLEMEN ROSE TO SPEAK.
HE WAS SO DELIGHTED, HE ASKED HER TO COME TO HIS RETREAT AND MAKE HIS
CUCUMBERS TASTE AS GOOD AS THE ONES HE HAD JUST DRANK.
OF COURSE THE WOMAN AGREED.
AND EVERYONE WAS HAPPY
WITH THE CUCUMBERS THE WOMAN HAD MADE FOR THEM.
She was a bookworm of the most finicky kind
reading every day with a book always in reach
at the thrifty store the books were all consigned
she rebuffed discriminately with slow impeach
and rebuked all books that weren't a food find
She ravaged books about cakes & pate de foie gras
buttered tarts, angel hair, and little canape things
books about how to bake fish and how to fry bass
like a true galloping gourmet she would bring
the recipes home, then make them sing...
When winter came she'd sit like a chow hound
and copy recipes into her little red book
feeling lucky for the precious books she found
Pillaging the remnants with eyes sharp as a rook
she made the kitchen her haven, and fair ground
Her recipe for lava chocolate soufflé had charm
and her English toffee lollies were never fickle
she bought her eggs fresh from the dairy farm
and when she made cucumber and gin popsicles,
you could lick to hearts content they do no harm .
March 12, 2019
Contest Name: The Book Worm
Sponsor: Kai Michael Neumann
When cucumber comes to market ready
Placed next to produce in the store
In the company of strange vegetables
Odd fruits sit there spoiling not happy
Oppressed in dirty boxes every day they worry
Declare war on items grown and green
Things on sale that should not be there
Cucumbers selling three for three dollars is not fare
Fruits can not tell the truth or do arithmetic
They don't understand cucumbers are only one dollar each
Don't realize such things when packed away in storage
Some vegetables are green and waxy
Those are the facts
They taste good and have a snappy crunch
You do not have to pay taxes on vegetables
They are placed on tables in a salad after hours
That is what they were made for
Not for war
THE COMBINATION OF THE
SERIES OF MANEUVERS ARE CONCERNED
THE STEPS BEFORE DEFEAT
GUFLAND SCORN ( KARATE THRUST)
INTO A LA MISEREEL ( SHORT ARM CLOTHESLINE)
FOLLOWED BY " THE DELGRIN'S SPIKE"
( PILEDRIVER)
CAN MAKE MOST OPPONENTS FALL TO DEFEAT.
IT'S HAS MADE HIM CHAMPION ELSEWHERE
THIS CROWD GATHERS TONIGHT TO SEE
IF IT CAN MAKE HIM CHAMPION HERE.
THE IRONY OF IT ALL
HE MAKES HIS RETURN TO THE VERY PLACE
HE STARTED HIS CAREER.
CAN TONIGHT BE THE NIGHT
WILL THE DILGRIN SPIKE MAKE HIM CHAMPION:
OR WILL HIS OPPONENTS "KEEN AND CUNNING MIND"
(SPINNING TOE HOLD)
HAVE HIM TO ONCE AGAIN DEFEND HIS CROWN.
TUNE IN TONIGHT
OR COME DOWN TO THE ARENA,
WE'RE LIVE!
HE BEGAN HIS CAREER AT THE AGE OF 20 YEARS OLD. THE STORY GOES, AT AGE NINETEEN HE BOUGHT HIS FEMALE FRIEND TO MEET HIS PARENTS, THE LADY FRIEND STAYED THE NIGHT
SO THE GUY COULD DO HIS CHORES IN THE MORNING. WHEN MORNING CAME HE AND HIS FRIEND WENT OUT TO THE FIELDS, TO DIG POTATOES: THE GUY WAS SO HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE HE WENT TO THE TOMATO GARDEN AND STARTED DIGGING THE TOMATOES, HIS DAD SAW THIS AND TOOK THE SHOVEL HANDLE ACROSS HIS BACK, WHEN THE HANDLE BROKE HIS DAD TOOK THE GUY TO THE SOUTH-CITY RASSLIN LEAGUE, THIS WAS THE START OF THIS GUY'S CAREER.( HE'S ACTUALLY THE THIRD SEAT OBOIST IN THE SOUTH-CITY ORCHESTRA HE WEARS THE MASK BECAUSE OF THE INCIDENT WITH HIS PAW!
Such A Cute Cucumber
She was a cute cucumber;
Such a surely hot number;
Did meet;
So sweet;
Together decided to slumber.
Jim Horn
When first time I had met her,
What I noticed and did occur;
We swirled;
Hair curled;
Ball room floor we took a tour.
Jim Horn
CUCUMBER I IN A PICKLE SALAD-
O' I'm in pickle
found my means in a garden.
picked, washed, cook, LOOK!
I have evolved went,
from a cucumber to a,
pickle I’m broken.
so stressed out now I’m
being cut-up and placed in
bowl made of salad
cucumberly, I-
found myself on this sandwich .
I'm in a pickle
fickle, fickle jam,
cut up placed beside crouton.
where’s the ranch dressing?
2/21/20
If in all innocence
broccoli brings out flatulence
not to dwell but how many unfortunate smells
will it impart from a single floret
and in the end when it rends
does it sound like a bassoon or clarinet?
And what about the brussel sprout?
No doubt it will create heady fallout
and if on the quiet you ever diet or fast
as you are and repeat all you eat
this gas too at last shall pass.
Also the humble cucumber
which on you may do a number
what light wind
breaks through yonder soft butt?
Smile if while seated at the dinner table
as you may be able to blame the mutt.
Poem (The bird in a cage)
Listen to my story of how I forgot
The days of freedom and nights
I would fly with open wings
And fellow birds through woods in sprite
Hither and thither, fluttering
Over gardens, mountain and trees
And listening to sweet songs
Of nearby birds, flying bees
Unfortunately those cruel trapped me
And wrapped my desires
And put me in prison
A cage of woods and wires
Currently I miss sweet voices
Of my fellow birds
That hurt me too
How can I express it in words?
Like prisoner my tears
Flow down as dew
And lost the freedom
Of nest and sky blue
How can I forget fruits?
And eating sunflowers seeds
And bringing cucumber, melon,
Wheat and grains for my breeds
In thousand pieces my heart is broken
By listening to their words
Compare my cries, sighs,
And tears with free fellow birds
Oh my GOD takes pity on me
And give me freedom from this cage
Otherwise I may die in these hard,
Sharp wires in this age
Cucumber
early morning
I had to eat something
found a cucumber in the fridge
that was otherwise bare.
Peeled and boiled them added a bit of butter
and a pepper
stirred well when cooked and I had
mashed cucumber.
It tasted terrific a wonder for a diabetic
I have to remember til next time
the cupboard is bare.