Best Cook Poems

Rum felt a chill which he couldn’t explain
Had mum left the freezer door open again?
He went to the kitchen and muttered, “Aha!”
The freezer door was just a little ajar

Inquisitive kittens, as everyone knows
Would not simply push that door shut with their nose
He just couldn’t shut...

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Solomon Cook

1820 – 1900

It was a miracle. 
I entered this wicked world with
Mother’s umbilical wrapped around my neck like a noose,
Inside a cold cabin made of stone.
My mother,
A beauty of burden,
Chopped the wood
And served chicken neck soup on special occasions.
My father taught me stories from...

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Pity her as she cried 
On the floor, ragged, she lied
She's covered with odd bruises
And hell things on mind cruises

She was there left alone
Mourning for help at home.
Hungry and parched she was,
Hoping someone would pass

“Click! Click!”, the door knob sounds
At last someone’s around.
Who’s there? Who...

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Captain Cook was cruising in Hawaii
                                Yes,he deserved better fate, no wifi
  ...

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I’m in Cook County Jail and don’t know why
All because of a devious lie
When I bend for the soap
It’s the only one not on a rope
The one eyed pirate gets a poke in the eye...

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*This poem was written for Nikko's contest.  The letters "H E A D S" weren't allowed.  I won 1st place in the contest :)


Pimp, Cowboy, Gigolo willfully confirm Cook off
Vow to cook juicy concoction!
Pimp forgot cumin, Gigolo forgot flour, Cowboy forgot corn
Gigolo plotting...

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What a spectacle Betty was making
of herself in the kitchen while baking.
She kept tripping and falling.
Other cooks found it galling
all the dishes each day she kept breaking.

Today it’s much better she’s faring,
for the cause was made known for her erring.
Betty now feels relieved
that her boss...

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Beryl Cook. 

Painted faces of sheer delight
Others full of horror and fright

Ladies night with sexual tones
Anticipating moans and groans

Lady with a glass of wine looks happy
Admiring the lingerie looking snappy

Beryl Cooks paint brush has no fear
Colours and strokes are definitely clear

Brings out the delight in...

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The kind heart ***** cook saved me, “Pitch all your sweet meats over-board and turn upon the hearty salt beef and ship bread . . .you’ll be as
hearty as any of ‘em afore you are up to the horn.” 
They called the cook “Doctor”, and...

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In the larger view I'm the better cook.
Some folks can hardly boil water.
They'll take a recipe by the hand
and lead it straight to slaughter!

Yet I don't need a recipe.
My hands and mind are strong.
If you let me taste your dish you'll see
I'll capture it like...

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One
day I 
thought I would
boil some eggs so
I put them on the
stove on high heat, being
the impatient lass I am.
I got distracted in the yard.
The eggs blew up and the pan almost
melted. That’s why my husband is the cook!


For Susan Burch's Contest "Ridiculous Self Exaggerations"...

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The cooks in the restaurant found it appalling
how Betty messed up every pie she was baking
and how- from her tripping and falling -
dish after dish Cook Betty kept breaking.
What a spectacle of herself she was making!

Today, however, Betty is relieved
because of how much better she...

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My driveway is packed with the cars
of friends and family,
chips put out, and the little ones
are running joyously.

A cooler filled up with bag ice
keeps cold soda and beer,
I think half the folks I know
were able to get here.

I stand over a charcoal grill,
today it is...

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rub my butt with spices
baste my breasts with olive oil
slather my wings and things with sauce
butter my thighs, slow broil

	ah, the savory delights of a summer BBQ!...

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Shhhhh, here comes the Warden
He’s just about to open the door, Frank

Well, that’s good ‘cause I’ve been in this slammer too long!
and, it way too cold in here, Patty!

I never did ask you Frank, what are you in for?

Wrong time at the wrong grocery store,...

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