Best Contains Poems

For a man of the cloth, our dear vicar
is not very partial to clothes
He is almost allergic to trousers
and y-fronts get right up his nose.

Ev’ry Sunday as he climbs in the pulpit
(where the choir boys are sitting below)
His meat and two veg are seen swinging
And...

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~JSLambert does not (currently:) use, or encourage hallucinogenic drug use.

    Telepathic psilocybin prescription erasing elastic depression. Competition 
wanes, just when nocturnal emission drains. Lifted poetic wing clipping. This 
party only makes sense to those encrypted with unconsciousness. Scalpel in 
hand, methodical break...

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A poet, that's me I'm called Jan
Was NEVER a poetry fan
Now two books bear my name
Not for fortune or fame
I'll pen poop whenever I can!

If ever I am stuck for words
I resort to write about turds
Brown things that you poo
When you're sat on the loo
Poop...

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The farmer’s cock rises each morning
It signals a new day is dawning
His wife ignores him in bed
Says she’s got a bad head
Perhaps she requires pre-warning

NB I BREAK NO RULES POSTING BAWDY LIMERICKS  - THE FORM IS BY NATURE ALLOWED TO BE  RIBALD AND...

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Today it’s Pancake Day and there’s to be a pancake race
Entrants are on the starting line with a smile upon their face

Old Ted ‘s ready with his frying pan, he is a fat old josser
but when it comes to pancakes, Ted’s an expert tosser

The gun...

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A lady I knew called Griselda
Collected shoes just like Imelda*
But she’d such cheesy feet
When she walked down the street
Folk secretly called her Ismelldya!

*Imelda Marcos owned at least 1200 pairs of shoes



NB

After being on the site for over 7 years people are well aware of my...

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The dentist’s poised wearing his gown
I’m anxious, my face wears a frown
He’ll pull out my tooth
(Assisted by Ruth)
I’m thankful my panties are brown!

He powered up his dental drill
The noise from it made me feel ill
Bad tooth he requires
He’ll pull it with pliers
Then present me with...

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INSTRUMENTAL INFATURATION

The piano man stopped playing when you walked in
And that’s when I heard the brass begin
The flautist was taken aback by your grin
And then I heard the voice of a violin

The drummer stumbled over his beat
As I bumbled over my feet
Then a sax and...

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Out shopping, I meet Uncle Billy
I exclaim can I stroke your willy
Feel free to pet him
He says with a grin
My willy’s quite cold brr its chilly


I kneel down and give Willy a stroke
And juggle his brown balls for a joke
Willy’s a rescue pet
Billy got from...

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Yes it does!
Poetry contains
Revolutionary Power
It can alter landscapes,
tear down governments,
cause the populace
to rise up,
create a ruckus,
transform morals,
foster a new
way of thinking,
bring emotions
to a tempest,
entice new beliefs,
systematize evolution,
inform you,
all the while
functioning for the
good of humanity....

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This is a limerick that contains no e’s,
Though that may be hard to believe.
    But I declare it be true,
   (Okay, maybe a few,
Cuz “no e’s” is really hard to achieve!)...

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The very word "anthology" means 
"flower-gathering", or "I gather flowers"
rooted in ancient Greek, to describe
the act of collecting

Perhaps on some rocky Athenian hillside, 
a maiden and too perhaps, 
a young strapping man
walk tentatively, 
amidst the rocky slides
of life and lust, 
to gaze at the beauty

of...

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Its taken me a long time to finally admit 
that you aren't coming back to me
I knew from the start 
you were a quick fix 

I struggled with my  loneliness forever so it seems 
but I have to admit, it got easier each day...

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It's an honourable profession to be a locksmith by trade
I've done it for years and my work is A grade
I'm not one to boast but I say constantly
That I've made every key there can possibly be
Car keys, skeleton keys, master keys, house keys
You name it...

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The zero world

How the tide rises and falls, 
How the sky lightens and fails,
How the wind peacefully goes
To the zero scale it contains -  zero doesn't judge, it just exists. 

(c) Maryna Tchianova, Ukraine

Copyright © Maryna Tchianova | Year Posted 2016...

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