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The Great British Pancake Day Toss Off - Warning Contains Innuendo
Today it’s Pancake Day and there’s to be a pancake race Entrants are on the starting line with a smile upon their face Old Ted ‘s ready with his frying pan, he is a fat old josser but when it comes to pancakes, Ted’s an expert tosser The gun goes BANG and off they go, Ted’s busy tossing away busty Bertha's in the lead, if she wins there’ll be hell to pay! Ted’s won the race the last five years, he tosses night and day the trophy’s been on his top shelf, he hopes that’s where it’ll stay Bertha stumbles, her pancake drops and she begins to cry Ted sneakily stamps on her pancake; he’s such a crafty guy The finishing line is in sight, there’s about fifty yards to go Ted frantically tosses his pancake; his wrist goes fast not slow Bill makes a sterling effort and comes at Ted from behind they toss their pans in unison; Bill's got winning on his in mind Ted lunges at the white tape, but the result’s declared a draw Bill suggests they have a ‘toss off’ - there’s not been a draw before Both men take a breather, awaiting a fresh pancake to toss if either of them drops their pancake it will be a great loss Both men stand on the finish line and flip and toss like mad neither of them will concede, whoever loses will be quite sad A crowd gathers, all eager to know who’ll be crowned the winner suddenly a seagull swoops and grabs Ted’s pancake for its dinner Ted starts to shout and stamps his feet when it’s announced Bill's won he takes it all too seriously, but Bill declared the toss off was such fun! Poem edited - originally posted in 2017 02/16/21
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Book: Shattered Sighs