Best Choc Poems
To chocolate I pay my respects
Some folks say its better than sex
whether milk dark or white
Ev’ry bar I must bite
or I'll get a lack of choccy complex
I NEED chocolate it’s an unwritten rule
I'm a woman not a blithering fool
Give me a constant supply
On days that end with a Y
when choc’s smeared round my mouth it looks cool
BY JAN ALLISON
Most women love something that’s sweet
And chocolate it cannot be beat
Deny them and they’ll pout
Choc is all they think about
Many men think it's all that they'll eat.
BY DALE GREGORY COZART
She lustingly said to bring some to her room
off went my trousers in a vertical zoom
I gazed in her eyes
but to my surprise
I gave her the chocolate she gave me a broom
BY TIM SMITH
Give me the chocolate and forget the sex
But please don't send it through Fed Ex
It'll melt in the summer
And that's a real bummer
Now that's a problem to vex and perplex
BY LIN LANE
Chocolates make me feel great
I forget the part about weight
If I was a tad thinner
Would think chocolate ideal for dinner
Will settle for sex after eight
BY SEREN ROBERTS
Chocolate is all that she wishes
She loves anything that Swiss is
I brought her a box
She quick changed the locks
Guess I’ll just go sleep with the Mrs.
BY DEAN WOOD
One woman with sweet loving lips
ate nothing but dark chocolate chips.
Her husband's retort?
"To enter her port
is like docking between two battleships!"
BY LIM'RICK FLATS
OLD MA.
Old Ma always gave the kids a nice treat
Always nuts and never anything sweet
But they soon found out why
Nuts were in great supply
Choc nut bars she'd only suck cos no teeth...
NO HIDING PLACE.
An old gangster robbed a bank and he ran
Flew out from Canada then onto Japan
The Mounties tracked him down
In old Tokyo Town
He was caught cos they always get their man...
A WARDROBE MALFUNCTION
Went to a posh restaurant called Vicars
A girl walked out the loo, there were titters
Her face turned a bright red
At what's every girls dread
She'd gone and tucked her dress down her knickers...
DOMINATRIX.
A dominatrix from the state of Maine
Enjoyed hanky panky out in the rain
She'd use a leather fetter
T'would shrink as it got wetter
And her clients would pass out with the pain..
A FRIEND IN NEED.
The outback two mates went to catch a 'roo
One got cut short and said "I need the loo"
A spider crawled up his knee
As he was starting to pee
And bit him hard on his digeridoo...
His mate phoned the flying doctor who said
"Suck out the Poison if it has turned red"
He thought to himself no way
His mate said "well what's he say?"
He said "in 'bout half an hour you'll be dead" ...
LOST THEIR WAY. For Gershon Wolf
Geese flew south they were honking and hinking
Snow storm came they were blinded and blinking
They had no way of knowing
Where the hell they were going
To see them sway you'd think they'd been drinking...
Written 21st October 2020.
Enticed by his faceted aspects
Political points show his honour
Policies opposed, David contests
Left wing woke folk admonished
Rawness of broad topics examined
Cowboy stories of recent history
Scenarios derived from within
Issues which play contemporary
David flavoured, his firm essence
Infuses my little with his lot
I honestly struggle to explain this
... never missed what I don't got
.. A man who won't take crap
Shallow hits roll off his jaw
My bull wouldn't just lapse -
He'd bleed it dry, peace restored
Faceless man tells me myriads
Written by unwavered conviction
Marathon stamina poem olympian
I, willing victim to his inflictions
Dreaming of David, strange concept
- exclusive, by myself for eight years
It's a choice to remain alone, heart kept
Relic packed away, oddly he endears
Hard nosed refusal to enter this century
Old school stance pings my deepest vibe
Unreasonable, how much it means to me
To absorb the jib of David 's scribe
Around three years his senior
In virus time, located overseas
I fixate on his strong demeanour
In lurid choc chip fantasies
12th September 2020
Ooey, gooey, give me choc-o-lot!
If I must, I'll take it liquid hot,
But "wicked" like they fix it in Madrid,
Thick as porridge, satin sunburnt sweet.
(Not like here: sugar,milk and cocoa, mix and heat).
Give me some hot chocolate I can eat!
Drip-drop-dripping from a spoon!
Give it - give it to me in a box.
Tantalize my lips with luscious bits,
Rum and amaretto morsels dipped.
Give me it in chips or chunks or blocks.
And please not those from K-mart or the grocer.
We connoisseurs much prefer it kosher!
Give it to me Swiss or straight from France.
Hurry while I loosen up my pants!
I'll make do with anything you have.
Drizzled over ice-cream nice and smoothy.
chocolate is the universal salve.
chilled or warm, but slathered on it soothes me.
Make my ice-cream chocolate flavored too-
peanut butter swirls with fudge will do.
Be my ever sweet-tooth choco-fairy.
Finger-feed me bonbons. I'm your baby.
Feed me plump and succulent black berry.
Give me, give me, give me what I crave,
and I shall be your love-starved-choco-slave.
10/5/13
When I wrote this, it just flowed to me, like chocolate water; usually I have to sit and think a bit and poetry often does not flow from me in this way!
We are all gathered on the platform
Jumping up and down with glee
We can see the smoke of the puffing train
Coming nearer to take us to the sea
We are off on a Whitsun treat
Forty children or more
Many adults to look after us
Experience told them what was the score
They heaved on wicker baskets of goodies
And crates of lemonade
We were off to Barry Island for a Picnic
Just a half hours ride away
The seats were rather hard and had
mesh racks above to store luggage for folk
Opened up the windows with a leather strap
Stuck out heads to a face full of smuts and smoke
The choc choo sound was so exhilarating
Excitement grew with every mile
Wanted to be that train driver with his whistle
To pull that chain that made the sound, bringing smiles.
Had a wonderful time on the sands
Paddled our feet in the sea
Gathered around to eat our food
Washed down for the adults with gallons of tea
Forty tired and happy children
Clambered aboad that train for home
The clicketty clack of the wheels
the sway of the carriage, sending them to sleep and dream
We were soon at our home station
So sleepy yet didn't want the day to end
Tired and dirty, had a lovely day in the sun
Starting the day aboard a steam train that puffed around the bend.
Penned January 20 2015
Sweet tooth
In youth
On scales
She WAILS!
Hot date
Lose weight
Diet?
Try it
Big eyes
Large thighs
Fat tum
Huge bum
Gobbles…
Wobbles
In mood
For food
Crunchies
Munchies
Wants choc -
Whole block!
Adore
Fridge door
Keeps shut
With butt
Risk it ...
Biscuit
Crispbread?
Drop dead!
Think thin
As pin
Eats less ...
New dress
Now slim
And trim
Look great
For date
04~05~15
Contest Judy Konos - Your Footle Poem
~awarded 1st place~
To chocolate I pay my respects
Some folks say its better than sex
whether milk dark or white
Ev’ry bar I must bite
or I'll get a lack of choccy complex
I NEED chocolate it’s an unwritten rule
I'm a woman not a blithering fool
Give me a constant supply
On days that end with a Y
when choc’s smeared round my mouth it looks cool
Most women love something that’s sweet
And chocolate it cannot be beat
Deny them and they’ll pout
Choc is all they think about
Many men think it's all that they'll eat.
Collaboration with Dale Gregory Cozart
*** Dale posted the poem yesterday and it turned into a collaboration - please feel free to add your poem to his page ***
https://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/ode_to_chocolate_collaboration_923276
07-26-17
Choc A Little Or Chocolate With Kittens
Warm sweet chocolate, creamy smooth
Cools off in aluminum baking trays
Laid out on the kitchen table on display
Gentle little paws dip cautiously at first
Test the gooey surface
Kittens waste no time, become immersed in brown sauce
Soft fury white things, warm pink bellies, pounce
Jump at the chance for mischief in the deep sweet
Roll around in chocolate
How neat!
Kittens lick their paws; make cute mew sounds with tiny lips
Unable to make mature meow inflections yet
Mother cat watches, stretches in a yawn, meows back
Helps them to master their language skills with another “meow”
As they mew some more, prance about, turning another color
"Book Worms" Posted 1 Feb 2021
i'm reading a book about anti-gravity I can't put it down
that bio of Led Zeppelin's guitarist is a real Page turner
don't miss this: "Dummies For Dummies" by Charlie McCarthy and Lamb Chop
i'll admit there is a time and place for books in my hand and right now
in one college course we read books about candy the class was Choc Lit
today I got hit on the head by a book I have my shelf to blame
[humor attribution: all humor found online of unknown origin]
"But Weight, There's More" Posted 8 Feb 2021
for some of us during COVID overeating is a weigh of life
when i feel plump i tell myself i'm not overweight, i'm undertall
those who sell books on dieting are living off the fat of the land
darwin's theory of sumo wrestling the survival of the fattest
during lockdown, i'm on the seafood diet i see food, i eat it
i saw my doctor and asked him what kind of shape i'm in he said "pear"
[humor attribution - all were found online, of unknown origin]
"Groucho Marx Edition" Posted 15 Feb 2021
if i said you had a gorgeous body would you hold it against me?
i would never belong to a club that would have me as a member
be open minded but not so open minded that your brains fall out
i never forget a face but in your case, i'll make an exception
i have had a perfectly wonderful evening but this wasn't it
those are my principles and if you don't like them, well, I have others
All humor attributed to the inimitable Groucho Marx
"Occupational Hazards" Posted 22 Feb 2021
my dentist's motto be true to your teeth or they will be false to you
bakers trade recipes with each other on a knead to know basis
I called a budget exterminator he came with a flyswatter
the butcher backed into the meat grinder and got behind in his work
a back- and neck-straightener in Egypt is called a Cairo practer
don't call me a plumber I am a "broker in new and used water"
[Humor attribution - all humor found online, attribution unknown]
Sausage and custard and ice cream with mustard
Chocolate coated Kentucky Fried Bustard
Whipped cream with mushrooms or frogspawn on toast
These are the foods that an ogre likes most
Volcanic craters and baths full of gators
A pantry thats choc full of gagged and bound waiters
sleeping on bones in a pterosaurs nest
These are the places an ogre likes best
Eyeballs and elbows, the odd severed nose
Ankles and legs and a number of toes
Earlobes and kidneys and hearts to dissect
Things that an ogre just loves to collect
Teeth that are bleeding and eyes that are red
Skin like the skin of somebody that’s dead
One missing ear and a hole in the throat
And chomping raw meat from the leg of a goat
So now that you have him laid clear in your head
The image you see is of someone to dread
For sometimes the truth is a pain in the neck
And ogres in real life are nothing like Shrek
Black beard
Was feared.
Kim Jong
Heads wrong.
Home grown
Trump clone.
Fat boy
Food joy.
Sun baked
Nose caked.
Fresh bread
Well fed.
Aged scotch
Top notch.
Amtrak
Rail track.
Choc ice
Tastes nice.
War room
More gloom.
Stay cool
In pool.
Jail spell
Sheer hell.
Dark nights
Street lights.
Fab four
No more.
Flatline
Bad sign.
Written 16th September 2020.
It's Not You
It's Me
Actually in Truth
That's a Small White Lie
I have been cheating on you
For a While now
Having Passionate Sex
With another Guy
And i have been thinking it over
for a while now
And i Think
Yes
We Should
Break - Up
BAM
SLAM
There it Is
Signed , Sealed , Delivered
Love's Equivalent of an
Imploding
Suicide Vest
Destination
1
Single Victim
SLAM
You have been Served
Once upon a time Smitten
Planning a Wedding Fitting
To being , Reduced to
Tears before Bed
And obsessing over what you actually
Did Wrong
Or
Could have done or said
Instead
To make her stay
Or
Love you Back
And when good intentioned
Friends and Random People
Quote the Recently Dumped
Break-Up Bible
Stating there are
Plenty More Fish in the Sea
Remember this
Slam
It's also 2 choc full of
Sharks
&
Predators
Like the 1 that just
Dumped You
Rather look at this from a different Perspective
Using another age old fishing analogy
Given enough Time
You will never ever Say
She was a Keeper
Or
Be Refered to as
The 1 that
Got Away
More like the
Wrong Shoes
Or
Wrong tool for the Job
Thank God
"Novitiate"
Wading through
turgid mainstream
Novitiate makes her
way to the bottom rungs
of the Clean Team
Where dreams are
captured a.m. p.m. .
on the run with
weeping neutered minds
zero sublime
same old, same old
Asks herself,
“Where’s the substance?
Am I gormless too?”
rewards are Molasses,
Sugar Plums and
Glory, if that's you
It’s like dipping your spoon
in Alphabet Soup
re-arranging letters.
Shirley Temples with
no flaming
Bombe Alaska clue
pour the brandy,
light the flame.
Ignite something,
heart, mind or soul
covert intelligence
wonderful electric
minds pollinating
intellectual beehives,
"where's all the dripping
honey?"
Novitiate dreams
Go punch a hole in the sky
block all emotional rissoles
it’s not a question of
do or die
the Game is called
take-the-ride, at all times
avoid blood-sucking Vampires
Strict insects in an
ultra strict machine
watching their wings
flutter pretty, all beat
in time bang against
a silent wall
koutou three times
It aint about numbers baby
nor who’s who in the Zoo
it’s about writing your story
lock, stock and smoking barrel
keeping it true
Cover all mirrors
old is dead
born is new
Mornings rise with Sun
Fold your cards,
Hearts are trumps
Win-Win
what's done is done
time to de-robe and run, run, run
You're a novitiate skating
daily in your black
Nun's habit, it's way way
tragique, it's all a bit,
"La députée a raconté
une histoire très tragique",
find a new Boo.
Passports,
TRANSIT LOUNGE
Airport
Escape the Zoo.
Time to Do-the-Do
Novitiate throw
off your Black habit
Perfume
Rouge lipstick
New shoes
Yeah, put on your
Kavorka
New You
Double Deluxe Choc Chip
take the double cream
and cherry too.
Escaping the Zoo
True Romance.
OUR STORY
Me and You
(Lovejoy-Burton/2018 Jan)
"Temple of Love"/Johnny Hollow
https://youtu.be/p64wbdRBzjk
I once met a sad Easter bunny
He cried as his choc eggs were runny
I said hop on your feet
And get out of this heat
Try Iceland, I hear it’s not sunny!
04~10~17
Well Hello Doctor Seuss,
May I offer you a Juice?
It’s has been a while,
Since you visited in style,
And I’ve words to say,
That I’ve kept for this day,
So let me begin,
I almost feel like kin!
You have come from Feven,
But in actual fact Heaven,
And you look so pell
Debonair and swell,
You have brought a pangel,
Who looks like angel,
But somehow I feel,
That you would like trivacy,
And a little privacy,
So step into my nar,
My very own new car,
Don’t feel bewyraid,
Or in any way afraid,
For I travel very vlow,
Speedometer fixed for slow,
So let’s go have a plake,
Do you want a choc shake?
I have been a zan
And devoted fan,
For many, many xeers
Well over forty years
Here we are my prend,
And unforgettable friend,
Oh you’ve spilt it on your lap,
Let me order you another,
Oh dear oh crear,
There’s a buzzing bee near,
And to be honest,
I do not like that fear,
So let us return kome,
And I’ll make you one at home!
Oh gosh, there’s your pangel,
Your good and proper angel,
I will have to say quesigh
And a very quick goodbye,
And wait your next plisit
Each one an exciting visit.
And then Doctor Seuss was gone,
Visits every year, thank him a ton,
What a special awesome author,
To visit me was such an honor,
He helps me make up funny rhymes,
Just to remember the old times,
And will see him in year again,
What a wondrous unique brain!
Potty Contest “Completely Your Choice”
Sponsor: Brian Strand
2020/10/05