Best Butt On Poems

What a beautiful, romantic day
Most wonderful day of my life
I soak up the sun, every ray
We're going to be husband and wife
The wedding cake's beautiful but where's the knife?
And where's my dad? He should be here
To give me away, oh my, oh dear!

Oh my God!...

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A lipstick stained Camel butt, on the full ashtray rim
A golden earring on the floor, how does this story begin?
The Smith Corona silent, paper stuck in the machine
When someone ripped it out they left a mess to clean

An air ticket on the floor, unused it...

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It may have been the devil himself who prompted the kids in my schoolyard back in 1947 to chant "Patsy Foley's roly-poly from eating too much ravioli."

At first, no one could remember who started the chant. Patsy, a sweet and ample child, was in the...

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I'm the good bad cop,
I'm good at being bad
My partner is the bad good cop,
he's bad at being good
We make a good team,
we put a scare into the bad guys
Both of us love reading them their rights,
stuffed in a squad car,
playing the "Bad Boys" theme
Get...

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Why do people look at me
as if, I'm fruit from a poisonous tree

I'm not strange and wouldn't hurt a flea
yet they act, as if they see a killer bee

Avoiding eye contact, then running off
I'm brand new and not feed from a trough 

I'm not beautiful,...

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My Little Miss does not do 'aloof'
One kitty dash as I sit, and poof!
Lap kneading, too greedy
Head butting, so needy
I declare love, but she demands proof-

No Sunday sleep-ins will she allow
Every 6 a.m. is time for chow!
Pawing, purring alarm
Furry butt on my arm
No snooze button...

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pondered

I discovered the season's called FALL,
'cause ambition skips casting’s call.
rain and darkness
grumpy bark-ness
I sink like a skiff in a squall

pleaded

Doctor! Doctor! Diagnosis?
It feels fatal — What? Psychosis!!!
extreme lethargy
has it’s way with me
Doctor says it’s the dreaded... HOUSITOSIS!

prescribed

Get off your butt you silly old fool!
Go to...

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Continued:

So, there I was on the porch standing in shock 
This Big Mama Bear sitting right in front of me
On her butt on the grass!  Just feet away!
I thought something was wrong with her
It was a hot day, she was breathing heavy
I tried to...

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A BOX FOR MY FRIEND

                                        ...

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I saw a little boy and two pretty girls play on the beach
He took a few back steps and caught the ball 
But hit his butt on a pointed shell 
And let loose his good catch
He lost out to the girls and sat brooding
They joked...

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Oh dear what can the matter be
It's  Rheen the queen needing to wee

How can I just sit with my knickers down
don't think I will  be able to balance my crown.

How can a queen pee behind a tree,
With royal butt on show for all to see.

A...

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Santa went out last night dressed as mutton.
Partied too much; was a real butt   on.
Woke with aching hangover.
Mrs. Santa, boil-over,
Threaten to punch in his bellybutton.

You need to deliver the children's toys.
Or you'll ruin the joy for girls and boys.
Sleigh and reindeer are roundup,
Leave...

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You’re sitting on my brain, girl you’re always on my mind
A better butt on my brain is impossible to find
With every new day, my first thought is yo behind
Together we’re a born puzzle that stays combined

What are you doing and where you at
I miss you...

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It’s been 20 years since this Mike
Last took a ride on a bike
Now my muscles are sore
After 4 miles or more
But this just might be something I like

The wind in my hair, ah the chills
The lead in my butt on the hills
About time; I lost...

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I wish every fella had a woman like mine,
a woman who is supremely confident
She builds the condos,
and she collects the rent
My baby is a real go-getter,
she knows how to take care of her business
My lady is a home run hitter,
move pieces around like she's playing...

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