Best Billing Poems
Alone In The Dressing Room: Just Before Curtain Up
Oh Yes! My career!.. It's behind me.
And the bright lights I’d worked so hard for
Now they’ve airbrushed my face
That looks so out of place
On that poster they’ve stuck to my door.
My name is no longer top billing
It’s been pushed further down out of view
By some rich kid who blogs
From his channel of vlogs
And gets paid just to like all this too.
The curtain goes up in five minutes
But I think it should really stay down
They haven’t a clue
What real actors do
On the stage in this backwater town.
I’m the oldest guy here in this cesspit
And this dressing room’s cramped and too cold
The 'luvvies' will shout
That I’ve sadly sold out
Unlike seats for this show so I’m told.
I’m supposed to walk out there all happy
To some kids who just couldn’t care less
And keep 'doing my thing'
And get them to sing
- I’m washed out, fed up and a mess.
A Knock On The Dressing Room Door: Not Long After Curtain Down
I just wanted to say a big 'Thank You!'
The three of us had a great time
I’m not sure where to start
So I’ll speak from my heart
We loved you and your great pantomime.
My husband and I brought our ill son
And now value what laughter is worth
We saw sickness displaced
By wide smiles on his face
Despite his short time left on earth.
You brought us much joy, light and comfort
From the stage to the seats where we sat
No medicine or pills
Can cure our son's ills
But for two hours - tonight - you did that!
kleine perihuhn damplings
ein puter potage
action de grace-dindon
dankfest kartoffel
eucharista sauce
we give you
thanks
Inspired by Donna's contest
No finer tribute ode- than to be top billing on Thanksgiving/Christmas menus
Jog at skybridge
Dusk descends swiftly;
Deep darkness sums
Side by side we
Stride brisk and fast;
Stop clock moments
A neighbour smiles
Mobile cellphone chat;
Our feet speed away
Evening echoes
Cicada serenade;
Hazy ambience floats
Thoughts meander
Nothing to say;
Meal pack detour
Dinner for two
Me and you;
Silent melodrama
Digital TV
Sitcom sequesters;
Lavish drama serials
News in brief:
War, death, violence;
What else is new?
Bank account update
Cash flow and bills;
Thank God for money
Word for word
Sorry tales attest;
What happened where?
Mailbox excavation
Letters in a pile;
Billing gratitude
Leon Enriquez
26 June 2014
Singapore
(As Galileo left the session of the Inquisition
at which he had been forced to deny his own
discovery that the earth orbited the sun, and
had to "admit" that the earth was static, he
murmured, "eppur si muove" ("but it moves").
It's hard to live in Lilliput, I find.
I have to cross my fingers, play their game.
Their billing, filling, drilling daily grind
sits ill with me. They all trot out the same
tired cliches. Passing a painting, never fail
to comment on the squareness of the frame.
Unprofitable, weary, flat and stale.
You can't earn prizes here. These fools prize earning.
No sweets to eat. It's one long dreary tale
of condemnation, disapproval, spurning.
The Sunday supplements determine taste,
all tearing down, forbidding, banning, burning.
They're sealed in heavy metal, concrete-cased
austerity. They put the "die" in "diet".
What will survive of them is nuclear waste.
Denounce, detract, dismiss it and deny it.
Don't look for clover - look for cloven hooves.
Excoriate it, flay it, vilify it.
They'd love to let life lurch along in grooves,
the gauche, perverse, unruly human mind
trapped tidily in aspic. But it moves.
Here lies dentist Sam Billing
This patch of earth he is now filling!
4-12-19
An Epitaph To Make Us Laugh 2 Contest
Sponsor: Jesse Rowe
"If in the first act you have hung a pistol on the wall, then in the following one it should be fired." -- Anton Chekhov
Chekhov declared that it's clearly imperative
That a gun given billing must duly be fired.
The bullet obligingly cinches the narrative,
Sating the thirst that the gun first inspired.
Yet the world is awash in objects inutile,
Which clog our disorderly narrative streams.
So why should a playwright adhere to so futile
A diktat pertaining to props in a scene?
Myself for example, habitually arming
The darkness that swaddles me, inkily deep,
My mind so occulted its doubly alarming
To grasp the black Kimber, now sprung from its keep.
The prop having found its way on to the stage,
My untethered demons start chorally keening,
Quite certain they know what the gun must presage:
That this is the moment that holds all the meaning.
A Chocolate Sponge Wedding Cake
---------------------------------------
Three chocolate bases
hold up a chocolate cake.
Three chocolate bases!
A dream, for heaven's sake.
Ruffles of rich chocolate
look like a piglet's ear.
The wedding guests are stoic -
of their weight they have no fear.
Solidly, the chocolate
is billing the top spread
and chocolate sandwiches, I've heard,
(or maybe what I read).
The cake is crowned with chocolate,
yes, more to fill the plate.
The bride, in white, is common sight,
but her cake is quite first rate.
2/7/2017
Contest - Brian's Select J
Sponsor - Brian Strand
3rd place win
God asked Noah to build an ark
he was happy to oblige
but he wasn't so keen
when he found out
what had to go inside
Two of every animal
then you must set sail
the animals were fearful
the whale began to wail
Even the Gnu knew
this idea would surely falter
but every beast preferred this idea
than being led by nose to slaughter
Noah followed the order
from gnat to lion to horse
this was a recipe for Pandamonium
but Noah knew this of course
Seating plans were issued
but an almighty row took place
The lion the king of the jungle
argued that he was a special case
The Queen Bee wanted second billing
while the Emperor penguin demanded a throne
while the homing pigeon panicked
at not being able to find his way home
Nightime was the worst
sleep was beyond them all
with the woodpecker continually pecking
and the gloworm lighting up the hall
The doves tried to keep the peace
as all hell broke loose
while bets were taken on who had the longest face
the horse, anteater or moose
The pandas tried to be romantic
sleep deprivation made their eyes go black
the magpies kept stealing the others duvets
and the squirrels were nuts to turn back
The elephants said they'd never forget
and they wished they packed more in their trunk
while the terrible smell that stunk out the place
was eventually blamed on the skunk
The bears awoke with sore heads
they had drunk all their supplies in one night
while the hyenas found it hilarious
at their next door neighbours plight
The crows shouted blue murder
but the bats were blind to it all
the ravens were ignored by the masses
as all they said was 'never more'
The maggots agreed it was just rotten luck
to be stuck in this mobile zoo
and every time the peacock showed his feathers
it made the pigeones coo
The badgers were set in their ways
the sheep said their wool was a curse
while the spiders got a verbal warning
for using a sows ear to weave up a purse
Finally they found dry land
the hare raced out in the lead
while the tortoise said there was more to life
than doing everything at top speed
Noah was happy that the journey had ended
and this was the end of the road
but at least one species had enjoyed the trip
the rabbit population had increased ten fold!
“Hello, and thank you for calling Acme Products! Please listen to the following selections as our menu options changed 5 years ago and we want to make sure you have them memorized.
If you need help with billing, press 1.”
silence
“Are you sure you don't need help with billing? We have such nice people in our billing department.”
“Operator.”
“No can do. The system requires entering your selections via the keypad. Please repeat your request.”
G R R R R
“Well, if you're sure you don't want billing, press 2 for a listing of all our latest products.”
0 0 0 0 0 0
“That is an invalid selection.”
“Aaaiiieeeeeeeeeee.”
"You know, you really should take a look at our newest products."
N O N O N O
“Please remember to listen carefully as our options changed 5 years ago. For assistance with complaints on an already-purchased item”
3
“Invalid selection. Try again. For assistance with complaints on an already”
4
“I'm sorry. Input not understood. For billing, press 1. To hear about our newest products, press 2. For customer service on existing orders, press 4.”
4 4 4
“Thank you. If you did not receive your order, press 5. If you have a complaint about your order, press 6.”
I fyk djgm Acme Products. 6
“Please remember to use the keypad to enter your selections. If the complaint is about a box damaged in shipment, press 7.”
silence
"If you received your item but it is defective press”
8
“Please enter your name using the telephone keypad.”
W I L E E X O Y O T E
“Please reenter your name.”
W I L E E I H A T E A C M E C O Y O T E
“Customer 'I hate Acme' not found. Please try again. Please enter your name using the keypad on your phone.”
W I L E E C O Y O T E
“Thank you.
For questions related to Acme Invisible Paint, press 9.
For questions regarding the Acme Do-It-Yourself Rocket Sled Kit, press 10.
For questions regarding Acme Iron Bird Seed, press”
11
“Sorry. That is not a valid entry.”
K I # L L A * C M E
“Sorry. That is not a valid entry.”
“For questions regarding Acme Iron Bird Seed, hang up and dial 1-800-555-1212. Have a nice day and thank you for calling Acme Products. We appreciate your business.”
crack crunch shatter
signal lost
These chillies are so spicy and hot
And they could change your sex life a lot
Cos if you’re in the mood
Grab this hot spicy food
It may work...why not give it a shot
If your brewer’s droop is just brewing
But your lady fancies some screwing
Try some natural Viagra
She’ll be willing to bag ya
Soon you’ll both be billing and cooing
09 07 17
Feel fond feelings
Words weave willing
Bless bright billing
Love looks lovely
Glimpse gains groovy
Claim charms curvy
Profound play primes
Touch treasures time
Rapture reaps rhymes
Trust truth timely
Deed drills deeply
Feel fine fancy
Drool dreamy day
Peace placates play
Speak solemn say
Heal hurting heart
Spread succinct start
Craft charming cart
Begin bold brief
Groans grabbing grief
Bless bright belief
Word wealthy wit
Hurl healthy hits
Frame flashy fit
Wear wild wonder
Touch truth tender
Please prompt plunder
Meet mingles more
Sweet stirrings store
Pride pleasures pour
Move mighty minds
Keep kitchen kind
Such savvy signs
Bear blessings bright
See sacred sights
Live limpid light
Dream dreamy days
Spread simple say
Choice creams cliche
Play precious poise
Create calm choice
Vibrant verse voice
Leon Enriquez
24 February 2015
Singapore
This one's all about sexy sweet love
You know the kind, like two turtledoves
Billing and cooing
Slurping and drooling
Should charge admission, try not to shove
Love nature programs for they're amazing up close filming
How do they capture those exploits so thrilling
It's beyond my comprehension
Surely grabs my attention
The cheetah, the fastest land animal at 70 mph gets top billing
© Jack Ellison 2015
"Proper Pam im-promiscuity carries a
tepid torch against the blank footlights
of a dimlit digital marital marquee---last on the
billing of a car-null double featurette like
a black and white bijou plotless rerun
hand cranked by an arthritic arm;
pit pursuant of
quicksand lust with a gray gaze monotony
able to hitchhike from a plavce point left
only undetermined,
I've seen more action from a shoe sticky floor
or a large hole in an uncomfortable seat cushion,
not to "juxtapare" mind me but what a
chronofile, if briefcases couldspeak and not the
numbers from the credit card diction-ary of child
desires---stratfied pleasures far from TILT
lean calmly on majestic inconsequentials--like
ships passing in the night.
a blue ribbon in a cud chewing contest
Hey, how have you been?
Haven't seen you since...when?
Do you remember
Our first November
And all we shared back then?
I loved you - or so I thought
Except those times when we fought.
Then finally I realized
That I just idealized
All the things that you had sought!
We went different places
At such blazing paces;
We sure laughed a lot
At each and every spot.
One of us even stole bases!
Even though we didn't love
Each acted like a turtle dove,
With cooing and billing
Each more than willing
To put the other above!
But time took its toll.
We tired of the role
Of being sweethearts
And playing the parts;
Acting like love was the goal!
So today we meet,
Each taking a seat.
I don't want to fight
Or make a weird sight,
So, now, let's just eat!