Best Biff Poems
Darkness steals the day’s fading sunlight
as the moon opens his bright eye above.
Stars begin to spray the ebony night
that grips the still earth like a glove.
Streetlight burns through curtained window
casting shadows along my painted wall.
Exhausted eyes commence to grow
but laggard body tends to stall.
Body at last yields to cool sheets
as exhausted mind transcends overhead.
Eventually vigor within depletes
feeling as though I’m living... dead.
Springs beneath start to creek and move
as strong weight engulfs a motionless stiff.
Core sinks deep into mattress groove
as eyes search for something to biff.
Time lapses; frozen body fights to free
resisting an opposing force unknown.
Managed to scream let me be, let me be
before drifting off to sleep on my own.
6/2/13
Copyright © 2013 By Caryl S. Muzzey
The Fall of the Onomatopoeian Empire
By Elton Camp
Onomatopoeia is a literary device
Appeal to the senses is quite nice
The comics often show us how
By using biff and bang and pow
The telephone loudly does ring
The cash register goes ca-ching
Mary’s heels clacked on the floor
Cook clanged the pans some more
The castle’s defenders were unarmed
Onomatopoeia no attacker alarmed
Behind the ramparts they did hide
Pow, boom and bang they cried
It was promptly overrun anyway
Despite scary words they did say
The conquest that was being sought
Easy, as weapons they had naught
There was a thrill seeker named Biff
Who got married on a cliff
Honeymooned in Niagra
Overdosed on Viagra
Now the poor fella's a stiff
4-27-2015
A peculiar middle name, all my life I've been burdened with
Twas “Byard”, that's even worse than “Archibald” or “Biff”
What were Ma and Pa thinking
They must have been drinking
My nickname of Jack saved the day and made a big diff!
© Jack Ellison 2015
One sunny day at the central zoo
Biff the gorilla grabbed the zoo keepers key
Before the employees had even a clue
Went and set all the animals free
Started out on Monkey Island
With the Orangutans and Chimpanzees
With the Giraffe's next in line
Cause they needed someone to see over the tops of the trees
When they were through letting their friends loose
And all the keepers locked up in their place
They hit the streets and before anyone knew
The entire human race was in a cage
Now the animals are doing their very best
As members of society at large
Still life is a mess if you haven't already guessed
Shouldn't have left the baboons in charge
With the pressures in life starting to show
Half the animal kingdom now in therapy
No one told them so they didn't know
That life in a cage was actually free
While the people enjoy themselves at the zoo
Three solid meals and all the naps they can take
Sunning themselves by the wading pool
Never wanting to go back to the so called good old days
Guess no matter which side you are on
The other side always looks better to you
Just remember if the time ever does come
Where ever you find that you're at...life is a zoo
Super hero’s are the best
I love to wear my superman vest
Pretend I’m saving all my friends
Fighting the enemy, battle to the end
Other kids try to make me frown
My superpowers take them down
BIFF, BOFF, BAM, ZAP
My moves so fast, they don’t see the SLAP!
Poem 9/11
Believe me,
Just watching my TV
News Flash!! Skyjack!
New York City Centre,Jet Crash.
Check that.
News Call,Broadcast stall.
Drop the headlines!!
This is the new line
Look up on the Skyline
Flash,Bash,Crash
Right on the building top.
Biff Baff Heart attack,
On another line
Pentagon now a X a gone
Another plane drop.
Whats that?whats that?
Beam in on the spot.
Another streak across the sky
Sliiced another tower
Question asked.
Why,Why,Why?
Whats going on?Whats going on?
Another crash,big explosion
Switch broadcast over to Washington
Whats your impression? Whats your emotion.
Bystanders,commentators,confusion
"Whats your reaction"?
Can't believe my eyes J
Just as it began,I realize
This is an atrocity
Right here,in the heart of the city.
Terrorist attack.Terrorist Attack
Then the burning Walls a falling
Like crashing dominoes
Right to the ground.
Limbless,Lifeless,a giant fallen.
Armagadeon has arrived,without warning
CIA, FBI,Home Security Then the Guv
Connecting,Enquiring
Blaming intelligence,asking why.
Collate and evaluate
Then the appropriate reply.
Calling the president for a comment.
"What do you think of unfolding events"?
"WE will find the perpetrators one by one
Whether he is hiding in Iraq,Iran, or Pakistan.
We will call up the troops,assembly the galleon,
Then bomb them ,blast them Clean up their land,
Bring in new administrations,
Thats the plan
Fireman, Policemen,all on the scene
"This is total disaster,the worst we ever seen.
Engines,sirens,surgeons and volunteers
Combining efforts in a stream.
Such a nightmare, awful dream
But in the present, the on going theme.
I feel the need to say a real loud poem,
A poem full of WAILS!! HOWLS!! and YELPS!!
It doesn’t need to be about anything at all,
But if it is then I guess that that helps.
AAAARR!! Now that feels better,
BOOM!! THRASH!! BAP!! WHAM!! and BAM!!!
Just like in the comics of old there’s a VRAP!! SMACK!! ZAP!!
Then a CRUNCH!! and a BIFF!! and a SLAM!!
Actually, in the comics of old, it was profoundly loud,
With all the yelling and fighting.
Those words were in yellow, in bright red shiny stars.
It was all so thrillingly exciting.
With a KABOOM!! and a THUD!! the hero saved the damsel.
Then a POP!! and a sudden KABANG!!
The hero was muscle bound, long hair and strong jaw.
Always one man against a whole gang.
Imagine writing poems where words can be invented,
Just block letters with two exclamations.
BONK!! or WHACK!! followed by WHUMF!! or PHOOMPH!!
Even your words are your own creations.
Written 19th march 2016 but never for any contest..... Till now :)
- Inspired by ‘Tubby Makes a Mistake‘ by Enid Blyton in ‘The Cuckoo in the Clock and other stories.’
When night falls,
toys come out to play
While we slumber and snore
the night away.
Now somewhere on the window ledge,
behind the long pink curtains there
lay a bottle of delicious biscuits!
And Tubby was a hungry bear.
So whilst all the toys were deep in siesta,
Tubby climbs up the long pink curtains!
Placed his paws into the biscuit jar,
who’d have guess what else happened!
Mommy realised the missing biscuits eventually,
and quizzed the children if they had stolen them.
Now all the toys frowned in the nursery,
they knew it must have been some toy,
from their own gang!
Ah, there was a clever witty clown,
seeing that nobody was around;
slipped up to the windowsill.
Placed those sticky gluey mistletoe berries!
So when the thief sneaks up to steal,
wala! The tacky berries will be stuck to his body!
Sure enough Tubby felt greedy again that night,
hauled up to the tasty snack.
The mistletoe berries did stick to him alright!
As clueless Tubby made his way back.
Ah hah!
How the toys exposed Tubby the berry next day!
And how they made poor Tubby pay.
They smacked, slapped, biff and whacked,
to help get those gummy berries off.
Tubby hid his face in his hands and wept.
From then Tubby never ever stole
You should have seen his look
Whenever he sees a mistletoe!
I see the raging fire in your
eyes,
the heart screams out loud the brain cells terpsichore
in the rhythm of life.
See the sparkle instead of haze that covers your being.
see the best in you
that takes your spirit out.
Never let yourself down
never let anyone in
your world of
emptiness cause that rupture's them
apart.
You are so strong like an iron
fist,
biff off the cosmos of niggler.
your energy scintillates
around
which astound the mortal.
I cognize, your essence of
happiness can awaken the dead
sanctify the bad soul's
enchanting everyone, that you
see around.
The seraph has sent you to
this blue
hoping you do something for
this crew
with a promise, the delusion of grandeur is
mere slave
you are the best version of yourself,
resonate with your inner strength.
push your limits,
expand your horizon
evaluate your perception
to find inner peace.
Mind you! you are the rex of
your kingdom,
hunt your dreams, drag
yourself out of the pit of darkness
that encompasses you.
enlight the spirit, lit the mind.
upon your death
bequeath your love, zeal, and joy
to conquer the hearts of the
mortals,
you remain immortal in their hearts.
Now you grow silently
close your eyes
envision the color
believe, focus, the rest resides
upon.
Had free verse been particular back then-
when storylines equipped by vivid spells,
ajudged to having made attempt prevails;
my hafting to - was just a case of when.
Acknowledge it a threat to self attain
an attitude towards the free flow stem,
the lunacy was, 'there we go again',
against my better judgement, most of them!
I made the first attempt of speaking out,
outrageously in quirks of biff or buff,
what polished work of art shall be without,
a form or two, but moreso, bits of rough!
I hasten word to say I told you so,
but form for me is, sure, it has to go!
The Wireless Signal
By Elton Camp
Biff had belonged to the mob most of his life
It provided great income for him and his wife
The feds had been making threatening noise
He felt safe in his house, protected by his boys
Communications from his computer were secure
As he kept a geek on payroll just to make sure
One day when Biff started to sign on the Internet
It was quite a nasty surprise that he then did get
To select the Wi-Fi signal he was about to try
“FBI Surveillance Van” he was horrified to spy
“It looks like the jig is up!” Biff loudly cried
As he saw agents about to force their way inside
A masked crusader
leapt off the screen
and stepped into
my nightmarish dream
and with a Biff! And a Boff!
he fought off my foe
from the kind of dream threats
we all know
and then he turned
quickly looked me in the eye
and said; “this is where
I have to say goodbye!”
“But ..but you can’t leave!
I Screamed, I Ranted
in a panicked sorrow;
what about tomorrow?
And as he tore away
his whispered echo said
“you know your on your own now, and I know
you can find your own way home.”
Biff, the oboist
2 cups of pureed shrimp
1 cup of chopped turkey bacon
4 cups of flour (self rising)
1/4 cups of coconut flakes
3/4 cups of green onion
3 T celery seeds (toasted)
2 T sesame seeds (toasted)
5 Tablespoons of crushed Garlic
1/2 cup of red bell pepper(diced)
1/4 cup of olive oil( fused with 2 Tablespoon of cayenne pepper)
2 T of lemon zest
3 T spiced rum
1/4 cup of chopped mango
3 egg yolks
1 & 1/4 cup of buttermilk
4 egg whites whipped to stiff peaks
mix all the ingredients,(all except the egg whites)
mix smooth, and set aside. fold in the egg whites
on a flat hot oiled skillet, spoon the fluffy mixture
onto the skillet, making four inch round pancake
flip when golden brown.
serve with a pomegranate syrup...………….
10 pound fresh ham
score the fat with diamond shapes
coat with a mixture of liquid smoke, honey and orange juice
(about 5 Tablespoons each)
mix together
1/4 cup of cayenne pepper
5 T garlic powder
7 T of onion powder
1/4 cup of ground ginger
6 T of ground cloves
1 cup of grounded pecans ( coarse)
2 cups granulated brown sugar
5 T of orange zest
4 tablespoons of salt
coat the ham, and cover with foil,
bake for about four hours at 350, use thermometer to keep doneness
serve with some twice fried plantains
I love you, morning after morning, evening after evening.
Biff Gets His Fill
By Elton Camp
Sue, Biff’s wife, simply loved her dog
Though he was filthy as a rooting hog
To keep Fido outside she didn’t try
The house became as dirty as a sty
He took a nap on the best chair,
However, Mrs. Sue really didn’t care
Then he began to craw into their bed
And try to sleep atop Biff’s head
The outside, good Fido didn’t use
Excreted wherever he did choose
All through the house was found
Stinking piles of something brown
The bottoms of the drapes were yellow
Because of the presence of that fellow
Because Fido and Sue were so crude,
Biff found hair on his clothes and food
Reasoning with his wife did no good
So Biff finally did what he should
He gave Fido a hard kick on his rear
And sternly shouted, “Get out of here!”
He said, “Sue, if you don’t like what I do,
You are welcome to get out of here too.”